Author's note: I'm back! Writing fanfiction and working on not one, but TWO novels right now. I'm writing everyday, so hopefully I'll be able to update these quicker. I make no promises though. Sorry this is so much shorter than usual, but I think its been worth the wait, perhaps? Let me know!
Chapter 18
"Blast from the Past"
Annie could not believe her ears. She also couldn't control her breathing. She was vaguely aware of Auggie soothing her, trying to help her come back to reality. His efforts were unsuccessful, but he continued trying as she gasped for air.
Auggie sat next to her, still trying desperately to not only calm her breathing, but figure out what had happened to cause the panic attack to begin with. Silke came over immediately, putting her head in Annie's lap, nudging her hand until it mechanically lifted to rub her. Auggie removed the headphones from Annie's ears, assuming correctly, that whatever Annie heard on the recording was the cause of her now very shallow breathing.
It was several minutes before she realized the voices she was hearing now weren't actually in her ears any more. The headphones long since removed, by herself or Auggie she wasn't sure. But now the voices she still heard were only in her head.
The first voice, wasn't the rough malicious voice she had heard through the headphones a few minutes ago, now it was the sweet nothings of her former lover-Ben Mercer. But could she be wrong? Maybe it was the voice of someone who just sounded similar to Ben. Could time and circumstances have changed her memory of him? Could this possibly be the same voice that her gut told her it was? Without a doubt, she knew it was.
Then the voice changed abruptly from Ben's to the other voice she recognized. Suddenly, she was back in African on a dirt floor hearing this man's voice taunt, question, and command her. She knew the voice she heard in her head now matched the one on the recording. The man's face came to her mind and she felt her stomach retract in horror. His face was one of the last clear images still burned into her memory. It was that of one of the men that had kidnapped her in Africa. She didn't know his name. But the voice was undeniable.
Annie did not want to believe what she had heard. It didn't seem real. How could the nightmare, the one she had been having for the last year, all of a sudden collide full force with her reality? Her reality was different than most peoples. It was without visual input, and had been for the last three hundred sixty-six days.
Annie sat there, gasping for air in awe of what she has heard. She tried to think rationally and force herself to accept what was happening. The facts were: she knew the voices she had just heard, all three of them. They were all familiar to her. They were all from her past. The first Amos, one of two men who had recently kidnapped and beat her, the second, the one asking about the complication, which had been Auggie, was none other than Ben Mercer, her former lover, and finally the third voice, asking if the guns would be ready on time, was one of the three men who had kidnapped and ultimately caused her to be blind. She'd never seen Amos, but she could bring to mind clear images of both Ben and her former captor. The latter being one of her final clear images she had before everything started going fuzzy and eventually completely black.
Her breathing became slightly more normal as Auggie persistently yelled her name, trying desperately to break the trance she was in. After several more minutes, he deduced she was at least past the worst of it, at least for the moment.
"Annie?" Auggie asked as Annie smoothed her hand over Silke's fur. Silke laid her head on Annie's right knee and Annie continued absentmindedly rubbing her head and ears.
"Annie?" Auggie repeated as Annie continued staring with her unseeing eyes, unmoving, not acknowledging him in the least.
Hesitantly, he placed his hand on her arm. She flinched, but did not pull away from his touch. "Annie. What just happened? Do I need to call Joan and tell her you can't do this or do you just need a break?" He didn't want to be so button down about the work that needed to be done, especially when Annie was clearly upset, but he needed to keep the mission in mind as well as keep her safe.
She continued sitting there, only moving one hand to rub Silke's head.
"Call Joan." She said in a barely audible voice without moving.
Auggie did as he was asked and immediately called Joan, grateful that his phone had been on the table so he did not have to leave Annie's side for even a second.
"Joan, we need you back here. I don't know what's happened, but there's something on this recording that has upset Annie quite a bit." Annie heard him say.
"No, I think she's okay now." She heard tell Joan, guessing Joan had asked if she was okay.
"I'm not sure Joan. You might want to have someone on standby just in case. Yes, see you soon." He said just as he hung up.
After disconnecting with Joan, Auggie continued to watch Annie. She still had not moved even to blink. One hand still mechanically moved over Silke's head, but he knew she was not conscious of the action. To his relief, her breathing had slowed to a more normal rate. Her face showed a sort of shock as her mouth was open slowly and her eyes were open wide.
"Annie? What can I do?" Auggie asked softly sweeping her blonde hair behind her ear, startling her. As her body recoiled away from his touch, he tried not to feel hurt. He knew what she'd been through the last year. He knew more than anyone else exactly how sensitive she was to being touched and why. But it still hurt that she so quickly, now twice, flinched at his touch.
Annie sat there, trapped in the memories of the past, desperately wanting to escape them. She felt herself being touched and hated her body's automatic recoil to it. She wanted Auggie's comfort right now. She craved to be held, for him to tell her everything was okay, that she was okay. She'd never seen Auggie, but there was something about him that she couldn't explain, but no matter how hard she tried, her body wouldn't let her accept even his most innocent touches. Even times when he was helping her, her body went cold. It recoiled as if he were slime. It betrayed her in so many ways. She'd begun to trust him. She wanted to show him that she wasn't just some scared blind woman, but she was betrayed by her own body every time. A body that refused to allow her to see him if just for a moment. A body that would flinch at his touch that she only wanted more of. A body that now, even after all this time, could not handle being completely comfortable in the same room as a man.
