Author's Note: I'm so excited to bring this chapter to you. I've been writing this chapter in my head since I started writing this story months ago. We finally get to find out about Auggie's background in this story and why he was never blinded in Iraq. We will also find out another secret that Annie has been hiding since the incident in Africa.
Please be warned that there are sensitive subjects discussed in this chapter. If you are prone to being offended when such subjects are discussed, please do not continue. I do not want to offend anyone. With that being said, please enjoy!
(PS, If you want to know what these subjects are before you read, just message me. I don't want to tell everyone right away so that the plot is not given away.)
Chapter 16
"Illness, Death, Nightmares and Kidnappings"
Annie sighed as she prepared to lay out everything for Auggie. He already knew some about Africa, but well, there were things she still had not told anyone. Things that still haunted her nightmares on an almost nightly basis.
"Should I go first? Or do you want to?" Auggie said bringing Annie back to the present. He could tell she was somewhere else. He wondered if it was easier for her mind to wonder now that she was blind and didn't have the constant visual stimuli to occupy her like he and most people did. He decided that he would ask her that another day.
"Sure, go ahead. You've been distracted all day and if I'm not mistaken you were crying earlier." She said with her eyes cast downward. She was secretly very grateful that he was willing to go first. She was learning to trust him faster than she thought possible, but it still made her nervous to open up to him. She was now in more of a sitting position on the couch with her right hand elevated diagonally in the sling resting on her left shoulder. This position stretched the collar muscles just a little more than having the arm horizontal as it had been. Her leg was still elevated while her left hand was in Auggie's right hand. He had moved to the chair beside Annie and now leaned towards her so that she did not have to lean forward.
"You noticed that?" Auggie said flabbergasted. "I'm sorry; I shouldn't have let you hear that."
"Hear what? That you're human?" Annie chuckled. "I think I already knew that August. It's okay to cry, its okay to need help and need to talk. Or so I keep being told."
Now it was Auggie's turn to chuckle a little. But Annie could tell it wasn't as sincere as it had been other days.
"Yeah, I guess it is. So, where should I start?"
"The beginning." Annie said before he could ponder further.
Again Auggie chuckled, "Okay, I'll start with the story of my ex-girlfriend. We met in January 2006. We dated for just over a year, til the agency told me I couldn't see her anymore. I was furious. It was June 2007 that the agency made me cut off all ties with her. I wanted to get away from everything right then and there. And so I did. I called Joan and told her I was taking an assignment with my old Army unit with Special Services. The assignment would have me out of the country for at least two years. Joan wasn't happy with it, but she couldn't stop me. No one could stop me. Or so I thought. I'd been deployed for six months when I got the phone call." He stopped and took a deep breath. Letting it out slowly, Annie squeezed his hand lightly to let him know she was still there. Sometimes not seeing people's facial expressions really took their toll on her. But right now, she felt Auggie's tension and slight shakiness as he told her what was obviously a deeply personal and emotional story. It shocked her that he would tell her something this serious and personal. He'd come to trust him some in the past couple weeks, but right now, she was seeing a side to the man that she had not expected. She had to admit that it made her want to trust him more.
"Mama was sick. My older brother called and told me I was needed home right away. The army let me leave a couple days later on Family Medical leave. This gave me up to three months to spend with her. I got there a few days after Christmas. But the family had not celebrated Christmas. They had all spent their time at the hospital with mama. The doctors said it was cancer. It was in her leg, stage II bone cancer, Chondrosarcoma to be the time I got there, the decision had already been made. They had been treating with chemotherapy and radiation for a few weeks, but the tumor had only gotten bigger. The doctors were afraid it would spread to other bones or other parts of the body if it wasn't dealt with soon. The surgery was planned for the next day. The plan was to just get the tumor out and leave as much of the bone as possible. But once they got in there, they came back out just a few hours into what we had been told would be a ten hour surgery. They said they needed to remove the limb, just below her knee. I was pissed. I threw down a chair or two and punched a wall in the waiting room before two of my brothers escorted me out of the room and out of the hospital. It was my father's decision. We know now that it extended her life a couple months, but it was a rough couple months." Annie didn't know what to say. She sat silent until he was ready to talk again. She intertwined their fingers and rubbed the back of his thumb absentmindedly as he silently cried next to her.
He sniffled once and she said simply "There are tissues on your left."
"Thank you." He said taking his hand out of hers and putting it in her lap. Grabbing a couple tissues, he blew his nose and dabbed at the tears she couldn't see. He was embarrassed to be crying, but somehow, knowing she couldn't see the tears made him feel like it was okay. He suddenly felt like he was taking advantage of her disability. Ashamed that he was almost glad she couldn't see him in his most vulnerable state. He knew that he would not be opening up to her like this if she were a sighted person. "I'm sorry for crying like this. I wouldn't normally do this." He admitted after grabbing another tissue.
"But you figure it's okay because I can't see it, right?" Annie finished his thought.
Auggie opened his mouth to speak, but didn't really know what to say. He simply hummed in agreeance.
"It's okay August. I'm not mad. I get it. You're an Army man. You work for the CIA. The last thing you want is for someone to see you in a vulnerable state. And since I can't actually see said state, it makes you feel less ashamed about it. "
He hung his head. "Yeah" he admitted.
"Hey, don't feel bad like that. Of course, I don't like that I can't see your facial expressions, body language, or tears, but the more I get to know you, the better I will become at knowing these things about you in other ways. I don't like being left in the dark, so to speak. So you'll learn to cue me to these things as well. If you plan on spending time with me after this "mission" is complete, you'll just have to learn how my world works. Don't feel bad about it, it can't be changed. Only how you react to it can change. Is there more to your story?" Annie reached towards him; ignoring the pain this caused her chest and ribs. She put her hand on his knee and patted it gently. If she could have, she would have got up and given him a hug, but as it was, this would have to do. It surprised her she was allowing herself to trust him as much as she did.
A few sniffles later, he began his story again. He had to admit talking about this was helping. It pleased him that she was beginning to trust him more and more with each passing day.
"Yeah, there's more." Auggie said, putting his hand on hers. He took a deep breath and continued his story, "Ma came out of the surgery fine. They were able to get the tumor completely. She was devastated that she lost her leg that she had thought she would be keeping. It was difficult for the family to watch her go through this. Then she started more chemo and radiation a week later just to kill any lingering cancerous cells. She got really weak and very sick. Two weeks of intense treatment, they declared her cancer free. She spent another two weeks in the hospital just to build her immune system before leaving the hospital."
Auggie paused again. He closed his eyes for a few seconds just to gather his thoughts. "Once she was home, I was the main one to take care of her. She was too weak get a prosthetic leg at first, so I helped her around in her wheelchair. She had to take tons of medicines and had to get daily shots to ward off infection. She depended on me, maybe too much. I might have let her depend on me so much that she didn't learn to do things on her own. She hadn't wanted to leave the hospital. She wasn't prepared to lose a limb. It took a huge emotional toll on the whole family. My father could barely keep the house running by himself. Paying the bills, cooking, cleaning-those were all things mom did. So I took on some of those tasks as well. My brothers helped as much as they could. But they all have families of their own to take care of. I'm the baby of the family and single. Mama lived just under two months after she left the hospital. Pneumonia was the official cause of death. She died on March 10th, 2009-a year ago today. To make it all worse, I found out a couple days later that, my entire unit was killed in an IED explosion in Iraq the same day my mother died." He gently rubbed his thumb over her hand and then after a minute brought her hand up to his face. Tears were free falling down his cheeks as he remembered the most difficult time in his life. He lost both his mother and his Army Brothers exactly one year ago.
Annie didn't move a muscle, unsure what he expected from her in this moment. Not being able to see the expression on his face meant she couldn't know exactly what he was feeling. But she imagined it to be a deep sadness. She was moved by his action, to allow her to experience such a vulnerable moment for him moved her deeply. No one had tried to understand her need to experience these usual very visual communication methods in a different way since she returned from Africa. No one except Danielle had taken the time to learn how to interact with her. Auggie now was taking steps to learn these things as well. It surprised and comforted her.
They sat like this for a few more seconds. As the tears began to come slower, Annie moved her thumb over his cheek and brushed some of the tears away. "It's okay to cry. Some say it's even healthy." She said gently.
"Thank you for letting me share that moment with you, August." At the last word, Auggie winces a little. She quickly moved her hand away thinking that she'd said or done something wrong.
"Sorry." She said meekly unsure at what had just happened.
"No, don't apologize. You did nothing wrong." He said quietly. "It's just-" Auggie took a deep breath. "No one, but my mama ever really called me August on a regular basis."
"Oh my God. Why didn't you tell me? All this time, I've been making you think of her just by saying your name. I had no idea."
"It's okay Annie." He said, taking her hand again. "Call me whatever you want to. I really don't mind that you call me August. I've gotten used to it the past couple weeks. It's just a little harder to hear today. Call me August or Auggie either one."
"I'll try to remember to call you Auggie, out of respect for the memory of your mom." Annie said after a few minutes of silence.
"Umm, Auggie, We should probably have dinner soon. Could you help get into the wheelchair and to the bathroom before we start dinner? Danielle will be over soon to help me shower."
"Of course, I'll help. After Danielle leaves, it'll be your turn to tell your story." Auggie said as he allowed Annie to put her good arm around him and support her as she made her way carefully to the wheelchair seated next to the couch.
While Annie was using the bathroom, Joan called Auggie.
"Hi Joan. What's up?" Auggie said as he answered the phone.
"Auggie, we have news from Africa." Joan said.
"And?" Auggie said a little impatient. He wanted to make sure Amos was still there and that Annie was not in danger.
"Our agents there have a recording we need Annie to help us translate. It will be here tomorrow, so I will be over in the morning." Joan told him.
"And what about Amos?" Auggie asked. He heard her sigh and hope the news he was dreading was not coming.
"Auggie, he's in the wind. We don't know where he is. Our guys lost him. I don't want Annie to know though. I don't want her worrying about him on top of everything else she is dealing with." Joan replied sternly.
"I understand Joan. See you tomorrow." He said before ending the call.
For dinner they had simple pasta that Auggie had thrown together with ingredients she had readily available. The warm sauce, bits of chicken, and penne noodles tasted amazing, but he couldn't help but wonder what Annie was thinking about what he'd told her. He had not revealed these things to anyone close to him. Only Joan knew of his mother's death and she was also the only one that made the connection of just how much he had lost last March.
Joan had constantly reminded him that he could have lost much more than just his Army buddies. She thought telling him that he could have lost his own life with them was a comfort to him. But no solider ever wanted to be the sole survivor of their team. He tried to ignore her when she reminded him of soldiers that came back from Iraq injured, disabled, and scarred. To him it was dishonorable that he had not been beside his brothers.
"Thank you for dinner, Auggie. You did a pretty good job." Annie said bringing him out of his thoughts.
"Pretty good?" He chuckled.
"Well, in my defense, I am used to eating Danielle-the gourmet chef's cooking at least most of the time. But this really was good." She said wiping her mouth with her napkin. She was careful to not make messes, but it was even more difficult than usual. She knew she had likely spilled sauce somewhere on the table or her clothing, but she was eternally grateful that he didn't make a big deal about it. She promised herself as soon as she was able she would start doing her fair share of the chores around the place.
As Annie heard Auggie pick up the plates from the table and take them to the sink to wash, she remembered his story. No wonder it wasn't a big deal for him to take care of someone newly disabled. He had done it with his mom. But that didn't explain his initial hesitance to her when they first met. Perhaps it was the blindness. Blindness was disability that couldn't be hidden behind a prosthetic leg or fixed with a simple aid. It smacked people in the face and that made them uncomfortable. He was very grateful to him for sharing his story. She couldn't imagine losing a family member she was close to, which for her would mean Danielle or one of her nieces, since neither of her parents ever came around her.
Her parents had come to see her in the hospital when she was still in Africa and had called to "check" on her a couple times since, but as far as Annie could tell, they had written her off. She knew Danielle scolded them for this every time she talked to them, but Annie didn't mind. The phrase "out of sight, out of mind" came to her mind and she smiled to herself.
Next it would be Annie's turn to tell Auggie something. She hoped he could handle it and that he wouldn't turn his back on her after knowing it. She knew it was a controversial topic, but could only hope that he could understand her point of view.
After dinner, Danielle came over and helped Annie shower and prepare for bed. Annie didn't say much to her and her silence didn't surprise her sister. Danielle knew what today was and what it meant to Annie. She also knew that her sister was in a good bit more pain than she was letting on.
"Are you taking your pain meds?" Danielle asked as she helped Annie put her pajamas on.
"Not much, about once a day." Annie said reluctantly. She knew her sister would just look at the pill bottles herself if she thought she was lying.
"Why not Annie? I know you in a lot of pain. You don't have to be brave. No one will think less of you for admitting you're in pain. You really should take it." Danielle said.
Annie, not wanting her sister's lecture to continue interrupted her saying, "Umm, it's not that Danielle. I'm not trying to be brave. The meds dull my senses. I already can't see, Danielle. So when I'm dizzy and unable to focus on what's around me, it's very frustrating. I know you can't imagine anything like this. But I'd rather endure some pain than feel like I can't know my own surroundings more than I'm already not able to."
"Okay Annie." Danielle said reluctantly. She didn't want her sister in pain, but she understood the explanation she gave for not taking it. "But at least take it at night so you can get proper sleep. You know your body heals best when it's resting. Can you promise me that?" Danielle asked. She really couldn't fully comprehend what Annie went through on a daily basis. She only wanted what was best for her sister.
"Yes. I can do that, sis. I'll take it before bed every night." She said and then added with a smile, "But if someone kidnaps me in the middle of the night because I didn't hear them, it's on you sista."
Danielle laughed, "Oh gosh Annie, don't even joke like that!"
"Too soon huh?" Annie laughed, but her aching ribs, protested the action. "Oh" She exclaimed, as she braced herself against the wheelchair Danielle had helped her into.
"See? Please take that medicine soon Annie." Danielle pleaded as she wheeled Annie out of the bedroom and back it the living room where Auggie sat reading a book he had found on Annie's bookshelf.
"Whatcha doing, Auggie?" Annie asked as they entered the living room. Her nightly routine took more than twice as long as it usually would have. So she knew he had to occupy his time with something during the last hour.
Auggie smiled. He was beginning to love listening to this woman's voice. And the way she said his name made the hairs on his arm stand up. He had to admit he missed her calling him August. It made her special-like his mother. The only women who dared to use his full first name instead of the nickname he preferred.
"Reading" Auggie answered simply.
"Ah, what are you reading?" Annie inquired.
""The Diamond Age" by Neal Stephenson. I hope you don't mind, I was just looking at your books and it caught my eye."
Annie chuckled at this, "Of course I don't mind. I never got around to reading that one. "Snow Crash" is somewhere around here too, I think. It's the novel before that one. Someone ought to get some use out of them. Read as many of them as you'd like, please."
"I read "Snow Crash" a few years ago." Auggie told her remembering meeting Natasha some years ago as she read the same book.
"I keep telling her she should donate them to a library or something, but she keeps putting it off." Danielle told Auggie. "They are just wasting away here. Someone else could get use out of them."
"I understand her need to keep them." Auggie said smiling as he put the book on the coffee table in front of him.
"What do you guys have planned for this evening?" Danielle asked after she and Auggie helped Annie get settled on the couch.
"I thought we could go star-gazing or maybe go for a jog around the neighborhood together." Auggie said very seriously.
"Auggie! You know those are things Annie can't actually do right now, right?" Danielle said in a hushed whisper as if Annie couldn't hear her plain as day.
At that moment, Annie started laughing hysterically, holding her side and moaning slightly as she did. "oh, guys, don't make me laugh that hard" she groaned, but still laughed a few seconds longer.
Auggie loved seeing Annie's smile. He's seen it so infrequently; he wanted to learn how he could see it more.
"See, she got it." Auggie said smiling. He had been pretty sure she wouldn't be offended by his little joke. Her laughter now proved he was correct
Taking a couple deep breaths to calm herself, she snickered once more. Still holding her injured ribs tightly she said "We are just going to relax tonight Danielle. Maybe pop some popcorn and watch or in my case listen, to a movie. I've only been home one full day, nothing wild and crazy, yet." Annie said smiling. Auggie's little joke had been unexpected, but a welcome relief to the seriousness that fell upon the day.
"Oh, okay. Well you guys have a good evening. Oh, Annie before I forget, I told the girls Silke could spend the night. Sorry, I should have asked. They got used to her staying there before you were in the hospital and I just couldn't say no to them."
"I figured as much. As long as she's here for breakfast in the morning." Annie said with a smile. She loved her nieces. She didn't spend as much time with them now as she used to and she felt bad about that. Her disability didn't seem to faze them as much as it did adults, but she still felt awkward around them. As she had with all of her old friends and most of her family members, Annie distanced herself from them.
"Tell the girls I love them and I'll see them in the morning." Annie called to the door as Danielle began to leave.
"Will do! Love you. Don't stay up too late." She opened the door, but before leaving said "And don't forget your promise. Night!"
Annie smiled to herself and began fidgeting with a nearby pillow.
"Promise? What promise did you have to make?" Auggie asked.
"I promised her I'd take my pain medicine every night before I go to bed." Annie sighed to herself. "Big Sis found out I haven't been taking it like I should. To say the least, she doesn't approve of me not taking it when I need it." Annie said still toying with the pillow.
"I'll be sure you keep that promise." Was his only reply. He did not pressure her on why she had not been taking it. He assumed she had a good reason. She trusted him to take care of her, so he figured he should extend that same trust to her. "Are we really going to watch a movie?" Auggie asked after a minute or so of watching Annie poke at a pillow.
"No. I just didn't want Danielle to question what conversation we were going to have." Annie said with her eyes cast downward. "It's my turn to tell you a story. You told me about your mom and brothers all dying, now I will tell you about why I've been a bit snippy all day. Ironically, my story also begins March 10th, 2009. Or ends there, depending how you look at it, no pun intended."
"What do you mean?" Auggie asked.
"Auggie, that's the day I went blind." She said, sighing. "Or, well, the day I started going blind maybe. I'm not really sure."
"So that's the day your captors released you?" Auggie questioned
"Yes and no. I think they released me the day before and I was found on the tenth or came to enough to notice my vision problems then. I don't remember much about that day or the days after that, but I do remember having trouble seeing. The last thing I remember seeing were a few shapes and shadows of the hut I was in. At the time it seemed like my most minor injury to just have some blurry vision. I didn't know it would get worse. I woke almost two weeks later from a coma, in a hospital, completely blind. The black veil before my eyes has refused to lift for exactly one year today."
"And now, you've had to endure another kidnapping. This time, because of me. I'm sorry for that, by the way." He said seriously.
"It's okay. Well, it's not okay. But you didn't do it on purpose. I'll be okay in a couple weeks. Just check your tail next time, please." Annie said smirking.
They sat in silence for a couple minutes during which time Annie starting fiddling with the pillow again.
Auggie noticing her anxiousness asked, "Is there something more to your story?"
"Well, yes." She said biting her lip, uncertain if she could say all this out loud. But he had opened up to her; she felt she almost owed it to him to do the same. "But no one knows this, only a therapist from the rehab center and a random clinic doctor. I'm not even sure I can say it out loud." She said nervously.
She had serious doubts about telling this to anyone, but something about Auggie made her want to trust him. She had come to trust him, despite what she had been through, more than she trusts almost anyone else, except maybe Danielle. But not even Danielle knew about this.
"You don't have to tell me if you're not ready Annie." He said taking her hand that she had rested atop the pillow.
Annie took a deep breath and groaned slightly at the pain in her side this caused her. "Annie, are you sure you don't want some pain medicine now?" Auggie asked concerned. He knew she was in a lot of pain. He'd had his fair share of broken bones over the years and knew they were no picnic to deal with.
"No Auggie, I'm fine for now, I'll take it in a couple hours when I go to bed. Thank you though."
After another couple seconds of silence, Annie began her story again.
"I went to the Virginia Rehabilitation Center for the Blind and Vision Impaired at the end of March. I had to learn how to live my life as a blind person, but before I could do that I had to 'learn to have a positive attitude about my blindness' or so the center said. At first I was reluctant to except anyone's help. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to learn Braille, how to manage my home, how to walk with a cane or orient myself in a room, or use a computer while blind. I didn't want to accept that I was really blind. I wanted things to be back to the way they were before I went to Africa. I wanted to feel whole again. I asked constantly for new CT and MRI scans to see if there was any sign that there might be improvement in my vision. I got really depressed for about two weeks when the doctor's consistently said it could be permanent and that I should prepare for that. They wanted me to do the rehab, even if it was going to return. They said that I should be prepared for if it didn't come back because that was my current condition. I know now that they knew it wasn't going to come back. Once I finally started trying at the rehab center, I got really sick with what I thought was some kind of flu or bad cold. I assumed it was just the weather change finally catching up to me. It's not exactly warm in D.C. in early April and I had been living in Africa for a year and a half. So it was a big climate change."
She paused again and turned her head as if searching for something. She released his hand and reached over to the table next to her and grabbed around as if searching for something. "Is my water from earlier not still on the table?" She said looking almost directly at him.
"Oh, sorry, I put the cup in the sink. I thought you were finished with it. I'll get you another glass of water." He said embarrassed as he got up from where he was sitting and went into the kitchen. He couldn't believe that he'd forgotten the number one rule of the house: don't move things without telling Annie.
"It's okay Auggie. We're still getting used to this arrangement. I can't expect you to remember to keep things where they are 100% of the time." She said as she heard Auggie close the cabinet door, heard the crushed ice being dispensed from the freezer, and water running from the faucet.
Auggie came back to sit on the chair next to where Annie sat. He tapped the glass against the back of Annie's left hand and sat his own glass on the table in front of him. As she took it she said "Very good. I see you've picked up a few things from Danielle."
"Yeah, I guess so. I try to watch how she interacts with you so I know what the proper way to do things is." He said bashfully, again ashamed that he was slightly grateful she couldn't see the embarrassing expression. He realized a second later that he'd just admit to openly watching her. He wondered if that was weird for her to hear. He knew he wouldn't like people staring at him all the time.
Annie reached out with the cup and set it on the table. "Am I far enough from the edge that it won't fall when I let it go?" She asked.
"Yep." He answered.
"Thanks."
"Okay, where was I?" Annie asked, but knew exactly where she had left off. She wasn't looking forward to telling this next part.
"You got sick and attributed it to the weather." He recalled easily.
"Oh right. One of the therapists at the rehab center noticed just how sick I had been, despite my trying to hide it. I didn't want yet another reason for them to pity me. But she noticed it and she called me out on it. I told her I didn't want a big fuss made. But she insisted that I allow her to take me to a clinic to be tested. She had a suspicion that I was pregnant. I assured her that was not possible, that I had not been with a man since I traveled to Sri Lanka in 2007. I was still sticking to my car accident story on how I'd been blinded. I also desperately hoped it was not true. I couldn't imagine going through pregnancy as I went through rehabilitation to learn how to live my life as a blind woman." Annie stopped and took another deep breath. Auggie could tell where this story was going. He took her hand and squeezed it gently, silently encouraging her to go on.
"As I'm sure you've already guessed I was pregnant. And since, you don't see any infants in my home. You know that I lost the baby or aborted it. It was a difficult decision made quite easy by my circumstances. Not only would I have been a newly disabled mother, but the child would have been the product of a violent rape, that I didn't want to literally have to care for day in and day out. Even to this day, I don't regret my decision. I sometimes think of what the child, well, children might have been like, but I don't regret ending the pregnancy. It simply was not the right time or circumstances."
"Children?" Auggie asked quietly.
"Yes, apparently, I was pregnant with twins. They told me after they performed the abortion-a girl and a boy." She sighed, looking down at her lap sadly, then continued. "I haven't told Danielle about this. I don't think she would understand my reasons for doing it. I think she would have told me to go through with the pregnancy and give them up for adoption. I don't even know that I feel comfortable with that. I know it's wrong to blame the child for its father's mistakes and cruelties, but I just don't know that I would have even wanted the child to live. Is that cruel of me? I still have nightmares about the men that this that to me. I still dream about infants crying as I sleep. I used to wake up in a panic trying to find the crying only to realize it was only in my dreams." As a single tear fell from her cheek, she took a slow breath in and then let it out slowly. Auggie knew she was trying to control herself and not let her emotions get the better of her.
She would have made one hell of a field agent. Auggie thought to himself
"Some day you will be a great mom. Annie, you did what was best for you at the time it all happened. No one can fault-"
"What?" Annie interrupted him suddenly.
"What'd I say?" Auggie asked shocked, sitting up straighter as her hand fell from his grip.
"You said 'some day you will be a great mom'?" She formed it as a question, unsure if he's actually said that or if she somehow imagined it.
"Yes. That's what I said." Auggie said cautiously, unsure where the conversation went wrong or where it was going.
Annie half-laughed at him and scoffed. "Yeah, sure. Who wouldn't want a blind mother? How in the world would I take care of a baby?"
Auggie sat shocked at her. Was this the same Annie he had met two weeks ago?
"I'm staring at you dumbfounded. Just so you know." Was all he managed to say. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. The whole time he'd known Annie she seemed like she could do anything. She seemed so sure of herself, despite her disability. But she had doubts just like everyone else and apparently huge doubts. Auggie wasn't sure if it was his place to set her straight or not. As he continued to watch her, a couple more tears fell from her cheeks, her head was titled away from him and to the side slightly as her eyes looked downward. For the first time since he had met Annie, she seemed broken to him. And it occurred to him that it was not her eyes that he saw as broken in that instance, but her self-confidence that was broken. Not completely, but enough that she had doubts in her ability to do things that he knew she could do.
Annie didn't know what to say. She was shocked that he had told her he was staring at her. No one, except Danielle ever did anything like that for her and now this was twice he had cued her almost effortlessly. She knew he was thinking about what she had revealed to him. But she was not sure if he agreed with her assessment of her maternal abilities or if he disagreed and wasn't sure he should say so or what to say. As the minutes ticked by, Annie fidgeted uncomfortably in her seat. She didn't want to admit that she was in a good bit of pain right now.
As he continued sitting there, he felt a loss for what he should do. The silence grew greater l between them as neither of them knew what to say. He wanted to tell her what he thought, but he was afraid of offending her. He really hadn't known her long enough to be able to fully say what he felt. But he knew for certain that he wanted to do everything in his power to make her feel as confident in herself as he now felt about her.
He felt shame that he had ever doubted her. That he had ever judged her. He knew better now.
"I think we should go to bed." Annie said suddenly breaking the silence that she imagined had to be at least fifteen minutes long.
"Of course. I'll help you. Let me get your medicine first. Do you want a sleep aid in addition to the anti-biotic and pain medicine?" Auggie said trying to shake the sudden overwhelming feeling to hug her. He wanted her to know that he believed in her, but he wasn't sure she would hear it. He didn't know that she was in a place in her life and with her disability to believe him. So he remained quiet about it for now.
"Yeah, I'll let myself sleep in tomorrow." She answered as she heard him leave the room.
Thirty minutes later, as Auggie helped her get into the bed, he finally gathered the courage to reply to her earlier revelation.
"By the way Annie, I've come to learn in the past two weeks, that they aren't many things you can't do. Motherhood would be difficult, but not much more difficult than anything else you've met and concurred." He said confidently.
"Thanks Augus-er, I mean Auggie. That means a lot. Maybe I'll get to the point that I believe it too someday." She said with a yawn.
"Get some sleep. I'll be right across the hallway if you need me. Oh, and there's a glass of water by your bed if you need it." He told her seeing that the sleep-aid was already having an effect on her.
"Thank you. Sleep well, Auggie." She said already sounding half asleep.
As Auggie himself started to drift off to sleep about twenty minutes later, he suddenly realized that Joan was coming over in the morning and he had just given Annie a sleeping pill that could have her sleeping until noon.
A/N: So, what do you think? Likes? Dislikes? Criticisms? How do you think I should continue from here? Please leave me a review to let me know what you thought.
Reminder: Just like you would clap or boo for a concert you attend, please review my stories as you read them. I'm not above saying, I really do NEED to hear from you. Each review is like a chocolate bar rewarded to me for my hard work. This keeps me sustained and encouraged to continue writing. Do you think I deserve that reward?
