Epilogue: The Speech
Nick stood and adjusted the jacket of his tux. He looked out at the tables in front of him, filled with a mixture of mammals he knew; friends, family, and acquaintances. Their murmuring died down as they saw him standing.
"We are all here to congratulate this fine couple as they begin their lives together."
A few cheers and a smattering of applause from the audience.
"And there are many who wish you the best. But, sadly," His ears fell mournfully back, "I can not be one of them."
The room fell deathly quiet.
"Obviously, you fine people don't understand. It's not any loss of love for them, but solely for selfish reasons. Let me explain." He turned towards the bride and groom.
"Finn. You've been there for me through thick and thin. My friend, my partner, my confidant. There are only two people on this planet that I've shared every secret thought, fear, and hope from the depths of my soul with. I married one of them." He waggled his fingers at one of the closer tables where Judy sat. "Hi darlin'. And sorry mom, but there's just some things a mother shouldn't know about her children.
"For all intents and purposes, you have been like a brother to me Finn. So don't think I don't wish you the best of fortune in your life. There were cadres… no, hordes… no, armies worth of girls for you to choose from. I know because I saw most of them leave your van the morning after. Which is also why I think you had to keep replace the suspension on it so often."
There were a few chuckles in the large hall.
"And out of all the mammals in Zootopia, in the entire world. You. Finn. My mammal. My brother. Had to marry her."
He motioned to the bride, who just shot back the same cocky grin he would have if she gave a similar speech at his wedding. While some of the crowd might have been confused or concerned where this speech was going, it didn't phase Finn or Natalie one bit.
"My brother, marrying my sister. Just on a surface level that's super weird for me. There should be laws against this. But there's not. I should know, I'm a cop. I looked and didn't find anything. This is perfectly legal. Unbelievable."
More guests were catching on the to absurdity of the speech and laughing.
"But it's even worse than that." Nick was starting to sound panicked as his voice picked up pace, "They're a great couple. And do any of you know what great couples do? They share everything with each other. Every. Thing. I estimate that by week's end, Nat will have squeezed everything about me out of Finnick. And then my life will be over. Because, and I want you to know I love you very much dear sister, you can not keep your trap shut.
"Soon after everyone will know everything about me." Nick was in a near frenzy, gesturing wildly as he spoke, "I'll be ridiculed and thrown off the force! Unable to support my own wife, with a child on the way, what is a fox to do! I won't be able to show my face anywhere in the city!"
"Hey! I'm a cop too." Judy yelled back.
"Why has nobody thought of how damning this union is to me?" He nearly howled in exasperation.
A spoonful of cake splatted against Nick's head. He turned and saw Finn laughing with a cake covered spoon in his hand.
"You little traitor." Nick grinned and was totally caught off guard when Natalie beaned him straight in the face with her entire slice.
"I despise both of you and hope you live long and loving lives."
Author's Note:
The last chapter is the end of the story. This was just a funny little thought I had afterwards. Like a post credit "what happened to the cast" kind of thing. It's silly. But I like it.
