When pushed by circumstances, everyone can become a killer.

What about us? Are we different in any way? My brother is trying not to give in to that creed of the perfect slaughterer.

I've seen him fighting for weeks, trying to hide hard feelings towards fate, towards Dad, or even me, for all that matters. Sometimes he succeeds. Sometimes not.

Should I tell him I envy him: at least he's in control of what happens to him.

Maybe I'm turning into some kind of freak. But I'd give anything to see Dean get better and overcome what he's going through!