Thank you so much for your feedback for the last chapter :) A special thanks goes out to those I could not reply directly to – including the anonymous Guest, Hermione Granger, and dojoson41. This one is up soon – yay!

Please forgive any mistakes I may have made in this chapter.

Read. Enjoy. Review.

Chapter Eighty Four # Swallowed In the Sea #

Kíli's eyes flew open to the dark of a night without stars. He squirmed into a sitting position and tore at the top of his tunic, desperate to relieve the feeling that he was suffocating. It was making his head spin, and his stomach too, and even though he was breathing properly it felt like he could not get enough air. The sweat was beading on his forehead and dribbling down his face, but he was too busy trying to breathe to wipe it away.

Kíli needed to breathe.

He clambered to his feet and staggered over his snoring brother, reaching a huge tree at the edge of their campsite. Pushing his palms into the bark, Kíli took several deep breaths. Then he lurched away to the side and threw up.

Moaning softly, Kíli made his way to the next tree and crumpled in a heap at the bottom. Slowly, oh so slowly, his stomach began to settle and the world began to stop spinning. He breathed in and out, in and out, in and out…

He shuddered.

Nightmares. He hated them.

Pain shrieks through the air and Kíli sees Fíli fall down, clutching his stomach. Blood is bubbling through Fíli's fingers, flowing down like a waterfall and somewhere in his mind Kíli thinks this cannot be real, blood does not fall that way, but he cannot believe in logic, he cannot afford to because now the blood is streaming from Fíli's mouth, dyeing his moustache on the way, his knees are buckling and his eyes are starting to roll back in his head.

Kíli squeezed his eyes shut and tried so hard to wipe the images from his mind.

"Fíli!" Kíli cries out for his brother but he cannot move and Fíli crashes to the floor. "Fíli, no!"

"I…" Fíli spluttered as he begins to convulse. "I am a p-prince…of true…value…"

"Stop it," Kíli growled to himself, hitting the back of his head against the tree. "Stop, stop, stop-"

A prince of true value, a prince of true value, a prince of true value…

The words are clanging around Kíli's head, falling over and crashing into each other as the voice of everyone he has ever loved lauds Fíli's valour. And then they declare their hatred for him.

A prince, a prince, a prince who left his people,

A prince, a prince, let's hang him from the steeple,

A prince, a prince, a prince who fails at all,

A prince, a prince, come on – let's watch him fall.

The voices, cruel and cold formed a song in Kíli's head, and he began to rock himself back and forward a little to try and make it stop. He wanted to make it stop. He wanted to make it all stop.

A prince, a prince, a prince whose worth is naught

A prince, a prince, a prince who can't be taught

A prince, a prince, a prince who poses danger

A prince, a prince, a prince who's just a stranger

All of his insecurities, everything he feared about himself was being sung, sung loudly in his head in a jangled harmony of his families' voices. Kíli opened his eyes as wide as they could go and scoured over the sleeping bodies of his family and friends. None were awake. Bofur and Nori were back to back against a tree nearby, obviously having been on watch. They were not doing a good job, apparently, because they were both snoring lightly.

A prince, a prince, a prince who's never wanted,

A prince, a prince, a prince who's weak and haunted,

A prince, a prince, who lets his loved ones die

A prince, a prince, who sits alone to cry

Kíli stood up, scrunching his hair up in his hands. He needed to get out of there, he needed to run, he needed to –

A prince, a prince, a prince

His eyes fell upon Esme, who was smirking in her sleep.

A prince, a prince, a prince

Fíli's arm flailed out as he rolled over and snored.

A prince, a prince, a prince-

With a soft cry, Kíli ran. He tore through the forest, pushing trees and branches and bushes out of the way as he raced to get anywhere, anywhere away from where he was. He needed to run, to run as fast as he could – and at least this way he would have a trail to follow on the way back.

A prince, a prince, a prince…

Why would the infernal voices not just stop?

A PRINCE, A PRINCE, A PRINCE –

A branch smashed into his face and he stumbled further until he got back into the stride of a run. And then there was no longer any ground beneath his feet, and Kíli was falling.

And then Kíli was swallowed by water, from his bootless toes to the top of his head.

Shock rippled through his body and at last the voices stopped. The current was strong and even breaking the surface was a struggle. A low hanging branch was nearby and Kíli's fingers tightened around it, but then they slipped and he was swept downstream.

"Help!" Kíli yelled, cursing his own stupidity for running off alone. "Bilbo, Fíli! Help me!"

So many thoughts were rushing into his mind, stumbling over each other in their effort to be heard, in their effort to get him out of this stupid mess, but he managed to silence them all in favour of just one.

The bank. Don't swim against the current – swim to the bank.

It was easier said than done. If Kíli's hasty calculations at their location were correct he had just suffered the misfortune of falling into the Great River itself, and it felt like it was flowing stronger than usual. By the time he managed to make his way to the side and slither out Kíli had no idea where he was.

He groaned and flopped against the floor. It served him right for letting it slip. He had thought that if he managed to act alright in front of everyone else his mind would simply…repair itself. He should not have let himself…

"Oh, who do I think I'm fooling," Kíli muttered to himself. He could not stop himself from dreaming.

But he could not let himself admit that it was getting out of control. If he admitted that, Kíli was terrified that it would take over him completely.

Kíli flung his arm over his eyes and breathed as deeply as he could. Within minutes his breath began to hitch and despite gritting his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut and holding his breath, Kíli began to cry. Holding in his sobs began to hurt, burning his lungs and his throat and his heart – and then he knew that the only thing he could do to stop the pain would be to cry everything out until he was able to compose himself and make his way back to the others. He was able to calculate that he would probably be able to make it back before anyone else woke up before he broke.

Kíli cried.

And cried. And cried. And cried.

Something snuffled up against him – a damp nose, a furry paw – and Kíli recognised the vague outline of the wolf through his tears. With another sob he reached out and stroked the creature's fur, and Luno curled up against him, resting his head on Kíli's chest. Kíli wrapped his arms around the wolf and slowly his crying slowed to a stop.

Kíli kept his eyes closed and ran his fingers through the wolf's fur. It was soothing, therapeutic, and Kíli began to calm his breathing. He was weaker than he had thought.

"Oh, Luno," he breathed. "I've messed up…"

The wolf whined, an almost irritated sound and Kíli opened his eyes.

"Oh!" he frowned lightly. "You're not Luno…"

The she-wolf huffed and snuffled around Kíli's face.

"What're you doing here?" Kíli murmured, sitting up and stroking her face.

She whined and gave him the exact same look that Bilbo gave him every time that he said something stupid.

"Looking for me?" Kíli suggested sadly.

The wolf bobbed her head as if nodding. Knowing the intelligence of Beorn's wolves she probably was.

Kíli scratched behind her ears. "Thank you. I don't know what you're doing here, but thank you…"

Whining softly, she began licking Kíli's face and nibbling around his nose and ears.

"What're you doing?" mumbled the dwarf.

She huffed, a sigh like sound, and licked Kíli right on the nose.

"We should probably go back, shouldn't we?" he sighed.

The wolf blinked at him.

"Well, since you have an opinion on everything I'll take that to mean you don't care."

She rubbed her face against his.

"What should I do? What if I can't hide it in front of them?"

After staring into his eyes for a long moment the wolf snarled and backed away, hiding behind a nearby tree with a growl before returning to Kíli's side. He frowned.

"You…you don't think I should hide?"

Kíli had never seen the she-wolf look so happy. She whined and licked his nose again.

"But I don't want to worry them!" Kíli protested, sinking his fingers into her fur. "If they know how…how… weak I am they'll worry and they'll all get scared. The little ones, they're so young, so vulnerable. They've been through such terrible, terrible things and if they see me fall apart…"

The wolf paused and dipped her head, before bowing it as if conceding. Then she licked his face gently. With a heavy sigh, Kíli fondled her ears.

"You're very beautiful, d'you know that?" he closed his eyes. "It's so hard… I don't know how long I can keep hiding all of this…" The wolf pushed her face against his gently, allowing him to wrap his arms around her and hold on as if his life depended on it. "It's so hard… it's so hard…"

She whined comfortingly and wiggled a little further into his arms, and Kíli buried his face in the soft fur of her shoulder. It felt as though a huge weight had been shifted – it was not gone, but it had eased off of his back a little. He could carry it now. He knew that he should talk to someone and that he had people to talk to, but Kíli did not think he could bring himself to do it.

Kíli shuddered, and then he stopped. He leant into the wolf a little and just closed his eyes, trying to pretend that everything was fine. Before he knew it, Kíli had drifted off to sleep again – a dreamless, restful sleep.

By the time he woke up the forest around him was growing lighter, but Kíli did not think that dawn had broken yet. The wolf was still beside him, staring at him with patient green eyes.

"We should go back now," Kíli sighed.

The wolf nodded, an unmistakable gesture this time. She stood and waited patiently or Kíli to follow, and then she started to lead him back to where the others were. Without her, Kíli was unsure whether or not he would have made his way back, but she obviously knew where she was going and they were back within minutes.

His attempt at getting back unnoticed was foiled, however, when Fíli heard him arrive. Guilt swooped through Kíli's stomach at Fíli's bloodless face.

"Good morning?" Kíli tried a sheepish smile, but Fíli strode over and grasped his arm.

"Kíli, where have you been?" Fíli hissed. "I was just about to wake up – and why are you so wet?"

"I went for a walk," Kíli looked up at his brother with his strongest puppy dog eyes. "And… fell into a river."

"A river?" Fíli looked shocked. "Are you alright?"

"Of course," Kíli grinned. "I just bathed a little sooner than I expected to."

Fíli did not look convinced, so Kíli shoved his shoulder lightly.

"Don't worry, Fee. She was with me the whole time anyway," Kíli scratched the wolf's ears. "She wouldn't let anything bad happen."

The wolf huffed smugly as if agreeing with him, before loping over to where her brothers were waking.

"Yeah, well you should have told somebody where you were going," Fíli shook his head. "We're on the road, this isn't Hobbiton-"

"I know, Fee, I know." Kíli assured him. "But I thought I'd only be one a minute – I didn't realise I'd get dragged half a mile downstream in the current."

Fíli sighed and rubbed his moustache. "Don't do it again, alright?"

Kíli swallowed back his retort and smiled at his brother. "I won't. Sorry, Fee."

Fíli smiled wryly and shook his head. "Idiot."

"Rude," Kíli snorted, his gaze following the wolves. "I wish we knew their names?"

"Luno's brothers and sister?" Fíli nodded slowly. "Me too. But I'm sure they all have names already. I'd be irritated if someone I couldn't communicate with started calling me Fluffy."

"I wonder if we could ask them…" Kíli mused.

"Ask them?" Fíli frowned. "And how do you plan on doing that?"

Kíli pursed his lips together and then whistled quietly. The wolves looked over at him and he made eye contact with the female. "Can you come over here, please?"

Unmistakeable curiosity lit up her eyes as she made her way over, Luno close on her heels.

"Kíli, how do you think you're going to-"

"Shh!" Kíli waved his hand at his brother. "I'm being the wolf-whisperer."

Fíli rolled his eyes.

Kíli looked the she-wolf in the eye. "I want to know your name." She cocked her head and Kíli took that as permission to continue. "But I'll need you to help me with it. If you'd like that nod, if not shake your head."

Fíli snorted. "And if you've no idea what he's talking about just don't move."

The wolf stared at Fíli for a long moment before looking back to Kíli and nodding deliberately.

"Ha!" Kíli smirked at his brother before looking back at the wolf. "Alright… if I go through sounds could you make a noise if I say what your name starts with?"

Nodding again, the wolf whined quietly.

Kíli smiled at her and began to recite the sounds of every letter in the alphabet, one by one. "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L -"

The wolf whined.

"L," Kíli nodded. "Alright, La -"

The wolf yapped, her tail wagging slowly.

"La…" Kíli glanced at Fíli, who was now looking impressed. Excitedly, Kíli continued to go through the alphabet until… "Lan-"

She yapped again, more excitedly this time and her tail started to wag faster and faster.

Fíli snapped his fingers together. "Lani! Is your name Lani?"

Luno and the she-wolf howled happily, though not loud enough to wake everyone up.

Kíli beamed. "Well, thank you very much for your help this morning, Lani."

Lani's tail wagged so quickly that it became a blur and she licked Kíli's nose again. The other three wolves got to their feet and wandered over, and by the time everyone was up all of Luno's brothers had names.

"That was really clever, Kíli," Merry grinned, reaching up to pat the smallest wolf – with the exception of Luno – now known as Koda.

"Thank you," Kíli replied, scratching behind the back of Lani's ears. Luno studied him for a moment before ducking in between the two of them. Lani growled at him in irritation, so Luno curled around to the other side of Kíli and bumped into his legs. "You know, knowing the names of your siblings doesn't mean I love you any less, Luno."

Lani made a huffing, laughter-like sound and stretched out, before prancing over to where Kenai and Denahi were exploring their surroundings.

"They seem in a particularly good mood today," Dís commented as she strode over. "Kíli, is your hair wet?"

"Yep," Kíli said simply. "We should be able reach Beorn's house today, maybe tomorrow. They probably know that they're getting close to home."

"That makes sense," his mother replied. "Now why do you look like you took a dip in the Great River."

"Because I did."

Her eyebrows rose. "You did?"

"It was an accident," Kíli insisted.

Dís narrowed her eyes at him for a long moment, before shaking her head. "I don't think I want to know, but be careful, Kíli."

"Pfft!" Kíli waved his hand. "I was fine, I can swim."

His mother put her hand on his cheek. "A river took you away from me before."

Kíli's heart fluttered and he smiled at her, pressing his palm further into his cheek. "It won't happen again. I'm sorry, Amad."

She smiled back. "Get the little ones ready, Kíli."

"Right you are," Kíli saluted.

They rode on and Kíli soldered his mask together. It was back in place by lunchtime, and not even Fíli could tell that there was anything wrong. To all those with him Kíli seemed fine, even more cheerful than usual. He laughed, he joked, he talked and he sang. When they finally came to rest for the day he played with the little ones until they were so tired that they went right off to sleep after dinner.

But Bilbo knew. Kíli did not know that Bilbo knew, but he did. He knew his son better than he knew himself, and when Kíli finished cleaning his dishes Bilbo made his move.

"Kíli, I was wondering if you'd come for a walk with me," he smiled, trying not to let his son know that there was anything wrong.

"Of course," Kíli grinned, striding over to him.

Dís watched them curiously as the two strode away, but Bilbo waited until he could no longer feel her eyes on their backs before he spoke.

"Kíli, you know that you can tell me anything."

"Of course," Kíli beamed at his father.

"If there was something wrong, you would tell me, wouldn't you?"

"Yeah, of course I would," said Kíli flippantly.

Bilbo pursed his lips together and continued walking. He did not want to pry, but he was concerned. Very concerned. "So why won't you?"

Kíli's step faltered and he stumbled, but he kept on walking in the direction that he stared. Ahead. "What are you talking about?"

"There's something wrong, Kíli. I'm not blind, I know you. Yet you won't tell me anything. Why?" the hobbit pushed quietly.

"There's nothing wrong," Kíli attempted to scoff. "I'm fine."

"But you're not," Bilbo insisted, swallowing. "Fine, you're not fine Kíli. You haven't been in a long time."

"I'm fine," snapped Kíli.

Bilbo stopped walking.

Kíli faltered. "Bilbo, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap, but I-"

"Look me in the eye and tell me that you're fine." Bilbo dared him, staring into Kíli's wavering eyes. "Just look at me and tell me that you're alright, that there's nothing wrong with you at all and that there's nothing, nothing you want to share with me."

His son's mouth dropped open ever so slightly and for the first time in months Bilbo saw Kíli lowering that strange new wall he had built to hide his feelings from everyone. There was vulnerability in his eyes, pain and fear, so much fear. He looked frightened, haunted, like the scared little boy that Bilbo had dragged out of the river so long ago. There was something wrong, something very, very wrong, and Bilbo could see it.

And then Kíli smiled, painted happiness onto his face and looked directly into Bilbo's eyes. "I'm fine, Bilbo. Really."

Bilbo's heart sank and he closed his eyes for a moment. "Alright… Fine…"

"Really, Bilbo," Kíli looped his arm through the hobbit's. "I'm fine."

Unable to bring a smile to his own face, Bilbo just sighed softly.

"Let's go back to the others," Kíli grinned, squeezing Bilbo's arm.

There was nothing Bilbo could do but return to the group and watch his son go and sit down with Fíli and Gimli. The evening wore on and Bilbo sat on his own, sending smoke rings up into the darkening sky.

It was Bofur that came around and sat next to him. "So…"

"So what?" Bilbo frowned.

"Why's Kíli avoiding you?" the dwarf asked casually.

Bilbo bristled. "That's none of your concern."

Bofur raised his eyebrows. "Oh?"

"No," the hobbit replied firmly.

"Is everything-"

"Fine, everything's fine," Bilbo snapped, standing up and brushing himself off angrily. To his horror, everyone else looked up at him, confused and startled. He swallowed and cleared his throat. "I'm just going to go for a walk. I'll be sure to steer clear of rivers."

With that, Bilbo lifted his chin up, turned around and stalked away. The last thing he saw before he disappeared off alone was Kíli's guilty eyes flicker to the floor.

That's all for today, folks! Please let me know what you think and what you'd like to see coming up with the next few chapters.

Thanks for reading :D