So Hello from the other side

I must have called a thousand times

Kathryn and Chakotay sat on the couch, Kathryn was pressed into a corner with her knees pulled to her chest, cradling a cup of coffee, while Chakotay sat in the other corner loosely holding his tea. "Kathryn I.." she cut him off.

"Where were you."

"I was posted in the neutral zone, they wouldn't let me contact anyone."

"For 8 months?"

"Well.. no, I was on Terbus for 3 months right after Voyager got back. Seven left me and I didn't think that you wanted anything to do with me, so I left."

Kathryn stared into her cup, not moving.

"I needed you."

"Kathryn I'm sorry."

He saw tears well in her eyes as she continued to avoid his gaze.

"I was all alone, I didn't know where you went."

"Kathryn.."

"No, listen to me. Why did you leave?" She looked him right in the eyes. He saw then how broken she was.

There was no Captain's mask, there was only her, a woman, heartbroken, alone… and it was his fault. Why did he leave? Chakotay thought back on his time since they had returned to the Alpha Quadrant. He had needed to see his sister, that's why he had gone to Terbus… but for 3 months? Then he had wanted to work again, to keep his mind off things, but why did he accept a posting to the neutral zone?

"I don't know." He got up then and pulled her towards him, reluctantly she set her coffee on the floor and went to him.

"I don't know why I left, but I will never leave again."

They stayed like that for a long time, Kathryn wrapped in Chakotay's arms, head on his chest. It felt so good to be in his arms, to be held, to be loved. Kathryn knew that she had needed someone, and someone was finally here. She fell asleep in his arms, more comfortable than she had been in a long time.

Chakotay let her tears fall onto his chest as he smoothed her hair, her breathing slowed and he realized that she had fallen asleep. Knowing that this was probably the first time she had slept in quite a while, he called for lights out, and tried to find sleep himself.

When he woke, Kathryn was no longer with him, he looked around and spotted her at the table painting. He got up and walked over to her, when she saw him approaching she tried to hide her paintings, but he stilled her hands and picked them up. All the paintings were a mixture of pen drawings and watercolor, and each was supremely emotional.

"Kathryn… these are really good. You never told me you were a painter."

'I'm not, it's just… a stress release, I don't even like painting." He didn't respond because one painting in particular caught his eye.

The painting was of a red-haired woman with her fist against a dark cloud-like wall, her head was resting on her arm with eyes closed. Coming from the woman's fist was a dark red cloud that expanded over the wall and her, there was a small stream of red that went through her fist and down the page, almost like a drop of blood. Chakotay set the painting down and reached for Kathryn's arm. She backed away, bumping into the chair and almost falling in the process.

"Chakotay what are you doing?"

"Let me see your wrist."

"Why? Stop it this is ridiculous."

"Give me your hand."

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because!" She bumped into the wall and had nowhere to go. Chakotay slowly picked up her arm, pulled up the sleeve and looked. She turned her head away, eyes closed.

"Kathryn…"

"It's nothing, just a few scratches." She wasn't wrong, her wrist looked like it had been scratched repeatedly and was quite red with little areas of scabbing.

"I was just itchy." She said in a whisper. He picked up her other arm and saw a similar redness. "It's… a nervous habit."

"How long have you been doing this?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does. DId you do this when we were still on Voyager?"

"I don't know! It's just a nervous tick, something I do when I get anxious or have panic attacks."

"Panic Attacks!"

"Chakotay, it's nothing." He sighed and released her arms.

"Why haven't you been to see anyone about this?" She gave him one of her glares that said 'You know me better than to ask that'. Chakotay picked up both her wrists and pressed his lips against each in turn. "Please promise you will try and stop. Okay?"

Eyes downcast, she nodded.

"I think we need to look into getting you a counselor."