Hey everyone! Thank you for the lovely response to the last chapter, I appreciate it so much! A special thanks goes out to Dojoson, Hermione Granger and my unnamed guest reviewers to whom I could not personally reply!
I'm sorry this took a while again, second year is crazy busy. As such I am exhausted, so forgive my common and stupid mistakes.
Please Read, Enjoy and Review!
Chapter One Hundred and Two # Love, Actually #
"Well, that was an interesting day…"
Dís smiled at Bilbo as he re-entered the company room. "Indeed, it was."
"And there are further celebrations tomorrow?"
"Yes, the festival will last for three days. I have told you that several times already…"
He smiled sheepishly as he collapsed onto the sofa beside her. "I know, I'm sorry…. I'm so tired I can't think straight, I'm afraid. I'm not sure I'll last for three whole days. Did you know it took me half an hour to bathe Frodo tonight? There was so much soot that the water around him turned grey. It would've been black if you hadn't given us a pool for a bathtub."
She laughed. "Ah, I bet he hated the experience as much as you did."
Bilbo sniffed. "Yes, well I could have done with sympathy. Not being splashed in the face."
"Is that why your nakhdu id'ubd is gone?"
"Yes," Bilbo ran a hand over his bare face. "I thought I may as well bathe myself while I was there."
"Shame," the corner of her mouth twitched into a smile. "I rather liked your makeup."
Bilbo blushed slightly and raised his eyebrows. "Oh? You didn't think I looked like a child playing dress-up?"
"Not at all," she shook her head. "You can relax though. Tomorrow you don't have to wear such ceremonial garb if you don't want to."
"So I don't have to get up at the crack of dawn?"
"No, you don't," Dís laughed softly.
"Will you be getting up at the crack of dawn?"
Her smile softened further. "Perhaps…"
"I don't understand how you do it," Bilbo shook his head. "I truly don't. Don't you ever stop to breathe?"
"That's what the Shire was for."
"You're incredible," Bilbo could not help but blurt out.
Dís looked up in surprise and smiled. "Oh, you think so do you?"
Trying not to blush, Bilbo smiled and looked down at his lap, if only to buy himself time to figure out what his slip of the tongue had gotten him into. "Every so often it crosses my mind, yes."
"Well, thank you," Dís' lips pressed together into a small grin.
Silence fell, and though silence was usually amicable and easy to the both of them, Bilbo felt awkward. He did not know whether Dís felt the same way – she was smiling down at her hands, but she said nothing.
He was saved by the smattering of footsteps on the floor as Nelly burst into the room and looked around for somewhere to hide. Her mother's voice chased her.
"Pimpernel Took!"
"No!" the child yelled, darting behind Dís' chair. "No, I don't want to!"
"What is this all about?" Dís' eyebrows raised as Ellie walked through the door.
"Pimpernel!" Ellie's voice was cold as ice, and it was clear that this argument was about more than mischief. "I'm so sorry, Dís, Bilbo. I'm warning you, Pimpernel, if you do not get here by the count of three, you-"
"No!" Nelly cried, tears springing to her eyes as she stamped on the floor. "No, I won't do it! I don't wanna have a bath, I don't!"
"Pimpernel…"
"No, you'll take it all off, you'll take it all away!"
"Get… here… now…" Ellie growled.
"No, I wanna, I wanna be like Dís, I wanna be a warrior princess!"
"If you want to be a warrior princess, Nelly, you must be quiet now and compose yourself," Dís said gravely. "That is no way to talk to your mother."
Nelly's lip wobbled. "But she wants to take my nakhdu id-'ubd off, and take my hair out!"
"I've already told you, your hair can stay how it is," Ellie replied sharply. "But yes, the nakhdu id-'ubd is coming off tonight because I warned you that would happen if you didn't get in the bath when I told you to."
"I don't want you to take it off!"
"You've already lost that right, Nelly," Dís' voice was almost as sharp as Ellie's. "But perhaps if you gather yourself she'll be so forgiving as to allow you to put more on tomorrow. If you want to be a warrior princess you must learn to mind your manner and respect your mother."
Nelly looked torn, but then her shoulders slumped. "I… I'm sorry Mama."
Ellie pursed her lips. "Thank you for apologising. Now come here."
Taking a deep breath, Nelly shuffled across the room and stood by her mother's side. "So… uh…. Can I have more tomorrow?"
Ellie laughed humourlessly. "Get yourself to the bath and then straight to bed without any more fuss I'll consider it."
"Thank you Mama," Nelly wiped her face, sniffed then waved at Dís and Bilbo. "Night-night!"
"Goodnight," Bilbo and Dís chimed.
"I'm so sorry," Ellie sighed as Nelly ran out.
"Don't worry about it," Dís smiled. "You get a good night's sleep tonight, you look tired."
"I'll try," the younger woman smiled slightly. "I'll try… Goodnight, both of you."
Soon enough, they were left alone again.
A sudden thought hit Bilbo and he could not help but say, "Dís, forgive me for asking, but what was he like? Your husband?"
"Finn?" she blinked. "Why do you ask?"
"I don't know," Bilbo said. "I honestly don't, and if you don't want to answer of course that's fine-"
"Funny," interrupted Dís. "Finn was funny. But kind, he was kind too. He was my best friend, Bilbo. My best friend. Very playful, but very clever and a wonderful listener. An amazing listener actually. You could find him sitting in the corner watching everything in silence with a smile and a mug of ale, but you were just as likely to find him dancing on the bar."
Bilbo's stomach churned. "He sounds wonderful."
"He was…" Dís paused. "I think you would've gotten along with him."
"It sounds like it…"
"Bilbo… do you think the dead can see us?"
Bilbo looked over at her, but Dís' eyes were trained on the fireplace. "I… I don't know. Honestly, I have no idea…"
"I think he'd be happy, if he could see…" Dís murmured. "He'd be happy that Kíli was living with you. He… he would hate that, he would hate what happened… He would hate that his baby was hurt, that his baby was taken away, but he…" Dís' voice trailed off a little, and her hand was shaking as it wiped a tear away from her eye. "He would be glad that Kíli has a father, even if it couldn't be him. And he would be glad that it was you."
Bilbo swallowed, completely at a loss for what he could possibly say. He followed the only thing that instinct was telling him to and reached out to take her hand. She looked up and smiled slightly.
"He'd be so proud of Kíli… so grateful to you. For both our boys."
"I'm glad," Bilbo mumbled through the lump in his throat. "I'm so glad you think so."
Dís took a deep breath and tilted her head back. She wiped her face and squeezed Bilbo's hand with a smile. "Thank you, Bilbo."
He frowned. "For what?"
She smiled sadly. "Talking to me about Finn… I'm surrounded by people whose idea of grieving is to never speak again of the ones they've lost."
"Oh, well… Anytime you'd like to talk to someone, I'm happy to listen," Bilbo promised.
"Thank you. He should not be forgotten."
"No, he shouldn't." Bilbo put the clenching knots in his belly down to sympathy. "It doesn't do to forget the ones we have lost."
"You lost your parents, didn't you?"
"The same day I found Kíli."
"And yet you found the strength to look after him?"
Bilbo took a deep breath. "I hate to admit it, but at first it was a distraction. I didn't have to think about losing them if I was thinking about Kíli. It soon became more than that of course… I remember the first storm we had since I found him. I was just…completely overwhelmed. He had a bath and when he came out, I was crying and he sat in my lap and cuddled me all evening, and it was then that I realised for the first time that he was more than distracting me. He was holding me together."
Dís squeezed his hand.
"I remember how scared I was," Bilbo admitted. "When Dwalin first knocked on my door… Even before then I was so sure he would leave me sooner or later, but when dwarves started pouring in I was absolutely terrified that he would fly the nest and never look back. That he wouldn't need me anymore…"
She paused. "See, that's the only thing that saddens me about you and Kíli."
Bilbo blinked, taken aback. "I beg your pardon? What… what do you mean?"
"You have such a low opinion of yourself and I have no idea why," Dís stared at him. "It's sad. And it's sad that Kíli's picked that up too."
Bilbo's heart froze and then dropped through his stomach. "You don't… you don't think that he, he feels that because I-"
"No," she said firmly. "It was in him even as a child. By seeing it from you… I think it merely reinforced things."
Craning his neck towards the door, Bilbo swallowed. Then Dís' hand tightened around his hand and she tapped his knee.
"Hey… I do not mean that you are at any fault. I remember Fundin telling me once that everyone damages their children psychologically. As a parent, you can only try to damage them as little as possible."
Bilbo raised an eyebrow despite his throbbing heart. "Are you trying to make me feel better? That is the most morbid take on parenting that I have ever heard."
Dís laughed. "No, it is merely a statement of truth. It's not your fault, in any way, and that is not why I said it. All I meant is that it saddens me you both feel that way. Neither of you need to. But I am sorry for bringing it up. Let's change the subject, shall we?"
Bilbo cleared his throat. "Yes, of course. Did you know that Frodo is convinced of a career path that he wishes to follow?"
"No, I did not!" Dís looked surprised, and a little offended. "He hasn't told me."
"He wants to be an oliphaunt tamer."
"An oliphaunt tamer? Where on earth did he get that idea from?"
"The book of fairy-tales of Arda, the one that Kíli brought back for Merry. They read a story the other night about Ellie the Oliphaunt, and now Frodo's convinced that he's going to train the things."
Dís shook her head slightly. "Does he know how big they are?"
"He says that he does," Bilbo grinned. "He says that he does…"
Rather suddenly, Bilbo became aware that he was still holding Dís' hand. A lump grew in his throat and he coughed, retrieving his hand with the pretence of covering his mouth. Something flickered in Dís' eyes, but he could not tell what. She opened her mouth, and then the door opened.
"G'd evenin'," Kíli yawned and smiled, loping across the room to flop down on the floor before his parents. The lad sighed happily, shuffling until he was nestled against Bilbo's legs.
"Good evening," Bilbo said, amused. "Can you not see the plentiful armchairs scattered around the room?"
"Mmhm, of course I can, but I'm happy here."
Bilbo smiled and began to play with his son's hair. "You're a funny little thing…"
"I know," Kíli beamed. "It's why you love me."
"One of the reasons," Bilbo admitted readily, his fingers moving forward to gently stroke the blossoming bruise above Kíli's eye. "How's your head?"
Kíli snorted. "I feel like Uncle Thorin just hit me in the face with an axe. Oh, wait…"
"Don't jest about these things," Dís tutted. "You're very, very lucky it wasn't the blade that hit you."
"I know," Kíli promised. "But it was really quite funny."
Bilbo flicked the back of the dwarf's head. "No, it wasn't."
Kíli laughed a little and closed his eyes, sighing happily.
"Kíli."
"Mmmh…"
"You are much too big for me to carry you to bed, so if you fall asleep-"
"You'll just have to sleep here because I'm a dead weight against your legs." Kíli finished. "I know."
"My legs will fall asleep!"
"Just like the rest of you," Kíli soothed, patting Bilbo's knee.
Bilbo leant back in his seat. "Alright then."
"Do you know what I thought? When I saw the dragon?" mumbled the young dwarf.
"What?"
"Honestly, I thought 'there goes Puff!'"
"Really?" Bilbo laughed. "You have fought the 'mighty Smaug' yet when someone shouts dragon the first thing you think is that it was Puff?"
"Puff? Who is Puff?" Dís frowned.
"Sing the song!" Kíli cried with the enthusiasm of one of his much younger friends.
"No," Bilbo shook his head. "Absolutely not."
"Go on, Bilbo!" Kíli crooned. "Please! Today, of all days, sing me my song!"
"What song?"
To Bilbo's abject horror, Dís sounded genuinely curious.
"A lullaby that I wrote when you were a child," he said firmly. "I'm not singing it now."
"Please," Kíli said in that little voice that always got his way. "I just got adopted today and then I got hit with an axe! Please?"
"Oh, go on, Bilbo," Dís leant forward a little.
"Fine," Bilbo grumbled, glaring at the door and praying that no one walked in.
He began to sing, and the fireplace burnt down to its embers.
The song rang through Dís' head long after Bilbo finished singing, and long after their conversations drifted away into gentle snores. She stared with a soft smile at the hobbit and the dwarf, asleep on and off the chair, and despite her concern for their backs she did not have the heart to move them.
So Dís stood up and kissed Kíli's forehead. His nose twitched and he hummed happily in his sleep. Then she looked at Bilbo and her breath caught in her throat.
Then she turned and walked away. The sensations in her stomach and chest and throat were ones she had not felt for decades, not since Finn, and fear was getting stronger.
What was she doing? What was she even thinking?
In truth, Dís did not know.
"Enough," she whispered. "That's enough now."
Even so, her muddled heart disagreed.
Guess what film I was watching while finishing this?
So… I've been hinting and building up to this for a while but I have been very hesitant so I hope you enjoyed it. Sorry this chapter's so short, but I'll update as soon as I can. I'm on Christmas holidays now and deadlines have finally slowed down a little :) I hope you enjoyed it, please let me know what you think!
