Perhaps it was because over fifty percent of reviews for the 'final' chapter mentioned feeling deprived that they did not get to meet Elias's team. Perhaps it was that, in my weakened state (I've been home sick today) I was feeling charitable. Perhaps it was because I really liked the personality ideas that my bestie threw at me. Whatever the reasoning, it gives me great pleasure to bring to you the epilogue of this story.
Epilogue
When we pulled into the parking lot at Shorty's a little before six that evening, having picked up Sophie from basketball and cut Frankie's sleepover short to bring him with us, there were three young men waiting beside the door. They were slouched, casual, your average group of twenty-somethings hanging around. Until you looked a little closer. It was almost unrecognisable to the untrained eye, but I'd lived with Carlos and worked with the Merry Men long enough to pick out the signs of a man always on the lookout. They must be Elias's team.
We piled out of the SUV, Elias hoisting Frankie – who had been so excited about seeing his older brother that he'd promptly forgotten about his sleep over - up onto his shoulders to give him a piggy back. I stuck close, not willing to let him out of my sight just yet, and Carlos stuck close to me. The boys, I noticed, pushed off the wall to stand straighter as we approached.
Elias exchanged a complicated hand shake with each of them before swinging his brother back down to the ground and making a round of introductions. "Mom, it is my great pleasure to introduce you do the biggest pains in the ass you'll ever meet," he started.
"You mean more so than your Uncles?" I quipped.
They all laughed appreciatively, then the tall gangly one raised his hand, almost like he had a question and stated matter-of-factly, "I still maintain that it should be pains in the AS. One 's'. To keep it true."
The others sighed and shook their heads. "We've been through this already, bro," one of them – about Elias's height with the most elegant man-bun I've laid witness to – intoned. "It's funnier with Ass. Two 's's. Plus, people don't need as much of an explanation."
"Yeah," the third guy agreed. "They can just take it on face value that we're Ass. Which most people we meet tended to do before we came up with the genius name, anyway."
Clearing his throat, Elias stepped closer to me and his siblings and spoke to us in an undertone while the others continued argue over whatever it was they were arguing about. I wasn't entirely sure. It seemed like some spelling based thing, and tall and gangly was adamantly opposing the others. "So, to put things in context," Elias explained. "Each of our names ends in the letter A-S. I'm Elias, as you should know by now –"
"No," Sophie exhaled sarcastically. "Really? That's what your name is? I thought it was Grape. Why didn't you correct me all these years?"
"Hush," he responded calmly, a far cry from the verbal wars he used to engage in with her. "As I was saying. I'm Elias. The one with the issue with our team name is Tobias. He's a self-proclaimed pedant. Sophie should get along pretty well with him, once she steps up her debating game. Man-bun, over there is Jonas, a regular boy scout. Literally prepared for any eventuation. Seriously. Anything. We were in the middle of the desert and I was like, Man, if only I had a soda can tab right now. And he freaking produced one from his pockets. I kid you not. Whatever you mention needing, he will have. Even lady products. Trust me. He has them. We had need of them. And he had them." He paused then, like he was letting that information set in before continuing. "And that leaves-" he said, but before he could finish, the shortest of the group stepped forward.
He had short blond hair styled into an impressive pompadour, dull grey eyes half hidden behind a pair of tortoise shell glasses, and a hint of a dimple when he smiled. "Mrs. Manoso," he greeted. "It's nice to finally meet you. I'm Phineas Elridge. You may remember me from such emails as that one the time I broke your heart by telling you our Ellie had gone missing."
He thrust out a hand for me to shake, but it wasn't sufficient for me. I took his hand, yes, but only to pull him into an embrace. He was kind enough to let me – I suffered under no delusions that I would ever be able to overpower him, despite his deceptively lean frame – and even hugged me back.
"Thank you," I murmured into his shoulder. "Thank you so much for everything you've done."
"It was my duty," he shrugged easily. "What else was I supposed to do?"
"The army would have had us continue the mission without him," Tobias pointed out. His tone was casual, but when I loosened my grip on Phineas enough to look to the others, I saw a set jaw and a clenched fist. Clearly their marching orders were still somewhat of a sore spot. "If it weren't for the fact that El had instilled real family values in our team on day one, we might have followed orders and left him there. I don't know if I could live with myself if that happened."
"Luckily, you'll never have to find out," Jonas announced, stepping forward. Along with his man-bun, he also sported a full beard and a maroon cardigan. "Your son changed my view of the military, Mrs. M," he confessed gruffly. "If it weren't for him I might have become a mindless drone, following every order I was given."
"Instead," Elias explained, "Jonas prefers to maintain himself as our token hipster, setting the trend of disobeying the higher ups and tendering his resignation effective immediately the moment we were back on American soil."
Carlos spoke then, reminding me – as if I ever needed it – of his presence directly behind me. "Rumour has it that the boys here have been on a watch list since the day they started basic," he informed us all. "Not just because they had the potential to be great soldiers, but because they showed strong signs of resistance. They weren't mindless enough for the army's liking. They were thrown together for this mission because of that certain something they all seemed to possess that made them bend or, in this case, break the rules. As it turns out, that was the army's biggest mistake. They lost some good soldiers."
"You all quit?" Frankie asked, awed.
Phineas ruffled the kid's hair with an affectionate smile, showcasing those dimples again. "That's right, kiddo," he said. "Because I don't want to be a part of any army that says to forget about your older brother."
Frankie looked up at Phineas, wide eyed. "Cool," he breathed.
Chelsea took that opportunity to lean down to Frankie's ear and whisper, "Mom and Dad are never going to let you quit school, so just keep dreaming."
"Can we eat now?" Sophie complained, clearly less enthused by her brother's friends than Frankie was. Unfortunately, before anyone could confirm or deny the motion to move inside, my traitorous stomach let out a loud protesting growl.
Sophie, Chelsea, Frankie and Elias groaned in embarrassment. Tobias, Jonas and Phineas, on the other hand, burst into laughter.
"I thought you were joking about that," Phineas said, shocked.
"We should feed that beast before it comes alive and eats us," Jonas added. "I didn't make it out of a war zone just to be gobbled up by a stomach monster."
I rolled my eyes. "Alright, fine, have your fun," I said to the three members of Team Pain in the Ass that I hadn't created. "But you better get used to it, because I expect to see a lot more of you in the future."
"Actually," Carlos added as Lester, Bobby and Tank stepped out of the restaurant, apparently having grown impatient for us to enter. "I've been meaning to mention something to you, boys. How would you feel about joining Rangeman?"
"I would feel honoured," Phineas assured him, bowing his head slightly. "I've heard great things about the company."
"I'm in," Jonas confirmed without missing a beat.
"I'd hate to split up Team As," Tobias put in, deliberately pronouncing the single 's' in 'as'.
I glanced over to Carlos's men, the guys I'd come to accept as my family, who'd been there for us through thick and thin. I realised, then, that I'd always thought that every team the military threw together would be a cookie cutter copy of them. Carlos, the hardened leader. Tank, the sensitive muscle. Bobby, the needle and thread. And Lester, the jester. But I couldn't have been more wrong. While Elias shared many traits with his father, he was by no means the same person. He was a leader, yes, but more from a collaboration standpoint than a take charge point of view. Then there was Phineas. Faithful to a fault, with a good sense of humour, but nowhere near Santos level. It seemed he preferred to use his wit to put people at ease more that take the piss. He had to be good at reading people. Jonas, with his skill in being prepared was a go to man. Whatever you needed, he could provide, whether it was a clean pair of underwear, a cigarette lighter or someone to cover you in the heat of battle. And Tobias, for all his pedantic arguing, obviously had a keen eye for detail, a trait that would come in very handy on and off the field.
Lester, Bobby and Tank silently sized up the boys, judging them hard until finally Lester turned to his cousin and asked, "Did we really just inherit the army's pain in the ass?"
"As," Tobias corrected, doggedly.
"Yes," Elias confirmed.
"Then we better get this party started!" Lester announced beckoning everyone to follow him as he turned back toward the door. "I imagine the boss will want you all on the floor no later than oh eight-hundred Monday. Thank gives you a measly ninety six hours of freedom. Use it well. You may well find that Ranger is tougher than the pansy drill sergeants you're used to."
And with that, we made our way inside and were immediately engulfed in a restaurant full to overflowing with men and women wanting to welcome the boys home.
For funsies, please review telling me your favourite member of Team Ass, and why.
