Chapter 13: Things my heart used to know

Paris is coming over tonight. It's a Sunday. I'm super excited to train her. Christina's also coming over and helping. Christina isn't am expert like me but she seems to be getting the hang of it. I think we'll be able to train Paris within a school year.

I have nothing to do until tonight. And I think today I've finally cracked and decided that if I have to stare at my computer for a second longer I'll go crazy. Heck, if I don't get up and do something soon I'll go crazy.

I would go to my secret spot in the woods but of course Four's going to be there and I just can't put up with him today. I would go to the park but I don't feel like functioning in society today. So that means town and the mall are out the question as well. That only leaves one more option; Driving to some random forest miles away. That sounds perfect.

Just before I leave I realize it's very likely I'll get lost and never be seen again if I don't tell someone what I'm going to do. I look through all the rooms in the house for someone except for one. My brothers room. I really don't want to but no one else is in the house. Plus the likeliness that he's home is slim to none. I'll just knock and wait five seconds for an answer.

Five. Four. Three. Two. O-

"Come in!" So close.

I oblige and walk in to his room. He's not alone, I realize as I lay eyes on Four. My eyes quickly dart away from him to my brother. I'm not going to look at him. The last time I saw him he did something nice for me and claimed it was just because we were friends. I still don't trust him fully so for all I know, or choose to believe, he might just be trying to get I my good side for some big ploy. I wouldn't be surprised if my brother was in on it.

I decide that I should just try and get this over with as soon as possible. Get it over with quickly. Like ripping a bandaid off.

"Caleb, I'm going to a forest." I say emotionless.

"Great for you. Why exactly are you telling me?" he says sarcastically. This makes me so unbelievably mad. He keeps trying to "fix" our relationship and here he is, showing me that he couldn't care less about me.

"I'm telling you because I might get lost. Or kidnapped. Or even killed. But now I'm wondering why I'm telling you of all people. It's not like you care what happens to your only sister. Your twin. No! Why on earth would you care about the girl who's been your friend your whole life! The one that you were begging for forgiveness a few weeks ago! Thank you Caleb for proving that I was right for not forgiving you! And to think, I almost felt guilty about not forgiving you! Ha! Farewell, 'brother'! No! You're not my brother! You're a stranger to me! And I was told not to trust strangers! Especially not with my life! Now if you excuse me, I'm going to tell Tori where I'm going!"

I storm out of his room. I don't bother to shut the door. I hear him yelling things after me, trying to tell me that he cares. At this point I think that Uriah cares about me more than he does. And I hardly know Uriah.

I grab the keys to Caleb's car and walk out the front door, making sure to slam the door. I unlock the car that was meant to be shared between the two of us but Caleb claimed as his. Too bad for him that I'm no longer his sister but a stranger, therefore I don't have to care about his petty "dibs" on a car. In fact, I don't have to listen to his "dibs" on anything. At this point I couldn't care less about what he thinks about me.

I find myself at Tori's house before I even register I got in the car. When I get out I check the Audi a5 for any scratches. Thankful there's none. I only care because I did the paint job myself in a bright blue color. It was the one color Caleb and I could agree on. It would have sucked to mess it up.

I leave the car and walk into Tori's house. I hear a lot of commotion happening in the kitchen so I walk I'm there. I see Tori baking pancakes with a guy who looks like her.

"Tris! It's been a while since I've seen you! How are you?" George asks. George is Tori's brother who is almost her twin. He's ten months older then her and is very similar to her both in looks and personality wise.

"I'm pretty good. I just got in a major fight with Captain Poser Pants, declared him a stranger, and took his car." I say. George's expression is unfazed. Like Tori, he has heard me complain about my stranger before.

"What did he do this time?" George asks in a way that makes it seem like these problems are always Caleb's fault. Tori smacks him for this but he just shrugs.

"Well, I told him I was planning on driving out to a forest somewhere. He asked me why he should care and I told him because I could die. Or be kidnapped. A deserted forest is the perfect place to kidnap someone after all. Especially if they're my size. Anyways, I'm here to tell you that I'm going to some random deserted forest so that you'll know where I'll be. I'm probably going to the one where we caught the frogs when I was little." Tori nods and I start heading towards the door.

As the door shuts behind me I hear George shout "Be careful, Tris!". It's nice to know that someone cares.

- Page Break -

I drive down the small town road while listening to The Scientist by Coldplay. My car looks so out of place in this dreary small town with its bright blue coloring. As much as I wish that the sky was dreary and dark to match my mood, I don't think I've ever seen a bluer sky.

The sky looks like the sky you would paint on the walls of a baby's room. The sky is a soft baby blue and the clouds look so fake. The only way I can describe the sky to someone is ignorantly blissful. Yes, that suits the sky quite well. I wish I was as ignorantly blissful as the sky right now. But then again if I was I'd be someone else, and my life would be different. And though it has it's rough patches, I like my life.

I park my car in a clearing obviously meant to be a natural parking lot. I let Coldplay finish before turning the car off. I walk into the slightly familiar woods. The memories hit me all at once, yet still feel like they're out of my grasp. I feel like Anastasia in Once Upon a December.

Things my heart used to know, things it yearns to remember.

Ah, too many things fit there for me. I used to know my brothers love. I used to know bravery and selflessness. I used to know the benefit of the doubt. I yearn to remember all of those. I used to know how to live in the moment.

This forest reminds me of living in the moment. I feel as if I'm in one of those movies where the protagonist walks through a place where they have lots of memories and they themselves doing things. I see myself over there with Tori and Caleb p catching frogs. I see a slightly older version of myself with my whole family, showing them that Caleb and I can climb trees. I see an even older version of myself splashing in the river with Caleb, Susan, and Robert. Another memory is of me and Caleb's carving C + B = BFF into a tree.

And finally, I see a freshman version of myself sitting, alone, on that old tree stump. I lift my hands up to my face and start to quietly sob. I feel tempted to go over and comfort myself. Suddenly, just as they were wisps of smoke, they disappear.

I stumble over to the pond. I'm so shocked by what I just saw that I fall face first in. Keep in mind that it's September, so it's not freezing but it's definitely not warm enough to swim in a pond that's not heated. I take my shoes off and strip to my undergarments. Swimming in a random and freezing pond in September. I guess I can cross that off the bucket list now.

I swim and laugh in like a drunk woman. I don't even care though. It's only when I notice someone's here that I stop cackling. They approach me cautiously. Well, they approach the pond cautiously.

"Hello," he says gently.

"He-ll-o," I manage to get out between giggles. I start cracking up again.

"Aren't you cold?" he asks. Oh, what a nice person.

"I'm very cold. But I'm miles away from my home and I personally don't want to go back." I state. He raises an eyebrow.

"You don't want to go home?"

It's the first time I admitted it, but it's true. There are very few people who I care about back home. And where are they? Certainly not looking for me. Why bother looking for the girl who disappeared probably hours ago? There is practically nothing waiting for me at home. Why go back?

"No one cares about me. I'll just stay here." I say and then resume flopping around in the water. The boy looks concerned.

"Somebody must care about you!" he says disbelievingly.

"What's your name?" I ask, try to change the subject.

"Austin. And you are?" the boy says.

"Tris." Wait, is that my name. I think so.

"Why don't you come with me Tris? We'll go somewhere fun!" he says. I pout.

"But I like it here!" He don't take no as an answer. He wades in the water, grabs me, lifts me, and brings me to shore.

Some part of me still has enough sense to not let a stranger take me god knows where.

But unfortunately that part is not in control.

YAY! A NEW CHAPTER! I don't know if you read Typical but I said in my authors note there that I'm on the fifth for a week and a half. I also promised that I would update both of my stories before the fifth! AND I DID! Well, I am.

QOTD: Are you leaving for a vacation soon?

My answer: Yeah I am!

240 reviews please?

Farewell! :)