She doesn't get far before she has to stop to lean against a wall, surrounded by laughing, chatting people - men and women who go about their day as usual, even though the girl in the fancy dress has just been nearly raped and then forced to see the man she loves and the man she left again.
She is not okay. Her mind, heart and soul are a mess, and she's not sure how she can make it all right again.
She ducks into a marquee that's full of bustling bodies, chattering away about the races. She can't be surrounded by all these people, the people who don't know what she's been through, who have no care for her broken heart or broken body. Moving through the crowd with far less confidence than she thinks she's ever had, she pulls herself into a small wooden telephone booth, collapsing to the floor as soon as the door is shut and nobody can see her.
No one can witness her breakdown.
She cries for what seems like hours but is probably only a few minutes. It is an emotional release and when the sobs muffled by her tear-moistened hands die down, she feels lighter. She needs a shower, she decides, and some comfort from Josie and the other girls. She has had her fill of this kind of London life. She wants to settle, to have some level of consistency and happiness in her life.
She sighs shakily into her booth as she comes back into the reality of her world.
The room is quieter and she can hear the commentators shouting names and times and figures at the crowds - the race must've begun. The big races. There are only a few voices left surrounding her now, and she hopes nobody notices her feet poking out of the booth. She wants to hide for just a little longer.
One of these voices catches her attention as soon as she hears his name.
"Does he know you're lying? Hm? Does Tommy know?" The voice is a man's low tone, the lilting Irish accent more sinister than comforting.
The second voice replies, "He can't know." Grace. Daisy knows she shouldn't be listening in, but she can't help it. She can never help herself when it comes to him.
The man laughs heartily and mockingly. "He'll find out sooner or later."
"Why do you care anyway? You washed your hands of me."
"That'd be impossible," the man says to her softly, almost tenderly. Grace feels even more intrusive now, but she's lost in the conversation. It is a welcome distraction. She wants to know what they're discussing - Grace is lying to Tommy about something. But what?
"What're doing, Grace? In nine months time, he's going to find out you lied." The voice is still soft, and quieter - Daisy has to strain to hear it. Nine months - Grace is lying about her pregnancy?
When Grace speaks again, she hears the tremor in her voice as though the blonde is going to start crying. "I don't know. I'm hoping he'll go to bed with me and I'll actually get pregnant but…" She sniffs. "He won't. He won't come near me."
She isn't pregnant.
The news hits Daisy like a freight train and suddenly all the things she was worried about, sad about, scared about before don't matter. Because Tommy left her for this unborn child. He is counting on this child, he is excited for it.
And there is no child to speak of.
Daisy isn't sure what comes over her but she stands up quickly, and flies out of the booth heading straight towards the couple.
The man is older than she thought he'd be but still an imposing figure. Grace looks shocked to see Daisy and then panicked. Very, very panicked.
"You're lying to him?" Daisy voice is croaky from tears but firm - she cannot let this slide. This child is the reason he chose Grace over her. She cannot, will not. allow Grace to continue to lie to Tommy in this way. Does she not know the wreckage she has caused? The wreckage she will cause once Tommy finds out?
"Who the fuck are you?" The man says gruffly, bristling at this strange, presumably bedraggled, woman listening to their private conversation.
"She's Tommy's— She was—"
It seems Grace is as confused by Daisy and Tommy's relationship as she is.
"Do you know what you've done? What you'll do to him when he finds out?" Daisy starts quiet but her voice grows in strength as she goes on, the anger fuelling her. "How did you think this would end?!" She takes a step forward out of passion, out of frustration, out of sheer bemusement and Grace does something neither the man or her see coming.
She grabs the gun from the man's waistband and points it at Daisy.
She stops suddenly, her face going entirely blank. What is Grace doing?
The blonde woman looks manic, scared and panicked beyond belief… her hand is shaking, tears are running down her face and her eyes dart around looking for potential witnesses. There are none but the man watching her carefully with a frown - they have all done to watch the race.
"What are you doing, Gracie?" The man mutters quietly, carefully.
"She can't tell him. She's the reason he's not with me. The reason he can't look at me sometimes. She's just a whore, she wouldn't be missed." She spits the word vindictively, as though that is a worse thing to be than a potential murderer.
Daisy is cold. She can't think beyond anything but that gun and the crazed look on Grace's face. If she dies…
If she dies she will die with regrets. She will die without seeing Tommy again, before holding him again. She'll die and leave her girls alone in the world once more, without a home, without love and comfort. She'll die not ever seeing her hometown again. She'll die without making a difference, without feeling accomplished. She'll die unhappy.
This isn't what she'd envisioned. She wanted to be in bed, old, surrounded by her children, maybe a grandchild if she was lucky to live that long.
Evidently, if there was a God… He hated Daisy. He'd clearly decided that one year of happiness was all that she was entitled to. No more.
"If it wasn't for you…" Grace trails off, her hand over her empty stomach.
"Grace," a new voice calls, strained.
Tommy and Arthur walk into the tent slowly, neither of them taking their eyes off Grace and the incredibly unsteady gun in her hand. The man with her seems angry at Tommy too, as though he is the bad guy in this situation.
"Tommy," Grace sighs wearily, the gun dropping by an inch or two.
"What are you doing, Grace?" Tommy's voice is low, soft and like ice - it's his most dangerous voice and Daisy gets impossibly colder when she hears it.
"I—I—" Her eyes flash between Tommy, the man by her side and Daisy. "I'm not—Tommy I'm not—"
Grace sniffs, then seems to throw all caution to the wind. "Why don't you love me anymore? Is it because of this whore? Is it because I married someone else? Why? I'd do anything for you." Tommy is walking slowly towards her and Grace seems to have forgotten about the scared woman at the other end of the barrel.
Taking advantage, Daisy starts to move away from the spot she's in, towards where Arthur is stood, but the man by Grace cuts his eyes to her and he's so intimidating that Daisy stops her escape. If he spoke up and made Grace jump…
"There's no baby, Tommy. I lied. I'm sorry—" Grace lowers the gun as her emotion rises and it's all the opportunity Tommy needs to lunge towards her and snatch the gun from her. The man by Grace moves faster than Daisy had expected with his age and the leg that looks damaged, but he surprises her. He jumps for Tommy and Tommy jumps for Grace and for a split second they all become a blur of one being.
Daisy exhales shakily and dashes over to where Arthur stands, pulling his own gun out ready to jump in.
"Stay 'ere," he grinds out between clenched teeth, walking into the foray and trying to pull his brother out.
Daisy stands there motionless, the events of the day catching up with her. Her eyelids flutter, and her chest grows exceedingly heavy. She passes out, hitting the floor hard enough to distract the fight in the middle of the room.
Daisy is thankful for the ensuing darkness that surrounds her, thankful she can escape her reality.
It is not what she thought her life would be at all.
But then, when is it ever?
She wakes up slowly, stretching out each of her limbs before opening her eyes. She's in her room at the house - she can hear the girls giggling downstairs and hear the familiar creeks the house has. It's comforting.
She needs comforting.
"You're awake." The voice comes from her right, and she turns her head to see Tommy sitting by her bed with his fingers steepled in front of him as he leans forward. He has a bruise forming under his eye and a cut by his lip but he looks otherwise unharmed.
"What happened?"
"Grace's been arrested, despite Inspector Campbell's efforts. Although I expect her 'usband'll bail her out soon enough."
She nods as though that's all she wants to know. She has so many questions these days, so many things going through her mind at all times… no wonder her brain shut down.
"How are you feeling?" He asks her, his clear blue eyes furrowing in concern.
"Fine." It's a lie and they both know it. She feels anything but fine. Her mind and her body are simply exhausted and she doesn't know what she needs more - him near her or to be completely alone.
"You started the home you wanted."
His voice shines with pride and it warms her soul. She did do it. It's one of two things she will never regret.
He is the first.
"Daisy…" he trails off, sighing and looking away. As she expects, his jaw is clenched firmly, and she sees his fingers twitching as though they longed to have a cigarette in them.
"I'm so sorry, Daisy." His voice is nearly a broken whisper, and it's a sound Daisy never expected to come out of Tommy Shelby's mouth. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know Arthur had spoken to you, let alone asked you to come to the races. I didn't know Grace was that desperate to get away from her life. I didn't mean for my work to make you come here to—" The sentence ends abruptly as though he's just remembered what Daisy did to help him. What almost happened.
"I'm going back to Birmingham next week."
She doesn't know what to say. He'll be gone for good, then, she expects. No chance of her seeing him around London anymore, no chance meeting. Her heart grows heavy and her stomach clenches uncomfortably. She will never be ready to say goodbye to him. It will never be easy for her.
Only…
"Come with me. Come back with me. Back to me."
His voice is monotonous and devoid of emotion now but that's how she knows he's serious. He is looking straight into her eyes as though he expects her to start smiling and cheering.
She simply stares back.
Because whilst her heart is bursting with this potential opportunity, with this almost perfect outcome, this fairy-tale ending… she sees something in his eyes that she's never seen before.
Pity. Guilt.
And she knows she can't go with him. Not yet.
The answer shows on her face - they know each other too well for him to not notice it. "I'm not askin' cause I feel sorry for you. I— I fucking love you Daisy."
Tears roll down her face and she has to look to the ceiling just to escape the prison his eyes chain her in. She can't say no to him when he's looking at her like this.
Quietly, he asks, "Don't you love me?"
A humourless laugh escapes her. "Of course I do." He is a silly man to think otherwise. Can he not tell that her heart has been his since she was nine years old?
His frown deepens. "Then why—"
"You chose her, Tommy. You chose her. I can't just—I can't. Not this soon. Not after what happened."
"I didn't know…"
"I'm not blaming you," she hurries to add, her eyes darting back to him quickly. She wishes she hadn't - he looks terrible, not at all like the suave, cool, self-possessed man that is Tommy Shelby. He looks like a young boy again.
They are quiet for a moment as they work through their thoughts. Daisy is overwhelmed still - she doesn't know where to begin.
Tommy clears his throat. "I'm back in London in a month to check in. Can I see you then?"
She tries to summon a smile but she is so tired. "Of course you can. Of course you can."
He gets up to leave, straightening his jacket and his cap out in the process. The action is so…him that her lips quirk up slightly. He comes over to her and presses a gentle kiss at the corner of her mouth, one than lingers and makes her stomach clench and her toes curl.
It is a promise. That this is not the end. That he won't give up.
Through the tiredness, the hurt, the pain, the fear… Daisy Smith feels a familiar feeling, deep in her bones. It runs through her entire body, right down to her fingertips that are clenched in the bedding around her. It is an old friend she thought had left her the day Tommy chose Grace over her. She welcomes the feeling back with open arms, and she knows that something is coming that will change everything.
It is hope.
Apologies for the delay/errors in this work - as always. I am like a broken record. I am hoping to get this story finishes over the Christmas period as I am lucky enough to have a few weeks off work!
In the meantime, thank you all so much for your reviews! And I hope you all have a truly wonderful Christmas (if you celebrate it!) xoxo