I don't own Harry Potter.

Bad things are about to happen!

Chapter 33 "Dead"

Lily glanced into the hospital waiting room, looking for Kingsley. She was expecting him to come by, after he hadn't come back last night or this morning. But there was still no sign of him.

"Lily!" Healer Prentis, Lily's superior, huffed coming up behind Lily."There's been another Death Eater attack, we need you."

"Where are the patients?" Lily let her eyes roam around the surroundings, but didn't see any patients that looked like they had just been in an attack.

"They're not here," Healer Prentis replied. "We couldn't move them from the scene, they're weren't strong enough to be removed by apparating, or anything of the sort. We have to go to them."

"Alright." Lily nodded nervously. She had never gone off premises to do Healing before.

"The other Healers are heading out to the Apparation area," the elder healer said, pointing to a group of solemn-faced healers heading in the opposite direction, leaden down with bags full of medical supplies. "Just follow them and I'll see you later!"

Healer Prentis bustled away to tend to other business, and Lily hurried after the other healers. They locked hands, and the group Apparated together to the scene of the attack.

When they arrived, Lily thought for a minute they Apparated into a nightmare. Lily stood frozen to the spot as she surveyed the damage. She had never seen anything like it. It had been a small muggle neighborhood. The houses on either side of the street they arrived on were charred hulls, still smoking as members from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement worked to put them out. Debris littered the street and lawns of the houses: broken glass, furniture from the houses, and bits of brick and wood from the houses' structures.

And then there were the bodies. They were lying haphazardly whenever she looked, limbs bent at odd angles and blank eyes staring. Most were muggles, but she could also see the dark robes of Death Eaters and Aurors thrown into the mix.

"Come on," a fellow Healer motioned to her, breaking her trance, as they began spreading out, searching for survivors. The employees from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement had began separating the bodies, the live from the dead, and there was a group of people groaning in agony and most of the Healers went over to begin to treat them.

Lily bent beside a nearby form on the ground, checking for a pulse. When she found none, she marked a red X on the ground next to him to show he was gone, mimicking what the other Healers were doing. The Healers worked their way down the street, marking the living from the dead. Other Healers worked to quick levitate the living over to the makeshift healing area and treating them before it was too late.

Lily was marking bodies for nearly an hour, going up and down the different streets in the neighborhood, and her hands and uniform were becoming stained with blood as she examined the bodies. A few times she thought she would need to leave, that she really couldn't do this. The dead faces of the people swirled through her mind and were joined by others as she turned over more bodies. Most were dead, but when she did find a live one, her heart leapt in relief and she gestured to one of the Levitators over to retrieve them. She was relieved when she saw that there were only two more streets to go. This nightmare would be over soon. Then they would bring the patients back to the hospital and further treat them for their injuries.

She spotted another body face down on the pavement, and kneeled beside it. It was a man, big and tall, and it took all her strength to turn him over. When she took in his face, she fell back and he heart almost stopped in shock.

"No," she whispered, glancing away up at the sky, and then back again, hoping that it wasn't who she thought it was. But her eyes didn't deceive her; they told her the truth.

"Kingsley," she said softly, feeling tears prickling at her eyes. She reached out slowly, reluctant for some reason to touch him, and felt for a pulse. There was no steady beat of blood through his veins; her fingers only met with cold flesh.

"Oh, God. This can't happen." Kingsley's dark brown eyes stared lifelessly up at the sky, his mouth open slightly as if he had just been about to launch a curse from his wand, which was still curled tightly in his hand. Lily gasped in a shuddering breath, and tears fell from her eyes onto his cold face.

"No, You can't be dead! Wake up, please! Enervate!" she pressed the tip of her wand to his chest, but nothing happened. "Please, enervate!"

Kingsley continued to lay there, looking like a lifeless rag doll. Lily through her wand to the ground and put her face in her hands. She didn't know how long she sat there, she had no sense of the time that passed, but she felt a hand under her arm roughly hauling her up.

She looked up, dazed, and saw it was another Healer who was marking bodies.

"What are you doing? He's dead." the Healer said, releasing Lily's arm now that she was standing. "Move on."

"He's my friend," Lily leaned down to place a hand on his ice cold cheek.

"But he's dead," the healer said harshly. "Leave him. There are others who need tending to."

When Lily didn't move from Kingsley's side, the healer picked her wand up and shoved it back into her hand, giving her a little push away from the body.

"You can take care of him later," the other Healer said, and moved on.

Lily stood, trying to regain her composure. It felt like there was an anchor on top of her chest; she could hardly breathe. Kingsley was dead. But the others needed her. She looked down the body-littered street, eyes glazed over. He couldn't be dead, she argued with herself. But in her heart she knew he was.

She couldn't bear to put a red X next to his body, so she left him how he was. As she continued down the street, she glanced back at the place where he lay, and tried to keep herself together; this was not the time to be weak. She pulled her eyes away from Kingsley and forced herself not to look at him again.

It took them another hour to get the rest of the wounded to the healing area. Most of the patients were resting comfortably now, and the healers were working on the last few. Lily avoided looking at the growing pile of dead bodies as she walked past it; tried not to see the limp limbs flopping down, heads lolling at strange angles, blood drenched clothes, singed skin.

When all the patients were taken care of, she went back to the place where Kingsley was and kneeled beside him again.

"Oh, Kingsley," she gently slid his eyelids down, to cover the glistening brown orbs. "How could you die?"

She cradled him in her arms, the man who tried to help her and Severus. And now he was dead. He promised he was going to come back and talk to her, and he never did. He promised he was going to help her, but how could he help her now?

"Excuse me, Miss." an auror came up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder. "I'm taking the bodies."

"What are you going to do with him?" Lily whispered, glancing at the pile of bodies. Would he be thrown into the pile?

"We're bringing the muggles to their families. We're blaming it on that muggle energy source, the gas lines. We're saying that they exploded all down the street, and that's how the fires started. The Ministry members are going to be given proper funerals, and will be honored for their service."

Lily's grip remained tight of Kingsley. She was still in shock, still couldn't believe he was gone. "When?"

"The funeral?" the auror started to sound a bit impatient; he was tired and wanted this horrible day to end, just like everyone else working here. "Tomorrow, most likely. May I take the body now?"

Lily nodded, afraid that if she spoke she would start crying. The auror raised Kingsley's body with his wand, and Lily reluctantly let go, watching it float through the air like some grotesque doll.

She went back to her fellow healers, unable to watch any longer. They were starting to pack up, now that the patients were stabile, and we beginning to transport the people back to the hospital for further treatment.

The healer in charge, Miselle Portlack, had chosen a few experienced healers to stay and help finish transporting the patients; they were taken turns using the fireplaces in a nearby residence to Floo them to the hospital, since that would be safer for them then apparating.

"Evans, you go home, you look terrible," Miselle barked at Lily. "Heaster, Morghan, Ugeta, you can head home too," she said as three other healers came near.

Lily focused as well as she could before apparating, hoping she wouldn't Splinch herself because he mind was occupied, but she arrived at her destination in one piece. She was momentarily surprised when she looked up and saw the Evans household instead of Severus' shop. She hadn't even realized she had focused on her first home, but she felt comforted as she took in its familiarness. She headed up the walkway, breathing heavily, trying very hard not to break down as she pictured Kingsley's broken body. She opened the front door, and walked into the kitchen, where she knew her family would be eating dinner at this time. They didn't notice her at first, they were too busy chatting and laughing, and she watched them as if through a deep fog. Her mother was laughing at something Petunia said, her father even chuckling.

Mrs. Evans finally glanced up, a laugh still on her lips, but it quickly disappeared as she took in her daughter's grisly appearance.

"Lily, what happened?" she stood quickly, eyes resting on Lily's bloody uniform.

"Them," Lily said simply and gestured towards the window; she knew that that wasn't much of an explanation, but she was unable to say anything else.

Kingsley's words of advice to her re-sounded in her head as her mother stepped forward warily. "Who are you talking about?"

Mr. Evans stood, reaching a hand out to Lily and to his surprise, she grabbed it and fell into his arms.

"The Death Eaters." she whispered so they could barely hear her, her voice breaking. "They attacked a town. Healers were sent to help."

"Oh, God." Mrs. Evans touched the back of Lily's head. "That must have been horrible."

"Aurors were there too. Some were dead in the battle. Kingsley was ... he was lying there... I couldn't help him." Lily pressed her face into her father's shoulder and began crying heartily.

"Oh, honey," Mrs. Evans looked at her husband in horror. Kingsley had been such a help. He was such a sweet man and she knew that he had become Lily's fiend in Severus' absence. To see him like that must have destroyed her. It did destroy her.

"I've been trying, I really have, and I've been getting better, but now, Kingsley's gone too!" Lily cried.

"Baby, we're still here," Mrs. Evans stroked Lily's hair. "We've always been here."

"He told me that I upset you by not talking to you, and I know that, but I couldn't before. I know that he was right, and I'm going to take his last advice to me. I want to tell you everything."

Mr. Evans glanced at his wife, then at Petunia, who was staring opened-mouthed at her sister, fork still raised halfway to her mouth.

"Sit down, Lily, and tell us anything you want," Mrs. Evans pulled out the fourth kitchen chair, which had been empty since Lily moved out and Lily sat down. Mrs. Evans was feeling a sense of relief that her daughter was finally coming to them, but at the same time she felt terrible about Kingsley. It was the straw that had broken the camel's back. There was no one else for Lily to turn to. She needed her family now.

Lily's family had been informed of everything that had happened, the torture, the rape, the trial, but not from Lily. Kingsley had told them, and even he hadn't known all the details. Now Lily found herself wanting to tell her parents everything, from the beginning, from that first night with James in the bar to right now, so she did.

"You know that night I came home when you left that box up on my bed for me?" she turned to her father, who nodded slowly, trying to remember.

"I was upset with James. He hit me that night. He had done it before, but I was more aware of it, and before I couldn't run away, but that night I could. Now I know that was because of the spell he had on me. And the box, do you know what was in it?" Lily smiled down at her hands as her parents shook their heads curiously. Mr. Evans had wondered, of course, when he saw "My Beloved Lily' carved into the box, if there was some other boy courting his daughter, but the box looked like it had been there for a while, so he decided not to question it.

"Letters that Severus wrote to me. How he felt about me, dreams and hopes he had for us that never came true." she looked up. "And I was stupid to never see that. All of this is my fault, because I was a stupid girl, obsessed with James because he was handsome, good at quidditch and he was popular. I should have never done that."

"You didn't know." Mrs. Evans said soothingly.

"I should have. Severus would have done anything for me, and I didn't see that." Lily sighed. "That day he came by..James and Sirius went to his shop to get ingredients for that horrible potion and he heard them mention my name. Even though he hadn't seen me in years, he came to make sure I was okay. Even after I was pushed him away, he still was trying to protect me. I should have asked him to help me then, but I didn't, because I wanted to break up with James myself, I wanted to end it myself. And then it was too late because force fed me that potion."

"He cares about you alot, Lily," Petunia spoke up and the other three looked at her, almost forgetting she was there. "He was there when I came back from a date with Vernon, and I told him how James was controlling you. He was so upset Lily. Just because you made a mistake by going with James doesn't mean you ruined it with Severus. You two are still together, and you'll both be okay because you have each other."

"That's what Kingsley said to me," Lily eyes shined with fresh tears. "He came and told me that I had to let other people help, and that as long as Sev had me he would be fine, but then he got called away to the battle, and he never came back to finish talking to me." Lily put her face in her hands. "It wasn't fair that he died! After everything that he did! He helped remove James' curse, and he tried to find an antidote for the potion, but they couldn't. I'm stuck to James forever."

Lily looked up. "Do you know Sev and I tried to get married? Kingsley was going to do the ceremony. But we couldn't, cause I was bound to James. I belong to him, and I wanted everyone to know that. But instead, I have James' marks on me forever."

"Maybe you can try a normal ceremony, like I told you," Petunia said. "That could work."

"I'm just tired, Petunia. I'm tired of worrying about James coming after me. I will never be able to forget about him, I will always be on the look out, no matter what happens. I'm afraid. What if he escapes somehow, and takes me again? What will Severus do without me? Because I'm sure James will not let me live if he gets me again."

"He won't get out, Lily." Mr. Evans said. "But Severus will and you will get married. James will never bother you again."

"Even if he doesn't get out, I can never forget him, everything he did. The marks he left on me, the baby." Lily faltered at this point. "I can never forget."

"Lily, as time passes, you will find you're thinking about him less and less. Especially with Severus back." Mrs. Evans said, gripping her daughter's hand tightly.

Lily was silent then, suddenly she didn't want to talk anymore. She was done for today, and she knew her parents wouldn't push her.

"Do you want to stay here tonight?" Mr. Evans suggested quietly, hoping his daughter would say yes.

"Okay."

"Why don't you change out of those clothes," Mrs Evans tugged Lily up from her seat and led her to the bathroom. "Take a shower and I'll get you something else to wear."

Lily nodded wearily, feeling exhausted. She was suddenly too tired to cry anymore, or to think or feel. She closed the door behind her and stood for a minute, still in a half daze before she threw her bloody uniform to the ground and stepped into the hot steamy shower. She scrubbed her arms hard, watching the brownish-red tinged water swirl down as the drain as the blood washed away. She wrapped a towel around her body as she stepped over the lip of the shower and stared at her hands. The blood was gone now, but the memories remained. All those poor people, dead, and for what? The pain, the torture, the death. And Kingsley.

Her legs suddenly gave way, and she sat down hard on the bath mat on the floor. She curled up there, pressing her face into the soft whiteness of the towel, and wishing she could Obliviate herself.

"Lily?" her mother knocked on the door, but Lily, in her state of shock, didn't hear her. "Lily, I'm coming in, I have some clothes for you."

Her mother opened the door, and the steam from the shower rushed out into the hallway. Mrs. Evans dropped to her knees besides Lily when she saw her curled up on the floor.

"Are you alright? What's wrong, honey?"

Lily looked at her mother with clouded emerald eyes, and held out her arms in a pleading way, like she used to do when she was young and needed comfort. Her mother snatched her up in a tight embrace right away, and patted the back of her head lightly.

"It's going to be okay, Lily, it's going to be alright. We're here for you," Mrs. Evans said softly, caressing her daughter's cheek.

"Why do the good people always die?" Lily whispered, and she knew she sounded childish.

"Lily, I don't have an answer to that, I'm sorry."

"All those muggles and aurors, dead, and they didn't do anything wrong. And Voldemort and his Death Eaters are still roaming free. How is that fair?"

"It's not, but it's our job to change that. If you see something wrong, do your best to make it right."

"I will." Lily said firmly. In that split second when her mother spoke, she made a decision. She would do her best to make it right. She would help win the war against Voldemort.

OMG what did I do what did I do what did I do WHY DID I KILL KINGSLEY?! I'm sorry!

How is Lily going to cope will this new trauma now without Kingsley?