I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 31 "Kingsley's Advice"

Kingsley glanced around the bustling St. Mungo's hospital until his eyes landed on the person he was looking for.

"Lily?" Kingsley tapped the white-clad healer on the shoulder as she rushed past, and she turned.

"Kingsley!" a smile crossed Lily's face as her eyes landed on him.

Kingsley smiled back, pleased at her appearance. Lily looked better since he had last seen her, which unfortunately was a few weeks ago. He had stopped by her parent's house this morning, wanting to pay her a visit since he had an extra minute this morning, and they told him she had moved to Severus' apartment. When he heard that, he was a bit alarmed about her being on her own, but it seemed clear that that simple action had changed the world for Lily.

"How are you? I heard you moved out."

"I feel better, Kingsley. A lot better." Lily smiled at him again, and Kingsley patted her shoulder; it was nice seeing her normal, well almost normal. He could tell the smile was not a facade, a way of holding off concerned questions, but real. But there was still something beneath it, a deep loneliness and longing.

"I'm sorry how I acted towards you when we last talked, I know you were just trying to help," Lily looked away suddenly, slightly ashamed. "I still don't want to talk, but I'm alright. Is that why you haven't been by? Were you upset with me?"

"No." Kingsley said quickly. He would never leave Lily alone like that. He understood why she acted the way she did, and he didn't blame her for it. "I've just been busy."

"Anyway, I'm fine because Sev will be back soon!" Lily reached into her pocket, pulled out a small date book and and opened it to the current month. The current day and all the days before it were crossed out with a purple X, and the day Severus was supposed to be released was circled four or five times in red ink. "See? Three more weeks!"

"I'm sorry I haven't been by lately, Lily. I've been really busy with the recent outbreak of Death Eater attacks. There's just so much to do. I wanted to come see you, but I wasn't able to get away." Kingsley face darkened as he spoke about the Death Eaters, and Lily put a hand worriedly on his shoulder.

"Are you alright?"

Kingsley glanced at Lily's face, tight with concern, and felt a sudden wave of love for her. He put an arm around her shoulder.

"Yeah. There's so much death and carnage out there, for muggles and wizards alike, and it's horrible to see. You never get used to it. But at least there's one living example to show our efforts pay off." He smiled at her and she blushed.

"I'm getting there, Kingsley. Slowly but surely. And I couldn't have done it without you. Without your help, Sev probably would have gone to prison forever."

Kingsley nodded slowly. "Maybe, maybe not. I just wish he had come to us sooner so he wouldn't have to be in prison at all."

"Well, he didn't. That's Sev. But at least he'll be back soon. Hopefully he'll be okay." Lily looked troubled for a moment, but recovered quickly, although her smile was dimmer then before. "I'm actually leaving now, do you want to come over for dinner? Do you have time?" Lily's eyes pierced the auror, and he couldn't say no.

"Alright, but I can't stay long, I have to get back. There will probably be some other attack we'll have to sort out."

Lily grabbed his hand before waving goodbye to a passing colleague and heading outside towards the Apparation area, glad she could do something for Kingsley for once, even if it was just making him a simple dinner.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Kingsley tapped his fingers on the wooden kitchen table as Lily prepared dinner. It was hard for him to relax these days. Lily glanced around at the tapping noise and frowned. She didn't want to keep him if he needed to leave, but she wanted him to have a break.

"Do you need to go?" she questioned as she waved her wand so two plates flew out of the cupboard toward her.

"No, not yet." Kingsley pulled his hand from the table and put it in his lap so his fingers would stop their ceaseless tapping. "I can hardly relax anymore, what with being woken up in the middle of the night to hear news that a town of muggles just got slaughtered, or something of that sort. It's horrible."

Lily placed a plate of steak and potatoes in front of Kingsley before sitting down. "Yes, we get patients in that have suffered at the hands of the Death Eaters and Voldemort. There was a little boy last week..he died. It was too late. I almost couldn't-" Lily took a deep breath, the memory overwhelming her. Kingsley reached over and grasped her hand tightly, reassuring her and she gave him a strained smile.

"I've seen the same, children slaughtered and tortured while their parents watch, unable to help. It's never easy. Think about your own parents, watching a man take advantage of their daughter, torturing her, almost killing her and not being able to help, even afterwards." Kingsley decided to bring up a touchy subject for Lily. She needed to address her problems before it became too much. "They were very upset that you wouldn't confide in them."

Lily looked away. "I couldn't. I didn't want to talk to them."

"And that's what got you into this mess, Lily. You need to let people help you... otherwise, if you keep everything bottled inside it'll eat you alive like acid. You have to get it out and let other people help. Even if you think it would be best not to get them involved, it's the opposite. You're hurting them by not letting them help." Kingsley pushed.

"I'm fine now, I'm over it, and Sev will be come back soon." Lily stabbed a potato with her fork and pushed it around her plate.

"But it's not just Severus, is it? Everything that happened with James, you just pushed that away? Or do you still think about it?" Kingsley caught her eyes with his, and they betrayed her verbal protests that she was fine. They had a grey haunted look full of fear when he mentioned James.

"Kingsley, please don't-" Lily stood up and tried to walk away, but Kingsley shot a hand out and grabbed her wrist.

"No, Lily. I know you're still upset, I can tell. I don't want you losing it one day, and disappearing." Kingsley said, not loosening his grip, even with Lily tugging insistently. "You are better then when I last saw you, but I'm still worried, Lily. I don't want you to suffer by yourself."

"I won't run away! I won't loose control!" Lily protested, giving a hard tug that finally made Kingsley release her.

"Like you didn't run away when Severus was trying to help you? When you gave up and went to James? Like you tried to run away right now while I was talking to you?"

Lily sat back down and sighed, knowing she was fighting a losing battle, and put her head in her hands.

"I was just trying to protect-" she mumbled half-heartedly, but Kingsley cut her short.

"Yeah, and do you see what happened? You almost died, Severus is in prison, and your parents are distraught. How do you think Severus would feel if he came back, and you weren't here? He would be lost without you, and you him. Look at you now! You're living through each day, longing to be back with him. But all I'm saying is that it might all be too much, and you might break again. I don't want that to happen. I want to help." Kingsley said, desperation in his voice. "Please. I'm not trying to be mean or force you to do anything, I just love you and I want you to be okay."

Lily pressed her palms against her eyes, watching white spots pop in the blackness. It was her current method of avoiding tears, but this time it wasn't working.

"I don't know what to say." Lily choked out, her throat burning with the effort of holding back the tears.

"Say anything that you're thinking about. Tell me anything you want to let out." Kingsley said gently, pulling Lily's hands away from her eyes.

Lily spoke without thinking, saying the first words that were on the tip of her tongue. "The words carved in me..whenever I see them, I see his face, clearly, and it haunts me, and I'm afraid he'll be there when I turn around, that he's going to take me away forever."

"Lily," Kingsley stood, and wrapped his arms around the sobbing woman, trying to comfort her. She pressed her face into his robes, still seated.

"Severus is all alone in Azkaban. Will he be the same when he comes back? Or will he be different? I will love him no matter what happens, but I am afraid of what Azkaban did to him." Lily's voice was barely audible through the tears and Kingsley's robes.

"Lily, as long as he has you to help him heal, I think he'll be fine." Kingsley reassured her.

"But what if he's not? And it will be all my fault!"

"You made a mistake, but everyone does. You learn from your mistakes, and you fix them when you can. Severus does not blame you. I think he blames himself." Kingsley said, patting Lily's back softly.

"Why would he blame himself?" Lily pulled away from Kingsley and looked up at him questioningly.

Kingsley touched her cheek lightly, wiping off some tears before answering. "Because if he had gotten to you before James had asked you out, none of this would have happened. He could have protected you from all of it."

"But I could have said no to James, too."

Kingsley sighed lightly. "I'm just showing you how people view the situation, Lily. The blame could be placed on both you and Severus, but it is nobody's fault. It happened, and now you have to fix it. You both need to heal, and who better to do it then each other?"

"Oh, Kingsley," Lily started, but was unable to continue, and she pressed her face back into Kingsley, desperate for his comforting warmth.

Kingsley stroked her hair gently as she sobbed. "Do you feel better, talking about what's bothering you? Is it helping?"

Lily nodded into his chest, wrapping her arms around him tightly.

Kingsley smiled, even though she couldn't see. "I told you, Lily, you just need to let people-" a burst of light suddenly appeared in the room. As it dimmed a bit, he could see the shape of a python Patronus. It opened its mouth, and hissed in an echoing voice, "Kingsley, you're needed."

"Lily, I have to go," Kingsley quickly let go of Lily and stepped towards the python light, which was coiling in circles, waiting for him.

"Kingsley, do you have to?" Lily's hands were still gripped tightly in his robes.

"You know I do," he said, and gently pried her hands off his robes. "But I'll be back. I will. We can continue this then, alright? I'll be here for you Lily, always. I will help you."

He smiled and patted her cheek gently before moving to touch the light with the tip of his wand. There was a flash, and when Lily next looked up he was gone, along with the Patronus.

Lily stared blankly at the plates on the table, which were still mostly full, then back to the spot where Kingsley disappeared. She did feel better; she had missed having Severus to talk to, and it was nice to have Kingsley there. But now she also felt worse, because that void of loneliness had suddenly grown when Kingsley had gone. She took three deep breaths, and wiped her tear-stained face with her napkin.

Kingsley said he would be back, so he would, but she didn't know when. Lily couldn't just sit here and wait for him to come back. She picked up the two plates with shaking hands to bring them to the kitchen counter, and dropped one of them. It crashed to the floor, and shards of plate and pieces of food scattered across the clean tiles. She closed her eyes for a minute, trying to calm herself. It was okay, it was fine, she would just clean it up. She placed the other plate on the counter and waved her wand so that the debris on the floor swirled up in a tornado-like shape and made its way to the trash can.

What should she do now? Clean some more downstairs? But a sudden tiredness fell over her as she thought about lugging heavy barrels full of ingredients across the floor, and she flicked off the kitchen light and made her way to the bedroom.

Lily didn't even notice that she was still wearing her uniform as she slipped between the covers and snuggled in. She sighed, pressing her face into pillow. It had lost most of Severus' scent by now, but she still hadn't washed the sheets or bedding, because she knew he had touched it. She felt a closeness when she touched something that he touched. It relaxed her somehow.

She stroked the pile of Severus' robes that she kept folded up on the other side of the bed, and felt herself drifting off. She wanted to sleep and not think about anything, but she couldn't help realizing a bubble of fear had risen inside of her; not for Severus this time, but for Kingsley. She hoped he would be alright,wherever he was going. Those Death Eaters were scary and dangerous people, and she saw firsthand the result of their torture and destruction.

James could have been a Death Eater, Lily thought sleepily. He was certainly evil enough.

Her fingers grew slack in Severus' robes as her muscles relaxed and she drifted off, and the last thing on her mind was the danger Kingsley was in.

Yay! Kingsley's back! Please review! Can't wait to update!

-Dementors