4. The Poor People's Burdens
He didn't come that night.
He didn't come the night after that, either.
Elphaba had followed Galinda's advice and she'd tried to do what she always did when the first man came to her the night after the mysterious stranger's visit, but it had hurt even more than she had anticipated. When her first client of the night was gone, she'd curled up in a ball on the bed, sobbing so hard her whole body shook with it. Lulu had heard her sobs and she'd come into the room, gently rubbing Elphaba's back and trying to soothe her, whispering words of comfort to her until she'd calmed down a little. She offered to stay with the green girl, but Elphaba declined, knowing it wasn't possible. She'd probably get more clients that night and she didn't want Lulu to get in trouble – she had to work that night, too.
And so she endured it that first night. There were only two men, but she felt like she'd been turned inside out and afterwards, she spent almost half an hour retching into the toilet. She wished Galinda was there, holding back her hair as she had done the first few days, but her friend was still at work. They were all trapped, she realised bitterly. Trapped and used and broken.
The second night, she was in less pain, but there were three men that night and it still wasn't pleasant by far. Somehow, though, the men seemed to mistake her whimpers and cries of pain for ones of pleasure, which she supposed was something to be grateful for. At least Morrible wouldn't know how horrible she was feeling and no word would get back to her about Elphaba not doing her job properly. The old fish would probably make her work on her nights off or deprive her of food for a day if she knew.
In the afternoons, she stayed in her room, resting and reading and dreaming of a life in which she could make her own choices and do whatever she wanted. She devoured book after book and then read them again. She didn't own that many books, but she loved the ones she did own and she usually tried to go to the library as often as possible during the day to read even more books there. Now, however, she was not feeling well enough to be able to walk all the way to the library, so she just stayed in. Galinda was often with her and sometimes Lulu and Delani came by as well. Shenshen visited her once and they had a long talk about the things they'd been through, talking about the pain they'd been in and the emotions they'd experienced. Elphaba was horrified to learn that Shenshen had actually come close to dying of infection after the procedure, but she'd eventually pulled through.
In all this time, she did not see that man again – the man who had helped her that first night. It bothered her that she didn't even know his name. She wondered if perhaps he'd been a traveller and he'd moved on already. She didn't know anything about him, after all, even if he knew a lot about her now.
It was nearly a week after the mystery man's visit when Galinda gushed to her friend about some prince she had been with, Prince Fiyero of the Vinkus. "He's been here for me twice before," she told Elphaba, "and he told me he'd be back, but I didn't know when. He's been with Pfannee and some of the other girls a few times now, but he liked me better, so he came back last night." She looked smug. "You should have seen Pfannee's face when I passed her in the hallway this morning. She looked like she had swallowed a snail."
Elphaba laughed. "Serves her well." The two girls were sitting in Galinda's room together, with the blonde braiding Elphaba's hair in some elaborate, fancy updo. Galinda was a little lady through and through, despite her profession; she'd always been determined to rise up high in society so that she could live her dream with a handsome husband, go to balls, have dinner parties, and wear the prettiest dresses any tailor could make.
"He said he'd be back tonight," Galinda continued, still fidgeting with her friend's hair. "I'm already looking forward to it. He's not nearly as bad as some of the other men, if you know what I mean. Oh, who am I kidding, of course you know what I mean." She shuddered. "And Fiyero's not bad on the eyes, either. You should see him! Are you off tonight?"
Elphaba shook her head, causing Galinda to yelp for her to keep her head still. "I'm not, but I can always peek into the hallway when he arrives," she said, smirking a little.
Galinda giggled. "I'll wait for him in the hallway and knock on your door when he gets there. Unless you're busy, of course." The girls didn't have the keys to lock their doors – only Morrible had those – but they all had a coloured ribbon to hang on the doorknob when they were with a client so they would not be disturbed. The ribbons, of course, matched their names, meaning Elphaba's was green and Galinda's was yellow – much to her disappointment, since she'd rather have had a pink one.
They spent the rest of the afternoon together and after dinner, they retreated to their respective rooms to change and get ready for the night. When the expected knock on the door came, Elphaba hurried over to it and opened it just a crack, peeking out into the hallway. Galinda was just leading her prince down the hallway and she winked at Elphaba, subtly turning the man as she chattered to him so that Elphaba could get a good look at him. When she did, however, she couldn't help the noise of surprise that escaped her lips and the man looked in her direction.
Fiyero instantly flushed and Galinda, looking from her shocked friend to the shocked prince, blinked at them both. "El- Emerald?" she quickly corrected herself. "What's wrong?"
"That's him," said Elphaba, opening the door a bit wider now.
She didn't need to say anything else for Galinda to understand and the blonde gasped. "This is him?" She looked up at Fiyero. "You...?" She didn't actually ask him the question. Too many ears were out here in the hallway. "Oh, wow. I would never have expected that of you – no offence intended, Your Highness."
"None taken," he said, his eyes still glued to Elphaba.
The green girl, for her part, felt a little hurt that apparently he had been here multiple times already to have fun with Galinda, Pfannee, and the other girls, but he hadn't come to seek her out again. At the same time, she felt utterly stupid and ridiculous for feeling hurt about that and she mentally kicked herself. Why would he seek her out, anyway? She'd been a snivelling mess. He'd just pitied her and tried to be nice to her because of that – it wasn't like he actually cared about her as a person or ever wanted to see her again. It wasn't like she wanted to see him again, either, other than so she could thank him once more for what he'd done.
"How are you feeling?" he asked her; but just then, another man came up the stairs, taking Elphaba in hungrily.
"Hello, Emerald," he said with a grin.
Elphaba rolled her eyes at him – he was one of her regular clients. "Hello, Surik." She glanced once more at Fiyero and Galinda. "I'm sorry. I have to go," she said. She met Fiyero's gaze for just the briefest moment. "But thank you... again... for the other day." She didn't wait for him to reply before she disappeared back into her room, pulling Surik with her and closing the door with the green ribbon on it behind her.
Thankfully, Surik usually didn't linger and so she was alone again an hour later. When the next knock on the door came, she suppressed a sigh as she opened it; but she was surprised to find Fiyero on the other side. "Your Highness?"
He brushed past her, into the room, and she shut the door before turning to look at him. The corner of her mouth turned up in a small, wry grin. "Are you here to claim the service you paid way too much money for a week ago, Your Highness?"
For a moment, he looked confused, but then his confusion turned to shock. "What? No! Oz, Elphaba, do you really think I would do that?!" he asked incredulously.
She shrugged. "I don't know," she said honestly. "It's not like I know you." She hesitated. "About last time..."
"You already thanked me," he interrupted her. "Multiple times, actually. It's fine."
She smirked. "I know. I didn't want to thank you – well, I do, but I wanted to... I wanted to apologise for last time." She grimaced. "I'm not usually such a pathetic mess. I'm sorry."
Now he looked even more shocked and a little horrified. "Are you seriously apologising now for being in pain?"
"I'm apologising for acting like a weak child and practically begging you on my knees to leave me alone," she corrected him. "I shouldn't have."
"You weren't weak," he protested. "You were desperate. That's an entirely different thing."
She moved past him and sat down on the bed, looking at him as he sank down into the chair he had occupied last time. "So... if you're not here for the same reason every other man usually is, then why are you here? You could buy yourself a second hour with Topaz, or with Ruby..."
He made a face and then bit his lip. "I suppose I... I owe you an apology."
"You, too? For what?"
"Not 'too'," he said sternly. "You didn't owe me anything." She opened her mouth, but he held up his hand, effectively cutting her off. "You didn't, so stop arguing about it."
She closed her mouth again and he grinned at her. "Better. And I do owe you an apology," he said, suddenly serious again. "I was a coward. I shouldn't have avoided you all this time, but I did and I'm sorry about that."
She raised an eyebrow at him, trying to ignore the pounding of her heart. "Why would you need to apologise to me for that? You don't owe me anything, Fiyero." His name, rather than his title, slipped out of her mouth without her even realising it. "You helped me, I am grateful, and that is as far as our relationship goes. You don't need to explain yourself or your actions to me. You can do whatever you want."
He looked pained. "Maybe, but you did something to me that night that I don't think I can undo," he confessed, sighing as he pushed his hands through his sandy hair. It slipped through his fingers and fell back into his eyes. "Your story..."
She gritted her teeth and looked away from him. "Forget all of that, Fiyero. I shouldn't have said anything. You caught me at my weakest."
"But I'm glad you told me," he said immediately. He reached out as if to take her hands, but when she pulled them away, he laid his own hands on his knees instead. He still tried to meet her gaze, though. "Please don't regret that."
"What did I do, then?"
He heaved another sigh and leaned back into the chair, letting his head fall back so that he was staring at the ceiling. "You... you told me your story," he said quietly. "And it made me realise..." He rubbed his eyes, suddenly looking tired. "I am not a good person, Elphaba."
She raised an inquiring eyebrow at him.
"I'm spoilt," he continued. "I'm arrogant. I've been visiting brothels since I turned twenty and never once did I think of the women working there."
"Hardly anyone ever does," said Elphaba with a little shrug. "That doesn't make you a bad person, Fiyero."
"But it does," he disagreed. "I slept with girls and then ignored them the next day. I was rude to my parents and neglected my royal duties. I've been to six different universities before I finally managed to graduate. And never, not once, did I stop and seriously think about how those girls felt, or how my parents felt, or what the Vinkun people must think... or how frustrating my behaviour had to be to all the people out there who would kill to be me. To stand in my shoes and have the opportunities I've always had. People like... well, like you."
Elphaba shrugged again. "I'm sure I wouldn't have thought about that, either, if I had been you."
"But you would have," he argued. "Because you care. Not just about yourself, but about others, too."
She sighed. "Fiyero," she said patiently. "Everyone has their cross to bear. I'm sure being a prince – the only current heir to the Vinkun throne, if my knowledge of history and politics is accurate – is not easy, either. I have my burdens and you have yours. We all deal with them in our own way. And besides, doesn't it mean something that you see it now? If your past behaviour bothers you so much, then change. Do something about it."
He stared at her and wondered where she had come from – how she had been through so much in her life and still remained so optimistic. It was maybe hidden underneath a layer of sarcasm and fake indifference, but he could see so much passion in her. He wished he was a bit more like her.
"But basically," she said, quirking a small smile, "you're saying my story inspired you to think?"
He chuckled weakly. "Yeah. I guess you could say that. And I'll have you know that the brainless prince actually thinking, let alone thinking about so many serious things, will come as a shock to almost everyone."
Her smile was real now. "I think it's not such a bad change. So why didn't you come back here until now? What does that have to do with you thinking?"
He ran his hands over his face, thinking about that question. He knew the answer, of course, but he stalled a little. "Well, at first I didn't come back because my grandfather caught me sneaking back into the house at half past three in the morning after our night together and he wouldn't let me leave the house. He insisted we needed to have a few serious talks first."
She laughed. "He grounded you," she concluded. "How old are you, again?"
"I think he didn't feel like he had any options left." Fiyero grinned. "I'm twenty-three, by the way."
"Oh, an older man." She batted her eyelashes at him mockingly. "I like those."
He made a face at her, which made her chortle. "And then?" she asked. "Why didn't you come once you were finished talking?"
He suddenly looked ashamed. "Because I was... scared, I guess," he admitted, averting his gaze. "I was scared of everything you made me think and feel with your story and I tried to run away from it."
"That's why you visited the other girls, too, isn't it?"
He nodded, still not looking at her. "It is. That is also why I owe you an apology."
"It's fine, Fiyero. Especially if it changed you," she said seriously. "You could do great things once you are king. You just need to see the possibilities, the opportunities you have to make things better for so many people. If I somehow helped you do that, however unintentionally, then I supposed I am honoured; but really, I think it was all your own doing."
He finally looked at her. She looked back, her dark eyes unblinking, and he opened his mouth but then closed it again.
She glanced at the time. "Your hour is almost up," she said, sounding a little wistful. "You should go soon."
"My hour?" Then it dawned on him. "Oh, Fae, I didn't just pay for a single hour. We have all night, just like last time."
She blinked now. "Fae?"
"Oh." He scrunched up his nose. "That just... slipped out. I could keep it," he offered. "As a nickname? It's way shorter than 'Elphaba', after all."
She rolled her eyes at him. "Imagine pronouncing three syllables every time you address me," she deadpanned. "Isn't my friend calling me 'Elphie' enough when it comes to nicknames?"
He grinned at her. "Nope."
"What about your grandfather, though?" she asked, sobering and returning to the topic at hand. "Won't he be angry with you if you stay out that late again?"
"I'll explain things to him in the morning," Fiyero promised. "Right now, I just want to talk to you. Is that all right?"
"Will you go away if I say no?"
"No," he said. "Do you want me to go away?"
"No," she admitted.
His grin returned. He rose from the chair and flopped next to her on the bed on his stomach, propping himself up on his elbows and resting his chin in his hands. "Then, Fae, I think there are a lot more things I want to know about you."