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Here's a very long chapter for waiting a very long time for an update! This chapter is a bit racy and contains sex, so WARNING. There now I can't be responsible for what happens when you read this. Alot goes on in this chappie, so you better start reading now!

Chapter 48 "Shattered"

Lily came back to find Severus putzing around the shop, moving things around and cleaning. She smiled at the sight, but her mind was still on Remus. Severus grinned when he caught sight if her, but he knew that she was upset.

"What's the matter?" Severus asked, taking notice of her distant gaze that told him that her thoughts were somewhere else.

"I'm just thinking... about Remus." Her green eyes sparkled in the light from the shop, which also cast a soft glow on her hair. It looked fiery and crazy, like the flaming feathers of a phoenix. His breath caught in his throat at her beauty. Since he had been released from Azkaban Lily had been at his side. These last few hours without her had been quite torturous. His thoughts were on her every second she was gone and although he tried to keep his mind on what he was doing in the shop, he just could not.

"Sev?" Lily was saying, eyebrows knit together as she studied him. "Are you feeling alright?" She reached out a palm to touch his suddenly flushed cheek.

Severus nodded, but barely heard her. The worried expression on Lily's face made her look more beautiful to him somehow. The urge rose in him to hold her, to be near her, to kiss her.

He snaked his arms around her waist, pulling her close. Kissing her neck softly, he raised his lips to her ear whispering, "I can make you forget about Remus."

He actually felt Lily's heart begin to race. She kissed his cheek and Severus could feel her smiling beneath the kiss.

"What's gotten into you, Sev?" she asked, and Severus could hear her voice growing low with desire.

"You've been gone too long, Lily." he answered back, taking her face in his hands and staring 0into her eyes. Green crackled as they met black; Severus became lost in the emerald orbs for a long moment before tearing his gaze away.

Bringing his lips down, he licked at a spot behind her ear and Lily giggled like a schoolgirl.

"Severus,"

"What?" he asked innocently, continuing to use his mouth to make her giggle. Suddenly, the teasing kisses became more passionate, Lily moaning softly as Severus nipped her a bit harder then he meant to.

"Are you okay?" Severus asked, afraid he had hurt Lily, but she attacked his mouth instead of answering, pressing her lips firmly against his. He backed up slowly toward the staircase, Lily pushing him back. Their lips never parted.

Severus had successfully pushed Remus from Lily's mind. The only thing she was thinking of now was him. Perhaps part of her wanted a distraction from Remus and was eager to take anything; there was nothing she could do to help him right now, no matter how much she wished there were. Although this was a much better distraction then anything she could have planned.

They finally parted when they reached the first step,and Lily took the lead up the stairs, tugging Severus up behind her. Once they reached the landing, their lips joined again.

Severus reached for the apartment door, pushing it open. All of his senses seemed heightened at the moment; every time Lily touched him it was like an electric shock went through his body. Lily was fighting with the buttons on his shirt, popping one of them open at a time until they slipped over the threshold of the bedroom. Both fell gently onto the bed. Lily pulled his shirt off. One of the sleeves got stuck on his wrist and they both giggled nervously, the hitch in their flowing actions causing them both to think.

This was their first time together. Lily perhaps had never imagined that this would happen. But Severus had been dreaming about this moment since he was a teenager, and long after Lily had stopped being friends with him. Their eyes met again, and Lily saw this clearly in his eyes. He had never wanted to be with anyone else. She was the only one he would ever love.

"I made a mistake, Sev. My whole life has been one giant mistake. Except for you. Without you I would have nothing. I was made to be with you even if I didn't see it before. Everything I did in school...ignoring you, leaving you on your own...I'm sorry." Lily said softly, tears sparkling in her eyes. He made no reply; simply picked up her hand and squeezed it tightly before bringing her hand to his lips and kissing it softly. The motion said it all for him.

It's over. It's all over. We're together now. And I love you more then you could imagine.

Lily relaxed, feeling light and airy. Her apology, though unasked for, was accepted without question. It had been accepted a long time ago.

A smile curved over her lips and she reached out the tips of her fingers, tracing them over Severus' chest and making him squirm. His chest was rising and falling rapidly as he breathed quickly. Lily stopped touching him and looked concerned.

"Are you okay, Sev? I don't want give you a heart attack." Lily said softly, and although she meant for it to come out as a concerned question, it sounded like a lusty flirtation.

"I'm fine. You just have that effect on me." Severus said a bit breathlessly. Lily rolled her eyes in amusement as she pressed him down on the bed. She sat gently on top of him, leaning to kiss his lips. Severus' hands wandered to her chest, but he hesitated. He knew the marks that were under that shirt. Would it upset her? The troubling expression on his face alerted Lily immediatedly; she knew what was wrong.

"It's okay." Lily said softly. She pulled her shirt off herself, and the raised, white scars of the words James carved into her stood out on her skin.

"Don't look, Sev. I've stopped looking." She took his hands slowly and placed them on her brassiere-clad breasts. He touched her lovingly, and the look on his face almost made her laugh out loud; it was full of awe. She reached behind her back, unhooking her bra and taking it off to allow for skin to skin contact. Severus massaged her breasts, making her moan. Tingles ran throug his body at the sound, and he shuddered.

Lily leaned to kiss Severus again. He was so gentle, so loving..unlike James, who was so rough with her and treated her like a toy that was there for his pleasure. She would be sore all over after being with him from being pushed into various bits of furniture and rubbed so hard that she had bruises.

Lily moved her hands down, playing wit the lip of Severus' pants, pushing her fingers underneath so her fingers brushed the skin there. Severus jerked under her, panting now as she ran her hands over the skin above his pants. He ran his tongue across her belly, feeling the scars under his tongue as he did so, but he barely registered them. Lily gasped at the new sensation, and then Severus stopped to kiss her breasts lightly instead.

She played with the zipper of his pants, scooting lower onto his legs so she would have more access to it. She undid the zipper slowly, running her hand over the growing bulge underneath. Severus bit his lip, moaning as Lily smiled at him, pulling his pants down and then undoing her own, pulling them off, followed by her underwear.

Lily kneeled over him, and he took in her naked form with wide eyes. He felt juvenial; he had seen naked women before, of course. Nothing compared to the angel in front of him, though. She smiled, blushing a little at his awed exression. Her skin was practically glowing, and Severus ran a finger down her side to make sure she was real. She purred as he did so, and the sound seemed to cause every cell in his body to vibrate. He was afraid he would explode through his boxers.

Lily, obviously sensing this, well more likely feeling it, decided to torture him more. Bringing her lips down, she kissing the skin above the waistband of the boxers lightly.

'Lily," Severus said with a sharp intake of breath. "Haven't I been tortured enough during these past few months?"

Though the statement was supposed to be light-hearted, Severus saw pain in Lily's eyes as his words washed over her. Immediatedly he felt bad and opened his mouth to console her but before he could speak, she simply said, "You have, Sev."

Then she reached out, pulling his boxers down gently to reveal his throbbing manhood. Their lips came together again, and their tongues battled fiercely, Lily rubbing against Severus and making him moan with lust.

That noise stirred something animilistic in her and she tore her lips from Severus, whispering hotly into his ear, "I want you inside me Sev..now! I need you!"

Feeling Severus' breath hitch underneath her as if he still couldn't believe what was happening, she had to contain a laugh. Her Severus...there was nobody she would ever love more.

Lily allowed Severus to turn her over, reversing their positions ; he did so gently, rolling her over and pressing close to her. Even now, crazed with passion, he was careful with her. Lily gave another little noise of encouragement to egg him on, and Severus reached out a finger to prepare her. Soon one finger became two and then three and Lily seemed to vibrate under him with desire.

"I'm ready," she whispered. Her voice was low and sounded more like a long purr then words, but he knew what she was saying. The sound made him tremble all over and he bit his lip to try and stop himself from shaking. Pressing himself into her, he entered her slowly, still being ever so gentle as if she were a fragile china doll that would break at the slightest touch. Lily breathed in a sharp breath as he did so, and he was afraid that he had hurt her.

"Are you okay?" Severus asked, feeling guilty.

'I'm fine, Sev." she arched up against him to let him know how much she needed him at that moment. His body finally relaxed, and the trembling stopped as she spoke. The words were not full of lust, but reassurance. Everything was fine. They were together and no matter what he did, she would love him. Because she knew he would never do anything to hurt her the way James had.

It was like their two bodies became one then, Severus pushing into her and Lily arching up against him in unison. Severus began to thrust faster, and Lily stopped her movements,letting the full sensation of Severus inside her take effect. She gasped loudly as Severus suddenly hit that sweet spot inside of her, moaning as he pulled out and thrusted in, hitting the same spot again.

"Sev, oh god. Sev." Lily moaned as Severus panted hotly in her ear.

"Shit!" she screamed as Severus hit that spot again, harder and quicker this time. His thrusts were starting to slow, and he panted out her name over and over into her ear so that chills ran down her body.

Severus let out an orgasmic yell as he finally released himself into her, and she grasped the sheets tightly, biting her lip and shrieking; the feeling of Severus spreading through her was an overwhelming sensation that could not be explained with words.

Severus pulled out and they collasped on the bed face to face, both breathing heavily.

Lily leaned forward, pressing her lips to Severus and studying his sweaty face. She hoped that they had not overdone it; his cheeks were very flushed.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Severus said. He knew Lily was concerned about his health, but he was a bit annoyed now. Couldn't they enjoy the moment without thinking of all the shit that had happened to them?

"Sorry." Lily whispered, and Severus knew that she had understood. She ran a hand though his hair, twirling it around her fingers. A smile graced her lips as she said, "Our first time, Sev."

"Yeah." he smirked. Lily moved closer to him, snuggling against his sweaty chest. "It was honestly the best thing I have ever felt."

"Oh really?" Lily raised her eyebrows, a naughty grin dressing her lips. "I can make you feel a whole lot better then that, Sev. Do you want me to show you?" he rolled over, and Lily stuck out a finger, using it to trace his body with ghost of a touch that made him shiver. "I can-"

"Hello?" a loud shout made Lily scream, and Severus made to grab for his wand before realizing the noise had come from downstairs. "Hellooo? Anyone here? I thought you were open."

"Shit." Severus cursed silently. "i must have left the front door unlocked."

"Coming!" Lily yelled toward the direction of the staircase, and the voice replied, "No hurry, take your time."

Severus had pulled on his boxers and pants and was sitting on the edge of the bed to make it easier to pull on his shoes. Lily came behind him, pressing against his bare back. The feel of her warm breasts on his skin made him shudder involuntarily and he felt himself growing hard again.

She nibbled at his left earlobe, whispering, "Hurry back, Sev. And this time, lock the door." Drawing a finger along his spine, she gave him one last kiss on his neck before rolling over so he could get up.

He gave her a smile as he got up and pulled on his robes. Glancing back at her, he hesitated to leave the room, afraid she would have disappeared when he returned.

"Go tend to your customer, Sev. I'll be here when you get back." she ran her tongue over her lips and twirled a long strand of hair in her fingers. She watched him amusedly as he flushed, his legs wobbling a bit as he left the room. She giggled to herself; she loved the effect she had on him.

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Severus bolted down the stairs, trying not to fall as that last image of the naked Lily laying on his bed replayed in his mind. There was a tall figure standing by the counter. He turned as Severus came down, smiling. Severus could hardly see his face, as it was quite dark except for the dim glow coming from the storeroom light that he had left on in their haste to get upstairs.

"Hi, I know it's late, but I saw a light on and figured you were open."

"We're really not, but what do you need?" Severus asked half-heartedly, his mind not really on the customer at the moment, but still upstairs with Lily. He berated himself heavily for leaving the door unlocked and the light on.

Stupid bloody idiot, he cursed himself as the man explained what he wanted.

"My wife, well she's pregnant, and she's not feeling well. I wanted to make an anti-nausea draft, but I needed a few things." The man shook his head slightly in amusement as Severus nodded, his eyes somewhat glazed over; he was surprised that Severus did not recognize him. But then, it was dark and late, and Severus looked like he had something else on his mind. "Severus? Do you remember me?"

Severus cocked his head at the question, suddenly all attention drawn to the stranger. And then his brain gave a jolt as he studied the man more closely. "Frank Longbottom."

The young man smiled widely. "Yup. You do remember." He gestured to Severus. "How are you?" he said seriously. "I heard about the trial and the outcome."

"I survived." Severus said shortly. He appreciated all the help that Frank had given them, but he honestly did not want to talk about his time in Azkaban or anything that had to do with that nightmare.

"Right." Frank said, and he had the decency not to question further, sensing Severus' discomfort. "I'm glad. Well, I don't want to keep you up. I just need the ingredinets for a stomach soother for Alice."

Frank started rattling off ingredients quickly, and Severus nodded as he made a mental list, then scurried off to find them. He knew he was being a bit rude, but the truth was that Frank reminded him of that night and right after, Lily's kidnapping and the trial. Something that he didn't want to be reminded of. Frank was a good man, though, and Severus was sure he would understand.

It took Severus a few minutes longer then he would have liked, as Lily had been moving things around. He finally found everything and brought them over, setting the items on the counter. One glass bottle was ill-placed and teetered on the edge of the counter for a second before falling, the toad slime inside flowing over the floor as the bottle broke.

"Shit," Severus cursed, and ran to get another bottle. Frank looked amused as Severus rushed around. What was the bloody hurry? Perhaps he just wanted to go to bed. Then suddenly someone else came bounding down from upstairs, dressed in a hastily thrown on blouse and skirt, and everything became clear. Frank hid a sly grin as the red-headed Lily came closer. That's what Severus was in a rush to get back to.

"Sev?" Lily called. She had obviously heard the bottle break and had gotten worried. She spotted the figure by the counter, and mistaking him for Severus in the dark gloom, came over.

"Why didn't you turn any lights on?" she asked, annoyed. Taking out her wand, she flicked it so that the lights in the shop came on to join the ones in the storage room.

"What broke?" she said, finally looking up at the man and then realizing it wasn't Severus, but someone else she knew.

"Lily!" Frank Longbottom smiled at her. He hadn't seen her lately, as Dumbledore hadn't called any Order meetings. It seems as if the Death Eaters were taking a break after their last attack. Frank had heard that Lily's parents had been killed in that attack, but he decided not to mention it. She looked relatively happy and he didn't want to bring up sore subjects. "How are you?"

"Oh, Frank. I'm well." Lily smiled back, before her face took on a worried expression. Why was he here? Did something happen? Her heart gre cold as she asked, "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, Alice just-"

Severus was suddenly back, holding a fresh jar, and placed it on the counter. "Here's everything, then."

He looked a bit surprised to see Lily there, but didn't say anything. Instead he tried very hard to concentrate on ringing up the items, which was hard to do when Lily was standing so close to him. The warmth coming from her almost made his legs turn to jelly.

Lily pulled a few bags out from under the counter and began bagging up the items while Severus rung them up.

"Have you heard anything from Dumbledore yet? Everything seems too quiet." Lily said as she pushed the bags toward Frank.

"No, I haven't." Frank answered a bit uneasily, counting out some money and handing it to Severus. "It makes me wonder, you know? I keep thinking the Death Eaters are planning something big, amassing an army or something."

Lily nodded while Severus listened. "It does seem strange." she pondered.

Frank picked up his bags and smiled at the pair. "Well, I'm sure I'll see you soon. Resume whatever you were doing before I interrupted." Chuckling, he left as Lily blushed furiously.

Severus hurried to the front door to lock it. He was dreadfully quiet and Lily frowned, forgetting her embarrassment. Her eyes followed him as he waved his wand to put out the lights in the storage room and the shop. In the dark, he could sense Lily's eyes on him, but didn't question it.

"Severus?" she said quietly as he came nearer. "What is it?"

He took her hand, and led her to the stairs, where the light from the apartment illuminated their faces.

"He's in the Order." it was not a question, but a statement.

Lily, unsure at what he was getting at, responded with a confused, "Yes."

"I..don't...I mean..I can't let you do this." Severus looked down at the floor, and his face reddened as if he could not quite find the words he needed.

"Do what? Fight?" Lily's eyes glistened, and her tone became annoyed. "I told you already, Sev, I fight for-"

"No, I can't let you do this...alone." Severus' eyes met hers as he looked up suddenly. "I'm joining as well."

Lily squeezed his hand tightly in an effort to try and keep calm. Grasping at any reason she could to persuade him differently, she blurted out hurriedly, "But Sev, you're still not well. You can't!"

"Don't tell me what I bloody can and cannot do!" Severus said fiercely. "I'm not sick, Lily. I can fend for myself. I'm perfectly fine."

"Sev-"

"I will not let you face those demented torturers by yourself. I swear I will always be behind you, protecting you. Always." He pulled her close, Lily resting her head on his shoulder. She buried her face in his neck as he whispered in her ear. "I didn't lose you to Potter or Black, and I ill most certainly not lose you to a bunch of power-seeking mongrels. I will not let you be tortured and killed like your parents and all of the other victims. I swear on my life that will not happen."

Hot wet tears burned his skin, and although Lily was silent he knew she was crying. Removing one of his hands from her body, he used it to pick up her chin instead and cradle it gently.

"Don't cry. There's nothing to cry about anymore. We're finally together, Lily. No matter what happens in the future, we're together now."

"I don't want you to die for me, Sev." Lily choked out. Horror was filling her slowly, from her toes to her head. This was just another thing to add to her list of mistakes. Now Severus would be in danger once again. Because of her. "I did this for my parents. I didn't ask you to join too."

"I'm also doing it for the one I love." Severus gave a small smile, and Lily cried harder. "Shh." Severus soothed, and began kissing the tears from her cheeks until there were no more and then he moved his lips to hers. It was a reassuring kiss, a gesture that told her everything would be alright.

Snaking an arm around her waist, Severus led her upstairs. It told her that there was going to be no more discussion about this tonight. The sheets and blankets were still disheveled from their earlier interactions. Neither of them felt like resuming, however due to the circumstances. Severus released Lily and she fixed the sheets while Severus changed out of his clothes, and then Lily did the same.

When the lights were off and they were next to each other under the blankets, the silence still remained unbroken. There was nothing more for Lily to say. It was her fault; if she had never made the rash decision to join the Order, Severus would not join to protect her. She should have expected this. Of course he wouldn't want her to be in danger. She moved closer to him, and he wrapped an arm around her, gently stroking her hair. She sighed softly, closing her eyes.

Severus was wrong. There was something to cry about. Yes, they were together now. But what did it matter if one of them got killed? How would the other survive? It would be like the months when Severus was in Azkaban...except that whichever one of them was killed wouldn't be coming back.

Severus must have sensed her thoughts, because he whispered to her, lips against her forehead so his voice came out a bit muffled. "Don't blame yourself, Lily. Never blame yourself."

But Lily couldn't help but feel if she hadn't joined the Order that they could have gone on and lived happily ever after. Worked the shop, started a family. Now they would be fighting Death Eaters and making themselves an even bigger target. Who knows what would happen now. If Severus was killed trying to protecting her, she would never forgive herself. Why shouldn't she blame herself for this? It was her fault. Everything was her fault.

Severus' breath tickled her cheek, and his fingers were tangled in her hair, but unmoving. He had fallen asleep. Her eyes remained open, full of visions of the potential horrors that could come in the future. Why even sleep? When she woke up, things would not be better in the morning. In fact, it might even be worse.

I really liked writing this chapter. I hope it was as entertaining for you as it was for me!