Thanks for all your well-wishes for my London trip! I'm sure it will be awesome :).

Nothing bad happening, really. (Not yet, anyway.) You're lucky I'm going on hiatus with this chapter, because it's actually a pretty nice one. Next one is less nice - but let's not worry about that yet, shall we?

14. The Mind's Struggles

Elphaba awoke in the middle of the night because the door creaked as it opened. She sat up a little, rubbing her eyes, and a quiet voice asked, "Elphaba?"

The green girl yawned. "Hey, Lulu." She motioned for the other girl to come in, but Lulu hesitated in the doorway.

"What about...?" She nodded at Fiyero.

Elphaba smiled tiredly. "It's fine," she said. "He's not here for... that. I mean, we're both... um... decent." She flushed a little, but shook it off. "He won't mind."

"Oh." Lulu looked a little uncomfortable, but she did come in, shutting the door behind her and crawling onto the bed.

"Did you have a nightmare?" Elphaba asked gently, sitting up against the headboard and cradling Lulu's head in her lap as the other girl lay down on her side in the foetal position.

Lulu nodded almost imperceptibly. "Elphaba?"

"Yes?"

Lulu shivered a little. "I'm leaving," she said. "Soon. I have to."

"Shh. I know. You will."

"No, I mean..." Lulu looked up at the green girl, her brown eyes wide in the darkness. "I... I'm pregnant."

Elphaba stilled. "What?" she asked, shocked.

Lulu winced, biting her lip. "I've known for a while now," she whispered. "I didn't tell anyone. I was scared and I didn't want to risk someone accidentally mentioning something when Morrible could hear..."

"How long?"

Lulu closed her eyes for a moment. "Almost five months," she confessed, a catch in her voice.

Elphaba was absolutely baffled. She had hardly noticed anything different about Lulu, but apparently she'd been pregnant even before Elphaba herself had undergone the procedure to abort her own pregnancy.

"I knew I probably wouldn't start to show for a long while yet," Lulu continued, "so I tried to keep it hidden until I could figure out a way to leave... and now I have – just in time, because I'm beginning to show, if you pay close attention." She started chewing her lip again. "None of the men have really noticed yet and neither has Morrible – they all just think I've gained some weight – but I have to go, Elphaba," she said almost pleadingly. "I knew right from the start that I couldn't let this baby be taken away. Even though I don't know or care who the father is, I'm still going to be a mother. I want this baby. I'm going to have it and I'm going to take care of it."

Elphaba stroked her hair, slowly running her fingers through the long, dark brown strands as she let the news sink in. "It's all right," she murmured. "No-one is going to hurt you or your baby. You are going to get out of here, Lu. You're going to get out and you're going to do great things. Just a few more days and then I want you to be gone, understood? Don't take any risks here. You have the means to leave now."

"I know," Lulu whispered, closing her eyes. "And I won't. Thank you."

Elphaba rested her head back against the headboard as she kept stroking Lulu's hair in a soothing, repetitive motion. She softly hummed a song under her breath to help the other girl get to sleep, but she herself stayed awake for a while longer, processing her friend's news and hoping with all her might that Lulu would somehow find her way in this world.

That was how Fiyero found them when he woke up at some point during the night: Elphaba sitting up against the headboard, her head tilted back and her eyes closed, asleep just like the smaller girl whose head was cradled in the Elphaba's lap. The green girl's hand was still resting on Lulu's hair and Fiyero sat up and carefully tugged Elphaba to lean against him, hoping that position would make her neck hurt a little less in the morning. He knew Lulu must have had another nightmare and had come to seek out Elphaba, and he knew that the older girl had tried to comfort her friend the best she could, despite the horrors they'd both endured, they pain they were in on a daily basis, and the hopelessness of their lives.

It only made him love her more.

The following afternoon, Elphaba found herself in Galinda's room. The smaller girl was experimenting with make-up at the vanity, chattering away about something, but Elphaba wasn't really listening. She was still thinking about Fiyero and Morrible and what she was going to do next.

"...don't you think so, Elphie?"

"Huh?" Elphaba looked up, startled. "Oh. Um... yes?" she tried, not having heard a word the blonde had said.

Galinda moved across the room and leapt onto the bed with her friend. "That's it, Elphaba Thropp," she said sternly. "What's on your mind? You've been quiet and distracted for a few days now and you've been wearing your thinking face."

Elphaba chortled. "My thinking face?"

Galinda nodded solemnly. "Yes. What's going on? Did something happen with Fiyero?"

"No." Elphaba hesitated. "Or... yes? I'm not sure. I mean... several things happened, I guess, and I'm just... confused."

"Tell me," Galinda ordered. When her friend just bit her lip, she took Elphaba's hand and added, "Elphie, we're best friends. You can tell me anything and I won't judge or tell anyone else. I promise."

Elphaba sighed and then relented, knowing she could trust the blonde. Maybe Galinda could even help her. She told the other girl about the threats Madame Morrible had made and the things she'd said; and then about everything Fiyero had told her about his ideas for their future together and her own doubts and reservations.

"Oh, Elphie..." Galinda's eyes were wide with shock. "What are you going to do? You can't honestly want to break things off with Fiyero!"

"What other choice do I have?" Elphaba asked. "I can't become his princess, let alone his queen – it's just not an option. And Lulu has to get out of here, Glin. The sooner, the better. If she doesn't, she might just end up like Delani one day." And then there was the problem of Lulu's pregnancy, but she wouldn't tell Galinda about that. Lulu had told her that in confidence.

Galinda shook her head. "Then we need a plan," she decided. "Can't you tell Fiyero about all this? He can pretend to leave, then Lulu can get out of here, and then he can return to get you free..."

"But then she won't let you go," Elphaba pointed out, "or she'll try something else to keep me from leaving. Besides," she added quietly, "I'm not sure I want to go with Fiyero, Glin."

Galinda waved her friend away. "You'll learn," she assured her. "About the whole royalty thing, and all. You'll be fine."

"But it's not just that." Elphaba ran her fingers through her hair. "I mean... he cares about me. I know that. But what if he's only doing this because he feels sorry for me? I don't want to be his charity case, Glin, and I'm not entirely sure if I believe him when he tells me that he loves me."

Galinda was gaping now, utterly incredulous. "Elphie!"

"What? It's possible, isn't it?"

"No, it's not," said Galinda indignantly. "Anyone with eyes can see the man has fallen in love with you, Elphaba, and anyone with eyes can also see that you've fallen in love with him. You're just too afraid to admit it. But think about this," she said, leaning forward. "The thought of being with Fiyero might be scary, but isn't the thought of never seeing him again and spending another six years with Morrible even scarier?"

Elphaba fell silent.

"Think about it, Elphie," Galinda advised her. "Just sleep on it, or something. Don't throw it all away because you're afraid."

Elphaba looked at her helplessly and the blonde girl hugged her. "Don't worry," she told her dark-haired friend. "I'll help you. It's all going to be okay."

Elphaba sincerely doubted that, but she appreciated Galinda's efforts to reassure her. She just hoped the other girl could help her find a solution to her problems as well.

She didn't have to work the next night and Fiyero came to pick her up and take her to his grandparents' farm so that she could meet his mother and spend the night there, away from Madame Morrible. She was nervous again, perhaps even more so now than she had been when meeting Kevon and Calinne, but she needn't have worried. Queen Elora was nothing like the regal, stately woman Elphaba had imagined her to be and soon, the two of them were wrapped up in discussions about literature, education, politics, and their own lives. Elphaba told Lori her life story and the queen in turn shared with the green girl the story of growing up at Adurin Iir with everything she could ever want and a lot of things she didn't want, such as the pressure of being the only heir to the Vinkun throne.

"I was determined to have more children," she confided in Elphaba. "I was an only child and I hated the burden that fell on my shoulders – not so much the fact that I had to become queen, but the fact that I didn't have a choice in that whatsoever. I decided at an early age that I would have at least two children, preferably more, so that there would be a choice for the eldest to abdicate if he or she really wanted to."

Fiyero had never heard that story, either. "Why didn't you?" he asked almost accusingly.

His mother looked at him. "Because I nearly died in childbirth with you," she reminded him. He shuddered and nodded, remembering that story. Lori looked at Elphaba again. "Fiyero's birth was a difficult one and the midwife told me a second child could cost me my life. Hamold especially didn't want to risk it." She smiled sadly. "And that is how the same burden I had always hated got dumped on my only child."

"That wasn't your fault, though," Elphaba protested.

"I know," Lori said. "But it felt like it was... a little. It felt like I had failed. Especially once Fiyero recognised his responsibilities and started doing anything he could to avoid them. I knew he resented Hamold and me for not giving him a choice, even though he probably also knew that we never did that on purpose, and that hurt."

Fiyero was watching his mother with a small frown on his face. "I did," he admitted. "Resent you, I mean. But... but I didn't know the whole story. I'm so sorry, Mum. I never knew how badly I was hurting you and Dad. Not really."

She smiled at him. "It's all right, Yero," she forgave him, pulling him into her arms and hugging him. "I think we could have done a lot of things differently, your father and I. We should have talked to you more about it all – we should have had this conversation a long time ago already." She looked at Elphaba, who felt a little uncomfortable, as if she was intruding on a private moment. "I'm glad he met you," Lori told her, which surprised her. "I always knew there would be something to bring him back at some point in his life, but I never knew for certain what that would be or when it would happen."

"He did it all by himself," Elphaba countered and Lori nodded.

"He did," she agreed. "But I still don't think it would have happened if he hadn't met you."

Elphaba had no idea what to say to that.

"Did Kevon and Calinne tell you about Hamold yet?" Lori asked her. "That his behaviour was much the same as Fiyero's when he was a teenager? Hamold didn't even have royal responsibilities then, just work here on the farm, but he was nearly as bad as Yero here."

The green girl grinned a little. "They told me some things about that, yes."

"The story of how King Hamold Tiggular of the Vinkus ended up falling face-first into a pile of horse dung." Lori shook her head. "Thank Oz he wasn't actually the king yet back then. I wouldn't have known how to explain that to the people who saw it happen."

"And half of Reins saw it happen, if I remember correctly," Kevon said with a grin. "Didn't he jump into the river afterwards to try and wash off the dung?"

"He did," Lori agreed, laughing a little.

Elphaba stared at the older woman. "And what made him think that was a good idea, exactly?" she asked incredulously. "I haven't heard this story yet!"

"He was drunk," Fiyero informed her.

"That he was," Lori agreed. "I honestly don't know what possessed me to fall in love with him despite all that. Anyone else might have broken things off with him right then and there, but I didn't, for some reason, and now here we are." She smiled at Elphaba. "He's much more mature now – Hamold, I mean. I'm sure Fiyero will get there one day, too."

Fiyero rolled his eyes at his mother.

Elphaba could only look at them, Fiyero and his family, and she found herself wishing she could be a part of this, too. It would be so wonderful to have a family – not just Fiyero, but his parents and grandparents as well, caring about her the way her own parents and grandparents should have cared about her. What she wouldn't give to finally have that...

She couldn't, though. Not with Morrible's threats hanging over her, and not with her own insecurities and fears in the way. Today, she was here, talking with Fiyero and his family; but tomorrow, she would have to start pushing him away and convince him to go back home and forget about her. It was going to be hard, but she had to. If only for Lulu.

After dinner, they spent the evening talking some more by the fireplace. Calinne played the piano and everyone sang along, the atmosphere light and merry. Happy. Elphaba savoured it.

When they eventually all retreated for the night, Fiyero led her over to his own room; but she hesitated in the doorway, fidgeting. "Yero... what will your family think –"

"They're fine with it," Fiyero cut her off, taking her hand and gently tugging her into the room. "Mum thought you might be more comfortable staying with me, since I've spent most of the night with you so many times already. Besides, Grandma and Grandpa only have two guest rooms and Mum is staying in the other one, so unless you want to take the couch, you don't really have a choice."

"I don't mind the couch –"

"But I do." He grinned crookedly at her. "You're sleeping here and that's the end of it." He put his hands on her hips, slowly sliding them up her sides. "I love you."

She just looked at him, seeming lost, somehow; and his grin faded, concern taking over his face. "Fae? Are you all right?"

"I..." It almost tumbled off her lips – the whole story, everything Morrible had said – but she swallowed it back just in time. She forced a smile. "I'm fine," she said, placing her own hands on his shoulders. He looked like he was about to keep going on about it, so she leaned in and kissed him – softly at first, but the kiss grew fiercer when he forgot about his worry and responded to her, his arms coming around her. For tonight, at least, she decided not to think about what was to come.

SO IF YOU CARE TO FIND ME, LOOK TO THE WESTERN SKY! (Unless you're in America/Canada/Mexico/somewhere over there. Then you'll still have to look to the east.)

I'm off to London, so the next update won't be until Saturday. In the meantime, if you want to see me squeal about London and the things/shows we're going to see, keep an eye on my Twitter page.