7x04

Beginning during/after the Dear Elena letter.

Love, Damon.

Dear Elena,

Yes, you read that correctly. Everything has changed and I'm writing it all down.

Everyone has been trying to tell me I need to let you go. That, I am afraid to let you go, and I don't know who I am without you. However, they are only half correct. For the longest time, I've been trying to convince myself that I don't know who I am without you. When really, I've just been fighting the reality that I have been, who I am without you before. Perhaps not completely, no never completely; as even during those months, days, hours, minutes, seconds, I did the very thing I have been doing ever since we laid you in that coffin... I've been denying. I have been trying to convince myself that if I just have you next to me, if I just know where you are, that you're safe, somehow it will change things. But it hasn't, I've made careless choices, using you as an excuse, using my pain as an excuse. Those aren't excuses...

So, who is Damon Salvatore, without Elena Gilbert? In the past, he would've been a selfish friend, a jealous brother, a terrible son... But, now I think that I've changed. More than you were ever able to see. So, just know, that you will always be in my memories, and in my heart. But, my heart is no longer with you. In order to live my life the way I believe you'd want me too, I must move on, let go of you. With a little luck, one day when you wake and you come to know whatever the future may hold, you'll understand.

It's time I am honest about where my heart really is; who it is with.

Damon stared at the journal in his lap as he clicked the pen slowly. One page in, and it didn't feel as wrong as he thought it would. He'd never written in a journal before, always thought it was pointless. But, he wanted Elena to know as much as possible, so when she woke up she would understand.

And, if she didn't understand, there wasn't much he could do about that.

He was finally admitting to himself what he'd been trying to bury for God knows how long. It was exhausting yet he also felt as though a weight had been lifted off his chest.

His eyes flickered up to the sky above him, as he sat in the middle of the forest. The night was dark, but the stars were brighter than they'd ever been before. Or maybe he was just now realizing their essence.

Closing the journal in his lap he took a deep breath.

Funny, how the heretics were getting what they wanted, Alaric was getting what he wanted, and he should be worried but all he felt right then was... hope.

A text came in on his phone and he pulled it from his pocket.

Bonnie: Where are you?

Damon: In the middle of the woods outside I79.

Bonnie: What? Why?

Damon: Meet me and I'll tell you.

Damon shoved his phone back in his pocket after sending her directions and stood up from the ground, walking slowly over to a large rock several feet from him and setting a bottle of wine and journal on the top of it.

He quickly flashed to the side of the road, leaning against a tree as he waited for her to get there.

Perhaps he could have gone to her, but this wasn't a conversation he wanted Ric their third wheel to be any part of. As a matter of fact, he didn't want anyone else to be a part of the conversation.

15 minutes later and Bonnie pulled over alone the side of the road, several feet ahead of him. She got out, wearing black jean shorts and a long sleeve blue v-neck shirt.

"Alright, I'm here." Bonnie said a little confused, but she figured perhaps Damon was just really hammered.

"Follow me?" Damon asked her, and she looked back at her car.

"Your car will be fine for a little while." he assured her and held a hand out to her, which she took and they started through the forest.

Tree branches brushed against Bonnie's legs as they walked, and she was getting annoyed.

"How much further?" she asked and Damon looked back at her.

"A little ways." he replied, realizing that it was much longer of a walk for her than for him.

Bonnie furrowed her brow but kept on walking with him, holding his hand and wondering what was going on.

"Did you get Elena's coffin?" she asked after a few more minutes as the tree's started to clear a little.

"Yes. It's safe." Damon said quietly.

"Did you bring Jo back?" he asked.

Bonnie inhaled, "Yes..."

"Are you worried?" Damon looked over at her.

"I guess we'll just have to see what happens." she responded, but he could tell she was more worried than she was letting on.

"You didn't have to bring her back, you know." Damon's forehead creased.

"I know." Bonnie nodded as they finally reached the clearing where Damon had been when she texted him.

"Yet, you did." He said as they stopped and she let go of his hand slowly.

Bonnie swallowed and looked around them. It was dark, she could hardly see Damon through the darkness, as the clouds moved over the moon.

"I do stupid things for people I care about." she replied with a sigh.

Damon looked at her face, his bright blue eyes one of the only things she could see besides the outline of his body.

"I have that problem as well." he started.

"But, I'm done doing stupid things."

Bonnie looked at him curiously, and then nodded slowly.

"You know, that sounds like a good idea."

Bonnie knew she shouldn't have brought Jo back just because Alaric wanted her back. Sure she cared for Ric, like family, he'd been around for the last years. But, she wasn't so sure he even cared about her that much.

Maybe she was just used to doing whatever people wanted her to...

"I'm just used to doing whatever people want." she spoke that thought aloud and Damon frowned a little.

"You shouldn't be... I feel as though that's my fault." Damon admitted.

"Why would it be your fault?" Bonnie asked, turning to face him.

"I was one of the first people to force you to do what they wanted." he said slowly.

Bonnie realized this was true, but she didn't think of him like that. She hadn't for a long time.

"Damon..." she started quietly stepping over to him, "That's not who you are anymore, and that's not who I see you ass."

Damon's lips turned up a little, and he turned around to walk several feet away, sitting on a large rock.

"Come here." he told her, and she moved slowly over, the wind blowing against her skin, goose bumps forming there.

"Are you cold?" Damon asked, noticing her slight shiver.

"A little. I didn't know we were going camping." she teased and he looked at her face, something different encompassing his eyes, she noticed.

Damon pulled off his leather jacket, draping it over her shoulders and she slid her arms inside the sleeves.

"Thank you." Bonnie said, her face a little warmer than the rest of her.

"So, if you got Elena back... Why are you with her? I was expecting you to be sleeping at her coffin." she said genuinly curious about why they were there.

Damon didn't answer this question, not really. Instead he picked up the bottle of wine from in between them.

"You see this?" he asked her and Bonnie smirked a little.

"Yeah, you're wasted." she accused.

"No..." Damon rolled his eyes, "This isn't even open."

He gave her the bottle, and she held it, testing the lid and seeing he was telling the truth.

"Oh." Bonnie mumbled and looked back at him, the clouds moving past the moon and illuminating her face.

"I've had this bottle of wine since 1950. When I first decided to bring Katherine back. I've saved it for 65 years." Damon explained.

"I'd go to my wine cellar and just stare at it. Imaging it fermenting, aging. Waiting for the day when Katherine would be there and we would drink it together. "

Bonnie's emerald eyes grew a little sadder as she listened.

"On the day, I discovered she had betrayed me, I hid it. Decided it could never taste as good as I dreamed. I had waited, and waited on finally being able to drink it. Dreamt about, how one day I would find someone else. But, I still never drank it." Damon inhaled, and looked at the bottle in her hands.

"Let me guess, you're going to drink it tonight? As a tribute to Elena?" Bonnie asked, tilting her head to the side.

Damon licked his bottom lip, "No." he stated and gently took the bottle from.

"No, I'm going to end something."

He stood up, took several steps away from where they were sitting, lifted the bottle into the air and threw it.

The bottle went crashing into some tree's several yards away, the liquid spilling out.

Bonnie stood up with wide eyes.

"What exactly was that ending?" she asked confused.

Damon turned around, his eyes distant, but they quickly moved to her face.

"A chapter in my life."

Bonnie just looked at him for a few seconds, finally understanding why he'd brought her out there.

The look in his eyes, the calmness of his face, the gentleness of his words.

This wasn't about Elena, no... this finally wasn't about Elena.

"You've ended a chapter, but, are you starting a new one or ending the book?" Bonnie asked him as he stepped closer to her.

Damon stopped several inches from her, lifting his hand to her face.

"Starting a new one."

Bonnie's breath against his wrist made his skin freeze and bubble at the edges, both at the same time. The warmth of her face melted into his hand like a dying fire. But, this was no dying fire.

"How does it start?" Bonnie asked, her heart beating faster in her chest, and she wished he would just move an inch closer, half an inch closer even, and she would meet him in the middle.

She had been aware of her feelings for so long, that she'd grown numb to them. Afraid that putting them on the table would make her something of a bad friend, a bad person. But, she was realizing now, that Damon wasn't the only person who needed to start a new chapter.

"It starts..." Damon whispered, and suddenly they were so close that if they moved any closer, there would be nothing in between them.

"...like this." he finished and his lips pressed against hers.

Bonnie's eye lids fluttered closed, and Damon wrapped both of his arms around her body, having to lean down a little in order to kiss her.

His fingers ran along her back softy, and Bonnie wondered how she'd managed to go so long without kissing Damon.

As Damon kissed her, in the middle of the silence, the dark, the breeze lightly blowing against them, he couldn't remember what not kissing Bonnie felt like.

"Bonnie..." he whispered, breaking the kiss looking deep into her beautiful face.

"I love you."

Bonnie's lips turned up at the edges and she moved her hand up to caress the side of his face.

"I love you, too."

Damon's eyes were like pools of the ocean that morphed with Bonnie's waves of emerald and created a whirlpool of hope between the two of them.

For the first time in forever, they could both actually breathe.

Bonnie leaned up on her tip toes to press her lips back against his and she wasn't filled with an intense kind of emotions, she wasn't thinking about the previous chapter, nor the next; instead she was completely focused on this new one.

The one that for once, she was a main character of. It was time both of them to make their own story. One word, one page and one fleeting moment at a time.

Bonnie broke the kiss to press her forehead to kiss, and he picked her up off her feet to hold her.

"Our chapter." Damon whispered holding onto her tightly, eyes closed.

Bonnie opened her eyes to gaze at his face, her heart beaming in her chest.

"Our chapter."

So, who am I without you? Well, as it turns out.. I'm Damon Salvatore, with Bonnie Bennett.

Love, Damon