Chapter 2 - Recriminations and Burnt Chicken

The force of the blast had knocked Sam off his feet but he had managed to shield the little girl with his body from the rubble and debris showering him.

He couldn't hear the screams of his teammates; his ear piece had fallen out in the blast. When he managed to retrieve it he could hear the panic in Greg's voice as he frantically called Sam for his status.

"No harm, No harm he called into the headset; I have the little girl, but the boy ran back to his father just as the building exploded. Greg let out a heavy sigh - it would be up to him to convey the news to the mother who was waiting in the truck with uniformed officers. Greg had heard an ear-shattering scream come from the command truck following the explosion. This was not how he wanted the day to end and dreaded having to tell the mother that one of her children would not be going home with her. He was relieved, however, that his young officer had survived and had managed to save one of the children.

It was obvious the father and son had been killed in the blast. It had been a huge explosion which resulted in its partial collapse. This was the outcome the team had feared when they arrived on the scene; murder - suicide; the father had no intention of letting the children go; this was how he wanted to die and this was how he had wanted his children to die while their distraught mother looked on helplessly.

Sam handed the little girl to waiting paramedics. Greg looked at his young officer; "I thought you said you weren't injured?" noticing the wound to Sam's arm. "You did good Sam" Greg patted his shoulder "Go and get your arm checked".

"It's nothing boss; it's just a scratch". Sam replied.

EMS had been on scene and the little girl was quickly driven away to hospital with her mother. Sam was checked over and the wound to his arm dressed.

Sam saw Jules but she did not come over to him. He had never liked people fussing over him; yet he was surprised Jules had not come to him to see for herself he was OK. He could tell just by the expression on her face that she was angry with him, but he couldn't understand why.

Debriefing went on for hours. Jules making her point that the situation was volatile and unsafe and Sam should not have entered the building.

Greg knew too it had been a dangerous decision to allow Sam to attempt the rescue on his own and was thankful the little girl and Sam had survived. Ed had supported Sam's decision and had said it had been the only option if they were to rescue the children.

Sam had defended his actions saying the job was dangerous, but at the end of the day he had managed to save one child. The death of the little boy was playing heavy on Sam's mind. He replayed the events in his mind wondering if he could have done anything differently and saved the little boy.

He hated that the little boy lost his life to the one person who should have done everything to protect him.

As the debriefing continued; emotions started to run high. Jules had screamed at Sam saying he had taken a stupid risk. Ed had even been surprised at Jules outburst. He had tried to appease the situation, but Jules wasn't listening; all her venom and anger directed at Sam.

Ed had said it was his orders that Sam attempt the rescue of the children; she should, therefore, be directing her anger at him. She had disagreed and said Sam was the only one who had eyes in and could make that decision. It had been his decision and he had been irresponsible and reckless.

"Irresponsible and reckless! I saved a little girl's life today; isn't that supposed to be the job?" Furious, Sam headed off to the locker room with Ed following closely behind. Ed turned and stared at his female teammate "You're way out of line Jules". Everyone in the room stopped talking; the meeting was over.

Jules sat back down in her chair; everyone's eyes on her. She knew they all felt the same as Ed, but they didn't understand; they couldn't see inside her heart. Only one person could do that and he had stormed off and was in the locker room. She stood up and without saying a word headed to the female locker room.

Sam sat on the bench, his head bent. Right at that moment he did not care about the risk he took - all he cared about was that he had the boy in his arms and he dropped him and now he was dead; a ten year old boy who had been so brave helping his little sister was gone and there was nothing he could do to change it.

Ed had sat next to Sam and put his hand on Sam's shoulder. "I know this was a tough call Sam; You did good today and I'm proud of you. Jules will be fine, just give her time to calm down."

For Sam it wasn't about waiting for Jules to calm down - the moment had past when he had needed her. He had needed her to hold him and tell him she was sorry the boy had died, but she was happy he had saved the little girl and that he was alive. Instead she ignored him at the scene and screamed at him during debriefing.

"Crappy day" Sam said.

"Yeah, Sam, crappy day; go home and get some rest".

And now Jules wanted to go over it one more time in their house where they were supposed to be free of guilt and blame and where anything to do with the job was off-limits.

"Sam, I'm" Jules started to say, and then stopped herself. She was still so angry with Sam and she knew she would not be able to hide the anger from her voice.

"What Jules?, you're angry, yes I already know, you made it abundantly clear during the three hours of debriefing when all you said was how freaking angry you was. Don't you think I'm angry - I had him Jules, I had the boy safe in my arms and I lost him and now he's dead; he was a scared little boy and he ran to the one person he thought would never hurt him". Sam sat next to Jules on the bed and buried his head in his hands.

"Sam I'm sorry I shouldn't have been angry with you"

Sam looked at Jules and noticed she was crying, silent tears falling down her cheeks. "Jules tell me what's wrong".

"I'm tired of feeling scared all the time Sam; I want to feel normal".

Sam was confused "What do you mean 'normal'?"

She had been putting off telling him how she really felt; had compartmentalized it at the back of her brain but it kept trying to escape and today it had overwhelmed her. "I spent most of last year feeling completely terrified; terrified you were going to die in the hospital, and not make it back on the team; terrified Brian Coulson had killed you. And today, of all freaking days, I thought I lost you again".

"I know Jules, we had a tough year, but we're OK, we survived and we have to get on with our lives and our jobs and not let the past define us. Don't you think I feel scared every time we attend a call, scared that I may lose you to some idiot with a gun? We do a dangerous job - that's just the way it is; unless you want to work in an office and me to start selling cars?" Sam was trying to lighten the conversation, but her face didn't move; there was not even the tiniest hint of a smile from her mouth. Sam paused for a second, replaying what Jules had said to him: "What do you mean 'of all freaking days', what was so special about today?" Sam frantically searched his brain; had he forgotten something important; an anniversary, a birthday? Was this why she was so mad at him?

Jules turned and looked at Sam, her eyes searching his "Nothing" she said pulling away from him. Sam refused to relinquish his hold on her and wrapped both arms around her; not caring about the pain it caused his arm.

"Tell me Jules, tell me what's wrong - I can't help if I don't know why you are so sad?"

Jules knew then that she had mistaken anger for fear - absolute and all-consuming fear that she had lost Sam. The fear had engulfed her and had prevented her from seeing what she should have seen from the outset - Sam was suffering and how she acted had just added to his suffering. And yet, after all he had been through that day, he was still putting her feelings before his own.

"I'm not sad; just scared. I can't lose you Sam not now; not ever and I know we do a dangerous job but do you have to take stupid risks all the time?"

"Jules, it's our job - I get it that I scared you today, I do, and I'm sorry, but there is something you are not telling me; something has happened that has made you feel like this".

"I didn't want to tell you like this" Jules said

"Tell me what?"

Jules stayed silent; she could stay in his arms forever. She had never loved anyone the way she loved this man. She regretted how she had treated him today - he didn't deserve her anger but he did deserve her honesty. After a long pause, Jules finally looked at Sam.

"We're having a baby Sam".

Sam pulled away from their embrace and stared at Jules trying to comprehend what she had just said.

"We're having a baby?" Sam repeated unsure how he should react - On any other day this would have been the best news he could ever have asked for but today he just felt drained and sad. "When did you find out - why didn't you tell me?"

"I did the test this morning - I was going to tell you this evening over dinner but then the day went to hell: When you went into the building and it exploded all I could think was that you would never know you were going to be a father."

Sam pulled her to him and held onto her like his very life depended upon it. Jules could feel the wetness of his tears on her neck and knew just how very special the man holding onto her was; and how very lucky she was to have him.

"You OK Sam?" Jules asked eventually.

"I love you so much" Sam replied.

"I know you do; I love you too - I'm sorry I was so awful to you today - I let my fear of losing you cloud my judgment and I was wrong to do that to you. You needed me and I let you down."

"It's Ok; we can blame it on the hormones". Sam replied with just a hint of lightness in his voice and a small smile beginning to show on his face.

Sam put one arm around her shoulder and rested one hand on the small of her beautiful tummy. "There's really a baby Braddock in there?"

Jules leant her head on his shoulder: "Yes, there is; I need to see the doctor to confirm, but home pregnancy tests are pretty reliable; would it be too much to ask for you to stay alive long enough to see it being born?" Her tone lighter; her anger finally washed away with the joy that she was having a baby - Sam's baby.

Sam kissed her mouth - gently at first, then moving to her neck, his kisses becoming more intense. He could feel her body relax against the onslaught of his kisses. A small moan escaped from her lips and they finally let their bodies fall back onto the bed. Jules responded with her own kisses, moving from his neck to down his chest.

Sam suddenly stopped "Is this OK; is it alright to - you know - make love?"

"Of course it is" Jules breathlessly replied, still continuing to kiss his chest.

It was gentle; yet the most passionate they had ever made love.

They lay silent; Jules resting her head against Sam's shoulder. Sam was gently stroking her arm; his headache finally gone; He felt peaceful- finally allowing the day's events to be forgotten just for this evening. This evening belonged to them and their happiness. Tomorrow would be for everything else.

Jules was running her fingers along Sam's chest tracing the lines of his scars. They had faded over the last year, but they were still visible; a reminder just how fragile life was and how close she had come to losing him then and today. Jules was trying to ignore the anxious feeling she had in the pit of her stomach that Sam would never see their baby being born; she hoped it was just her hormones playing tricks with her mind.

"What's for dinner?" Sam asked

"Burnt chicken" Jules replied.

Both pagers started to bleep. Sam looked at the message "Burnt chicken will have to wait, we're needed back at SRU".

I'm sure you all guessed Jules was pregnant - However, much more to come. Hope you liked it - please let me know.