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Chapter 45 "Packing and Dancing"

Severus had fallen asleep, comforted by Lily's presence. It felt so good to have her next to him, it was like he was surrounded by a cloud of joy, even though his body hurt and his stomach rumbled from being starved in Azkaban. Everything else seemed to disappear, and it was like none of those terrible things had ever happened; like it had just been him and Lily this whole time.

Lily was stroking Severus' hair softly; she couldn't keep her hands off him. She knew he was asleep, because he was snoring softly. She fought not to giggle at the funny sound and wake him up. Placing a gentle kiss on his forehead, she thought about everything she told him. He had taken everything pretty well, and he got along better then she expected with Remus.

An uneasy feeling settled in her chest. Remus would not be able to stay; she knew it in her heart. He had still been a part of Severus' terrible childhood memories, even if he didn't do anything to Sev. She knew the atmosphere would be strained and awkward if he stayed. Severus might even want him to leave, but wouldn't ask him to for Lily's sake. As always, he would think of Lily first. It wasn't right; Severus should be comfortable in his own home. As much as she hated to do it, she would have to ask Remus to leave. He had been such a good friend to her these past weeks, and it felt like she was betraying him by kicking him out.

Lily slipped out of the bed, making sure Severus was covered before leaving the room. She would speak to Remus now before Sev woke up. To her surprise, she saw three boxes waiting by the door, already packed with Remus things. The wizard himself was sitting on the couch, quietly sipping a cup of tea.

Lily sat next to him and he turned to give her a smile, although it was a somewhat forced one. "Hey, Lily."

"Remus, you packed."

"Yeah. I figured it was best I leave. I'm not welcome here anymore."

Lily laid a hand over his, feeling her heart break in two at his words. Here it was, she was going to give in and let him stay, Something about the man just screamed for help and she wanted so desperately to give it. But she forced herself to stand her ground instead. "Don't say that. I wish you could stay."

"But it isn't right, Lily. I don't want to cause any more rifts between you two. Besides, even though Severus said that he forgives me, I don't forgive myself. I can't look at him everyday because I'd be reminded of what I did. Or rather, what I didn't do. I didn't stop those maniacs." he sighed, placing his cup on the table with a soft clink. "It's better if I leave. It's not fair to him after everything he's been through. And you, for that matter."

Thank you, Remus," Lily said gratefully. She was glad she didn't have to ask him to leave, although she still felt terrible.

Remus smiled, Lily's grateful tone not going unnoticed. He knew she was going to ask him to go and that it would bother her to do so. He thought it would be easier for her if he took it into his own hands to leave.

"Do you have a place to go?"

Remus hesitated, then shook his head. "Not yet, but I'm still looking. As I said, rumors travel fast. People know what I am. They don't want me around."

"Maybe Dumbledore knows somewhere you can stay?" Lily suggested, seeing that Remus was starting to get upset. He was very touchy on this matter and did not like to talk about it.

"I'll have to ask him." Remus said quietly. "I'll find somewhere eventually. Don't worry about it."

Lily gave him a playful push. "Of course I'll worry about it, you bloody idiot. I'll be thinking about you, sleeping on the streets in the cold while I'm here..I care about you, Remus."

Remus shook his head wearily. "It might be better if you didn't associate yourself with-"

Lily slapped him, not hard enough to hurt too much, but just enough to show him that he was being an idiot. "I want you to stop talking like you're worthless. You matter so much. You don't even know how much of a help you've been to me. I don't care that you're a werewolf. I never have. Just because of what other people say-"

Remus stood abruptly. "I should go."

"Remus," Lily grabbed his arm. "Stop it. You're a good person."

Remus shook her arm off, looking angry now. "How do you know? If only you see what I become once a month, you wouldn't be saying that. You don't know what it's like..when I hurt people..I wake up and there's blood on me. I started locking myself up, trapping animals in with me so I could attack them and wouldn't be as inclined to go after people. I don't want to be like this anymore, Lily. Part of me wishes that a Death Eater would just kill me."

His eyes burned and a lump rose in his throat. Lily was looking at him with sympathy and pity, when everyone else always regarded him with disgust. Even the other Order members didn't know about him. If they did, he was sure they would question Dumbledore about him being so involved in the Order.

Lily opened her mouth, raising her hand and Remus flinched, thinking she was going to hit him again, but she simply touched his arm and said, "I'm sorry." Then she stepped forward and wrapped him in a hug, something he rarely had any experience with since before he was bitten. No one wanted to touch him after that. Except Lily.

Remus closed his eyes, breathing in Lily's scent and feeling her warmth. "Don't do anything stupid, please. I care about you, Remus. It doesn't matter what anyone else says. When you hear harsh words, bock them out. Think about me. I'm your new sister, Remus. I will watch out for you and protect you. If you ever need anything, you come to me. I want you to promise me that, okay?"

"Lily, I don't...I won't let you get hurt because of me. I don't matter as much as-" Remus started, and felt himself touched beyond belief at those words. No one had ever said anything like that to him. He let his emotions get the better of him and let his guard down. He didn't notice Lily's eyes glinting with fury as he spoke.

"Remus!" Lily screamed, hitting him. "I swear to God, stop it! I've lost enough! Don't make me lose you too! You can't talk like this." a few tears fell from her eyes. "Please."

Remus eyes burned and he blinked, but he couldn't prevent a few salty tears falling from his own eyes. he brushed them away embarrassed, and Lily hugged him tighter. "Go talk to Dumbledore. If he doesn't have anywhere you can stay, please let me know and I'll help you find somewhere, okay? Now go before Severus gets up." Lily let him go, giving him a slight push toward the door, before turning back to the bedroom. Remus used his wand to leviatate his boxes and disappeared through the apartment door, hiding a small smile. Probably all he needed to stop feeling sorry for himself was Lily, kicking him in the ass to make him see sense.

Lily took a few deep breaths, trying not to think about Remus. People were so judgmental and harsh and poor Remus had to be at the brunt of it. It wasn't fair, but when was life fair?

She pushed the bedroom door open to find Severus sitting up in bed. He was looking at her in an odd way and she squirmed under his gaze. Ignoring his gaze, she came over and sat beside him.

"Are you feeling better?" she asked, but he still had that odd expression on his face. As soon as Lily left his side, he had awoken, but was too tired to get up. Nevertheless, he had heard everything that was said between the two. "What's the matter?"

There was silence for a moment, and then Severus spoke.

"Remus Lupin is a werewolf?"

Lily's heart stopped cold. Had Severus heard everything? All of it? he couldn't tell what he was feeling at the moment, but he seemed a bit distant..was he angry?

"Yes." she answered carefully, not looking at him but instead at a stray thread on the bed quilt.

"You let him stay even though you knew?"

Lily nodded." He told me before he came, but he didn't have anywhere else to go."

Severus regarded her again with that expression that was starting to make her feel uneasy.

"What?"

"I know a potion that he could take on the full moon." Severus said quietly, and Lily tilted her head confusedly. Was Severus offering help? This was a shock since she had expected yelling.

"It doesn't upset you that he was here?" Lily asked, needing to know. She had thought this was going in a totally different direction. She thought Severus was going to be angry at her for putting her life in danger.

Severus was about to say no, but that would be a lie. He had promised himself to always be truthful with Lily, so he was. "It does, a bit. But it sounds like he tries to be careful and prevent himself from hurting anyone. Not many werewolves can say the same. I can help him, if he wants. "

Lily felt a rush of relief. The truth that Severus spoke, even if it disapproved of her actions, was refreshing and welcome. Sev was even offering his expertise as well. Shock that she wound up with such a honest and caring man kept her quiet for a minute. Severus waited while she found her voice.

"He's so upset about it, Sev. He doesn't like to talk about it, but it takes a big toll on him. It's terrible. I'm sure he would love the potion. Anything to take some stress off of him." Lily sighed. "No one understands about him. Even Dumbledore was using him to get in touch with the other werewolves to see how they felt about Voldemort, but they saw through him. They knew he wasn't one of them and they beat him up horribly. He came back here and he was in such terrible shape, I had to clean him up because he couldn't go to the hospital...poor Remus." she rubbed her face. "I know it upset you that he was here, and I'm sorry, but he left now. I shouldn't have let him stay without your permission."

"You moved in too, without my permission." Severus pointed out. Not that he was angry, but a little surprised. Surprised in a good way at how normal it seemed to have her things mingled with his.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have. I couldn't sleep at home. I needed be near you." Lily said guiltily. How could she have just taken it upon herself to invade Sev's home? Everything she had done..everything was wrong, and it all affected Sev in a negative way. "If you want me to leave, I can-"

Severus looked mortified, eyes widening and stiffening up instantly. "No, Lily, that's not what I meant." he hurriedly reached to grab her arm as if afraid she was going to leave. "Please don't."

Lily obviously sensed his panic, and scooted closer to him to soothe him. She brought her lips to his and he relaxed, loosening his grip on her arm. "It's okay, Sev. I'm not leaving you, I just meant that if you didn't want me here, that I would go."

"Where? Your parents' house is gone. You would be in the same boat as Remus. Besides, I do want you...I need you here. We're engaged anyway, remember?"

Lily smiled. She had almost forgotten, everything had happened so quickly.

"For the record, Lily, I probably would have done the same thing. I would need some reminder of you to keep me going. That's how I survived Azkaban, with the memory of you. So you did the same thing by moving in here to be near me. I honestly don't mind."

Lily hugged him tightly. "Thank you. I feel like I just made one mistake after another while you were gone. I was so stupid."

"No, you weren't." Severus ran a hand through her fiery locks, missing the feel while he was in prison. She nuzzled into his neck and he could feel her smiling against his skin, which made him grin too.

She suddenly sat up, her eyes wide as saucers. "Sev, oh my God!"

"What?" Sev sat up so quickly his head spun. "What's the matter?" his heart was beating rapidly. Did something else happen? Something terrible that she forgot to mention before?

"James is dead. The curse on me will be broken. We'll be able to get married!" Lily hopped off the bed, spinning and twirling around the room, laughing as she did so. Her tinkling laugh made every part of his body tingle, lighting up every fiber of his being with joy.

She started singing a child's rhyme, "Severus and Lily sittin' in a tree, K-i-s-s-i-n-g. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby sitting in a carriage."

She danced around the bed while Severus chuckled at her sudden outburst. "Don't know if I'm ready for that last part yet, but everything else sure is true." he threw the blankets off himself, swinging his bony legs over the edge of the bed.

"Oh, Sev, don't get up!" Lily said worriedly, ceasing her dancing, but Severus stood up anyway despite his slight dizziness. "Lay back down before you fall-"

"I'm not a cripple, Lily." he joked, grabbing her around the waist as she came closer. He twirled her around and her eyes sparkled like they used to when they were children. Before Hogwarts, when it was just the two of them in their secret spot in the woods. She giggled as he spun her again and screamed, "Sev!" They danced for a few more minutes, and maybe it was a minute too long, because Severus felt his legs suddenly go weak and he lost his balance, still holding on to Lily. She was pulled to the floor with him, and fell on top of him.

"Oh, Sev, are you alight?" she asked, rolling off of him and looking worried. He looked at her, laughter in his eyes and said, "No, I'm not. You squashed me to death."

Lily giggled and then laid beside him on her back, staring up at the cracked ceiling. Sighing contently and trying to catch her breath, she glanced over at Severus, who looked so happy you could hardly see his cheekbones sticking out or the terrible paleness of his skin; his giant smile masked it.

I personally liked the end of this chapter; it felt so good to write Sev and Lily happy for once. Ahh..what a relief. They still have to work things through, so maybe not all is well yet.