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chapter 39 "Remus' Mission"

Lily stared at her little pocket calender in awe, her gaze resting on the little red x's over each day. Severus' release would be in two days. Time had flown by so fast lately. She had been working at the hospital in addition to attending Order meetings. And then there was Remus. Lily had never met someone so kind and thoughtful, except for Severus. When he laughed, it made her heart fill with joy. He was so sweet and caring, and Lily knew that if Severus wasn't in her life, she would have fallen for Remus. Nevertheless, they did spend a lot of time together and developed a special relationship. It was very much like a protective brother-sister relationship then anything else.

Remus could always tell when she was upset about Severus or something else, and offered words of comfort and a always knew if Remus was having a hard time, if he came back to the shop with that expression on his face that nearly screamed out that he needed a hug. Lily would make him a cup of tea and pat his arm comfortingly, and soon he would be smiling. She knew that he had been trying to look for an apartment, and a job, but he was always turned down. No matter how smart he dressed, or how polite he was. It was as if people knew that he was a werewolf, that word spread and a big black x was drawn over his face. Nobody would except him and it destroyed Lily to see him so down. Right at this moment Remus was on a mission for Dumbledore, seeking out other werewolves to see if they would stand with Voldemort.

Lily fingered her calender again, and thought of Severus, her heart swelling with happiness. He would be home in two days! She couldn't wait to see him. They would be able to start their new life together, and it would be amazing.

The bell on the shop door clanged against the glass as it opened, and Lily looked up from where she was sitting on the floor, leaning against a shelf.

"Lily?" It was Remus' voice, but something was wrong, she could tell my his tone. Lily stood up quickly, stuffing the calender in her pocket and weaving in between the maze of shelves, following Remus' voice.

She caught sight of him and gasped, rushing to his side. "Oh my God, Remus!What happened?"

He looked at her with a daze expression and she got a better glimpse of his battered face; bruises and deep scratches covered every inch. One eye was puffy, leaving just a slit for him to see through. He was holding an arm across his stomach as if trying to keep his insides in, and his clothes were in tatters here and there, revealing bloody scratches beneath them.

"Apparently, my own kind don't like me either." Remus gave a dry chuckle which made him wince and hold his torso tighter. "They know I'm not like them."

The mission-gone-wrong suddenly came rushing into his mind, replaying in a kind of horrible slow motion.

He knew where the other werewolves hung out. They had formed colonies, somewhat like stray cats, and lived in the sewers. Remus felt nervous as he entered their domain; he was an intruder, he didn't belong, but he had to make them believe that he did. He needed to see if they would be loyal to Voldemort if they were called upon. It was his mission from Dumbledore, and he would not fail like he failed at everything else.

The first werewolf he met looked at him with distrust as they passed each other in the grimy sewer tunnel. Remus held his breath as he continued on, the smell of rotting meat emanating from the man, causing his stomach to roll. The sight and smell of the disgusting brown sludge he was trudging through did nothing to help his nausea.

He came to a...clearing...is how he would define it. It was huge circular area with sewer pipes connected to it, heading in all different directions. There was a whole group of them here. They had made makeshift beds on the high concrete platform that stood in the middle of the clearing.

Remus actually felt a twinge of pity as he looked at them lounging on the piles of old dirty blankets and clothes that they considered beds. He admitted his life wasn't great, but these werewolves seemed even worse off then him. One of them, who was lying on the cleanest pile, sat up suspiciously and glared at Remus.

"Who are you?" The man, who Remus guessed was the leader, growled. His grey stringy hair fell over his face, shadowing it from Remus' view. Remus shuddered at the dried smears of blood on the man's chin and neck, the only part of the man's face he could see. The others had similar smears on their faces; colony had obviously just eaten.

Even though none of this colony was transformed a the moment, they still retained wolfish way they stuck together, communicated in low, growling voices, how their eyes followed him as he moved all reminded him of a wolf pack on the alert, ready to attack.

"I'm Remus. I'm a werewolf." Remus said, his voice trembling despite doing his very best to control it.

Sniggers rippled throughout the group as the leader stood and his gaze pierced Remus.

"What is this, a therapy session?" he snapped. "What do you want?"

"I want to join you."

The leader hopped down from the platform, landing animal-like on all four limbs before righting himself. He walked over to where Remus was still standing. One hand pushed the long hair away from his face so he could see better, tucking it behind his ears.

Remus' heart plunged and he almost gasped aloud from shock as he recognized the man's face. The same face that haunted his nightmares almost every night. The man grinned at Remus' terrified expression, who wasn't fast enough to control his emotions, and Remus stared at the teeth that had ripped into his body when he was a child.

"I'm Fenrir." he circled Remus, who stiffened and wished with all his being that he was anywhere else but here. Of course with his luck he had walked up to the colony that had Fenrir as a leader. Why would his luck ever be good for a change? His muscles tightened and his fingers itched to grab the wand in his pocket as Fenrir leaned closer to him, inhaling deeply.

"You reek of fear, Remus." Fenrir growled. "Why is that?"

"I am just nervous that you will not accept me." Remus lied, fighting the urge to cross his fingers for luck, even though he apparently had none. Fenrir came back around to stand in front of him and considered the young man.

"You must prove yourself first." Fenrir said, and reached into his tattered outfit, pulling out a bloody hunk of meat. "Here, some sustenance." he pushed the meat into Remus' hand.

"Eat." he laughed, and Remus drew the piece to his mouth, trying not to gag. He must do this, he must be accepted for the sake of the Order. He knew that this was not animal meat; the skin on the outside was pale and hairless, and he shivered as it sat in his hand, imagining who it had come from. He forced it up to his mouth, touching it to his lips, before he lost all control and dropped it to the floor. Remus fell to his knees on the scummy concrete and threw up his entire lunch.

A strong hand wrapped around the back of his neck, pulling him up, a menacing growl filled his ear as Fenrir leaned close to him. "You are not one of us. You might be a werewolf, but you are not one of us." Fenrir pushed Remus back to the floor, pulling out a glinting knife and grinning evilly. The rest of the pack began hopping down from the platform and surrounded the two.

Remus reached for his pocket, but found his arms bound by two of the pack. Fenrir leaned over Remus as he struggled, terrified.

"The fear that is dripping from you...it is overpowering, and it's delicious." Fenrir drew the knife down, cutting a deep wound into Remus' chest. He cried out softly, not wanting to give them the satisfaction of full-on screaming.

"What, that didn't hurt?" Fenrir said mockingly and brought the knife down again. Remus bit his lip as pain shot through his body and warm blood soaked through his clothes. What the hell was he going to do? He tried inching his hand toward his pocket again, but they had him firmly bound in their arms. Remus closed his eyes as pain drew down on him from every angle; some of the others had joined in now as well. He squeezed his eyes shut, never opening them, not wanting to look into that nightmarish face, because he was being attacked again by the same werewolf. Finally he felt hot breath on his face, and a whisper in his ear.

"You go back to whoever sent you. They'll know not to come again when they see you."

Remus fought against his body to remain awake, but he felt himself growing cold, and then everything went dark as his body betrayed him and he passed out.

When Remus came to, he was above ground in an alley. The werewolves must have brought him back to the surface. Remus gasped as pain racked his body as he tried to get to his feet, using the brick walls on either side of him for support. He couldn't think right now, he couldn't focus..until a certain red-head's face popped into his mind; the one person that truly cared about him and not what he was. He focused everything he had on the potions shop as he prepared to Apparate; the last thing he needed right now was to be Splinched.

Relief pumped through his veins as he appeared in front of the familiar building. Lily would help him.

Lily put an arm around Remus' back to steady him, and he jumped, startled from the instant replay. "We need to get you cleaned up. We can go to Saint Mungo's-"

"No." Remus interrupted weakly. "We can't. I'll be okay here. No one can find out what the Order is doing."

"Fine, let's just get you in bed and cleaned up." Lily half dragged Remus up the stairs, relieved that he was at least alive. She was trying to stay calm for his benefit, but the truth was she was shocked and terrified by what had happened. The thought of a pack of werewolves beating on Remus was horrifying; they could have easily killed him.

Lily led Remus over to the couch which served as his makeshift bed, and he gratefully fell onto it, groaning as everything twinged painfully.

"I'll go get some things from the bathroom to get you cleaned up." Lily said, already making her way to the small bathroom. "Take off your shirt so I can get at those cuts." she sank against the bathroom sink for a moment, pressing a hand to her forehead and trying to calm herself before going back to Remus. Poor Remus..he could never get a break.

Lily collected herself quickly and returned in a minute, arms loaded with potions and gauze. She arranged everything on the floor and drew up a chair to sit beside Remus, who had his eyes closed now and was breathing heavily.

"Take off your shirt," she said again, and Remus cleared his throat awkwardly.

"I can take care of it myself."

"Don't be stupid. You're in pain." Lily tugged at his collar, and he colored beneath the bruises.

"Just give me the stuff, and I can do it." Remus pulled her hand off and reached for one of the potions before he stopped, due to Lily batting his hand away.

"Remus." Lily said in a warning tone. "Don't make me hex you."

"Fine." Remus muttered, tugging his shirt over his head with some difficulty and throwing it to the floor. He crossed his arms over his bare chest uncomfortably.

"Thank you." Lily reached for a potion bottle and some cotton. "Now move your arms."

Remus reluctantly uncrossed his arms and moved them to his side. Lily stared at the many healed scars across his chest and the new cuts, along with a heavily bruised section that suggested broken ribs.

"Remus, what happened?" Lily whispered, tracing a scar with a fingertip.

"I was bitten when I was young, When I transformed, they kept me locked up. I had no one to hurt but myself."

Lily looked at him with pity, moving her fingers along the many scars. "I'm sorry."

"Please, Lily, I don't want to talk about it." Remus said softly, his voice breaking, and Lily respected his wishes. She shook a bit of the potion onto a cotton ball and began dabbing it onto the cuts in silence. Remus hissed in pain as steam rose from the cuts, twinging painfully.

"What is that?"

"Essence of Dittany." Lily said, and nodded to his chest. The cuts there began to close, stemming the blood flow until only small marks were left.

"It hurts." Remus remarked, digging his nails into his palms as Lily swabbed dittany on the deepest cut.

"It does the job."

Remus kept quiet until Lily finished with his chest. She pulled out her wand and tapped the bruised spot, chanting under her breath. There was a terrible cracking noise and pain shot through Remus' chest. He gasped, closing his eyes and squeezing his hands into fists.

A warm spot on his torso caused him to open his eyes again, and he was staring into Lily's face, her hand resting on his chest. "Are you okay?" her green eyes were full of worry, and the fact that somebody actually cared about him raised his spirits.

"Yeah."

"I set your ribs from the inside." Lily explained. "The spot will still be tender for a few days until it heals completely, though."

Remus nodded, drawing comfort from Lily's warm hand.

"I'm gonna do your face now." Lily gently touched his cheek before starting with the burning Dittany again. Remus kept his eyes trained on Lily's face to help deal with the pain, and he soon learned every little detail of her face. Her eyes met his for a moment and even though she didn't move her lips, he could feel a smile being sent his way, reassuring him.

After an hour of stinging, burning and gasping, Remus was mostly patched up with only small marks and bruising to reveal what he had been through.

Lily handed him a small bottle after capping the other potions. "This is to help you sleep. Drink it all."

Remus gave her a look. "I need to go to Dumbledore, tell him what happened."

"No, you need to rest."Lily pushed the bottle into his hand. "Drink." She watched him expectantly, those green eyes full of caring, and he sighed and gave in, popping open the bottle and downing the contents in one go.

"There." Lily summoned a blanket and through it over him. She brushed the hair out of his face and smiled. "You sleep and when you get up we can see Dumbledore."

Remus nodded, feeling himself drifting off already. Lily bent down and kissed his forehead in a motherly gesture and shivers ran down his body. How lucky was Severus Snape to have such a loving, caring, understanding person to spend the rest of his life with. That would be something Remus would never experience. He should have gotten to Lily first.

Lily watched as Remus' eyes fluttered shut and he started snoring lightly. She forced herself to look away from his sweet face so she could start cleaning up the bloody cotton and the potions.

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Lily retired to bed that night, feeling very relieved that Remus would be okay. It seemed like everyone she cared for had something terrible happen to them. She was glad she was able to help Remus the way she hadn't been able to help Kingsley. She fell asleep still thinking of Kimgsley's broken body, the image following her into her dreams and chasing until she was woken by a bright golden light: a Patronous messenger. At first she thought it was still in her dreams until it came closer and nudged her gently.

The patronous opened its mouth, and as it began to relay its message, no one was there to see the look of horror on Lily's face as she listened. No one was there to see the tears that dripped from her cheeks as she jumped out of bed, throwing on a cloak and grabbing her wand, fear gripping her heart. She quickly scrawled a note to Remus before Apparating away, fearing the worst.

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Remus opened his eyes blearily in the dark, looking around. "Lily?" he called into the darkness, but there was no answer. How long had he been out? He groaned as he sat up; his whole body ached from being attacked.

Something rustled as he sat up and he grabbed his wand, which was still in his pocket and flicked it so the lights came on. A hastily scribbled note fluttered to the floor as he moved and he grabbed it, reading quickly.

"Holy shit." Remus let the note drift back to the floor, and ignoring the pain in his chest, he pulled his ruined shirt on and grabbed his wand. Apparating at almost the same exact spot Lily had who knows how long ago, Remus performed a complicated little spell that was able to show him exactly where she had gone. The note landed on the floor, words clearly visible.

"Remus-

Got message from the Order. Another attack. The Death Eaters are in my family's neighborhood."

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Lily appeared on her street, the familiar street she used to ride her bike on and play with her friends. Now it was unrecognizable. Flames shot up from the houses, the dark smoke filling the air. It was almost exactly how that muggle neighborhood looked on the day Kingsley died.

Several large cracks resounded as a house fell in on itself, sending a burst of flames outward. Trees were knocked down, falling over the street, and busted furniture from the houses lied everywhere. Lily could hear screams coming from somewhere on the next street and jeers of the Death Eaters. Bursts of light exploded in the sky, and she knew it was the Order dueling with the Death Eaters. They must have already moved on to the next street.

Lily spotted a figure trying to climb up a tree, perhaps to escape from the Death Eaters and she hurried over to help.

"It's okay, I can help you," Lily said softly, but the person remained dangling from the tree. She frowned, and raised her wand, lighting it so she could see better.

"Oh, my god." Lily screamed, jumping back and tripping over some broken piece of furniture, landing hard on her back. She quickly scrambled up, and backed up, wanting to get as far as possible from the sight in front of her.

The Death Eaters had speared a muggle woman with a garden pitchfork so that she was stuck to the tree, her limbs dangling limply and blood dripping steadily from the huge wound in her chest.

"Oh my god." Lily said, more like a whimper then regular words. She quickly waved her wand, performing a spell that would reveal a heartbeat, but there was no reaction; the woman was already dead.

Lily fought to move her legs, her eyes plastered to her once beloved home a few houses down the street. It was smoking, the roof caving in, but there was no fire. She blocked everything else out as she headed for her house, and prayed to every god she could think of to let her family be okay.

The path leading to the house was spotted with blood, like someone who was wounded had run across it. Lily swallowed hard, stopping in front of the blood as if it were a sold barrier, and she couln't go further. Terrible images flashed in her mind, and she wanted to run away and never go into that house. But she knew she had to, no matter what waited for her, she needed to know. Lily carefully stepped over the blood trail, heading to the front door which was wide open. As she stood hesitantly on the stoop, she knew that it was not okay, that something terrible happened inside. She knew in her heart her family was dead.

"Mum? Dad?" Lily called, pushing those pessimistic feelings to the bottom of her heart and burying them, hoping against hope that she was just imagining the worst possible scenario. "Petunia?" She stepped over the threshold, trying to remember to breath. The inside of the house was eerily dark and quiet.

"Please, no." Lily prayed and peered through the dark, afraid to go in any further. There was something lying in the hallway, a big dark shape, and Lily dropped to her knees, her body unable to support her anymore.

"Lumous," she whispered, her voice trembling with fear and raised her wand with a shaking hand to point it at the shape. A body, facing the opposite way. It was wearing her mother's favorite blue paisley dress and navy heels.

"No." Lily said quietly, refusing to believe it. "No." she dropped her wand and crawled over to the figure on hands and knees.

"Mum?" she touched her mother's shoulder gently. "Please, wake up." Lily pulled her over gently, feeling like she was in a different universe. This couldn't be real. The body rolled over stiffly onto its back, face upwards to the ceiling. The eye sockets were empty, blood streaming from them in drying crusty rivers. Lily's mouth fell open as she stared at her mother's once beautiful face. She didn't know how long she sat there, staring, but it seemed like it was a dream until she finally came out of her trance and got to her feet, screaming, screaming with all the breath she had until it felt like her lungs would burst. Her legs were like jelly, but Lily forced herself to stand up and fled from the house, noticing another dark body shape in the living room. It was her father, she saw the pool of blood around his body, dark and smelling of iron.

No, no.

She screamed as she ran, her voice cutting through the night and joining the screams from the street next door. Her vision was blurry with hot tears and she didn't notice the figure in front of her. She ran into him, who enclosed her with tight arms and she pounded against him with her fists, fighting to get away. It was the Death Eaters, they had come back to finish her off, too.

"Lily, stop, it's me." a voice whispered soothingly in her ear, but she barely comprehended it at Remus', and it did nothing to calm her down.

"Let me go!" she wailed, punching Remus' chest, and he winced as she hit the tender spot where his ribs had been broken but kept his grip on her.

"Shh, it's okay." Remus gripped her tighter so she couldn't flail her arms, holding her to him. "Lily, it's Remus." she fought half-heartedly for another minute before collapsing against Remus, screaming into his shirt, screaming for her parents, for Kingsley, for Severus, but none of them answered.

"I'm bringing you back home, and then I'll come back to help the Order fight. Alright, Lily? I'm Apparating us back now." Lily barely felt anything, she simply stayed limp in Remus' tight grasp. She couldn't think, she couldn't understand. Remus was bringing her home? But her home was there, dark and destroyed with her dead parents lying inside. It briefly crossed her mind that she had not seen Petunia, perhaps Petunia was okay? before the image of her mother's empty sockets bored into her head, imprinted there as if tattooed onto her brain.

She barely registered Remus tucking her into her bed, brushing her hair away from her face and wiping the tears away with some soft cloth. Soft whispers filled her ear as he leaned down and reassured her that it would be okay, he would be back after he helped the Order, that he would be here for her. There was a click as he shut the apartment door behind him, and she buried her face into the pillow. He wouldn't be back. Her parents were always going to be there for her, but now they were dead. Severus was in prison, Kingsley was dead. Nobody, nobody. Why did they all go?

She curled up into herself, screaming into her pillow until she grew hoarse and her throat felt raw and body and mind and heart were numb and she fell into a terrible restless sleep full of nightmares about dead parents and friends.

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Remus shut the apartment door behind him, his hands curling into tight fists. The Death Eaters had done this. How many families had they destroyed already? And for what? Absolutely nothing. He looked over his shoulder at the closed door; he desperately wanted to stay with Lily, but he needed to help the Order. He was afraid she would do something stupid and rash while he was gone, but he would to chance it, because any shot he got at killing those sons of bitches he was going to take. Turning on the spot, he Disapparated, praying that Lily would be okay until he got back.

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Lily woke up, wondering why her throat was aching and her face felt tight with dried tears. The image of her mother's face suddenly popped into her mind, sending a rude wake-up call, and she screamed, sitting up bolt-right in the bed. Outside the window, she could see the sky lightening, the sun peeking over the horizon, which was the exact opposite of what she felt.

"No!" she screamed as the memories of the night before came back to her. "No!"

A fresh flood of tears cascaded from her eyes, falling thickly into her lap. She pressed her palms against her eyes at the same time pressing her fingers into her ears and screamed, but it did nothing to relieve the agony she felt inside that was tearing her apart.

A comforting arm suddenly snaked its way around her shoulder and she felt the bed dip as somebody sat beside her, holding her. When she removed her hands from her eyes, she saw Remus smiling sadly at her. She hadn't noticed him laying on the floor next to the bed. He had only just gotten back and he was exhausted, but he came in to check on her and then decided to stay.

She relaxed in his embrace, grateful for the comforting warmth of his body.

"They're gone." Lily whispered hoarsely. "Gone forever."

"They'll always be with you, Lily, in your heart," Remus said softly, hating how clique that sounded, but knowing it was true.

Lily cried out again as pain tore at her heart and buried herself deep into Remus' chest, sobbing uncontrollably. Remus patted her back soothingly, whispering soft words of comfort to her.

"Lily, I saw your sister. She's okay. She was out when the attack happened, when she came back to the house she had no idea what was going on. She's staying with Vernon now, but she's extremely upset."

Lily felt a small ray of hope shine through the pain in her heart. Petunia was alive? Thank god.

Remus ran a hand through Lily's hair. "Listen, I'm really tired. I'm going to go take a nap and then we ...well..they have the bodies of everyone that died. They're trying to find relatives so they can have proper funerals. I'll come with you, and Petunia will be there too. I'm sorry, Lily, I really am." Remus made to get up, but Lily hung on to him, pulling him back down.

"Please, stay with me, Remus. I can't be alone." she pushed him so that they were both laying down. "You can sleep here."

Remus shifted uncomfortably, trying to get up, but Lily wouldn't release her grip. "Lily, I don't feel right about this."

"Please, Remus. I need somebody right now." Lily's emerald eyes shone with renewed tears, and Remus relented.

"Fine." he sighed.

"Please hold me."

Remus reluctantly moved closer to Lily, hugging her to him. This was fine before, standing up or sitting, but now when they were lying in bed next to each other, it felt extremely wrong. That thought kept him awake for quite a bit but eventually she became a comfort, the warm weight of Lily in his arms helping Remus to fall asleep. In some strange way it felt so nice to have another warm body next to his, even if it was somebody else's fiance. He drifted off as Lily sobbed soundlessly in his embrace.

I know! But I can't stop with the killing; I think I have a problem. anyway..last bad thing that will happen. Severus will be back very very soon and it will make it even sweeter for Lily to have him back with the deaths f her parents and all the other horrible stuff. Plus she'll find out about James' death! Yay! So anyway..yeah. Please don't hate me too much, and keep reviewing! I really am looking forward to severus' return, but all this other stuff keeps getting in the way!

PS I was actually more upset about killing Kingsley, I just..*sniffles* I can't even talk about him! *wails hysterically and stops typing now*