Disclaimer: I don't own 'The Outsiders'

Chapter 17:


When I went back to Ray's, he wasn't there. I laid on his bed and napped for a good portion of the day. I read some books up until noon. Ray still wasn't home, so I decided that I would walk to the Dingo and get something. Maybe I flash my upper leg and get my job back or something.

I was one step out of the apartment and into the hallway before the phone rang. I slipped back inside and walked over to the phone. Assuming it was Ray with an explanation, I said, "Jesus, Ray, where are you?"

"Is this Jane King?"

The seriousness of the woman's voice made me sit in a nearby chair. "Yeah, that's me."

"Raymond Tanner has been in an accident. He's awake now and would like to see you."

"Me?" I said, surprised. "He asked for me? He asked for Jane King?"

"You are his partner, are you not?"

"Uh, yeah," I told the lady on the other line and I stood. "Is he local? Is he at the Tulsa Hospital?"

"Yes."

"What happened?"

"He was hit by a car."

"How bad?"

"I'm not advised to say, miss."

I'm not advised to say. That meant it was bad. She hadn't said anything about Ray being in stable condition, she only said that he was awake.

I said goodbye to the lady and ran - literally ran - off to the hospital. I new my way around and I made it to the front desk quickly. "I'm here for Raymond Tanner."

"Room 132."

I walked down the hallway until I reached the room with the number on it.

An older man in a white coat was just walking out. "Are you Ray's girlfriend?"

"Yeah. Jane King."

The doctor sighed, giving me the biggest look on pity I had ever seen. "I'm so sorry, miss King, we've tried -"

"He's not going to make it," I marvelled, a million thoughts running through my mind before it went blank.

The doctor nodded somberly. "That's correct, yes. He might make the night, but it's not likely."

I nodded, not sure what to say. I watched his hand touch my shoulder comfortingly before he walked around me and told me to take as much time as I needed. I didn't think I needed any. I turned the knob to the door and cracked it. I looked inside before opening it fully. "Sweet Jesus."

Ray was lying on the bed, something around his neck, dried blood all over him and his left eye swollen shut. That was when I noticed that basically the whole left side of his face was ripped apart. I took my eyes away from that part of him and focused on his chest. His shirt was cut open and there was a massive bandage covering his whole abdomen.

"Jane?" His right eye opened and he looked at me.

I wanted to be so mad at him. I wanted to hate him just like I had been for the past year, but I couldn't. And so I pulled up a chair beside him and grabbed his hand. "Hey," I said softly, rubbing his hand with both of mine.

His one eye looked over me. "How are you?"

I smiled lightly, one hand travelling up and rubbing his arm. "I'm fine. How are you?"

He smiled too. "Fine considering I can't feel anything below my neck."

I swallowed un-comfortingly, coughing as well. "Uh, what happened?"

His face was blank. "I don't remember." He squeezed my hand. "It was so loud."

I scooted closer and ran my hand through his thick hair. "It's okay. You're safe here."

He smirked at me. "I'm dying. I can see it on your face."

My mouth fell open. "Ray -"

"Don't," Ray said, still smirking. "I'm just enjoying the fact that you're pretending care."

I shook my head, hand still attached to his. "You are such an asshole."

"But you loved me."

I nodded, not wanting to refuse him that one thing. "I did."

And I really thought that I did. I was just a child when I met Ray, and he was so nice and charming that I immediately took to him. He was charismatic and funny and I fell in love with him. Then he got less romantic and more mean. I fell out of love with him pretty fast.

I sighed. "Do you want me to say anything to your family?"

I knew he had a cousin somewhere in Tulsa.

Ray shook his head as best he could. "No." He looked at me. "Don't you want to know if I loved you back?"

I hesitated, but I eventually nodded. "Yes."

He smiled. "I did. I do." He started to smile, reminding me so much of the Ray Tanner I had met when I was fifteen. "You were just a kid, but you were so pretty. You still are, Jane."

I took a deep breath, my head falling against the bed. It rested on top oh his thigh and I was looking up at him. "Why are you being so nice now?"

"Look, I've been an asshole my whole life, but I don't want to go out that way."

I nodded, continuing to play with his hair. "Do you want any of your friends here?"

"I don't want them seeing my like this, Jane. What're you, stupid?"

I chuckled, picking me head up and scooting closer to his face, making sure to stay to the right. "Remember when we used to go to the movies all the time?"

Ray smiled. "I'd sneak us in and we'd make out the whole time."

I smiled too. "Those were some really good days."

He stopped smiling. "Do you love Tim?"

I debated on whether I should've lied, but I didn't. "Yes."

Ray nodded, hand cupping around mine. "Then just kiss me and get out."

"Ray -"

"Jane -" he said painfully. "Just say your goodbye now."

"No."

"Fine, I'll go first," Ray said in a rough tone. "I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you, Jane. You're the only girl I've ever loved and the only one I ever will," he said very unemotionally, but there was a glisten in his eyes.

All of it was happening so fast.

"I'm not ready," I told him, shaking my head.

He closed his eyes and sighed. "Just remember to move on, alright? Get your job back, go to school. Just go back to how things were before I fucked them up, Jane."

I kissed him passionately, sticking mostly to the right corner of his mouth. I exhausted all the leftover love I had for him in that one kiss and then I leaned away. I touched his face. "A girl never forgets her first love. You were mine." I stood up and got out of the room as fast as I could.

Shit.

I leaned up against the wall, eyes wide and mind full. I hadn't cried yet, but some tears started to fall down my cheeks. But that was it. I wiped them away and that was that.

Ray was dying. I knew he was a shitty person, but I couldn't help but think that I was missing a little part of my life - of my past. Ray was such an important character in my life and he was going to be taken out just like that.

It just all happened so fast.

"Jane?"

I stopped and turned around, spotting Mr. Ryans. "Hi."

He smiled widely. "What are you doing around the hospi -" He must've noticed the look on my face because he stopped. "Never mind."

"What are you doing here?" I countered, not wanting to think about Ray at all.

"I give blood."

"Nice." I spun around, starting to walk away.

"Wait!"

I turned around again. "Yes?"

"I've been trying to get ahold of you," Ryans said, walking closer. "Your story came in second place."

I nodded, storing that information in the back of my busy mind. "Cool." I started to walk away again.

"Jane!"

"Yes?" I looked over my shoulder at him. God, he wore a tie even out of school. And I thought he was cool.

"I'll see you tomorrow for the final essay, right?"

"Oh, shit," I said, thinking aloud.

He ignored my foul language, the seriousness crinkling up on his forehead. "It's the only thing that'll make you pass. Your attendance hasn't been great lately, Jane."

I sighed, rubbing my face and saying, "Yeah. Yeah, you'll see me there."

"Great!"

I turned around and walked away before Ryans could call me back. I went straight home - not Ray's apartment. I went to my house that I had grown up in my whole life. I wanted to lay on my own bed and sleep for just once.

When I walked inside, Paul came into the living room looking alarmed. He stopped being tensed when he saw me. The stubble on his face was new to me, but it was happening. I guess he decided to stop shaving.

He smiled at me. "Hey, stranger."

"Hi," I greeted back, my voice shaking a little.

"Breakup with with candyass yet?" Paul asked, going back into the kitchen. I sat down on the couch as I started to cry. Silent at first, hand over my mouth, Paul just said, "Janey?" He came out into the living room and saw the state I was in. He walked closer and wrapped his arms around me. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"He - he died," I managed to get out, crying violently. Everything hurt.

"It's okay," Paul said gently.

His stubble made him look like David, now he was acting like him. He was gentle and concerned and nice. Paul was turning into David. When did that start to happen? How long had I really been gone? How much had I missed?

I hugged him back. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Janey."

I let more tears falling, not finding the strength inside to stop them. "Can I come home?" I moved away from him and looked back up at him.

Paul's face broke into a smile. "You can come back if you stop bein' such a wimp."

I cried and pushed his shoulder.

Maybe Paul wasn't turning into David after all. Maybe Paul was just turning into an older version of Paul. Either way, I loved my brother and I was so glad to be home.


"Are you listenin'?"

I stopped eating my toast and I looked up at Paul. "Huh?"

Paul sighed, putting his plate in the sink. "I've got to work but I'll take my break early and take you to school for that test."

"Okay."

"Be ready at 2."

I could've just gone to school at the right time, but I didn't want to be there and Paul knew that. The less time I spent at that school, the better. I slept in until 9 and I had peanut butter toast for breakfast. I was slowly coming down from my hard time with Ray. I imagine he'd be dead by now.

"You gonna be okay here alone, Janey?" Paul asked, grabbing his coat.

I nodded and offered up a smile. "I'll be fine."

"Great. See you later." Paul slammed the door and I watched him through the window as he drove away.

I decided the get dressed and go out to the Dingo.

I had already taken so much time doing nothing with my life. I slowly ruined myself, but I was getting back on track. Ray's death hurt me, though it probably shouldn't have, but I wasn't going to drone on forever. Ray wasn't the best, but he did say one thing; move on. If I was going to listen to anything, I was going to listen to that.

When I walked into the Dingo, I went straight to the manager at the back. "Joe?"

Joe looked up, smile on his face. "Well, well, well, look who came crawling back."

I gave him a look. "I need my job back."

His smile dropped and he held a clipboard at the side of his big belly. "You think you can just not show up to any of your shifts for weeks and then come waltzing in, expecting to get your job back?" He waited for my response, which was a simple twirl. He sighed and pointed his chubby finger at me. "You're lucky you look so good in a skirt, King."

I smiled, slipping under the counter and running to the back. "I can work until 1:30 today. And I need to call my brother."

"Do it on you break, King."

"Alright. Thanks, Joe."

"Whatever."

I called Paul and told him to pick me up at the Dingo instead, which he was glad to hear. He came and picked me up and took me to school. He wished me luck and sent me off, telling me that he'd pick up me up 3 o'clock. I went inside and I aced that test. I realized I was done being that way I was and I was going to get my life back on track.

I got my job back and did my test that would get me to pass English. I just needed to do one more thing - well, two more things. Three actually.

I spent the next few days at Ray's, answering his phone and getting his mail. I cleaned up the place starting packing stuff up, even though I knew whoever was going to take the stuff was just going to throw it out anyway.

I was taping up one of the last boxes when the phone rang.

"Hello?" I said, tucking the phone between my ear so I could finish the box.

"Hello, I'm looking for Jane King."

"This is she."

"The burial site for Raymond Tanner has been finished. The gravestone that was chosen ended up working out."

The phone slipped from my shoulder into my hand. "Wow. Uh, thank you."

"Have a good rest of your day, miss King."

"Thank you." I hung up. I taped up the last box and grabbed my coat. I walked outside and into the slowly chilling air. I walked across town to the cemetery and just walked along.

I wasn't in a rush or anything, so I just walked until I saw it.

It was one of the cheapest headstones - very plain. Carved into it was:

Ray Tanner

March 12 1949 - November 24 1970

It didn't say his full name. He hated being called Raymond. And it didn't say anything him like 'a beloved friend' or anything like that. What was there to say? It was just a grey headstone with some information on it.

I took the cigarette from my mouth and looked at it. "This is my last one," I said aloud to myself. I carefully resisted the cigarette on top of the middle on the headstone. "This one's for you, Ray."

Across the street was a phone, where I called Paul and was asking him to come pick me up, or more like begged.

"Please, please, please -"

"Jane, what are you doing at a cemetery? I mean, what idiot paid for a headstone for that guy anyway?"

I sighed. "Me."

His tone softened just a little. "Oh. Sorry, Janey."

"It's fine. So, how about that ride?"

"It's still a no."

"Paul!"

"Look, I'm at this girl's house and I'm about to seal the deal," he said, disgusting me in the process. "I've been riding this out for months, I can't just skip out on her now - for my own sanity."

"You're appalling."

"Walk."

"Paul -" The line went dead. "Pau - Paul? Paul!" I groaned loudly, hanging up the phone and walking down the sidewalk. I shoved my hands in my pockets and barely walked five feet before a car car drifting around the corner of the street.

The windows were unrolled to let me hear the loud music. The car pulled over about twenty feet in front of me and Brent go out, along with two other guys from Ray's gang.

I sighed, stopping on the sidewalk and saying loudly, "Nice to see you guys."

Brent walked closer, toothpick between his teeth. God, he was tall. "You just come from the cemetery."

"Nah," I said, shrugging and looking around at the nothingness. "I just walk around here some times. It's very..." I nodded. "Scenic."

"Ha-ha," Brent mocked, taking the pick from his mouth. "I saw him that night, you know."

"Who?" I pretended not to know, just to piss him off.

Brent growled. "Ray. He stopped by the bar and asked if we'd seen you. He running around lookin' for you."

I tried not to let that sink in as I wiggled my cold hands in my pockets. "Okay."

"If you hadn't of run of like that, Ray wouldn't have been runnin' around. He wouldn't have been hit and he'd still be alive." Brent sounded really monotone where he'd usually be in an uncontrollable rage.

I shook my head. "Brent, you're hurt, alright?" I tried to give him some logic. "You lost your friend and -"

His huge hand wrapped around my neck and he swiped his foot, knocking me down. He knelt down beside me as a writhed on the ground, still holding his hand against my neck. He wasn't trying not choke me and he wasn't doing it that hard. He was just trying to hold me down. "You killed him."

I was done with him. I ignored it every time he'd grope me when Ray and I went out. I ignored his sexual comments toward me. I ignored it when he damn near raped me and I ignored it when he scared me. I was done ignoring or dismissing the way he acted. Ray bad a bad person, but Brent was malicious.

"If you don't piss off, I'll kill you," I said, looking him right in the eyes.

Brent laughed lowly, smiling as he crawled over me. He let go of my neck and grabbed my arms, pinning them beside my head. "How are you gonna do that without your fingers?" He chuckled, picking up one of my hands as one of the other guys held my other arm down.

"No! No, Brent!" I begged. I wanted my fingers. "Please, please, what do you want from me?!"

"I want Ray alive!" Brent yelled in my face, the nice act completely gone.

I kicked my legs, trying to get away. "Please!"

Brent held out his arm to the guy behind him. "Blade."

The guy slowly reached into his pocket, his baby face red, hands shaking.

"Help me!" I screamed at him. "Please!"

"Shut up," Brent said harshly, looking back at the guy. He couldn't have been more than fifteen years old. "Max, blade now."

"Come on, man," the guy - Max - said. His hand was in his pocket, but he wasn't handing over the blade. "What makes you think she won't snitch?"

"She won't," Brent said surely. "She knows better."

"We won't know that for sure unless we kill her," he said, voice crack in the middle. He glanced at me nervously. "And we're not gonna kill her, right?"

"Maybe we should," the one holding down my arm said. "What if she does snitch?"

Brent growled at the two of them. "What'd I say to you guys? We're not gonna kill her." Brent looked down at me, smirking. "She's too pretty." He looked back at the two of them. "She's never snitched before."

"No ones ever cut a finger off her before," Max said to him. Correct. He shrugged. "So let's just cut her up a little and leave it at that."

Brent looked down at me once more, eyes dark. "Just give me the blade."