Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews and all luck you've wished me for my exams! It's interesting how many of you don't trust Elza… She will reappear and that is all I shall say! This next chapter is a bit of a monster and is rather huge and much happens in it so I hope you enjoy. I could have cut it but I didn't really want to so I apologize if it's too long. Besides, the next chapter may be a while - this should keep you going ;)
Forgive any mistakes, as ever!
Note – In this chapter there is a flashback involving Dís (yay! I can't wait to actually write her into this properly – squee!) that was actually written for one of the chapters just after the battle, though it did not get in there. In it is a little head canon of mine related to the dwarves, which is that "Ama" is like mum or mummy (so more informal and in my opinion fonder) whereas "Amad" (the neo-Khuzdul word for mother according to the site I use) is more like the word "Mother". Just to explain the nuances in the chapter.
This chapter is named after a song (shocker) by Katie Perry (genuine shock as I rarely listen to her music) but the lyrics seemed relevant to several characters in this chapter.
"Come just as you are to me
Don't need apologies
Know that you are unworthy
I'll take your bad days with your good
Walk through this storm I would
I'd do it all because I love you, I love you
Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
There is no fear now
Let go and just be free
I will love you unconditionally." Katie Perry, Unconditionally.
Read. Enjoy. Review.
Chapter Fifty One # Unconditionally #
Kíli did his very best to sit still as his mother pulled her comb through his hair but he winced every time she reached one of the many tangles. Fíli was gentle when he did Kíli's hair, but when Dís go her hands on the comb – well, that was an entirely different story.
"Ow! Ama!" he protested, clutching his hair with a pout.
"If you didn't let your hair get so tangled we would not have this problem, darling." Amad insisted gently, easing the comb through the matted hair until it finally fell flat.
"The goblins were getting away, though." Kíli insisted, wiggling around to blink his big eyes up at his mother. "We had to stop them!"
"Did you, now?" Dís smiled fondly at him and he beamed up at her innocently, now confident that she was not really angry at him for getting in such a mess.
"Yep, they were getting away with Gimli!"
"With Gimli?" Dís questioned.
"Uh huh," Kíli nodded in earnest. "He's the smallest, so he was easy for them to grab."
"They?"
Kíli sighed in exasperation, not quite recognising the hesitation in his mother's voice. "The goblins, Amad. Ehren, Alfr, Auden and Jari."
Dís paused. When she spoke her voice was a little sterner. "I see… Auden and Jari are very strong, Kíli."
"We all know that!" Kíli insisted. The two brothers were actually about a decade older than him and Fíli, but there were not all that many children in the Blue Mountains, and Kíli was not about to choose his friends based on their age. Auden and Jari were fun to play with and they looked out for the younger ones, even Kíli, who did not really need looking after – he was not that young, and he had Fíli and Uncle Thorin to protect him from the dangers of the world. "They were careful, and Gimli was the most vicious of all of us, you should have heard the words he used!"
"Little Gimli? Your little cousin Gimli?" Dís raised her eyebrow and Kíli wiggled around again to allow her to continue combing his hair.
"Well he is Mister Glóin's son," Kíli reasoned. They did not get to see Mister Glóin and his family very often since they lived so far away, but they had all come up for Fíli's birthday and the accompanying celebrations. "And Mister Glóin uses lots of words with Uncle Thorin when they're drunk."
"Do they now?" this time, Amad's voice was far less than impressed, but the comb was back in his hair (in what felt like an attempt to forcefully remove every lock of hair on his head) so Kíli could not turn around to face her.
Instead he winced and tried not to let the pain into his voice. "Yes, Ama. But never when you're near – they say ladies don't like to hear those words, but Balin just shakes his head and says you'd say worse if you heard how they spoke around Fee and me."
"Kíli," Dís said slowly, pausing in her work. "Are you trying to get your uncle in trouble?"
Kíli turned and widened his eyes to just the right size to protest his utter innocence. "No, Ama! I would never do such a thing!"
"You little rascal!" Dís swatted Kíli's shoulder playfully and he giggled, turning back around. "Where did you get that troublemaking trait from?"
"His mother," Uncle Thorin's voice said and Kíli grinned, greeting his uncle merrily with an enthusiastic wave until Dís put her hands on his head and forced him to look forwards again. "I remember your mischief very well, Dís."
"I'm sure you do. Is Fíli ready?" Dís asked hopefully.
"Nearly," Thorin replied, coming around to look Kíli in the eye. "Now, Kíli, you know what you have to do today?"
"Yes, Uncle Thorin." Kíli nodded dutifully as his mother finally put down her comb and began to braid a section of his hair.
"This is a very big day for your brother," Thorin reminded him, as if Kíli would ever forget.
"I know. I won't ruin it, Uncle Thorin, I swear to you! I won't make any trouble at all, I promise." Kíli insisted, though this time his wide eyed innocence was sincere. "Not even a tiny bit."
"I know you won't," Thorin smiled, ruffling Kíli's hair – which earned him a slap on the wrist from an exasperated Dís. Thorin winked, his eyes shining though his voice was serious. "But do you remember what you have to do?"
"Yes, I have to stand beside Amad and be very, very still while the ceremony starts and Fíli makes the special promise and then I have to go up and stand behind Fee. I have to put one hand on one of his shoulders and make my promise and then stand with him until the ceremony's over. Then we eat!"
"Essentially, yes." Thorin nodded, passing Kíli several silver hair clasps. "These are for you, today."
"Thank you!" Kíli gasped in delight, holding them up for Amad to see. "Look, Ama!"
"Indeed, they are special!" Dís murmured happily, taking one to secure Kíli's first braid. "Now, if you don't stop squirming we won't be done by your birthday, so we will see you later, Thorin."
Thorin bowed slightly and left the room, and Kíli paused.
"Amad?"
"Yes?"
"Why is this birthday so special?"
Dís sounded surprised. "You know why, Kíli. This is when your brother will receive his first true weapon and-"
"When he will make the promise to always be loyal to Thorin and I'll make the promise to always protect him – even though I do try anyway – but why now? What's so important about this birthday?"
"Every dwarf takes the oath of loyalty to his king or lord on his sixtieth birthday, Kíli. It signifies the age when they are able to think for themselves, though they must retake their oaths in their hundredth year so as to prove that they were not coerced into taking oaths in childhood. I do not know exactly why the sixtieth year itself was picked, but that is the way it always has been, and the way it will always be, if the Valar are willing." Dís explained, and Kíli was silent for a moment.
Of course, the moment did not last long. "Why do I have to make the promises now?"
"It is an old tradition," Dís said slowly, and Kíli noticed that her voice hard all of a sudden. "And it means very little in our society today – it is more ceremonial than anything else."
"But why?"
Dís sighed. "It is a promise that you will protect your brother because from the age of sixty he can inherit any estate – or kingdom – left to him by his family. Until then his life is deemed…"
Kíli frowned when his mother trailed off. "Deemed what?"
"It is a silly old tradition, Kíli. Let it be." Dís' voice was quiet and almost…sad?
Confused and curious, Kíli insisted. "Deemed what, Ama?"
"More important than yours, until you reach sixty too. Like I said, Kíli, it is a foolish tradition and nowadays such pressures are not placed upon children like this. Just because Fíli now has a weapon does not mean he is old enough to use it, and everyone knows it. It is accepted now that the ceremony is important but it is only a ceremony – neither of you will be expected to do anything remotely warrior-like or king-like for decades. It is ceremonial, nothing more. Nothing is expected of you, Kíli, and no one deems your life of lesser value than your brothers, but in the days of old when times were far harder than they are now, that was the way it had to be."
To Kíli's horror, his mother sounded very, very upset, and he waited for her to secure his next braid before turning around and standing up on the bed, putting his hands on his mother's cheeks. "It's alright, Ama, I believe you, I'm not sad! It's just a ceremony. Don't be sad, Ama, this is a happy day! It's Fee's birthday!"
"I'm fine, love." Dís smiled warmly, her voice returning to usual as she stroked Kíli's hair. "You're just growing up so fast."
Kíli pulled a face, hugging his mother tightly. "I don't think so!"
"Of course you don't, you're the one doing the growing." Dís teased, hugging him back. "Now, sit down and let me finish your hair."
Kíli did as he was told. "Ama? Did you have to make the promises for Uncle Thorin?"
"I did."
"Were they the old days?"
Dís snorted. "No, Kíli. The days I spoke of passed thousands of years ago."
"Oh, good." Kíli settled down, before frowning. "Will no one make the promise for me?"
"Fíli will," Dís reassured him. "Fíli will make a promise declaring that your lives are of equal value and he will protect you with all he has. Of course, that is all ceremonial pomp too; you're always equal in the eyes of your family and the people."
"I know," Kíli assured her. Though he personally thought Fíli's life was far more important than his he knew that Fíli thought the opposite and Kíli understood the difference between tradition and reality anyway, or at least he thought he did. Even so, there was no way that anything could harm him or Fíli, not while his uncle and mother were around, so there was no need to worry about anything. "I was the one that saved Gimli today, Ama. It was really fun!"
"I'm sure it was." Ama sounded genuinely interested and Kíli happily exchanged stories with Dís until his hair was finally done.
"I don't look like a ruffian!" Kíli exclaimed happily, as he admired his braids in the mirror kissing his mother's cheek. "Thank you, Amad."
"Don't you go messing, those up, my lad." She warned, grabbing his hand before he could run off. "Now, go and get dressed carefully, we have little less than an hour to go."
"Alright, Ama."
"I love you, Kíli."
"I love you, too."
Kíli woke up with a start, flying into a sitting position and breathing heavily. The intensity of the dream he had just experienced – that was a memory, it had to be!
Within seconds Bilbo was there with a hand on Kíli's arm and a voice full of worry. "Kíli, are you alright?"
Frowning heavily, Kíli sighed in exasperation. So much for not being the pillar of his family – he had not been awake one minute and already he was worrying people. "I'm fine, I'm fine… I just had an odd dream."
"Are you alright?" Bilbo asked again, though more quietly this time, his pained eyes boring into Kíli's.
Kíli smiled a genuine, if slightly sad, smile and put a hand on the hobbit's shoulder. "Bilbo, I swear to you I am fine. It was not even a nightmare, it was just…it felt real."
Bilbo paused, his eyebrows still knitted together in worry. "Like those flashbacks that you had?"
"Exactly like them!" Kíli nodded vigorously, pausing to yawn. "In fact, I think it might have been one. Where's Fíli?"
"Packing his things onto his pony – and your things onto yours."
"I can do that!" Kíli insisted hastily, scrambling out from underneath the cloak that had been wrapped around him at some point in the night and instantly missing its warmth. "Why is everyone else awake?"
"We didn't want to wake you." Bilbo said mildly and Kíli opened his mouth before stopping himself.
Well, I was tortured last night, so I suppose it makes sense that they let me sleep in. That being said – I slept all day yesterday! Fíli should be sleeping…
Instead of verbalising his inner monologue, Kíli yawned widely and stretched. "Ow!"
"Kíli-"
"I'm alright, I'm alright-" he hissed quickly. "I just…shouldn't stretch for a while, that's all."
Bilbo sent Kíli a strange look. "Are you sure you're-"
"Fine, I'm alright, I'm good, I'm lovely, I'm – overdoing it…" Kíli trailed off with a sheepish smile and Bilbo smiled slightly.
"Alright… Come on, then." The hobbit stood and Kíli followed, though his movements were slower and stiffer than usual.
Swallowing a thousand 'Ow!'s, Kíli made his way outside and automatically shivered slightly as his body adjusted to the outside temperature.
"Good morning, Kíli." Bofur greeted cheerfully, though there was reservation in his eyes and care in his tone.
"Good morning!" Kíli beamed back, before meeting his brother's eye. For all intents and purposes, Fíli looked normal as he smiled back at Kíli, but the younger brother could still see the well hidden pain and solemnity in Fíli's blue eyes. "Fee, what happened on your sixtieth birthday?"
Fíli frowned, clearly rather confused. "What on earth made you ask me that?"
Kíli shrugged with a winning smile as he moved over to scratch the ears of his own pony. "Humour me?"
"Well, we followed traditions… I swore allegiance to my lord, who was Thorin, obviously – and then I received my first weapon. You made a ceremonial vow to protect me and then we feasted." Fíli summarised briefly. "Why do you ask?"
A feeling of triumph surged in Kíli's stomach, though it was quickly followed by a sense of sorrow. That woman he had dreamt of – his mother.
He had loved her. Oh, had he loved her…
Fíli's eyes widened in understanding. "Kíli, did you have another dream?"
"I think so," Kíli nodded, doing his best to keep his voice steady. "Our…our mother was braiding my hair. I was telling her that Thorin swore a lot – and something about Glóin's son?"
A genuine grin split across Fíli's face. "You remember our mother?"
Shrugging, Kíli smiled shyly. "I think so."
"Well, that's a new development!" Bofur commented and Nori chuckled.
"I doubt that – you heard the lad, Bofur – 'another dream'. They've been holding out on us." The trickster commented and Kíli pulled a face.
"I would not say that. I have had several flashbacks, but they only cover a short few moments of time." Kíli shrugged. "I really don't remember much more than I used to. I have not been 'holding out on you'."
"If you say so." Nori spoke with raised eyebrows and a cheeky grin.
"I do say so, so there." Kíli nodded his chin once decisively.
Nori and Bofur chuckled lightly, before the latter looked at Bilbo and laughed again. "Do you need a hand there, Bilbo?"
"No!" The hobbit insisted, trying to lift himself onto his pony while bundled in several layers of clothing. "I will be just fine!"
Bofur and Nori exchanged as smirk that clearly meant trouble and strode towards Bilbo.
"Be nice to my hobbit!" Kíli laughed, before walking over to his brother. He had to be careful not to move to violently or his wounds would tug painfully, but he got to Fíli's side without much trouble. "How did you sleep?"
Fíli smiled wryly. "Well, thank you. Did you – are you-"
"I'm fine, Fíli." Kíli promised, giving his brother a soft smile. "I had that dream – the flashback – but other than that I do not think I dreamt at all."
Nodding with a heartbreakingly sombre smile, Fíli adjusted the straps of his pony. "I assumed you would want to ride Fosco today?"
"Yes, please." Kíli nodded, looking around. "It's a bit chilly, isn't it?"
Fíli looked up instantly. "Are you cold?"
"I'm fine, Fíli." Kíli smiled, pausing for a moment before hugging his brother tightly. Taking a deep breath, Kíli rested his chin on Fíli's shoulder. "I promise you, I'll tell you if I need anything."
"Alright…" Fíli sighed, hugging Kíli back tightly. "Oh, I'm so glad you're alright, Kee. If they'd… if…"
"I know. I know, Fee." Kíli smiled, pulling away from his brother gently and looking at everyone else. Most of the others were mounted already, though they were not looking at the brothers, and he grinned at Fíli. "Shall we get going then?"
Fíli nodded with a small smile and Kíli strode over to his own pony, managing to clamber into the saddle without injuring himself further.
Soon after that the small company set off, leaving the relative shelter of the little woods behind them morning to find that the storm had slowed into a pleasant, light snowfall that made the vast, empty land they travelled through appear as a winter-wonderland. However, there was already around a whole foot of snow which meant that their pace, while steady, was rather slow due to the ponies' having to plough through the fresh powder and it was noon before they reached the Great River of the region - the Anduin.
"What do we do now?" Kíli asked curiously, observing the frozen river from his own pony. "Are we going to cross the river here?"
"You really didn't listen to any conversations about our journey at all, did you?" Bofur teased lightly, though there was something not quite right about his ever present smile. "We aren't crossing the river – it's our road."
"Oh, alright. It's our – wait, what?" Kíli looked to Bilbo, utterly perplexed. "What does he mean it's our road?"
"What he means is that we will now be using the river as our road." Gandalf repeated calmly in Bilbo's place, flicking his horse's reigns and guiding it only the ice while looking back at Kíli. "It is quite safe, Kíli Baggins. It is the regular method of travel in these parts, during the winter months."
"But it's a river…" Kíli stared at the ice with apprehension.
"You're not scared of a little river, are you Kíli?" Bofur teased, only to be thrown sharp looks by Bilbo and Fíli.
Kíli shook his head emphatically. "I wouldn't say scared. I'd say wary… cautious… or maybe traumatised."
"Traumatised?" Fíli spoke up from Kíli's side with no small amount of alarm.
Completely aware that all eyes were on him and keeping his face deadly serious, Kíli spoke in a hushed voice. "My second winter in the Shire was the first to see snow and I went out to play on the ice with Saradoc and Esme and Bilbo saw us skating. He had never shouted at me in such a way before, and I don't think he has shouted at me in such a way since, either. It was terrifying! I refused to leave me room for the whole afternoon – he had to coax me out with gingerbread!"
"And promises that I didn't hate you, if I recall." Bilbo added dryly, though he was a little hesitant.
Kíli nodded sombrely. "It was a very trying time."
Fíli rolled his eyes, the alarm seeping out of his expression slowly. Flicking his reigns, the elder of the two brothers followed Gandalf onto the ice. "Coming, Kíli?"
"Oh, why not!" Kíli said cheerily, easing Fosco onwards before leaning forward to murmur quietly at the pony. "Don't you dare slip, Fosco!"
Tossing his head back with a snort, the pony trotted neatly onto the ice. To Kíli's surprise, the pony's movements became far more certain on the river as the spikes on the pony's shoes allowed the animal to grip the ice without having to plough through such a thick layer of snow.
Soon the entire company were heading south on the frozen Anduin, and it did not take long for Kíli to relax into the saddle. "Well, this isn't so bad!"
Gandalf chuckled. "I'm glad you think so, my young dwarf. We will be using this 'road' for quite a while."
Nodding to himself Kíli looked at their surroundings with no small amount of curiosity. There was not that much to see, but the snow made everything far more interesting anyway. Of course, sightseeing did not entertain Kíli for long and soon he turned to his brother, who had been riding constantly by his side in pensive silence. All day long, Kíli had been trying to subtly convince everyone that he was alright, but he was mildly concerned that they were thinking he was in denial or some such thing.
"So, have you ever done anything like this, Fíli?"
"Not really…" Fíli shrugged thoughtfully. "When the lakes outside Ered Luin freeze over in the winter it can be great fun to skate, but I have never before travelled on a frozen river. Though apparently skating is not done in the Shire?"
"Oh, it's done – I've just never dared to since!" Kíli grinned. "Bilbo worries that Shire winters aren't cold enough to freeze the ice to a suitable level of…frozenness? Is that a word? Anyway, Saradoc and Esme like skating but Prim is far better at it – it's more of a Brandybuck thing, if I'm honest. I've never really tried."
"I'm surprised at you, Kíli." Elladan called from the front. "Where's your sense of rebellion?"
Kíli laughed brightly. "You, Master Elf, have clearly never seen Bilbo Baggins in a true rage. I feared for my dessert!"
He was lying on the floor and it hurt so badly and Fíli was there but he looked scared – so scared – and the sword was in Kíli's mouth and he could feel its sharp blade and Bilbo was shaking and apologising and –
"I'm sorry, Kíli, I'm so sorry!"
Suddenly Bilbo vanished and Kíli felt the dwarf above him tense, causing the sword to shake in his mouth. Repressing a whimper of fear, Kíli stayed as still as he could and then suddenly the sword was shaking and then it was ripped out of his mouth. Blood splattered across Kíli's face and across the wall behind his but it was not his blood.
Reappearing with an enormous rock in hand, Bilbo began to slam his makeshift weapon into the head of Kíli's attacker, roaring as he did so.
"You will never touch my son again!"
Forcing himself to conceal the frightening memory from the others, Kíli coughed and continued with a sheepish smile. "I still take Merry and Frodo to slide on the frozen puddles though. They love it! Sometimes we bring the girls and Pippin as well, but they're all more likely to be snuggling inside with Bilbo – Paladin doesn't really like the cold and his children are much the same… Though if you throw a snowball at Pearl or Pervinca Took…" Kíli let out a low whistle and Bilbo chuckled as his son continued. "You'd be lucky to escape with your life!"
"Pervinca was the girl that grabbed my leg, was she not?" Fíli recalled with a look of faint amusement. "She's about the same size as a spaniel – how on earth could she be dangerous?"
"She takes after her auntie." Bilbo snorted, clearly thinking of Esme.
"Aye, that she does. Deadly aim, that lass…" Kíli grinned, recognising instantly a way to bring a smile to the face of both his brother and his father. Sending a prayer of thanks to his wonderful baby hobbits, he sighed happily. "Bilbo, do you recall Frodo's first snowfall? It was a year or so after Merry was born and everyone was staying at Bag End for Yule and-"
"Oh, I remember that year very well!" Bilbo declared, glaring at Kíli, though humour danced in his eyes.
Blinking his eyes innocently, Kíli smiled like an angel. "Our house looked beautiful!"
"Oh yes, very beautiful!" Bilbo huffed, rolling his eyes.
"What did you do?" Fíli asked curiously.
Kíli clapped his hands together happily. "Well, Merry was still a babe in arms and so was Nelly-"
Bofur called forward from behind, letting Kíli know that his audience extended backwards as well as forwards. "Hold up, lad, which one's Nelly? I can't quite remember… It's one of Paladin's, no?"
"Aye, Pimpernel - she decided on her fifth birthday that her name is a bit of a mouthful." Kíli elaborated, thinking fondly of the then toddler's stubborn declaration that she was to be henceforth referred to as Nelly.
"My name ith jutht too big!" she lisped with her hands on her hips, mimicking her grandmother rather effectively.
Trying desperately not to laugh, Kíli crouched down before the little girl. "Is that so?"
"Yeth!" she declared. "It'th all Mama'th fault!"
"My fault!" Eglantine – whose own name was frequently shorted to Ellie – raised her delicate eyebrows. "How on earth is anything my fault, Pimpernel Took, your father named you!"
"Exthactly!" Pimpernel nodded decisively. "You named Pearl and she getth a nithe name."
"What shall you call you then?" Saradoc hummed thoughtfully. "Smelly?"
"No, uncle Tharadoc!" the lass giggled, trying to look offended.
"How about Tiny?" Kíli commented and the girl who barely passed his knee thwacked him on the arm.
"Pimpernel!" her mother and father chided at once.
"Nelly." The girl said firmly. "I want you to call me Nelly."
"I like it." Kíli volunteered, trying it out. "Nelly – that's a good name – where did you come up with that?"
Beaming with pride, the girl nonetheless admitted that it was not her idea. "Pearl thought of it. There'th a 'nel' at the end of my name, and Nelly kind of thounds thimilar to Kíli, too!"
"Kíli!" Paladin groaned, pushing Kíli playfully with his knee. "You're corrupting my children!"
"Oh, it's my full intention to corrupt the entire Shire and enslave you all so that you bow to my magnificence." Kíli said solemnly, though in his heart was singing at the pride in Pimpernel – no, Nelly's voice when she claimed it sounded similar to his.
Since then most had indeed addressed the child as Nelly, though her name was almost always still written in full – even by the lass herself.
"Where was I?" Kíli mumbled, before his eyes lit up. "Oh, yes! The first snowfall Frodo ever saw! Well, this one particular winter was the first proper winter we had had for about six years – it had not snowed in so long, anyway. Merry and Nelly were only about two – they were still infants, really – but Frodo and Pearl were already toddling, they would have been about five and four? Neither of them had seen snow before, but their reactions could not have been more different – if I remember correctly Pearl refused point blank to walk outside at all. Frodo, on the other hand, could not get enough of it, and I took longer to get cold than the others so I took him outside to build a snowman."
"At least that's what he said he was going to do." Bilbo shook his head with a distant smile.
Kíli smiled himself, the memory playing out in his mind as he told the travellers the story…
"Oh, look!" Frodo whispered in awe as he caught a snowflake in his mittens. "Kíli look – look – Oh…"
When Kíli caught sight of the toddler's sorrowful face, he crouched down. "What happened?"
Frodo sighed sadly. "My – my snow star melted."
"Snow star?" Kíli grinned. "That, my dear Frodo, is a beautiful name for a snowflake."
Frodo just nodded sadly.
"Come on, little one, don't be sad! It's just one snowflake and there's lots more where that one came from. Come on, let's make a snowman!"
Instantly, Frodo perked up, nodding eagerly and pointedly ignoring his hat when it fell to the floor. Kíli scooped up the little knitted hat and plonked it onto the toddler's head.
"Don't forget your hat."
Frodo sighed dramatically, but quickly stopped when he looked around. "Kíli? There's lots of snowmans on Bagshot Row."
"Snowmen," Kíli corrected automatically, though he did peer down the lane to see a good many little snowmen lining the path. "There are."
"Then how do we make ours special?" Frodo asked with genuine concern.
Kíli thought for a moment. "We'll make a whole family of snowmen!"
"A whole family?" Frodo grinned excitedly, before humming. "There are a lots of us, Kíli."
"How many do we need, then?" Kíli asked, already beginning to roll a ball of snow for a snowman's body.
"Well, um, a Mama and a Papa snowman." Frodo began with a look of intense concentration as he started counting on his fingers. "Then a Frodo snowman and a Kíli one, then an Uncle Bilbo and Uncle Paladin and Auntie Ellie and Uncle Saradoc and Auntie Esme and a Merry and Pearl and a Pimpernel – oh and the Auntie Ellie snowman needs a big bump! That's a lot of snowmens."
Kíli laughed as the toddler ran out of fingers. "It is, we'd best get started then shouldn't we?"
With a squeal of excitement, Frodo ran over as fast as his tiny legs would carry him. He 'helped' Kíli roll up the big snowballs with great gusto, and all the while as they worked Frodo chattered away joyfully. They had made two snowmen when Kíli decided that it was probably time for the little one to take a break.
"I think we should go in for a little while, Frodo." Kíli leant back with his hands on his hips, admiring their handiwork so far.
"What?" Frodo cried, looking scandalised. "Nooo!"
"You're getting very cold." Kíli noted gently, crouching down and taking the tiny hobbits gloved hands in his. "I don't want you freezing."
"But we're not done!" Frodo sniffed, tears springing to his bright blue eyes as his lip trembled. Angrily, the toddler dashed the tears away and tried to form an argument – something that melted Kíli's heart completely. "We still have lots more snowmens to make!"
"We can come back out!" Kíli insisted, worried nevertheless about how much trouble there would be if they remained out for too long. "How about a snack?"
But the toddler was not to be convinced. "Please, Kíli! I don't wanna go inside. Don't you wanna build a snowman?"
Kíli sighed, before a wave of inspiration struck him. Soon enough, little Frodo was tucked inside Kíli's shirt, clinging to the young dwarf's neck with his gloved hands while his legs wrapped around Kíli's waist. Having nestled the toddler between his own big, warm coat and his waistcoat, Kíli continued to make snowmen carefully and meticulously, though the skill his dwarven nature gave him helped him to work far faster than a hobbit could have. Frodo was in charge of adding the finishing touches of pebbles found in the bottom of the garden for the eyes, though Kíli had carved noses and mouths with his fingers due Frodo's refusal to go inside even for carrots.
Finally, as the sun dipped down onto the hills on the horizon, the two stood back to admire their handiwork.
"What are you two boys doing?" Prim asked as she came out of the door, rubbing her hands together against the cold. "You've been out here for – Frodo Baggins, what are you doing in Kíli's shirt?!"
"He didn't want to come inside." Kíli laughed, looking down and ruffling the boy's curls. "Are you alright in there, Frodo?"
"Yes, Kíli. It's very warm in here, Mama. You should try it." Frodo piped up, leaning his head against Kíli's neck.
Kíli and Prim snorted with laughter.
"I'm not sure I'd fit, Frodo." Prim commented dryly.
"Come see, Mama!" Frodo pointed proudly at the snowmen they had built.
Prim looked up above her head with a frown to try and follow Frodo's finger, but soon she walked backwards towards them, her jaw hanging open. "Oh my goodness! Kíli, you didn't!"
"We did." Kíli said proudly, staring at the twelve snowmen standing proudly on the snow covered roof of Bag End. Each life-sized snowman was almost exactly the correct height for one hobbit (or dwarf) in the family, right up to the extra bump on the furthest snowman on the left to signify the pregnancy of Eglantine Took.
"I thought I heard something on the roof!" Prim murmured in awe, before running to the door. "Drogo, you have to see what they've done – everyone! Come quickly!"
Soon everyone was piling outside and Bilbo was the first to comment, clearly not noticing the masterpiece on top of his house. "You've done a good job clearing snow from the garden, if nothing else!"
"Oh, look!" Pearl gasped from her place in her Aunt's arms pointing at the roof of Bag End.
Kíli and Frodo laughed brightly as the hobbits stared in shock.
Bilbo's mouth hung open as he exclaimed. "Kíli!"
"Yes, Bilbo?" Kíli asked innocently.
"That's my roof!"
"It's-a-beautiful!" Pearl breathed sweetly, making everybody laugh.
Shaking his head in disbelief, Bilbo put his hands on his hips. "You built snowmen on the roof? Am I the only one who sees a problem with this?"
"Of course you are, Cousin Bilbo." Paladin laughed, clapping a hand onto Bilbo's shoulder. "You're the only adult among us! I think it's marvellous!"
"Sometimes I think I am!" Bilbo grumbled, though his eyes danced playfully and he smiled fondly at Kíli. "Alright! Everyone inside, the snowmen will still be here tomorrow. It's rather cold and very nearly teatime."
"Only you would build snowmen on the roof, Kíli." Fíli teased with an affectionate smile.
"It looked amazing." Kíli boasted readily. "They were there for days - almost a week even - after the snow all melted. It was brilliant."
"They were the best snowmen in all of Hobbiton," Bilbo recalled wistfully. "Milo Burrows' words, not mine."
Recognising that his father and brother were on the brim of contentment, Kíli launched into the tale of the infamous frog hunting incident which had ended with Mosco and Myrtle Burrows spilling their buckets of frogs right outside the door of Lobelia Sackville-Baggins. Then he told them of the time that Paladin, Saradoc, Drogo, Milo and Kíli built a rope swing over the largest lake in Hobbiton and spent a whole day swinging into the water and teaching themselves to swim until Kíli and Paladin tried to use the rope at the same time, resulting in them both getting tangled in the rope to dangle helplessly until Saradoc, Milo and Drogo had recovered from laughing enough to get them down. From there Kíli told tale after tale until roars of genuine laughter were heard from his companions, easing the pain and worry out of his loved ones' eyes.
"I cannot wait to meet these people properly." Fíli enthused, after the tale of the first time Kíli, Saradoc, Paladin and Esme consumed alcohol in The Green Dragon, as the land around them grew pink with the glow of the setting sun.
"Me neither!" Kíli agreed wholeheartedly, thinking of how wonderful it would be to see his friends - his sister - his brothers – again.
Though it would have comforted him had he known, Kíli was utterly unaware that one of his brothers was thinking the exact same thing, only he was sitting in the Prancing Pony among those he felt rather uncomfortable around instead of a close knit group of good friends.
Sipping his ale, Saradoc looked around at those gathered in the inn. It was not altogether an unsavoury place – a little rough around the edges maybe – but the Big Folk seemed friendly enough and the Bree hobbits were certainly welcoming. As his careful eyes flitted around the inn, he sighed heavily.
Saradoc had come to Bree at his mother's bequest as there were rumours of traders passing through the village with spices that were very rarely available in the Shire. However, Saradoc Brandybuck had an ulterior motive.
Two years ago, he would never have dreamed of travelling to Bree on the whim that he may have possibly been able to capture a fraction of a rumour, but by now he would take but one word to tell him that his brother still breathed.
Seven months. It had been seven months since they had received Kíli's letter, and they had received not a scrap of information since. Not one word. Saradoc's heart told him that his brother was still alive, but what proof did he really have?
As he finished his ale, Saradoc remembered Merry's blood curdling scream in the night not a week before and his son's frightened sobs claiming that he had had a nightmare in which a monster had killed Kíli.
"But what if the monsters have got him?" Merry had choked through his desperate sobs. "W-w-what if K-Kíli's n-never coming h-home?"
Ever since then, Saradoc had been determined that he would somehow find out what had happened, and if that meant traipsing through the dismal rain and snow of winter to reach Bree alone, he would do it.
Now that he was here, however, he had no idea how he could find out anything. It was not as though he could wander over to the table of jolly dwarves towards the back of the inn and ask them if they had perhaps heard about the whereabouts of that company who were travelling secretly across Middle-Earth on a little trip to slay a dragon and reclaim a homeland.
As he pondered his unusual predicament, nature called and Saradoc left the bar briefly to relieve himself. When he returned, his stool was still empty so he pushed it back, mildly amused that it was taller than he was, and prepared himself to clamber up onto it. As he did so, however, he crashed into a dwarf who also appeared to be trying to get onto the seat.
"Oh, my apologies, Master Hobbit!" the dwarf's eyes widened and he jumped backwards as Saradoc fell to the floor with a yelp and the worrying sound of ripping fabric. "I didn't see you there!"
"Yes, well!" Saradoc stood up and brushed himself off, groaning as he realised that his coat had indeed torn rather badly, though he was far too used to Kíli's drunken clumsiness to be intimidated by a clumsy dwarf. "I'd appreciate it greatly, good sir, if you refrained from knocking me over again."
"I am sorry," the dwarf said sincerely, hovering awkwardly as Saradoc eyed his stool. "Do you need a hand, Master Hobbit?"
The hobbit sent the dwarf a withering look. "I do think I'll manage." With that, Saradoc hopped onto the stool feeling rather impressed with himself for the grace he had managed to conjure during the action. Then he grinned a little wearily at the dwarf. "Forgive my sarcasm, Master Dwarf; I've had a long journey today and my aching feet are affecting my manners."
"Not at all," the dwarf enthused curiously, climbing onto the stool next to Saradoc. "I must admit that you're not the first halfling I've almost sat on, though you are the first to not scuttle away in fear before I had a chance to apologise! I have an awful habit of not looking where I am going when I see food or ale. Once again I apologise for knocking you to the floor and for tearing your coat."
An enthusiastic, tripping Kíli sprang to Saradoc's mind and he laughed aloud. "I have a friend who is much like that. It is not a problem."
The dwarf clambered up onto the next stool with a look of genuine guilt. "Still, that coat looks expensive; I can pay for the repair-"
"Don't worry about it." Saradoc waved off the dwarf's concerns. "It was an accident."
The dwarf sighed. "At least let me pay for your next ale to compensate."
Never one to pass up free ale, Saradoc grinned. "Alright."
The dwarf grinned and bowed his head slightly, offering Saradoc his hand. "Jari, son of Orvar."
"Saradoc Brandybuck." Saradoc replied, shaking the stranger's hand warmly, though behind his mask of friendliness the hobbit had his reservations about the stranger. It was simply sense and caution, he reasoned, two things that his race was well known for.
Jari nodded, signalling to the man behind the bar for two pints of ale. "Pleased to meet you. So, Master Brandybuck, what brings you to Bree?"
"A search for spices," Saradoc's mouth twitched and he mentally added the words 'and information' as two ales were placed in front of them. "And please, call me Saradoc. What about you? What brings youto Bree?"
"Oh, we're just passing through," Jari motioned casually to the table of raucous dwarves at the back. "Spices, you say?"
"Yes, spices." Saradoc nodded. "My mother heard that there were some human traders with spices from the south that are rarely seen in the Shire and she simply had to have some. I was planning a trip to Bree anyway so I volunteered to see if the rumours were true. You haven't seen any, have you?"
"I do believe there was a Spice Trader at the market today when we arrived. In the centre of the village, he was set up right by the well."
"Oh, thank you." Saradoc was mildly taken aback and he took a sip of his ale. "Where are you heading to, if you do not mind my asking?"
"Not at all," Jari shook his head and his eyes began to shine. "My family and I are among the first to trek across the Misty Mountains to reside in the Kingdom of Erebor."
Saradoc's heart skipped several beats. "It has been reclaimed, then? The dragon – is it dead?"
Jari looked a little taken aback though he also appeared rather impressed. "Yes… Most of your kind have never even heard of the Lonely Mountain…"
"I am somewhat of an oddity." Saradoc dismissed himself quickly, his mind racing and he blurted out quickly. "Who killed the dragon?"
"I believe it was a young scribe by the name of Ori, from the company of our King, Thorin Oakenshield, though by all accounts the two princes played a major role as well." Jari explained quite proudly, though there was now a little reservation in his green eyes.
Saradoc nodded, wondering if it would be a bad idea to just ask this dwarf if Kíli was alright. Though his knowledge of dwarves was largely limited to Kíli, Saradoc could tell that the stranger before him was relatively young – though his blonde beard was fuller than Kíli's had ever been and almost touched his chest. "I must ask you, do you know of a dwarf named Kíli Bagg- Kíli?"
Jari's eyes narrowed suddenly. "You knew him, didn't you? You are one of the halflings our prince was raised among, I'd bet my beard on it!"
"Yes, I am." Saradoc straightened slightly, feeling rather uncomfortable at the sudden intensity of the dwarf's stare. "Do you know if he is alright?"
Jari leant back on his stool, staring at Saradoc. "Well he survived the dragon and the battle – the last I heard he was fine."
"Battle?" Saradoc's eyes widened. "What battle?"
"The Battle of Five Armies." Jari elaborated gravely. "After the dragon was slain there was a great battle in which the dwarves of Erebor and the Iron Hills, the elves of Mirkwood and the men of Dale fought the forces of goblins and orcs from Gundabad and the Misty Mountains. As far as I am aware, both Kíli and his hobbit fought in the battle… Just how well do you know Kíli?"
"He is one of my dearest friends." Saradoc insisted his heart beating fast.
"Indeed…" Jari paused, glancing at his ale before turning and staring directly into Saradoc's eyes. "If you know him so well, what would he always do – without fail – during any game of tag?"
It was an odd question, but Saradoc's answer was instant. "Screw up his nose and ask to play stuck-in-the-mud instead. Though secretly he would rather be playing a team game instead – but he wouldn't say that if everyone else was happy with stuck-in-the-mud."
"You do know him…" Jari breathed, and Saradoc realised something.
"You knew him too, didn't you?"
Jari nodded slightly, staring down at his ale. "He is a decade younger than me but we were friends. Our family has always been rather close to the royals and I am still friends with his brother, though Fíli changed much after we lost Kíli."
"I can imagine." Saradoc nodded, looking down at his own ale. "I have not heard from Kíli in months – anything you could tell me…"
Jari nodded slowly. "I have an idea of where he is, though I dare not say it aloud in case the wrong ears hear. I know that Bilbo Baggins almost died in the battle, but that he was saved by elves. I know that Kíli has changed much from how I knew him, but is a strong, brilliant prince nevertheless. Our news was limited by what a raven can carry, I am afraid, and there is much his mother kept to herself, so I do not know much more than that. By all accounts he is alive and well enough to travel, as is Bilbo Baggins."
"Oh, thank goodness…" Saradoc breathed, a small laugh falling from his lips.
Jari paused for a long moment, before speaking almost hesitantly. "Was Kíli…was he happy among your people?"
"Yes," Saradoc smiled fondly. "He was almost always happy – though of course everyone has their bad days."
Tentatively, the dwarf and the hobbit exchanged stories about the dwarf they had both known until they both came to realise that the other's friendship and loyalty towards Kíli seemed true. Slowly they became more comfortable with each other, until Jari invited Saradoc to join his family at their table. The dwarves were intrigued to meet one who had been so close to Kíli, and though he was rather nervous about it, Saradoc soon relaxed in their presence.
He was careful to not mention anything specific about where he lived or who was in his family, but he did exchange a few stories about Kíli with dwarves that had once known him or knew his brother and relief grew within Saradoc's heart.
Kíli was alive. Bilbo was alive. And they were alright.
Saradoc had no idea about the treachery that had become his brother's latest torture, and if he had he would never have told Jari and his family as much as he did. However, if he had known about the treachery rife in the Lonely Mountain, he would have been appeased had he also known that Jari spoke nothing but the truth – he was a childhood friend of Kíli and he was a good friend of Fíli's. Furthermore, Jari's family were loyal to Thorin and his family unconditionally, though none of them had participated in the quest.
Though Saradoc had no way of knowing this, his gut told him that he was with good people, and as he laughed and drank away the rest of the evening, his heart danced for joy.
Because Kíli was alive and Bilbo was alive and at that moment in time nothing in the world mattered more than that.
So I hope you enjoyed that MAHOOSIVE chapter.
NB – The name Alfr was used as well in my other Hobbit story "Where I Belong" and I am using it here as well, though there is no relation between the two characters.
-Also, someone left a review with a link to something that looks like spam? If you could please explain to me what that is, otherwise I'll have to delete it, thanks :)
Let me know what you thought!
