A/N – I know, I've been M.I.A. and I am so, so sorry. All I can say is work has me tied up 24-7 and getting through the chapters takes some time. Please be patient. I promise to finish this story. These two mean too much to me.
Everyone that's still reading and reviewing, I love you guys and thanks for sticking with me.
Chapter song: No Light, No Light by Florence and the Machine
Through the crowd I was crying out and in your place there were a thousand other faces.
I was disappearing in plain sight. Heaven help me, I need to make it right
Bella's stomach twisted in knots as she pulled down the dirt road leading to Singer's Auto Salvage. It had become a second home for her, many a late nights spent with Bobby, Sam, and Dean, working on cases. She'd fallen asleep on the sofa a handful of times, waking up to find herself covered in a threadbare quilt. Bobby would never take the place of Charlie, but it was nice having a father figure so close by. He was kind of like that drunken, hard-ass uncle she never knew she wanted. Despite her abandonment issues and the inability to verbalize her feelings, Bella loved the ornery, old coot, even if she never came right out and said it. So instead she made home-cooked meals for the boys and cleaned up around the house. For the first time it didn't just feel like a home, it looked like one too. Bobby had told her he'd pretty much do anything for her to make that meatloaf again, and now she was about to cash in on that. It made her sick knowing she was going to use him, but she didn't have many options. She could just ask him to help, but she needed to do this on her own.
The cruiser came to a stop in front of the house and Bella got out and walked around to the trunk. Instead of finding shot guns, bulletproof vests, and other police equipment, it was filled with grocery bags. She looped the handles around her forearms and trudged up the steps. Using her hip and one hand, she managed to open the front door without much of a fuss.
"Bobby?" she called, walking into the house and making her way to the kitchen.
Bella placed the bags on the small kitchen table and walked down the hall. "Bobby, you here?"
Shrugging, she walked back into the kitchen and stood at the sink, turned the water on, and started washing her hands. Lifting her head, she brought her gaze to the window above the sink and noticed Bobby's old, beat-up truck was nowhere to be found. Her timing couldn't have been more perfect. She grabbed a dish towel from the front of the oven and wiped her hands quickly. Tossing it on the counter, Bella rushed to the stairs.
She ascended them two at a time and before she knew it she was standing in front of Dean's room. Sam wasn't old enough to remember Mary, so chances were he didn't have anything that belonged to her. Pausing with her hand on the knob, Bella took a deep breath steeling herself. Deceit wasn't a good look on her, but she didn't have another choice. Hopefully she could be quick about this and no one would be the wiser.
Bella let herself in and scanned the room. Her eyes caught the nightstand and she immediately went over and pulled open the top drawer. A rattling noise echoed through the room as stray .45 rounds rolled around the bottom of the drawer. There were some of Dean's fake IDs and a tube of Chapstick, but nothing that looked like it could belong to Mary. Bella pulled back the covers on the bed, lifted the pillow, and even checked under the mattress. Nothing. Getting down on all fours, Bella started to search the floor for any loose floorboards. That was where she'd hide something that she didn't want to get rid of but was too painful to see every day.
Maybe it was something as simple as a piece of clothing. Bella walked over to the closet and opened the door. A sea of muted colors hung in the closet: a navy button-down, an Army green twill jacket, and a few dark plaid shirts. Running her hands through the shirts, she pulled the sleeve of one to her face and inhaled Dean's scent. Closing her eyes, savoring the smell, she invoked images of Dean. Dean bracing his weight on his forearms as he stared down at her with such amazement; each and every time was like the first time, like he couldn't believe it was actually happening. The time they were sitting on Bobby's couch and Dean completely caught her off guard, leaned over and kissed her midsentence. The way he held his hand at the small of her back when they were walking into a building together. The food fight at the diner. He'd taken her last French fry so she dipped her finger in the ketchup and smudged it on his cheek. He got her back with the mustard and before they knew it, they were stripping out of their clothes in the backseat of the Impala, giggling, touching, and feeling like two sixteen-year-olds. The last memory was the most recent and it assaulted her, wiping the smile off her face and stripping the warmth from her soul. The pain and confusion in Dean's eyes when she pressed her hand up against the glass and he met hers.
She shook her head, clearing her mind, and remained on task. Crouching down, she moved the clothing around to see if anything was hidden in back. Empty handed, she stood up and was ready to give up until she noticed the shelf above. She stood on her tiptoes and reached around. There was a wooden box in the far corner. Her fingertips crawled along the top, inching closer. Squeezing her eyes shut and letting out a little grunt, she finally grasped the box.
Bella pulled the box down and cradled it in her hands as she backed up toward the bed. She sat down on the mattress and slowly opened it.
~o~
Time had stopped. All the letters were strewn across the bed, each one gripping her heart and giving it a firm squeeze. The air in the room felt impossibly heavy as Bella struggled to breathe. Her whole life was in front of her eyes in a series of letters and Polaroids from Charlie.
What the fuck, Dean! She wasn't really talking to anyone, but the words shattered the crippling silence. Dean had known her, her whole life and never once mentioned it. Never once thought that would be something she might want or need to know. When they'd first run into each other back in Forks, he'd played it like he never even knew she existed. Was this all a game to him? … because then you won't be able to save Dean … Mary Winchester's words slithered up and down her spine, chilling her to the core and settling in her mind. Was he using her?
"Bells?" Bobby's gruff voice called from downstairs.
She sat on the bed, staring off at nothing as she gripped the last letter Charlie wrote—the one asking if Dean knew anything about the Cullens. Bobby had come up the stairs unnoticed and stood in the doorway. Bella didn't even try to hide what she was doing.
"Balls!" he grunted and came over to sit beside Bella.
Bella turned to face him, her eyes filled with tears. "Why does Dean have these?" She motioned at the mess around her. "Has he been … watching me? My whole life … has he known …"
Bobby frowned and took her in his arms. "Charlie kept in touch with John over the years. They're friends. We all are."
It felt like a hole had been punched through her heart. She knew it was completely normal for friends to keep in touch, share details about their family. But why hadn't he said something? What was he trying to hide? The fact that Dean held onto the letters and pictures made her feel violated, like he was privy to some part of herself that she didn't even know she was sharing. The pictures and letters painted a life that was never hers. Maybe it could have been, but not now. Bella didn't even recognize that bright-eyed little girl. Her heart thundered in her chest wondering if that was who Dean saw when he looked at her. She could never get to that place again, she was too hard, too broken, and Dean was in love with a girl that didn't exist.
Pushing him away, she straightened her back and looked at him. "But why does Dean have these?" She stressed his name.
Shrugging, Bobby said, "That I can't answer. You'll have to ask him. What were you looking for anyway?"
She stood up. "I need something of Mary's," she said in a calm voice, as if her world hadn't just turned on its axis.
"Mary Winchester?" Bobby furrowed his brow. "Why would you …" Bella spun around. Her nostrils flared and she stared down at him. "I don't think there is anything. They lost it all in the fire …"
Putting his hands up in a surrender, Bobby nodded. "Alright, alright. I'll go check and see if there's anything in the stuff John keeps here."
Bella put away the groceries in the kitchen while she waited for Bobby to return. Bobby went to the basement and went through John's things. Some of the cardboard boxes were wet and musty. Most of it was just old clothes. He did find an old ammo can and he opened it up thinking he'd see some hunting stuff.
Bobby came back up and tossed something on the kitchen table. The jingle caused Bella to turn around. Her eyes followed the noise and she stalked over to it. She picked up the delicate piece of jewelry, twirling the silver charms in her fingers.
Her eyebrows knitted together. "This was hers?" She focused on the charm that resembled Dean's anti-possession tattoo. "She was a hunter?" Bella asked.
"I didn't think she was ..." Bobby ran a hand over his beard. "You'll have to ask John."
Smirking, Bella said, "Why don't I ask her?"
~o~
Bella put a piece of paper with the ritual circle on drawn on it in the center of the floor. Bobby had helped her move the living room furniture out of the way so they were left with an open space. She set up four candles at each corner of the paper and placed a small metal bowl at its side. The last step was Mary's bracelet at the center of the circle.
Circling the objects on the floor, surrounding them with salt, Bella recited the Latin incantation. "Amate spiritum obscure. Te quaerimus. Oramus nobiscum colloquere. Apud nos circita."
Backing away, Bella stood up and struck a match, tossing it at the center without burning the paper.
The flames grew and engulfed the circle but died suddenly. Standing in their wake was Mary Winchester. Bella gasped when she came face to face with her. Mary was beautiful, just like Dean had said. It wasn't her beauty that took her breath away, it was the resemblance. As she stared at Mary, it felt like Dean was staring back at her.
Mary smiled brightly. "Hello, Bella."
When she finally composed herself, Bella asked, "So how do we keep Dean from going to Hell?"
A delicate laugh left Mary's mouth. The corner of her eyes crinkled as she smiled. "You get right to it, don't you? I can see why Dean's so taken with you."
"Look, I've got some trust issues to begin with, especially with spirits. Can you help me or not?"
"Dean can't go to Hell." Mary's voice turned serious, as did her eyes.
"Obviously." Bella huffed. "So tell me how to get him out of his deal."
"Just because Dean can't go, doesn't mean someone won't …"
"Enough with cryptic crap. What are you saying? Someone needs to take his place?"
"Not someone." Mary looked down, her lips forming a sad smile. "You."
Bella's jaw set in a hard line and she nodded. "Me. I need to go to Hell instead of Dean. Why?"
"If Dean goes, he's going to break the first seal. Maybe not right away … but he will. They'll use you to get to him. He'll crack and he'll start torturing souls. The first seal shall be broken when a righteous man sheds blood in Hell."
Swallowing thickly, Bella's shoulders collapsed. She hung her head as she contemplated Mary's words. "What seal? How do you know I won't break it?"
"There are sixty-six of them. They seal Lucifer's cage. Break one and the rest will follow. Each of us has a destiny, and yours is to stop this from happening."
Shaking her head, Bella started to back away from the circle. "You're lying …"
"Angels have pretty loud mouths." Mary laughed. She stilled as her eyes darkened. Lowering her voice to a whisper, she said, "This isn't just about saving Dean anymore, Bella. This is about saving the world."
Bella narrowed her eyes, forcing a fake smile. "So that's it? Give up my life for everyone else?" Suddenly she felt that weight Dean had been carrying around with him. Why was it their job to save everyone? Why wasn't she allowed to be happy?
"There's a ritual. You need Dean's blood, but once you have it, you can do it any time. The Hellhounds will have your scent instead of his. When they come for Dean, they'll be taking you."
Of course, she thought bitterly, insecurities clouding her mind. Maybe she was being used after all.
"And then I go to Hell and try not to break the seal."
"You won't." She reached down to pick up the bracelet and held it in her hand. Memories of a life before John Winchester caused a smile to form on her lips. Mary Campbell was a force to be reckoned with. Despite the hunter legacy flowing through her blood, Mary was a natural—a hard-ass with a heart of gold. Dean was a lot more like Mary than he knew, but Bella and Mary were kindred spirits, both sacrificing their life for the ones they loved. Looking up at Bella, she extended her arm. "Here, you should wear this."
Bella shook her head. "I can't …"
"It may come in handy."
There was a loud clack and Mary was gone, but the bracelet was left on the floor.
E/N – Next chapter should be up before Christmas.
