Hey, just a few things before we start. 1) This is the first Fanfiction I've ever written or posted online so I was really nervous about it. Reviews, comments, favorites etc. are greatly appreciated and mean a lot to me! 2) I forgot to put up a disclaimer that I do not own Hetalia up on the other chapters. I know I could go back and edit but I'm just going to put it here. I DO NOT OWN HETALIA OR THE CHARACTERS. 3) I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read my story, favorited it, or left a review. Specific thanks to Rising from the Ashes YOLT for leaving a review. Even though it was only two words it meant the world to me that a random stranger cared enough about my writing to take time out to review or comment on it!

5

I awoke with a jolt. My sweat-soaked blankets were tucked snugly around my shoulders. An overwhelming fear coursed through my body. The unstoppable panic that racks your body when you awake from a nightmare. I sat up in bed, pulling my knees to my chest. I could feel tears filling my eyes. It was another re-living of the worst nights of my life. Laughing and biting and thrusting and pain. So much pain.

It was all consuming, I couldn't feel or sense anything else. Everything hurt. While my body had healed from the events my mind still hadn't. Alcohol and cigarette tasting mouths bruising mine. Fingers digging into my hips. Trails of bites that drew blood all over my neck, collarbone, and chest. They all flashed behind my eyelids every time I closed my eyes.

As a result I was getting less and less sleep. Probably only one or two hours a night. I wiped the few tears that had started down my cheeks and checked my clock. The dim red light read 5:57. I would have to get up soon anyways so I swung my feet off the bed and padded to the bathroom for a quick shower.

I looked at myself in the mirror. Dark circles under my eyes, matted hair, large bulging pimples. I was a mess. My outside was starting to reflect how I felt on the inside, dirty. I climbed in the shower and washed away the grime. I wished I could wash away the muck on the inside as well. Sadly, it wasn't that easy. I quickly got ready for school and walked out the door and got into my little car.

When I got to school I immediately looked for Arthur. He always made me feel at least somewhat better. After a few minutes of searching through the crowds I found him at his locker. I couldn't help but let a small smile grace my lips as I walked towards him. I laid my head on top of his and lightly hung my arms around his waist from behind.

"Morning," I said quietly

"Good Morning, Frog," He chuckled, Frog an endearment rather than an insult

He quickly finished with his locker and shut it. Nudging my head off of his he turned in my arms to face me. Looking down at him I saw his almost-not-there smile turn into an almost-not-there frown. His massive eyebrows knitted into a gentle look of concern.

"Are you getting enough sleep?" he asked

I hesitated and he shook his head slightly, tsking "You need to go to bed earlier."

"I can't sleep," I mumbled sheepishly

"Why?" He asked

"I-" I was slightly nervous to tell him but decided to anyways "I 'ave nightmares," I whispered

The bell rang and he gave me a kiss on the cheek and a quick goodbye before walking briskly off to class. I wasn't used to being the flustered one, especially with Arthur. Arthur had always been so cute with flushed cheeks and a slightly angry expression. Recently I was getting more and more used to the nervousness in my gut. When I saw what I thought was one of their faces in a crowd, or when someone became uncomfortably close to me. My stomach would tie itself in knots. I used to be all in for touching. Physical affection was one of my favorite things. I wasn't comfortable with touching anymore unless it was someone I cared about and trusted.

I knew Arthur would want to discuss my sleep patterns later. Part of me wanted to talk to someone else about it but the other half of me was practically screaming that I needed to keep it inside myself. All throughout my classes I kept thinking of ways I could explain it to Arthur. Eventually lunch came and I finally got to see him again.

"Bonjour," I said as he sat down next to me

We usually ate alone at a small table behind the school. It was away from everyone. Quiet, secluded, half in sun, half in shade. We liked to be able to talk in private, away from everyone else. We could do and say what we wanted without retribution or thought. It was peaceful.

"Hello," He replied, a smile in his voice

"'as mon lapin 'ad a good day?" I asked

"Besides worrying about this annoying Frog, yes," he joked

I chuckled and rolled my eyes "'ow troublezome,"

"Seriously though, you said something about nightmares… do you want to talk about them?" he asked taking a break from eating a lightly burnt scone to look up at me

"Zey… Zey're about… zat." I said quietly

He nodded, understanding despite my obvious lack of specificity. He rubbed my back lightly and stayed quiet, simply letting me know he was there. I relaxed slightly into the soothing touch. We sat eating silently for quite a while, simply enjoying the other's presence.

"Do you want me to come over tonight?" Arthur asked, voice barely more than a whisper

"Yes," I replied simply, a smile barely upturning the sides of my lips

{That Night}

It was a Friday night and our parents said they were fine with Arthur using my family's guest room. It was approaching eight o'clock and I was becoming increasingly excited. I love spending time with Arthur but with school it was hard. I arranged pillows and blankets on the couch. Pizza had arrived recently and it as well as root beer and a bowl of popcorn were on the coffee table.

The doorbell rang and I raced to answer it. Arthur stood on the doorstep with a small duffle bag and a pillow. I couldn't help but stare at him. He looked so adorable, even simply just standing there.

"Are you going to invite me in?" Arthur asked after a moment

"Yeah, zorry," I said quickly motioning him into the house

Arthur chuckled and walked inside. I showed him to his room and we decided to put on pajamas before we watched any movies. I was once again stunned into silence when Arthur came out of his room. He was wearing a plain white shirt and flannel pants that were both a little too large for him. It came just a little too far along his arms and down his waist to be natural and the pants dragged along the floor around his feet.

"You just going to stare at me all night?" Arthur chuckled

"N-non, zorry" I apologized again, snapping out of my daze and feeling my cheeks heat ever so slightly

I grabbed Arthur's hand and pulled him downstairs towards the TV room. Once we got there he settled into the nest of pillows and blankets I set out. I suggested a few movies before we decided on a silly kid's one. I put the movie in and got plates of pizza for us both before climbing onto the couch with him.

After we finished eating we snuggled into each other, pulling the blankets up around us. Arthur slid his hand into mine and I happily intertwined my fingers with his. After a while of watching I realized Arthur was slowly working his way into my lap. I laughed lightly and pulled him the rest of the way onto me.

"You could have just asked" I whispered through slight laughter

His small figure fit well against mine and I nuzzled his hair. This is exactly how it was supposed to be. Happy, relaxed, loving. We sat like that until the end of the movie and we decided to watch one more before going to bed.

I put in an action film and sat back down, pulling Arthur back onto my lap. This time I positioned him with his legs extending horizontal to me onto the couch instead of forward. He laid his head on my shoulder and we watched the movie happily. We started whispering witty remarks to each other until neither of us was really focused on the movie.

"Do I need to make you be quiet?" I said moving so our noses were touching and my lips were hovering over his

His cheeks flushed red and I stared into his eyes smiling for a while before kissing him. His lips were wonderfully soft and everything felt perfect. I broke the chaste kiss and wrapped my arms around his waist, keeping my face close to his. He looked happily into my eyes for a moment before pulling me into a new kiss. This one was much more passionate. I began to feel slightly uneasy but I pushed it away and focused on the amazing warmth in my face, coming from him. Then he licked my bottom lip, asking access to my mouth.

I'm no novice to french kissing, I am French after all. I didn't know if I was ready for it though. The idea slightly scared me and images of those horrible nights flashed through my head. I pulled away suddenly and quite roughly. Arthur looked at me slightly shocked. I looked away, embarrassed. Would he be angry? I had been quite stingy since the incident. I shriveled away from him slightly in shame. My boyfriend couldn't even kiss me? He put a few fingers beneath my chin and gently eased my head up to look at him. Understanding and love shone in his eyes.

"It's okay," He whispered giving me an eskimo kiss "I understand and It's perfectly fine."

My body flooded with relief and my muscles relaxed. I ducked my head and nuzzled it against his chest, my arms wrapped firmly around him. He pressed a kiss into my hair and wrapped his arms around my shoulders comfortingly.