Lena went and got the turkey and sat it on the table. Jude still had not realized what it actually was and sat happily at the table, but Jesus started turning a little green. "Um, Mama. I don't really feel very hungry. May I leave the table?"
"Are you sick, Sweetheart? This doesn't seem like you at all." Lena said feeling his forehead.
"No… I think it was the pumpkin pie I ate a little bit ago. I might be too full." Jesus confessed.
"I don't think it was the pie." Matthew said. "I think it is from that last sandwich you ate. I told you that if you used a whole package of bologna and that much mustard it would make your stomach hurt!"
"How much exactly did you eat this afternoon?" Stef asked.
"Um, I don't know. A few sandwiches, and apple, half a pie…"
"And pickles! Don't forget those!" Jace offered.
"And some pickles." Jesus admitted.
"I did wonder what happened to the pie. You probably do want to leave the table in that case. Go lay down one of us will bring something to help your stomach in a little while." Lena said to him. Then she turned to Phil. "Would you mind carving the turkey for us?"
Phil started to answer, but before he could Jude looked stricken. "You said no turkey, Mama! Remember the one at the pumpkin patch? I thought they were our friends!"
Now all eyes were on the usually quiet little boy. Phil, Karen, and their family didn't even know Jude had such an aversion and in all of the planning Lena forgot to talk to him. The rest of the Adams Foster kids were just trying to contain their giggles even with the looks they were getting from their mothers. "Jude, this turkey is not one of the ones that we met at the pumpkin patch. Those ones are still living. You do not have to eat it, but the rest of us may want some."
Phil started carving the turkey and putting it on plates. "But Mama, do you remember how much the turkeys liked running around in their pens? They were so cute with their feathers and beaks and great big bird feet. Remember? That one liked to eat right out of my hand and he followed me when I walked down the fence. It was like a pet. You wouldn't eat a pet would you, Mama?"
"I am not sure I really want turkey, Dad…." Jace said. Several other kids agreed also requesting no turkey.
Lena herself was starting to feel funny about eating it as well. "No turkey for me, Phil. In fact, the rest of you can get all you want and then maybe we could just put it back in kitchen out of sight somewhere or something?"
Stef laughed a little under her breath and started to take a bit of her turkey and noticed she was now the only one still eating it. "Fine. This can be a turkeyless Thanksgiving. Just so you know, though, this one is already dead and cooked. We aren't exactly saving one."
XXXX
A few evenings later once the other family had left and everyone was settling back into their normal routine, Lena was busy researching on the computer. "Stef, on Thanksgiving morning when you took Callie to see the sunrise, did you give her coffee?"
"I gave her hot chocolate with a little bit of coffee, yes. We discussed it." Stef said being rather defensive.
"And that morning she had her first counseling appointment?"
"She had a few sips on the way there. It wasn't a big deal, I know you don't like it, but it is sort of our thing. You know that."
"I do, I think I am just on to something. Did she also have some right after you ran the first time?" Lena asked looking through the notebook they had started on Callie.
"No. We ran and I gave her some medicine because I was afraid she would be sore. She said her head was hurting a little, and I sort of thought it was a little from lack of sleep. No coffee, though."
Lena went over to the cabinet where their medication was kept and pulled out an extra strength pain reliever. "Did you give her this, by any chance?"
"That's exactly what I gave her. Why?"
"This medication contains caffeine just like coffee. I was reading online that many people consider caffeine to trigger panic attacks."
"So this is my fault. That's what you are saying, right?" Stef said with obvious irritation this time.
"I am definitely not saying it is your fault, Stef. I am just saying that caffeine is a stimulant that our daughter doesn't need to be consuming. It speeds up the heart some. It does not cause the attacks themselves, it just sets up the conditions for one."
"She has had caffeine for years and never had this issue. Besides, that does not explain the other two times. One was at school. I promise I don't go poison her there. She has also had caffeine several other times and had no attack."
"Seriously calm down, Babe. I am not accusing you of anything. I am just looking for any possible link between these. We both just want our little girl to be healthy. I will keep looking, but you know that at her age her body is making many changes…."
"Save the changing body lecture for someone else. Believe me, I know. I want nothing more than to stop the clock and not allow my children to grow up any faster. Don't tell me that you think we might have another female cycle in our household anytime soon."
"I am just saying, Stef, that between those changes, caffeine, and the stress of Colleen's funeral it all might be a little too much. How about if we just talk to Callie and see if she could can remember having anything on either of those other days?" Lena said hoping to diffuse the fight with her wife. "If she didn't I'll drop it, if she did, we might need to look at limiting her caffeine just a little more."
"Or maybe if we had just never met because then she would be fine. Her super mom would have always limited her caffeine and none of this would have ever come up, right?"
"Except if I were raising Callie alone, it is possible that neither of us would have survived this long. Before you came along I didn't even know what I was up against. Quit acting like our ten year old and just go with me on this one just for a minute." Lena said with exasperation in her voice.
"Oh, now I am the cause and I am behaving like your daughter? Did I also cause Jesus's impulsiveness? I bet most of his issues are my fault too, right? Maybe I should just leave now?"
"Please, Stef, listen to yourself. Just go get our daughter for a moment so we can talk to her. On the way, take a few deep breaths and think about what you are saying. I know you don't mean that stuff."
"Fine. I will get her and check on the progress of the others." Stef started up the stairs only to find three of the kids sitting on the stairs where they could have heard every word of the argument. "I thought all of you were told to clean your rooms and not come down until they were done."
"We are done." Brandon answered for the group. "We were coming down to see if we could do something fun tonight. I guess not."
Stef took a deep breath realizing that she was the only one who said anything regrettable. This fact wore at her already terrible mood. "How long have you all been here?"
"Long enough." Jesus said wearily obviously giving Stef the cold shoulder.
"Is it really your fault that Callie is sick?" Mariana asked.
"Shut up, Mari!" Jesus yelled back at her shoving her a little with his hands.
"Whoa! Jesus, we do not tell people to shut up nor do we shove them in this house." Stef chastised. "Apologize to your sister right now." Jesus glared back at Stef before getting up and stalking up the stairs. "Come back here, young man, you are not allowed to just walk away."
The other two kids just watched Stef carefully to see if that rule still applied. When she didn't immediately go after him and he didn't come back, they knew their whole world was odd. Brandon walked passed his mom and into the kitchen. He opened up the freezer and reached for the ice cream.
"What are you doing there, Brandon?" Lena asked looking up from the computer.
"Nothing." He said.
"Hmmm, it looks like you are trying to get ice cream. We have already had dinner and it is sort of late for a dessert. If you are really hungry and you need snack you may have a piece of fruit." Brandon looked at Lena as he grabbed the ice cream out of the freezer.
Brandon got down a bowl and went over to the silverware drawer. He refused to look back at his mama now knowing that she would be able to stop him with just a look. Lena stood up and walked toward him. "Brandon Michael. I know you can hear me. Put these things away right now. This is your last warning to put that away before there is a consequence."
"No."
Lena squinted her eyes. "What did you say?"
"I said no. I want ice cream." Brandon took the lid off of the container sort of slowly as he was already losing his resolve.
Lena picked up the lid and stuck it back on. "We aren't playing this game, son. March your little self up those stairs to your room." Brandon saw she was serious and started tearing up as he turned to leave the room. Lena sighed. She had heard the conversation Stef had with the kids on the stairs. "Actually, B, go take a shower and get ready for bed. I think an early bedtime would do you some good tonight."
Brandon ran passed Stef and Callie who were headed down the stairs. Stef took Callie into the kitchen. "What did you do to Brandon?"
"I told him he could not have ice cream and sent him to get ready for bed early." Lena replied trying to ignore the bite in Stef's words.
"Well from how he was acting, I thought maybe you finally broke down and swatted one. Wait, you didn't tell him I would, did you?"
"No, of course not. He just hates to disappoint his mama." Lena knew Brandon had just been testing to see what would happen. Anything would break him down when he knew he had gone too far. "Why don't you leave Callie with me for a little bit while you go talk to Jesus? Perhaps another early bedtime and an apology are in order?"
Stef nodded remember how hurt Jesus looked. "You know I didn't mean everything I said." Stef added looking at Callie. From the looks she had gotten from the girl she figured that Callie heard much of the argument before heading back up the stairs. Stef tried again swallowing some pride. "Lena, I am really sorry for how I spoke to you earlier. You were right when you said that we need to look into everything to keep our perfect little girl here healthy. I love you and I love all of our children. Will you forgive me for the things I said?"
Callie look surprised, but Lena smiled at Stef. "Of course I forgive you, Stef! I love you more than anything and you are a great mother to my children. I didn't mean to sound like I was accusing you either." Callie still looked a little uncertain so Lena stood up and pulled Stef to her giving her a little kiss. "How about you Cals?"
"Yeah, I love Mom and I guess I forgive you, too." She answered still looking hesitant.
"You guess you forgive me? Really Callie?" Stef asked with her eyebrows raised.
"I mean, you really aren't causing my attacks, you know. You make me feel better. When I am with you I feel safe. It just scared me when I thought you were fighting about me… Then when you said it would be better if you hadn't met Mama…" Callie started silently crying. "I need you, Mom! We all do."
Stef wrapped her arms around Callie and kissed the top of her head. "I could never really leave you or your mama, Callie. I said that without thinking. Will you really forgive me?"
"Always, Mom."
Stef gave her one more kiss before letting her go. "Thank you. Now, I should probably go talk to everyone else."
Lena opened Callie's notebook back up. "I know you already heard the discussion between Mom and me, but I really need you to think back to the days you had panic attacks. I noticed that you had caffeine before three of them. What about that day at school? It happened right after PE. You said at the time that you had just remembered that you hadn't finished your math before you left. Lunch had been about an hour and a half before PE, right?"
"We had a late lunch that day. We went straight from lunch to PE without recess. Remember? The middle school had a game and were leaving early. My class was one of the ones that went to lunch late that day."
"That's right. I had to monitor the other lunch period since the coach was getting ready for the game. Think back to what you had for lunch. I don't remember packing anything out of ordinary. What else did you eat?"
"Nothing." Callie said with guilt.
"Really think about it, Callie. I know that you guys switch food around and that you sometimes eat things I didn't send with you."
"Brandon's class wasn't in the lunchroom at the same time, so I had to sit with the kids in my class. Courtney's mom brought her takeout food. She thought she had Dr. Pepper, but it was Coke. She didn't like it so she traded it for my juice and celery. I am sorry, Mama. I know you don't want me drinking that stuff."
"That's true, but I am glad you are telling me. Hmm, then you went to PE and played really hard. You remembered that your work wasn't finished and that caused you to get very worried. Your heart rate was already raised from both the exercise and the caffeine. Interesting. On Thanksgiving, though, you had the caffeine at dawn and then rode bikes hours later." Lena said putting the pieces together.
"Well…"
"Well, what?"
"Mom and I didn't finish the thermos at the sunrise. That's what I was drinking out of all morning…" Callie admitted with her head hanging a little lower.
"I see. What about the attack you had with Mom? I was out running errands with Jude and dropping off Mariana. You were here with Brandon, Jesus, and Mom. If says here that you had been arguing with Jesus?"
"Yes. He said it was my fault that we didn't pass the level in the game we were playing. I was Luigi, though, not the blue toad. Brandon was Toad. I accidently threw my remote at him. Brandon said I was going to get spanked and the boys left the room to find Mom. I got really shaky and went right to her when she got there. Just like the other times, I felt like I couldn't breathe."
"Did Mom give you coffee that morning?" Lena said knowing the intensity in which Callie and Jesus both played video games. It was the reason she wouldn't play with them or Stef.
"No."
"Really think about it. I won't be mad."
"No coffee. We did share a can of something from the refrigerator. It was good. Jesus didn't really like it so Brandon and I drank his, too." Callie looked at her mother who seemed to be deep in thought over what was in the refrigerator that day. "It wasn't Mom's beer and it wasn't really soda."
Lena suddenly remembered. "Was it called Red Bull? Was it in a silver can with some blue and a red bull on it?"
"Yes, that's what we had! Are we going to get more of it?"
Lena sighed. "No. I found that with a middle schooler during lunch. Energy drinks and soda are both against our school policy. I know it happens sometimes, but I take it anytime I see it. I brought it home thinking Mom might want to drink it. I don't think I even told her it as there. That's my fault. Did Mom know you drank it?"
"No." Callie said slowly. "We asked if we could have juice. Mom was busy and Brandon said we should try that. We sort of thought it was going to be something different."
"Did you think you were drinking something different like soda or something different like alcohol?" Lena asked cringing a little.
"Well, Brandon said his dad had something like this at his house and he had tried just a little before. We knew it wasn't soda…"
Lena decided she would discuss the fact that Brandon had tried something at Mike's house with Stef later. Right now she had to stay focused on this issue. "Okay, so you thought you were drinking alcohol. Instead you were drinking more caffeine than you usually get in the little bits of coffee Mom gives you."
"Really?"
"Really. So, when Mom gets back down here the three of us need to talk a little. I think I see the whole pattern emerging."
XXXX
In the meantime Stef was upstairs with Jesus. Jude was with Mariana giving the two of them a chance to be alone. "I was not doing the right thing. I acted and spoke without thinking. I would never leave you or your mama. We are a family. I am sorry."
Jesus grinned a little as he was quick to forgive. "Were you impulsive?" He asked with a giggle.
"Yep. You came by that trait honestly. We may not be genetically linked, but you are my son." Stef said poking at him making him laugh a little more. "Now, I am also sorry for being cranky with you earlier. However, you, young man, are not allowed to walk away when I am talking to you. Even if you are very angry you may not walk away. Do you understand?"
"Yes." Jesus said becoming very still and quiet.
"Brandon is in the shower right now, but as soon as he is out, it is your turn. I am going to tuck both of you in a little early tonight. Mama and I thought a little extra sleep would be just the thing for our boys tonight."
"Do you have to go to bed early tonight, too?" Jesus asked.
"Oh, I hope so." Stef said raising her eyebrows.
"Mom!" He said grinning a little more. "That's gross."
"You asked."
XXXX
Stef went to talk to Mariana while Jesus was showering and then talked to Brandon. After she tucked in both of the bigger boys, she went back downstairs to her wife and oldest daughter. "What did we figure out my loves?"
"Well a few different things. Before each attack, Callie has had caffeine. She has also been doing something intense like exercise or video games before becoming afraid of something. We need to discuss the caffeine consumption at some point, but the fear might need to be addressed first. Callie, are you afraid of being in trouble with us?"
"No…"
"You know that nothing would change how much we love you, right, kid?" Stef said running her hands through Callie's hair.
Callie nodded a little, but didn't look convinced. "Seriously, Cals, even the day you tried to give Jesus to the neighbors we still loved you." Lena added.
"I wasn't really giving him away, it was more of a trade. I was planning to get him back at some point… Anyway, I know I haven't been an easy kid. I am not really concerned about being sent to my room, being grounded, or even being spanked. That's all just kid stuff anyway."
"Right and you are nearly eleven. Quite grown up. If that's not what you are afraid of, what is it? Thanksgiving you were worried to talk to Mom because you thought she would be mad. I am also assuming the other days you at least considered you were going to be in trouble."
Callie sighed. "When will it all be too much? How can you always love me? My birth mom didn't and neither did Gretchen."
"Remember your picture of Colleen. She did love you. Gretchen couldn't and still can't look past herself. We are your parents. It is our job to always love you this much. Nothing can change that. Not accidently on purpose throwing something at your brother, not tearing up your room, not even running away. You may not understand that right now, but you will one day."
"Love's a funny thing, really. When I was little it seemed easy. Now it has gotten more complicated… So, I am guessing there will be no more coffee for me?"
"Probably not on running days, before PE, or right before riding bikes. We are also going to continue doing this," Lena said hugging Callie tightly, "and this," Lena kissed Callie's head, "a whole lot more. Now if you would go get your littlest brother and your sister, I think there is still time for a board game or two. Sound good?"
