xxx

Keiko curled into a ball on the bathroom floor, shivering, as life hurled a challenge straight at her wounded heart. It took her breath away.

Her breasts ached, nausea had her rushing to the toilet every morning, and certain food smells left her starving, while others disgusted her and sent her running from the room. A month and a half had passed by with no period, worst of all.

The pregnancy test was colored a pastel pink, as if every pregnancy was a celebrated, wanted one. A single tear trailed down her cheek. She had stared at the two lines on the test for fifteen minutes. Her body felt numb. Anxiety had her close to retching again.

With shaking hands she flung the test in the trash and covered it with toilet paper. She scowled, angry at her turn of bad luck, her stupidity. Unprotected sex with Yusuke. She had attended health classes at school. She knew better. How could she have been so, so, stupid!

Sixteen and pregnant. She held her knees to her chest. Her parents were going to disown her. How could she attend school with a swollen belly? Not to mention the shame. Sarayashiki's star student fallen so far from grace, and Yusuke was long gone. She swallowed a sob. She had told him to go to demon world. She felt selfish, which made her feel worse, but she wished he had stayed after all. She was alone.

She rubbed a hand across her belly. Well, not completely alone, not anymore. Keiko heaved a ragged sigh. It felt like the weight of the world was crushing her shoulders, crushing her life. When would the shock wear off and start the flood of tears?

Someone tapped on the door. "Keiko honey, you alright?"

Her mom thought she merely had some sort of bug, or stomach virus. Guilt sank Keiko's heart like lead. "I'm ok," she called.

"Did you take your medicine?"

"Yeah."

Keiko heard nothing from the other side of the door, before her mother's footsteps receded from the room. Keiko knew she had to tell them the truth; but the thought of that ugly conversation upset her stomach. The looming sense of doom and fear kept her mouth shut.

She had to tell someone, but not her parents, not yet. She hoped her confession would ease some of the pain of this disaster. Trembling, she rose to her feet.

She splashed cold water on her face and stared at the girl in the mirror. Her shoulder length hair was unbrushed, and dark circles hung beneath her large eyes. Her chestnut irises reflected pain. Her future was now tarnished by shame. She loved Yusuke, but she never got into trouble like Yusuke. She always made her parents and teachers proud, was well liked by her peers. She had never been ostracized like Yusuke. Well now, she would first-hand understand the meaning of rejection. And the only person who would always love her, was a lifetime away.

She wiped the stray tears from her face and collected the tattered remnants of her resolve. She tore strength from the depths of her soul and it hurt down into her bones.

She opened the door and walked downstairs, one heavy foot after another, as if everything was fine, told her parents she was going out with a cool expression, as if her life hadn't been torn upside down and inside out.

xxx

Keiko tapped on the door of the Kuwabara household, hovering on the porch like a wraith, the morning sunshine unnoticed and unappreciated, like light would never penetrate the gloom of her situation. A dark cloud lingered over her and covered her mind with stormy thoughts.

She was grateful when Shizuru opened the door, clad in shorts and a tank top, cigarette in hand. The boss of the household. "Hey kid," she smiled at Keiko.

Keiko smiled but no light reached her eyes. Shizuru studied her expression, and the older woman saw straight through Keiko's unsteady facade, past her fake sort of calm. "What's wrong?"

Keiko looked down at her shoes, fighting back the river of tears she felt right behind her eyes. Her friend's concern chipped away at her control; she knew she wouldn't receive much kindness from anyone from now on. "Actually I wanted to talk to you about…something, if that's alright."

Shizuru stepped aside in the doorway, concern etched on her features. "Of course. Come in sweetheart."

xxx

"You're what?"

A feeling like stage fright churned in Keiko's stomach. She looked down at her lap, unable to meet the other girl's wide eyes. "Pregnant," she whispered.

Keiko tried to blink back her tears, but her eyes stung and they cascaded down her face anyway. She sniffled, her cheeks damp as the tears poured down her face. She tried and tried to will them away, but it was if the damn had broken and she had lost all control.

Shizuru's eyebrows knitted in concern. She reached across the table, past the cups of tea and grasped Keiko's hand in her own. She was still shocked by her friend's confession, but the poor girl's big watery brown eyes tugged on her heartstrings. She had known something was amiss the second Keiko stepped on the porch, she noticed the teen's usual pink and blue aura had darkened into a stormy indigo.

"Oh honey…" Shizuru studied Keiko's defeated expression. "When…when did this happen?"

A sob rose high in her throat. She clutched Shizuru's hand, grateful for the gesture and for the soft tone in the other girl's voice. "I-I guess," she sniveled, "about two months ago."

"Does Yusuke know?"

Keiko shook her head.

Shizuru realized the full extent of Keiko's situation. She felt another wave of sympathy for the girl. "Oh…Yusuke's in…" Demon world. She let her words trail off, not wanting to upset Keiko further. She took a long drag from her cigarette. "For how long?"

"Three years."

Shizuru patted Keiko's hand and retrieved a box of tissues from the cupboard. She sat next to the brunette at the kitchen table, handed her a few tissues and rubbed her back in soothing circles. Keiko's expression broke. She sobbed into her hands. "I don't know what I'm going to do."

"We'll make it. Have you told anyone?"

Keiko shook her head, eyes red and glassy with tears. She wanted to tell Shizuru how grateful she was of the girl's calm reaction. She hadn't even started asking Keiko if she would keep the baby or not, she hadn't saddled her with shame. Shame for being careless and shame for crying, it was neverending; she wanted to say thank you but tender sobs replaced all words. If she was adult enough to have sex she was adult enough not to cry, but instead she cried like a child.

Shizuru set her cigarette in the ash tray. She wrapped her arms around the other girl and pulled her into a hug, which only brought forth a new wave of tears from Keiko. "I'll help you," Shizuru whispered into her hair, "whatever you need, just let me know." She empathized with the distraught teen, the girl was shaking.

Keiko prayed her own mother took the news so well, but she doubted it. She didn't even want to think about her father. Keiko nodded into Shizuru's shoulder. She held a tissue between her face and the other girl's shoulder.

"Hey sis, what're we 'doin for…food?" Kuwabara shuffled into the kitchen, and paused at the sight of the two women.

"Not right now Kazuma!"

Seeing the scene before him, Kuwabara wanted to ask if Keiko was ok, but his sister sent him a glare in warning. He crept through the kitchen and up the stairs to study, until whatever episode in the other room had passed. Women.

xxx

Keiko sat in the only clean spot on the couch in Atsuko's living room. Shizuru sat cross legged in a kitchen chair, near Keiko, who appreciated the other girl's steady presence. She had insisted on accompanying Keiko to the Urameshi household in case things turned sour.

Empty beer cans and sake bottles covered the floor, and the stench of trash and booze hung over the apartment as well as the stale smell of cigarette smoke. Atsuko Urameshi reclined on her futon, her dark hair limp down her back and a haze over her eyes. A black baby doll negligee clung to her slim frame.

Keiko knew Atsuko didn't wake till noon, but she had wanted to catch her before she started drinking; that brief, magical time in between, to talk to the real, sober Atsuko. She had no idea how drunk Atsuko would take the news.

Atsuko sipped from her black coffee. "So what's up?"

Keiko shifted in her spot. She felt the weight of Shizuru's concern at her back as both women gazed at her expectantly. "Well…" She cleared her throat. "I have some bad news." Anxiety drilled holes in her stomach.

Atsuko took a drag from her cigarette. A hint of worry flashed in her eyes. "About Yusuke? What's he done now?" She coughed out a haze of smoke. "I notice he's gone off again."

Keiko had no idea how a mother dealt with her son's dangerous antics. But they both knew Yusuke benefited from his job, his training giving him a calm center to all the angry, reckless energy that had plagued him since childhood; he used to be a rebel without a cause, but Genkai's teachings had turned him into a man. God, she missed him.

Sadness filled her heart as she watched Atsuko reach for the half empty sake bottle on the table. She poured herself a shot and offered some to Shizuru, but the brunette gratefully declined. Atsuko didn't bother asking Keiko. She had always called Keiko 'her good girl.' "How long is he gone this time, do you know?"

Keiko chewed on the corner of her lip. "Three years."

Silence settled over the room. Only the distant sound of traffic droned on endlessly from the window. Atsuko hadn't even turned the tv on yet to watch the afternoon news. Keiko heard the click of Shizuru's lighter as she lit another cigarette.

Atsuko laughed darkly. "That brat." She threw her head back and took the shot, slamming the glass down on the table. "He doesn't care about us."

Her words stung Keiko. By 'us' she meant herself and Keiko, the only people Yusuke had first trusted in his life, back when he pushed anyone else away and when others feared him. "He had to go," the teen whispered. Her eyes filled with tears.

Atsuko scoffed. "I don't know how you believe in him like you do." She ashed her cigarette in the overflowing ashtray. "You're too good for him."

Keiko stared down at her hands without really seeing them. No wonder Yusuke had always been so moody, when his mother's heart was an ocean of bitterness; but this was old news. "That's not even what I came to tell you."

She willed her eyes to look into her face even though they strained to turn away. The older woman held the sake bottle painfully tight. "Atsuko-san I'm pregnant."

Shizuru crossed and uncrossed her legs. Atsuko blinked her bloodshot eyes. She stared at Keiko, her features muddled with confusion. "What?"

Keiko held in a breath. "It's true," she whispered.

"What-" Atsuko's face twisted with anger. She took another shot before picking up the bottle by the neck and with a grimace flung it across the room. Keiko winced. The glass hit the wall and shattered to pieces, sake spilling on the floor and staining the walls. "That no good-" Atsuko let out an angry yell. "Just like his father!"

Shizuru stepped in and laid a hand on the other woman's bare shoulder. "Hey he doesn't know," she muttered. "He'll come back."

Atsuko continued on as if she hadn't heard her. Keiko clutched her hands in her lap, knuckles white. "That little bastard!" Keiko winced again. She knew this wouldn't go well. She thought it might trigger unpleasant emotion for his mother, and she would steadily drink and bury herself into a drunk rage, and make it worse, before passing out.

Atsuko lurched up from her futon and grabbed Keiko's wrist, yanking her into her arms. Keiko stumbled and almost fell into her embrace. "Oh honey, I've been there," Atsuko cried into her hair. She smelled of sake and roses. "I'll help you. Have you told your parents? You can stay here if you have to. Oh god, Keiko-"

Tears streaked Atsuko's face and dampened Keiko's shirt and hair. "Poor girl. He seen me suffer the same way and he still knocked you up and ran like a coward! When I see him I'm gonna…"

Keiko choked back her tears. "He doesn't know Atsuko. He doesn't."

"I don't care," Atsuko sobbed. She pulled back and held both sides of Keiko's face. Moisture clung to Atsuko's dark lashes like tiny shards of crystal. The scent of sake hit Keiko in the face. "I'll help you sweetheart. I won't let you suffer alone like I did."

Shizuru pulled a few tissues from her purse and handed them to both women. Keiko stood frozen while Atsuko wiped tears from the teen's face. "Your parents are gonna be furious."

Keiko swallowed a lump in her throat. "I know."

She hugged the older women tightly as they both unleashed their sorrows, Atsuko wounded to the core from years of hurt and who knows what else, and Keiko cried in her shame. She loved Yusuke; she would love this baby, but she didn't know how much of her life would be sacrificed for this tiny, fragmented family.

She spotted Yusuke's room over Atsuko's shoulder. Martial arts posters here and there, empty cigarette packs, bland grey walls, empty without the spirit of its occupant, and where Keiko had so boldly given Yusuke her virginity. She missed him, she needed him, and the thought brought more tears from her tired eyes.

xxx

"ATSUKO URAMESHI!"

Keiko's father bellowed into the phone, his face beat red, one hand gripping the phone and the other clenched in a fist at his side. A vein stood out on his balding temple.

Needless to say, they hadn't taken the news well. Keiko's mother still sat as if petrified in her chair at the kitchen counter. Keiko slumped in her seat, eyes red from crying.

Keiko's father raged on: "Your boy has got my little girl…in trouble! She was supposed to go to a good school!" He jabbed a finger at no one in particular. "Yes I know you don't know where he is, you never do!"

Keiko held the bridge of her nose between her fingertips. She knew her dad would be upset, and since Yusuke wasn't here to yell at, Atsuko was the next best person. Keiko's parents and Atsuko had always gotten along fairly well despite Atsuko's drinking problem, and they had taken Yusuke in their care on multiple occasions, as if the troubled teen had been their own adoptive son. Well now, that was out the window and the sole responsibility rested on her shoulders.

"This didn't happen at my house, Atsuko. You let Yusuke run wild and now my girl is in danger of throwing away her future!"

Keiko yearned for her bed, for a deep sleep. Her shoulders felt heavy and her eyes stung from so many tears in one day. She was past the point of crying. She sagged in her chair, zoning out and turning her dad's voice into an unimportant drone in the background. They had argued and talked for at least two hours, and she still had to call Shizuru and tell her how it went; Keiko considered it a disaster but at least they weren't going to disown her or turn her out in the street.

Keiko's mother had crossed the room and rubbed her back, but Keiko looked away in shame at the sight of her mother's tears and the concern etched on her gentle face.

"Make dad stop," Keiko muttered, voice weak. "It's not her fault."

Her mother shifted her attention to her husband. "Dear, I don't think that's helping."

Mr. Yukimura thrust the phone in her face. The cord jerked at the telephone in the wall. "You talk to her I can't understand a word, she's drunk." He threw up his arms. "Probably won't even remember any of this!"

Her father stomped out of the kitchen and slammed the door, each heavy footfall like a stomp on Keiko's heart. She flinched. She had disappointed him, hurt him, broken his trust.

Her mother's voice was a strained whisper. Keiko heard Atsuko's loud whine from the other side of the phone. "I know. I know. He's just upset. I know you'll help. Between all of us Keiko should be able to finish school."

Keiko rested her head in her hands. A dull headache burrowed behind her eyes. She would continue school until her stomach showed signs of the baby, then she would be homeschooled until after the birth, and during her pregnancy she would study no matter how bad or tired she felt, and raise a baby as a single mother while attending the rest of high school and college. Her father had told her, "get used to no sleep."

They had discussed adoption but Keiko pushed to keep the baby, no matter how hard it would be for her future. She couldn't imagine giving away a baby that looked like Yusuke. Part of her deep down already loved the child, she realized; it was like a tiny piece of him to cling to until he returned from Makai, of course she kept that thought to herself. And of course he would return, he had to, she needed him.

She had always wanted a family, and her daydreams had always included Yusuke even before she realized she loved him. She had forced him to play house when they were kids, with her play kitchen set and chaste kisses on the lips like the married adults did. How ironic of a spread she had received from the game of life, and it tasted like bitterness.

She had told her parents that Yusuke had gone to study martial arts in an isolated country, which sent her father into a fit. She worried about his heart trouble. Her father had always liked Yusuke, sympathized with the troubled teen, growing up in a poor, broken home with an alcoholic mother; but now Keiko didn't think her father would ever forgive him or Keiko herself.

Her father had stormed out into the night, her mother was tied up with a distraught Atsuko, so Keiko forced her tired limbs from the chair and headed up the stairs, thinking of her pillows and the oblivion of sleep. She yawned. "Go check on dad," she mouthed to her mom. Worry over his temper and health twisted her stomach.

She would call Shizuru tomorrow morning. Right now her throat and head hurt, and her body felt as heavy as her heart.

Briefly she wondered for the first time, would she get a boy or a girl?

xxx


Bit of an angsty chapter eh? I promise it will lighten up with the next few chapters. I don't really like the writing in this one, but oh well. I do this thing where I'm scared of updating cause I'm afraid I'll mess up what good I've got going, but now I'm just telling myself bad yu/kei fics are better than none. lol. I literally just finished this so sorry for any mistakes I didn't catch.

As far as personal stuff feel free not to read this but I'm looking for a job and so I don't have much else to do, and I've stopped drinking and replaced that with writing fics since that's better for me. Still smoke tho. But thats why you're seeing all this yyh stuff lol.

Please write yus/kei stories! For me please! We can keep each other inspired(:

Thanks for reading and any favs or reviews!

xoxo Darkmignonette )o(