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Chapter 42 "Rage and Regret"

Severus paced in the alley behind his shop. It was drizzling a bit, but there was no way he was going to stand in his apartment just so he could stare at Remus' things. How could Lily do this to him?

He suddenly felt exhausted and sat on the wet ground, leaning against the brick wall of the shop. No, Lily would never do this. Remus must have done something to her. Remus..that name was famiilar..his face too...Severus suddenly got a jolt as he remembered where he knew the man from. Hogwarts. Remus Lupin was one of the Marauders. He must have seduced Lily with something , trying to get revenge for James. Maybe that's why she was in the hospital. Whatever he gave her or did to her made her sick.

Severus jumped to his feet, intending to go back to the hospital and get Lily away from that maniac. A terrible bout of dizziness suddenly came over him. His stomach gave a nasty twinge, and Severus realized he hadn't eaten since the day before. In his state that wasn't good; he was already half-starved from prison. He needed something to eat before he lost consciousness. That had happened to him before in Azkaban, and he hated it. Severus took a step forward to go inside, and felt a coldness wash over him, followed by increasing darkness.

He couldn't pass out, not now..but lack of food coupled with the exertion and excercise after doing nothing for three months got the best of him.

It began raining harder as Severus lost consciousness, the water seeping rapidly through his clothes and chilling him, but Severus felt nothing. All he could think about was Lily and how she was in danger. Again.

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Remus was sitting next to Lily's hospital bed, head in his hands. How was he possibly going to fix this? He could understand very well how Severus felt. If he knew who Remus was that would make it even worse. Remus needed to do something. He would not be the cause of Lily and Severus splitting up.

A warm hand suddenly settled on his knee and he looked up to see Lily awake and smiling at him.

"You stayed with me."

"Of course. You were terrible, Lily. I think it was just all the stress and the shock of losing your parents." Remus patted her hand. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah, much."

"Good, because something happened."

Lily sat bolt upright, fear filling her green eyes. "Oh my God, is it Petunia? What happened? Did the Death Eaters come back?" Lily threw the covers back, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, but Remus quickly pushed her back down.

"Lily, please relax. It was nothing like that. More of a personal thing." Remus said, wondering how she would react to what happened.

Lily's eyes searched Remus' face as she waited for him to speak. He hesitated, pulling the blankets back over Lily and smoothing them out neatly, anything so he wouldn't have to speak. But Lily had to know, so he took a deep breath, steadying himself for her reaction before talking. "Listen, Severus was here."

"Sev! Why didn't he stay!" Lily smiled widely, all worry gone as she heard her fiance's name. "Oh, I need to see him! Where did he go?"

"That's the thing...he thinks you're cheating on him with me."

"Why?" Lily frowned.

"Because I was here with you..and then you kind of grabbed my hand in your sleep and smiled." Remus said awkwardly, playing with the edge of the blanket where a loose thread was sticking out.

"Oh, poor Sev." Lily said quietly. "I wanted to be there for him when he was released. Not only was I not there, but he found me with another guy."

"He was really upset, Lily. I just don't want him doing something that will get him chucked back in Azkaban." Remus said, glancing up to meet Lily's eyes. An understanding passed between them; not only concern for Severus, but for Remus' life as well.

"He won't hurt you, Remus. He's just upset. I just need to talk to him." Lily sat up again and this time Remus didn't try to stop her. She grabbed her wand from the bedside table and stood up.

Remus reached an arm out just in case she needed a helping hand, but she was fine. In fact she seemed more then fine. She was more alive then Remus had ever seen her in the weeks since they had met. Having Severus back, even if happened in this terrible way, was what she had been waiting for. Now that time was finally here.

"Lily." Remus pointed to Lily's hospital gown. "Shouldn't you change first before we go parading around after Severus?"

Lily blushed. "Yeah, I suppose I should." she grabbed her clothes, which we were in a neat folded pile at the end of her bed. She started unbuttoning the hospital gown and then stopped, looking at Remus.

"Shouldn't you leave first?"

"Right, sorry." Remus turned red at his mistake and hastily backed up, tripping over the chair behind him and hitting his head.

"Remus! Are you alright?" Lily kneeled beside him worriedly and reached a hand out to help him.

"No, no I'm fine." Remus scooted backwards and stood up. "I'll be outside waiting for you." He pulled the curtains around her bed and Lily heard the door close behind him as he left the room. A few giggles escaped her; sweet Remus.

Excitement and joy made her heart swell as she hurriedly pulled on her clothes; Severus was back. After everything that happened, he was finally back with her. She felt guilty suddenly, thinking of everything that had happened while he was gone, some of the changes her own doing.

The miscarriage.

Moving into Severus' apartment.

Kinsley's death.

The outbreak of Death Eater attacks.

Joining the Order of the Phoniex.

Meeting Remus and allowing him to stay at the apartment.

Killing Bellatrix Lestrange.

The death of her parents.

She admited now that some of the things she did weren't so smart, but now that Severus was back she felt more...in control. She knew she had done stuff without thinking about the consequences, but she was desperate and alone. Everything would be better now that Sev was here.