A/N: This takes place just after Baz gets poisoned! Don't worry, we get back on with the story next chapter!
"Simon!" called Baz from his study. Simon came sprinting in, eyes wide, fearing Baz would be dead or on fire or fighting an angry demon. You know, the normal stuff. Instead he was just sitting in his chair, reading. He looked up and snapped the book shut when he saw Simon.
"What? What is it?" Simon whispered, checking Baz over quickly. Nope, his leg was still there. Thank magic.
"Nothing, I just…" started Baz, seeming stuck for words, which was rare. Simon pulled up the desk chair and sat, taking both of Baz's in his own. Baz sighed, leaning forward and giving Simon a kiss on his forehead. "Remember when we were at Watford, and, well, not, technically we weren't at Watford, we were technically at my house, over that break? Just after our first kiss?"
Simon nodded, remembering the night vividly. The driving all around London. The vampire club. The fire. Baz trying to kill himself, then… the kiss. Yeah, that night had its ups and downs.
"I had asked you why you didn't think. Do you remember the answer?"
Simon felt a pang of guilt in his heart. That had been the first time he had told anyone the truth about his life. They all knew it, though they didn't acknowledge it. The words ran through his head now…
Because it doesn't matter. In the end, I just do what's expected of me. When the Humdrum comes after me, I fight him. When he sends dragons, I kill them. When you trick me into meeting a chimera, I go off. I don't get to choose or plan. I just take it as it comes. And some day, something will catch me unawares or be too big to fight, but I'll fight anyway. I'll fight until I can't anymore-what's there to think about?
It was all true. One day, he would encounter something that even he couldn't handle, and he wouldn't plan. He'd fight to his last damned breath, and it would kill him. He didn't have the luxury to plan or strategize. Just to kill and destroy anything in his path. He didn't have a future and they all knew it. He nodded and bit back a tear. Baz watched him closely, practically reading his thoughts. The same ones were going through his own head.
"Simon, what if this is that big thing we can't handle?" he asked, eyes like balls of glass the Simon refused to meet. He had also thought about that.
"I'll be happy then" the said, not taking his eyes off the wall. He sighed and put on his most cheerful look. "I'll die with you"
Baz rolled his eyes, making a guttural ugh in the back of his throat.
"Simon, I'm serious. I don't want you doing anything like this for me. You'll die and you won't even see it coming because you'll be so blinded by rage you won't be able to tell whose helping and who's trying to kill you!" Baz practically shouted. Simon looked down at his palms. "Simon" started Baz again, quieter now. "I don't matter. Magic lives and dies with you. You're practically made of it. I die, a couple people mourn, so what? But Simon Snow, if you die, we all die too"
"Goddamn it Baz!" shouted Simon, standing quickly, enveloped in rage. "When will you stop? You think that no one would care if you live or die but that's not true. I care, Baz!"
Baz was standing as well now, leaning slightly forward.
"I know! I'm not saying you wouldn't, I'm just stating the obvious! You're more important than me! You are everything!" hissed Baz, stretching back the last word. Simon blinked.
"Simon I was watching Doctor Who the other night. River song had the best line to describe us. She said that loving the Doctor is like expecting a sunset to admire you back. That's exactly what it feels like with you. You're a fucking star, and I'm just a piece of icy rock caught in your orbit" He sighed, all fight seeming to leave him. Simon stared, eyes wide.
"Baz, is that really how you feel?" Baz nodded. "Baz, it's completely opposite for me. When I'm with you, I feel more powerful than I ever did with my magic. You are my everything, Baz. When we were first dating, I didn't believe it. I told myself over and over again that it was a mistake, that you were playing some cruel joke. But you weren't. Basilton Pitch, I will love you until I die, weather that's years and years from now or tomorrow. Just know, that no one has ever had my heart like you do now"
A/N: I do not own Doctor Who or River Song! Just wanted to say that. Here's my mood lightener chapter, I guess. I was re-reading Carry On, again, and I read the line from Simon and just had to write a chapter about it. I didn't even plan for the Dr. Who part, I just suddenly found myself typing it. The end is a bit rough, but I'm hella tired, so, goodnight guys. Please review or follow or fav. Those make me happy
