Disclaimer: I do not own High School DxD

Chapter Two: How to Name for Idiots

"Bob? No, that's terrible. Vedic? Sounds like a dick joke…"

Inside an infamous police station was a rather familiar teenager pacing around in an interrogation room, which for some reason had a futon and couch.

"Neseg? …Nah, that sounds like I'm always horny. Only a complete loser would have a name like that!"

"I'm almost a little afraid to ask but…what are you doing?"

"Gah! Don't startle me woman!"

"…Right, because this is your man cave." The source of the voice, which so unreasonably interrupted what, was probably the greatest moment she'd ever witness in her life was none other than police officer Yume Suzuki!

"Uhh… duh."

"Listen kid, you've been a pain in my incredible ass since day one. First, you cause a panic and lead everyone to believe you're a nuclear terrorist, and then you tried to ditch me so I would take the blame for that disaster, and after that you threatened to… ejaculate onto the podium during the press conference! And for some reason you won't tell us your name, where you're from!"

"Okay, first off that wasn't my fault! I'm a victim of circumstance! And secondly, you also did cause emotional trauma, you know?! You had to take responsibility somehow. And you know how I feel when everyone speaks to me in a foreign language! And that's not true! I told you I was from the United States!"

"What are you talking about? You never told us that!"

"…I didn't?"

"No. No you didn't."

"Huh. It must've slipped my mind. Well, I did it now so isn't it fine?"

"…"

"…What? Ohgodno-" PEWPEWPEWPEW

"It's not fine! What kind of fucking moron are you!?"

"How is shooting me with a gun going to help!?"

"There'd be one less idiot ruining the gene pool!"

"Where is your fucking therapist lady!?"

"You'll be meeting him soon in Hell!"

"Holy-!"

"Oh hey, Yume's shooting at him again."

"Again? Where does she get all that energy from?"

"Come to think of it, how are we going to fix up the precinct? We're under budget already."

"The wisdom of tomorrow shall provide us the answers." SWISH

"Hold still! It'll be over quick!"

"A sword!? Are you fucking kidding me?! Where do you even get all these weapons from!? Do you have a hammer space in your fucking vagina or something!?

"Who gave Yume her sword back?" SLURP

"Wasn't it you?" As if vaguely offended by the notion, the officer in question turned his head to gaze into his accuser's beautiful periwinkle eyes

"Really? Dude I think I'd remember that."

"Not if it was in the morning." The officer then opened his mouth as if he was going to defend what little left remained of his honor, and then closed his mouth and shrugged.

"On the bright side, at least he's getting exercise, I mean, even we're inbetter shape than him."

"Yeah…"

"Fuck this city and everything it stands for!"

"Ah, to be young again…"

"If I die I'm going to haunt your ass so bad, not even Jesus is going to try to stop it!"

"You know, I just thought of an amazing name for this kid." Heads turned in interest as the unnamed youth was finally receiving a name that they would never remember.

The police officer took a loud dramatic slurp of his coffee and then announced the name, which would christen our protagonist.

"Zoku Hakuchi." The officers slowly blinked as they processed the name, and then began to laugh uncontrollably.

"Oh god, that is a perfect name! Quick, forge some papers so we can make it permanent!"

"It's already done; he'll never escape this name in his entire life."

"If you have the time to give me a name, then save my life!"

The officers pretended they didn't hear Zoku's plea for help as they chuckled over their wit.

"I got you now~"

The world rolled its eyes and ignored the whimper of a certain recently named individual and went on with its merry way. Because real men don't whimper. We groan.

Author's Notes: I actually don't really like how this chapter turned out, because I kind of feel like it feels forced. Do you feel that too? Also, I plan on doing a time skip because I keep getting ideas for later down the line but none really for this time frame. Also, no omake this time because I had trouble enough with this chapter. I have no idea how others keep a regular schedule. Well, besides the fact that THEY AREN'T HUMAN! Anyways, I might just say fuck you to chronological order and just post whatever. Thank Pizza Hut, All That Remains, my imagination, and life in general for getting this chapter out. Or blame them. Don't matter. Oh and remember I don't mean to offend, everything is done for lulz.

Also, who here plays Dark Souls? I've spent waaay too much time avoiding the Road of Sacrifice. And it only gets worse from here…

Oh, and Zoku Hakuchi is supposed to mean Vulgar Idiot, but I used Google Translate for that soo…

Anyways, I think I covered everything. Bye~

I kid, I kid. I know this AN is getting out of control, but I just want to thank everyone who favorited, followed, and reviewed my fanfic. It felt AMAZING whenever my phone had a seizure and notified me that some retar- I mean, amazing individual followed/favorited. Hell, a lot of people did both. Some people even followed and favorited ME. Don't know what bet you lost for that to happen, but I ain't complaining. And last but not least, my reviewers. What reviews I do have are all overwhelmingly positive and really make my day. Thank you.