There's such a difference between us

And a million miles

In the morning, Kathryn begrudgingly got up and out of bed and quickly found her way to her coffee. After breathing in its heavenly aroma for a few moments, she heard a beeping coming from her work station. She walked over to her desk where a communication was causing the unpleasant sound, when opened, she read Chakotays name at the top and almost spilled her coffee. She quickly sat down and opened it.

To her dismay it was an automated call alerting her that he was posted in the neutral zone and would not be within communication range for an undisclosed amount of time.

Before she knew what she was doing she was entering in her Admiral authorization to find out when he would be back. She was about to send the request for the information when she realized that there was no professional justification for her inquiry.

She sat back in her chair and picked up her coffee once more. 'I guess I will just have to wait, I should be good at that by now..' she sipped her coffee and procrastinated getting ready for work until she would be late if she waited any longer. When she stood she felt the headache coming on and ordered another cup of coffee.

Hello from the other side

I must've called a thousand times

The days blurred into weeks and fall turned into winter as Kathryn kept herself immersed in her work and left as little time as possible for thinking about Chakotay or her own mental state. She had learned to live with the headache again and never said no to an assignment from headquarters.

Sometimes, alright, about once a week she would breakdown and leave a message for Chakotay. They were never very long, but she had to keep trying, even though she didn't want to. Almost every call ended in her apologizing for calling in the first place.

Eventually she gained enough self-control to only call once every two weeks.

To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done

But when I call you never seem to be home

When she did call, she started to tell him bits about her work, it was pointless really, if he hadn't answered by now, he was either on a really long assignment, or he just didn't have anything to say.. but she kept trying.

Hello from the outside

At least I can say that I've tried

To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart

On Thanksgiving Kathryn sat on the floor in the middle of her living room holding a glass box with a peach rose inside. She clutched it to her chest and silently cried. It was done. A few moments ago she had left her last message for Chakotay, telling him how sorry she was about spurning his advances for 7 years and how she didn't feel like she had a choice, how much she missed him, how angry she had been when she learned about Seven, but how thankful she was for him. It was really quite pathetic, but it had all spilled out into one message, and here was the aftermath.

Kathryn lay down and stared at her dead fireplace, she should have gone to Mars with the rest of her family. She didn't really have to stay for work, she just couldn't deal with anything so she had arranged to be a part of negotiations taking place over the holidays to have an excuse.

She sighed and got up, but was forced back to the ground by the pain that shot through her chest. She stayed there, having lost the will to get up, and waited for a reason to get up again.