"Well, we used to hang about with those kids." I say and focus on the road. "And we used to go out all the time. We used to go out moshing together. There was a time when I was really depressed." I look at him and he nods.
"We kind of, tried self-harming."
I say when we reach traffic and his eyes go dark and he looks sad. "I only did it once. It hurt too much, so I didn't do it ever again."
He nods and looks at my wrists.
"I did it to my shoulder."
I say and keep my eyes on the road. "It was a huge mistake. Nobody knows I did it, except you and her." He nods. "She did it too. But she couldn't stop. She did it to her wrists, over and over, everytime I saw her she had new cuts on her wrists. It got worse and once I walked in when she made a really deep cut, she had to have it stitched up. Her family decided she needed professional help so we had a meeting and she agreed, they let me drive her to the hospital because I was going to the airport.
On the drive there, she begged me not to take her there, she asked me to take her with me to America. I left her there and i've felt so bad since." He keeps his eyes on the floor and I look down.
"Please don't judge me." I say again and a tear rolls down my cheek. I look up at the road and we continue driving in silence. He slides his hand on to mine on the steering wheel and I look at him. "I don't judge you." He says and I try not to burst out crying. We pull up at the rehab centre and he looks at me. I take out the keys and hand them to him. "Just don't crash my car." I say and get out. I fold my arms and start to walk accross the cold car park. I hear running behind me and he walks up to me. "I don't judge you" He says again and hugs me. "I'll see you after." He says with half a smile and I walk into the main office.
I sign in and a doctor brings me to her room. They leave us alone and I look at her. "Ciara." I say before clearing my throat. She looks up at me from her bed. "Hi." She says and continues staring at the ceiling. I look at her wrists, scars, nothing but scars. At least there is only scars. "I'm sorry I left you here." I say and a tear rolls down my cheek. "Don't be. I'm getting the help I need. You did me a favour." I half smile and she points at the TV. "I've been watching you." I half laugh.
"Yeah, because that doesn't sound creepy at all." She starts laughing. "They don't let me listen to rock music." I nod. "That sucks." I say and she nods. "Yeah." She says and scrunches up her mouth. "They'll let me listen to it in 6 weeks. I'm in some weird process where I have to cleanse myself of everything." I nod. "You saved me Nikki." She gets up and hugs me. "Tell me everything." She says and I smile and start telling her everything.
...
"...And then I had that dream." She laughs. "Well, I think you have a crush on him." I laugh. "Not Samuel." I say and she nods. "I have seen your interviews and the show." I half smile. "I don't like him like that." I say and she nods. "So, where is he now?" I shrug. "I gave him my car keys before I came in." She nods. "So he came with you to see me?" I nod. "Yeah." She half smiles. "Does he know about Mrs O'Driscoll? About Karla and Daniel?" I half nod. "He knows half of the story about Karla and Daniel, but he doesn't know anything about Mrs O'Driscoll." She nods. "I'm going to see them tomorrow." She looks up. "Mrs O'Driscoll?" I nod. "Yeah." She nods. "It's going to be ok." I smile. "And the same with you." I say and she half laughs. "I'm doing better." I nod. "Good." I say. "Ciara, your dinner is ready." I hug her and get up. "I'll talk to you soon." I say and she hugs me again. "Goodbye and Good luck." She says and I smile. "You too." I say with a wink and walk outside. I take out my phone and ring Samuel.
"Hey." I say and sit on a bench underneath a street light. "Hi, you ok?" He asks and I smile. "Yeah, she's away for her dinner." I hear him start the ignition. "Ok, I'll come get you now." I nod. "Thanks." I say before hanging up. I put my feet up and rub my hand over the scar on my shoulder. I see the headlights of my car and Samuel pulls up in front of me. He sticks his head out the window and smiles. I get up and get in beside him. "Well, you didn't crash my car, so you're doing something right." I say and he laughs. "Good to see you too." He says mockingly and starts driving. "Where are we going?" I ask and he shrugs. "For a drive." I nod and sit back. "So, hows it going with Ciara?" I smile. "Alot better." He nods. "Good, I'm glad." I smile and rest my head on his shoulder while he drives. He rubs my neck and I almost fall asleep. We park up on the top of a hill and I smile and turn around to him.
"I'm sorry I have so much history." I say and he laughs. "Not your fault." I smile. "Most of it is." I say and laugh. "I'm sorry I don't have enough history." I laugh. "It's better to have no baggage, than being a million times over your allocated limit." He smiles and sits rubbing my neck with his hand. My stomach rumbles and he laughs. "We need to get some food in your stomach." He says with a smile and starts driving.
"So how does it feel to drive on the right side of the road?" I ask and he laughs. "On the wrong side? fine." He says and winks. He turns on the radio and starts pulling at the little knob. "Does this thing work?" He asks and I nod. "Yeah, you're just doing it wrong." I say and put my hand on his. "You gotta go easy on it." I say and help him turn it round. "There." I say as Adele's Rolling In The Deep starts playing.
We both start singing at the top of our lungs, very badly and both burst out laughing. We get to a diner and get out. We see a massive The Glee Project Poster and take pictures of ourselves beside it and post them to twitter. We walk in and slide into a booth.
"So what did you do when I was with Ciara?" I ask and he shrugs. "I went to a couple of shops, nothing major." I nod and he sits twiddling his thumbs. "What's on your mind?" I ask and he shrugs. "Nothing." I nod. "Now tell me the truth." I say and he sighs. "Damian likes Lindsay." I nod. "I know." He smiles. "He doesn't want to say to her, because he doesn't know how she feels and he's worried she'll think it's just for publicity, or that it's just because everybody else is a fangirl." I smile. "I think she likes him to." He smiles. "I guess we're going to have to wait for the hurricane Toto." I nod. "Me too Pink Shorts." I say and play with his bracelet on my wrist. "What's on your mind?" He asks and I smile.
"Our gang used to have this motto: Good Luck & Good Bye." He nods. "It was, if you were going to commit suicide, or try to." His eyes go wide. "She reminds you of the gang?" I nod. "Do you want to be part of it again?" I shake my head. "Nope, I hate who I was then." He nods. "I'm worried she'll go back to them when she leaves." He nods. "She'll see sense." He says and grabs my fidgeting hand. I smile and his dark eyes go warm. The waitress comes over and takes our order.
"Can I get two barbecue ribs." I say and Samuel looks at me. "You ordered for me?" I nod. "Yeah." I say with a smile and she walks away. "Ok." He says and I laugh. "So, what is the plans for tomorrow?" I nod. "Well, my school has assembly every Wednesday morning, so, we'll go in and sit at the back. My principal will shout as you for wearing a hat, you'll take it off and we will go up on the stage, tell them what is going on and hopefully start a flash mob." He smiles. "Good idea." I laugh and he lets go of my hand when our plates are set down. "So where is Damian and Lindsay now?" He shrugs. "They were at Laura's last time I checked in." I nod and his eyes light up when he looks at his plate. "Wow." he says and I smile.
The cheque comes and I grab it. "Nuh-uh. I am buying dinner." I laugh. "I think you'll find, I am." He shakes his head. "I am." He snatches the reciept from me and takes out his wallet. "You have pounds?" He taps his stomach. "You don't need to be mean!" I laugh. "I mean the money in your hand." He looks at it and laughs. "Yeah." He pays for it and we walk back out to my car. "It's getting dark, i'll drive." I say with a smile and he nods. "Sure." I get in the drivers side and start the ignition.
We sit in silence for a few minutes and he turns to me in his seat. "So, who do you want to leave next?" I look at him. "What?" He smiles. "The show, who do you want out of the house?" I hit his arm. "You shouldn't talk like that." He scrunches his eyebrows. "Karma's a bitch." I say with a smile and he laughs. "I want Alex out." I nod at him. "He is an amazing singer, and he can hit the high notes, but he thinks he is so much better than the rest of us. I know he is better than me, but he has these stupid competitions in the guys dorm at night, him and Matheus sit trying to see who can hit the highest notes." I nod.
"What do you girls do?" He asks and I smile. "Well, we usually walk around in our underwear and have pillowfights." I say and his eyes almost pop out of his head. "Don't be so mean." I laugh. "We just go to sleep, which sucks. I know there isn't as much tension because there is only 4 girls now, but 3 of them want to be well rested." He nods. "And you're not one of them?" I shrug. "I like chilling out and talking or even just playing a game of air hockey or something, even if we could jam together, anything." He nods. "That would be so cool. We all sit and talk-" I interupt him. "What about?" He shrugs. "Guy stuff." I nod. "Like what?" He smiles. "Nosey!" I nod. "You still aren't answering my question." He laughs. "You lot." I nod. "That doesn't make us self conscious at all." He giggles. "What do you talk about, when you talk about us?" He looks at me with a straight face. "Well, Matheus imagines you all in your underwear." I nod. "I didn't need to know that." He laughs as I pull up and I smile. "You know what Sam? For what was going to be a really depressing evening, I had fun." I say and he smiles. "Me too." I open the door but he taps my shoulder. "That thing about us talking about you girls, nobody needs to know." I nod. "My lips are sealed." I say and he nods.
We get out and I walk into my house, he sits with my dad and I take out the adoption papers. I look over them one last time and walk into the sitting room with them. "Dad." I say and Samuel looks at me. "Yeah?" He asks and I half smile and walk towards him. "I know I call you Dad, and you treat me like your own, and I love you and I want to make things official." I manage to get out and he looks at me. "I want to legally be your daughter." He smiles and gets up to hug me. I hug him and hand him the papers. "Please read these." I say and he smiles and sits back down. "If I sign these will it all be legal?" I nod and so does he. He opens the back of it and signs everywhere that I have marked for him. "There you go." He says with a smile and nods. "Now go and do something with your childhood." I smile and Samuel gets up. "Movie and popcorn?" I ask and he smiles. "Sounds great." He says back and I walk into my room to get changed and he knocks the door while I put my hair up in a bun. "I'll go get the popcorn." I say and he shrugs. "I will." I nod and put in a movie. He walks back in and I jump up onto my bed. "Well come on then." I say and tap the bed beside me. He smiles and sits up beside me. We open the pop corn and I take a handful. His sits tweeting and when he is finished I hit play.
