Author's Note – I do not own any of the characters, Marvel and DC do.
Survival hints taken from shieldrecruitsurvivaltips on tumblr.
The first few chapters will be slow, but there is quite a bit of groundwork I need to lay down.
.
Chapter One
Meetings
.
Magneto strode into the laboratory, Victor von Doom by his side. The armoured tyrant looked round curiously at the equipment that Magneto's Acolytes were assembling under the guidance of Tekmage.
"Interesting." Doom mused. "Some of this looks quite familiar."
"I… acquired it from Mr. Sinister." Magneto explained and Doom nodded.
"That would explain it. He is one of the very few who can equal and perhaps even surpass my expertise in genetic engineering. Do you have the samples?"
Magneto nodded to one of the devices, a boxlike affair covered in a thin layer of condensation and the occasional shard of ice.
"I have four strands of Supergirl's hair remaining, as well as a few drops of Superman's blood."
"We will have to be very cautious about how we proceed." Doom said slowly. "How much of Sinister's work did you manage to retrieve?"
"The clones he had in progress were destroyed, but we have managed to decode all of his notes and databases."
"Then that is where we shall start." Doom proclaimed. "And when we are finished, I shall have my heir and my assassin."
"Supergirl is rather easily recognised." Magneto mused. "Any clone of her would be identified as a target very quickly."
"A few years back, I encountered a mutant named Kevin Sidney." Doom shrugged. "Although he managed to escape me, I was able to secure several samples of his DNA. He was a shapeshifter and I intend to give that skill to my assassin, that she may infiltrate any place to strike down my enemies."
"I believe that Sinister had made a great deal of progress in combining DNA with Kryptonian QNA." Magneto said thoughtfully. "The concept of a hybrid is appealing, but I prefer to have a pure Kryptonian clone for my own army since altering the QNA may reduce the abilities of the final result."
"To each his own." Doom philosophised. "Shall we begin?"
.
"…and now, the main story, the planned double-wedding of the century!" The Anchorwoman said with a wide smile. "America's greatest Superhero, Clark Kent, will be marrying Raven Darkholme while the superhero/scientist Reed Richards will be marrying Susan Storm at the same ceremony, both of them being held at the Xavier Institute at Bayville. With a weather-manipulator as one of Superman's friends, a bright and sunny day will be guaranteed. We now go to Matt Hicksville outside the Xavier Institute. Matt?"
"Thank you, Debbie." Matt smiled, his elegantly-quaffed hair barely moving in the breeze as he grinned at the camera. "As you can see behind me, there are many supporters of Superman showing their approval, as well as many teenage girls who are rather heartbroken that their idol is getting married. With the Last Son of Krypton marrying the mutant who helped to protect the President…"
The screen went black and the bald man who had been watching it leaned back in his chair, steepling his fingers in thought.
"Well, this is interesting, isn't it, Smythe?"
"Yes, sir, it is." Said the young man in a high-tech wheelchair. "Most of the Superheroes will be attending that ceremony."
The giant man behind the desk leaned back, one hand picking up the diamond-topped cane and caressing the gem at the top.
"Indeed they will be, which is why we shall not capitalise on it." He said, earning a surprised look. "No, can you imagine having an army of angered superheroes descending upon you because you have interrupted their party?"
Smythe blinked, then shivered slightly. "That would be… problematic."
"Very much so." Wilson Fisk noted, then he leaned back in his seat. "I will, of course, be attending that wedding, I can do no less as a respected pillar of the community."
"Of course, sir." Smythe said hurriedly. "I assume that it'll be quite a party."
"I fully expect to see several others there. Norman Osborne, David Xanatos, Silvio Manfredi, Tony Stark… in terms of financial power alone, America's elite will no doubt be well represented. I think I'll need a new suit. White with gold-thread trim. And diamond buttons."
.
The door to the bank burst open as the quartet of masked men piled through.
"All-right!" One of them shouted. "Let's get out of here before the cops show up!"
"I… don't think we need worry about that." The one in the lead managed as he came to a halt. The others looked round him and two of them swore as a very familiar caped figure turned to face them.
"Aw shit. Superman."
A second, shorter figure in a jumpsuit and leather jacket appeared by his side and the leader sighed.
"And Superboy. Guys… I really think we should surrender."
"Hell no!" the rearmost one shouted as he muscled past them, bringing his gun up. "They're going down!"
He pulled the trigger and the taller of the two Kryptonians stepped forwards, his hands blurring as he caught the bullets, dropping them to the floor. After a few seconds, the gun clicked onto an empty chamber.
"Aw fuck."
"Language, please." Clark Kent smiled as the bank robbers slowly lowered their guns to the ground and raised their hands.
"Told you we shouldn't have tried to rob a bank in Bayville." One of them grumbled. "But noooooo, we had to do it. Sheesh."
"Awwww. I wanted some action." A voice complained from above them and the robbers looked up to see Spider-man perched on the wall, looking down at them.
"Yup. We're fucked." One of the robbers muttered.
"Dammit, I missed the fun." A metallic voice grumped as Iron Man landed beside Superman. One of the robbers shook his head as he raised his hand to show that he had a question.
"What is this? A Superhero Rally?"
"How did you guess?" A lady asked and the robbers slumped as Supergirl landed to their left. "Hey, Cyc, how's things?"
The robbers turned round to see Cyclops and several of his team. "Doing fine, Kara. Martha has a plate of cookies waiting with your name on it."
"We'll just hand these guys over to the sheriff and be on our way." Superman smiled. "Unless you want to try something else?"
The robbers all turned as one to look at the one who had tried to shoot Superman. The robber in question shrugged sheepishly.
"Nah, we surrender."
"Good." Said the sheriff as he walked up. "Okay, can I have a couple of volunteers to help me get them into the cells?"
"I can bamf zem!" Nightcrawler offered, earning several odd looks.
"He's a teleporter." Superman offered and several people nodded in understanding.
"You know," The gunman mused, "I think we have a shot at being on telly because of this."
"Yeah." The leader snarked. "America's Dumbest Criminals, Superhero edition. Sheesh."
.
"…and I managed to get one of the booklets." Tony said as they made their way to the Bayville High School's sports field. "I don't know whether to be amused or angered by it. I mean, I play one practical joke and they respond with Tip Number 285."
Superman snagged the booklet that Tony was waving about and flipped through it to the relevant entry. His eyebrows shot up and he read it aloud.
"S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip number 285:
"Any comments made insinuating intimate relationships between Tony Stark and his technology are unprofessional and not tolerated on S.H.I.E.L.D. premises. The Director has had quite enough of new gear being purposefully designed with phallic motifs."
Scott snorted with laughter, as did several of the others and Tony tried (and failed) to look innocent.
"I'm quite fond of number 272." Agent Coulson said as he somehow managed to appear beside Superman. Clark glanced at him, then leafed back through the booklet to find the hint in question.
"Stop asking Stark what items he can weaponize, and just operate under the assumption that the answer is 'all of them.'"
"Wow, I hadn't noticed that one." Tony said, grabbing the booklet. "Niiice. Hey, Supes! You didn't adhere to this one!"
"Number 78, dating supervillains is a very bad idea. Just don't." Clark read, then he frowned. "I'm not certain that Mystique actually qualifies as a Supervillain. More of a… misguided hero?"
"That's so sweet." Mystique said as she joined them and tucked herself into Clark's side. "Thanks."
"Oy vey, he's as much of a Boy Scout as Steve is." Tony sighed. "Where is he, anyway?"
"He's joining us at the rally." Superman smiled. "He and I are going to be the spokesmen for the powered community. Senator Kelly is trying to stir up hatred against us, but my beloved here came up with a rather sneaky counter-argument that'll leave him unable to continue promoting his mutant-hate agenda."
"All those speeches and discussions you've been giving have really paid off, haven't they?" Tony smiled, then he flipped down the facemask of his helmet.
"Hey guys!" A new voice said and Johnny Storm landed in front of them, extinguishing his flames as he did so. Tony paused.
"It just occurred to me. He looks almost identical to Steve, albeit a bit skinnier."
"I noticed that a few weeks ago." Mystique said as Johnny looked at them in confusion. "I did some research, Steve Roger's younger sister is Johnny's grandmother."
"Wait, what?" Johnny gasped. "You mean…?"
.
"Uncle Steve!"
Captain America paused as the call sounded. "Pardon?"
Johnny ran up, dragging Susan. "Sue, I just found out that Cap here is our great-uncle! Isn't that cool?"
"I… am?" Steve asked in shock and Johnny nodded.
"Yep, apparently your sister was born just before you became a capsicle, and she was our grandmother! You're our great-uncle!"
Steve stared at them, then over at the distant Clark, who nodded. After another few seconds, a huge grin spread across his face and he caught the two Storm siblings in a hug that lifted them off the ground.
"I'm an uncle!"
"…air!" Johnny gasped and Steve lowered them to the ground with a sheepish expression.
"Sorry."
Susan giggled as the rest of the Fantastic Five joined them, then Johnny froze.
"Whoah! Green-skinned-babe alert!"
Everyone looked round as Bruce Banner joined them with the mystery lady.
"Cap."
"Doc." Steve replied, then he bowed slightly before looking upwards. "Ma'am."
"Call me Jennifer." She laughed, brushing back her long black/green hair. Susan dope-slapped Johnny.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"Pull your tongue in, you're drooling!"
Jennifer laughed as Bruce sighed.
"She's Jennifer Walters, my cousin. We got caught up in something and the only way to save her was a blood transfusion, which…"
"I understand." Steve said. "I had to give Nick Fury a blood transfusion once, which is why he is still so young."
"Heeelllooooo beautiful." Johnny smarmed, only for Susan to dope-slap him again. "What?!"
"Behave, Johnny. Sorry about my younger brother. He tries to hit on every pretty lady he sees."
"I didn't try to hit on Karsta." Johnny sulked and the Kryptonian woman laughed.
"I think that the reason you did not was because you saw me rip a sheet of Duranium in half."
"I can lift several hundred tons." Jennifer shrugged. "You?"
"Several thousand." Karsta replied, earning several shocked looks. "What? I am a yellow-sun-empowered Kryptonian."
"Even the Hulk can barely handle a Kryptonian." Bruce shrugged. "Thank goodness they're all on our side."
"Don't say that, you'll jinx it!" Johnny quickly replied nervously. "The last thing we need is an invasion of hostile Kryptonians!"
"What hostile Kryptonians?" Bruce scoffed. "There's Clark, Karsta, Kara, Chris…"
"Do all Kryptonian names start like that?" Johnny mused, causing a round of laughter.
Jennifer looked round, then her gaze fastened on the blue-and-red clad figure on the stage.
"That's Clark over there?"
"Yep, that's him." Johnny agreed as he started to run. "I'm going to say hello. Flame on!"
Johnny arced through the air, leaving a fiery trail behind him and Susan shook her head.
"Sorry about my little brother. I keep hoping that one day he'll actually grow up, but…"
"We understand." Karsta laughed, then she elbowed Reed. "Oy, put that datapad away, stretchy, your fiancee is waiting for her hug!"
Reed jolted, then he quickly returned the slim computer tablet to its pouch on his belt.
"Excuse me." He said as he reached out, winding his arm around Susan's waist and pulling her close to him.
"Awwwwwwww."
Everyone stared and Jennifer shrugged.
"What? Just because I'm a seven-foot tall green sexy goddess doesn't mean that I can't appreciate it when two people decide to show their affection to each other."
Steve opened his mouth to answer, then he paused as a car drove past.
"Who was that?"
"That?" Bruce shrugged. "I heard that a Senator had agreed to participate in the discussions today."
.
.
.
.
.
Author's afternote – The whole Steve/Johnny thing was inspired by the fact that the same man plays both roles.
I figured I may as well get a laugh or two from it…