A/N = Howdy! Long time no see, huh? I feel like it's been forever. But I said I would finish this story, and that's exactly what I plan to do. Expect some more updates in the very near future. Oh and Happy Winchester Wednesday!
Chapter song: Voices by Matt Skiba
Chapter 21
All the guilt that you felt smiling down from above,with a pit inside you deeper than Hell.
It's a crime, all the time you've just been blaming yourself. All is fine in the shrine of mystery and doubt.
Dawn washed the sky in early pink light as Dean drove down the interstate, heading back to Bobby's. He looked over at Bella, a side smirk finding its way onto his lips as he thought about their reunion in the woods. Reaching across the console, he grabbed Bella's hand and smiled as she tightened her delicate fingers around his. There were a few bumps on the road and Bella's body jostled in the seat, the silver charms of her newly acquired bracelet jingling with the motion.
The sound caught Dean's attention and his fingertips brushed along the cool metal. "Is that new?"
Bella protectively pulled her arm away and cradled it on her lap. "Yeah … sort of."
He knew his girl well, and if the tone of her voice wasn't a dead giveaway something was up, what he saw when he tore his eyes away from the road surely was. She had a hand wrapped around her wrist, effectively covering the bracelet, and she worried her bottom lip between her teeth. The hunch of her shoulders screamed something big was weighing her down.
Dean gripped the steering wheel and pushed his back against the seat. "What aren't you telling me?"
Dark brows dipped together as Bella let out a huff. "Nothing. I think you spent too much time locked up and are reading into things. Let's just get back to Bobby's so you can have a home-cooked meal and not have to sleep with one eye open, okay?" She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.
~o~
Sam and Bobby sat at the kitchen table digging into the chicken pot pie Bella had made before they left to get the boys. With mouths full of food, they both looked up like the cat that ate the canary as Bella walked into the kitchen.
"Sorry, Bella," Sam mumbled between bites. "I couldn't wait. Food in jail is as horrible as you can imagine."
She raised an eyebrow at Bobby. "And what's your excuse?"
"I was hungry." He bowed his head and continued to shovel food into his mouth.
Instead of entering the kitchen, Dean slammed the front door and trudged up the steps leading to his room.
"You guys are still fighting?" Sam asked with a puzzled brow.
Bella swallowed, trying to process her words. "I don't know yet."
Sam wiped his mouth with a napkin and then got up to dump his empty plate in the sink. "Want me to talk to him?"
Playing with the charms on her bracelet, she shook her head. "No, there's something I need to tell him."
Bobby tore his eyes from his plate to the jingling sound at Bella's wrist. His eyes held a warning, but Bella offered him a small smile. She whispered under her breath, "It's time."
"Balls."
Sam looked from Bella to Bobby and asked, "What's going?"
Bella left with the sound Bobby's frustrated sigh lingering in the air.
~o~
She tried knocking, but there was no answer, so she just pushed the door open. Dean lay on the bed, headphones on, tortured green eyes staring at the ceiling.
"Dean?"
Even though he couldn't hear her over the screaming electric guitars and heavy drum beats, he knew she was there. The smell of her smoky vanilla perfume filled the tiny space of his room, and his stomach started to flip just like every time she was near.
His gaze moved to the woman that had captured his heart, standing in the doorway looking so small, but he knew better. She was fierce and strong and had the power to deliver the deadliest of blows. It was bound to happen, and a part of him was relieved. At least he was the one breaking. He'd never be able to live with the guilt of breaking her heart. Dean Winchester and 'happily ever after' went together just about as well as bananas and anchovies.
Removing his headphones, he tossed them on the bed beside him and slowly sat up. He turned away from her and sat on the edge staring at the wall. "Just get it over with."
"What?" She stepped into the room and walked toward him.
He turned to face her and the confusion-filled brown eyes almost caused him to falter. "Look, whatever this was between us … we had a nice run. But time's running out, sweetheart. I'm going to Hell and you're gonna live your life. Let's just keep things strictly business from here on out."
"Dean …"
The broken softness to her voice intensified his inherent need to protect her. He found himself getting to his feet without thinking and closed the distance between them.
"Forget about me going to Hell and think about this for a second. We're both damaged goods, Bells. I basically stalked you for years. I might as well have just sat there and watched you sleep like that creepy bloodsucker. And yeah, I know he did that because I was outside watching him watch you. How fucked is that? Then he left you so emotionally crippled. You can't even tell me you love me."
Bella's mouth opened to speak, but she couldn't form any words. That's what he thought? That she didn't love him, that she was there to break things off. The absurdity of it caused a laugh to bubble up from her chest.
Dean steeled his eyes on her, his jaw set in hard line. Not exactly the reaction he was expecting. "It is pretty laughable isn't it?" His voice was gruff, effectively hiding the hurt.
Lowering her lashes, she shook her head, smiling. "Shut up, Dean." She advanced toward him, pushing him back against the closet door.
Trapped, Dean looked at her with wide eyes.
She gripped his face between her hands and looked at him. The words were right on her tongue; they had been for a while, but it was never the right time or her own emotional hang-ups got the better of her. Staring at the broken man that changed her whole world, she knew she'd sacrifice herself and more importantly her heart.
"I love you. I don't know when it happened, and obviously my timing is really fucking shitty, but I love you and right now that's all we have."
But that wasn't completely true. Thanks to Mary's revelation, Bella had a plan and in some backwards kind of way, her love would save Dean's life.
After a deep exhale from Dean, Bella pulled his face into hers, planting her lips on his in a passion-driven, lust-filled kiss.
Just like always, they lost themselves to the moment and completely forgot about everything else.
Hands roamed.
Bodies pushed.
Hearts pounded and spread love through veins tangled close.
~o~
Spent and sated, Bella fell asleep in Dean's arms, her head lying on his bare chest. He should have been just as exhausted, the overwhelming feeling of love and being loved satisfying and full. But Dean lay there staring up at the ceiling again, feeling the deep-sleepy breaths of his girl, and knew nothing had changed. Her love built him up, but in the end it was only going to tear him back down. He needed to be strong, unwavering, when his time was up. He couldn't look back or think about the people he was leaving behind. Now that she had told him she loved him, how was he supposed to leave knowing he'd be taking her heart with him?
His gaze fell to the only woman he ever loved, besides his mother of course. The way her head fit perfectly on the contours of his chest, dark hair splayed across the pillow leaving a silky smooth trail. He brought his fingers to her face, tracing the delicate features, then moved to the shell of her ear. They were so small and fairy-like. He smiled thinking of Bella sporting a Tinkerbell outfit and instantly felt himself harden. Fingers caressed the curve of her neck, brushed over her shoulder, and down her arm. Cool metal under his fingertips drew his attention to the mysterious new charm bracelet she sported. Different charms slid through his fingers and something felt oddly … familiar. Not that he remembered seeing it, but rather feeling it. Racking his brain for a memory he couldn't find, Bella started to rouse.
Instead of completely waking, she nestled into him. "Dean, baby…" she hummed.
She might have still been half asleep, but the way she said his name, the breathy whisper full of love and devotion, it was a lot like the way his mother used to talk to him. And then something clicked.
A flash of a toddler in an "I love hugs" tee sat at a kitchen table patiently waiting for his lunch.
"Here you go, Dean, baby," she said as she placed a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in front of him.
Three-year-old Dean smiled up at his mother and then looked down at his plate. His bright green eyes caught a glimmer of silver, a charm bracelet dangling from her wrist. It jingled with her movement and Dean pointed.
"Dat?" Big round eyes questioned his mother.
Mary looked down at her wrist and frowned. It was time to take it off. Dean had always been super observant, but now he was asking questions. Mary's past had to remain just that … in the past. The safety of her family depended on it.
She quickly unclasped the bracelet and shoved it into her apron pocket. "Nothing, sweetie." Brushing his hair out of his face, she smiled. "Finish your lunch, Dean."
As quick as the memory came, it vanished, but one thing hung heavy in his mind: Bella was wearing his mother's bracelet. Questions bombarded Dean with the force of a sledge hammer. How did she get it? Why was she wearing it? Was that an anti-possession charm?
~o~
"Why'd she want it?" The tone of Dean's voice was hard and seething.
Bobby looked away, not wanting to rat Bella out but at the same time these were his boys. They needed to know.
"Summoning spell," Bobby grumbled.
Sam looked back and forth from Bobby to Dean and back again. Pieces were still missing and his eyes took on a lost puppy dog look. "For who?" he asked, cocking his head to the side.
Dean swallowed thickly. His mother never wore the bracelet again after he asked about it. Sam was too young to remember it at all. "Did it work? Did she talk to Mom?"
Shocked, Sam whispered, "Mom?"
"She used to wear it when I was little," Dean explained gruffly, like it wasn't a big deal. "She took it off when I started asking questions."
Sam's brow furrowed. "It was just a bracelet. Why did she …"
Bobby focused on Dean, wondering how he planned on filling Sam in when none of them had any answers. "It wasn't just a bracelet, Sammy. It had an anti-possession symbol on it."
"That doesn't make any sense. Dad didn't get into hunting until after she died. Why would Mom have …"
The creaking of stairs grabbed everyone's attention and they moved their gaze to the doorway. Bella came down the stairs wearing a red and black plaid shirt that came to her knees, obviously belonging to Dean.
Dean cleared his throat and Bobby and Sam quickly averted their eyes as if the creamy skin would make the both of them catch fire.
Bella delicately fingered the bracelet on her wrist. "You could always ask her," she said, stepping into the kitchen.
Bella knew Mary wouldn't give anything away regarding her plan to save Dean. Saving him was too important, and if Dean caught wind of Bella sacrificing herself for him, she knew he would put a stop to it. And truth be told, Bella was just as curious as they were to find out why Mary had a bracelet consisting of hunting charms.
Closing the distance between them, Dean stalked over to Bella and gripped her wrist above her head. "Why did you need to talk to my mother?"
Bella yanked her hand away and scowled. "Don't you fucking manhandle me, Dean Winchester." She narrowed her eyes. "I had a hunch, okay? I asked my dad about any female hunters that have died and may want to help you. I put the pieces together and the only person it could be was Mary."
"So what'd she say?" His voice was gruff and Dean wouldn't really look at her, knowing he'd crossed the line grabbing her wrist like that.
"Nothing useful." And it wasn't entirely a lie. All Mary had really said was Bella needed to take Dean's place. It was a bunch of circumstantial bullshit based on what some gossipy angels had to say.
Dean held out his hand. Bella took a few steps closer so their heads were almost touching. She stared at him, but Dean wouldn't meet her eyes. Bella slowly unclasped the bracelet, dropped it into the palm of Dean's hand, and hoped Mary's answers about her past would take some of the heat off of her so she could spend time finding a way to save Dean and herself.
E/N – You guys still with me? I hope so. These two have so much more to say and do before the Hellhounds get on Dean's trail. Reviews are better than cheeseburgers in the back of the Impala.
