As she looked at her former husband, April knew that it was now or never. She had to tell him the truth about their unborn child and then take things from there, however they turned or developed between them. Jackson needed to know about this baby so he could decide what he wanted to do in regards to being involved in his or her life and in the pregnancy. April didn't expect anything during the pregnancy since they were no longer married and he had no obligation to take care of her, though her mother thought otherwise and said Jackson would be there.

"What's going on?" he asked, looking down at her.

"I…" She froze and found it difficult to speak, fear gripping her as she realized that he could very well be angry too. When he was angry, he became impossible to talk to because he wasn't rational, just as she wasn't either. It was one of the faults of their relationship because they often spoke before thinking things through and said some hurtful things.

"April, is everything alright?" He looked concerned, like he once did when he tried to take care of her after Samuel died.

"I'm pregnant," she finally blurted out, biting her lip afterward in anticipation of his reaction, bracing herself for whatever was going to come.

"You're…you're what?" There was shock mixed with confusion on Jackson's face, like he didn't think that was possible.

But it was very possible given the number of times they'd had sex during the period when they were trying to fix their marriage, including after the massive fight they had when he even brought up the topic of divorce while they were having dinner together. Sex was never the problem for them, but it wasn't the right solution to everything either like they made it out to be. But it had given her another chance to become a mother after the devastating loss of their son. Now wasn't the right time to have a baby when her marriage had fallen apart, but it was right for her since she had healed more from the loss of their son.

"I'm pregnant," she repeated, finally looking him in the eyes.

"Wait a minute…how far along are you?"

His question insulted her almost immediately, like he was asking to make sure he could even be the father. April had never once been unfaithful to Jackson, even in times that they weren't getting along or speaking to one another. She loved him with all of her heart, even if he had broken it when he served her divorce papers in the middle of their workplace.

"Ten weeks." She pulled out the ultrasound photo from this morning and showed it to him.

"How long have you known?" He took the photo and looked at it, his face difficult to read as he seemed to be hiding his feelings.

"Three weeks…I took the test the morning we signed papers," she admitted.

Jackson looked up from the picture. "So you've been keeping this from me for three weeks? You didn't say anything the morning you signed the papers."

"I asked you if it was what you really wanted…you didn't stop me from signing," she shot back, holding back her tears. "I didn't tell you because I wanted to see if you wanted to stay in our marriage for me…not to trap you because you felt like you were obligated to stay because of our baby."

"I had a right to know!" he said, raising his voice. "You only think about yourself, April, over and over again!"

"I was thinking of you! I gave you what you wanted and signed the damn papers, Jackson…do you think I wanted to walk away from my marriage when I still loved you? You wanted out and I signed the damn papers because you wanted to end it…how dare you say I'm selfish for doing that."

"But you didn't tell me there was a baby. I might have…"

"You might have what, Jackson…stayed with me because of the baby? How the hell does that make anyone happy?"

April was on the verge of tears now, regretting telling him anything because of how hurt she was now. This baby was the only good thing that had come since Samuel's death and now all she felt was guilt, shame, and pain. She hadn't kept this pregnancy from Jackson out of spite, but simply because she didn't know how to tell him or how to deal with this situation now that they were no longer married. She had done what she thought was the right thing and allowed Jackson to have his freedom while she carried the burden of her own broken heart and licked her wounds in Moline.

"Now you know," she said, pushing past him as she left her keys on the counter and walked out the door with her bag. When she made it down to the car, she got in and started to cry. She had held it together long enough and needed to let go of some of the emotions she'd been pushing down for so long.

Jackson stood in the middle of the living room, holding the photo of the sonogram in his hands, stunned. He was going to be a father again, but not in the way that he had hoped. After all the pain, anger, anguish, and grief he had experienced in Samuel's loss, he and April were having another child and she hated him. Even though he was angry that she hadn't told him, what she said had been right. From her perspective, him choosing to not sign the papers when she told him about the pregnancy would have been choosing to stay because of the baby and not her. But she didn't know that the papers were still unsigned and he didn't want to sign them.

He went to the bedroom to get the things he came for and saw something on the floor that caught his eye. A photo album that April must have missed when she had packed her things up and left. Picking it up, he saw the cover and felt his heart drop. It was the album April bought after finding out she was pregnant with Samuel. He flipped it open and saw the first sonogram of their son with April's handwriting underneath.

Our baby's first picture! Littlest Avery is 10 weeks along and perfect. I'm craving peaches and lots of salty foods, so I think we might be having a boy!

Their first ultrasound had been amazing, even if they had been uneasy and unprepared. But they were happy after seeing their firstborn child on the screen, hearing the heart beating. They had no idea the pain, heartbreak, and agony that they were in store for just fourteen weeks later. Jackson turned the page and saw April's first baby bump picture, taken around thirteen weeks. She looked so tiny, but beautiful carrying their son. He had taken that picture himself and remembered her putting it into the book. The next pages were filled with photos of his and her baby photos so their son could have seen what they looked like as babies too. More photos of April's developing bump followed, but his favorite one had been of the two of them together when she was nineteen weeks pregnant. It was a date night for them and he had someone take a photo of the two of them together. Then followed the photos of them together, as a family, for the first and only time after Samuel's birth when he was baptized and they held him. His mother had taken the photos and April had added them when she felt ready to. Jackson flipped another page and saw April's handwriting again, dated on the one year anniversary of their son's birth and death.

Dear Samuel,

Today would have been your first birthday. I would have woken you up with kisses and hugs before bringing you to see your Daddy, who probably would have still been snoring in bed. He isn't much of a morning person, you see. We would have made you breakfast and given you your favorite foods. And your Grandma would have come all the way from Boston to spoil you at your birthday party. Nana and Papa would have come all the way from Ohio too. There is so much I wanted to do and show you, Sammy. I wanted you to have the world and live in it, to see the animals in the zoo, and to travel with me and Daddy. But I know that you are safe in Heaven, even if I would rather you be here in my arms. I have spent the last year wondering why God would give me such a special little boy and take him from me. The only answer I have even thought of was to test my faith and give me a cause to fight for. Since you left us, I have been putting some money into a research fund for your condition in your honor so that one day, there might be a cure and other mommies and daddies don't have to lose their children the way we lost you. I love you, baby boy, and I hope to see you again one day. Happy Birthday.

Love Always,

Mom

Seeing the letter brought a tear to Jackson's eye. They had both grieved for the son that they had wanted, but their grief had torn them apart because they did not grieve together. He had hidden his pain from her so he could focus on protecting and caring for her, but that had done no good when she left and went to Jordan. If he had been honest in showing his pain, things might have ended differently.

Taking the album, he put it in his bag and packed a few things before going to what had once been the nursery. The puppy was gone and he knew April had taken it with her. He went to the shelf and took down the photo of himself and April, tucking it away in the bag before grabbing the little basketball he had put up there, intending to share his love of sports with his son, putting it in the bag as well. He locked up the apartment and left, turning in the key to the manager before heading to his car. He drove for a time until he reached his destination, the cemetery closest to Grey-Sloan.

"Hey buddy…" he said, approaching the headstone. "I know it's been a while since I've been here…but I'm here now."

He stood in front of Samuel's headstone, which had been put in place thanks to his mother. Catherine had arranged everything so that he and April could grieve in private and he was thankful for that since neither of them could have done it. Since the funeral, Jackson had only been out here two or three times, mostly for his own sake to talk to his son and grieve while April was overseas.

"I saw your Mom today…she told me that you're going to be a big brother," he said, kneeling down and touching the headstone. He normally didn't do things like this, but he needed to get some things out. "Kind of took me by surprise since she didn't tell me for a few weeks, but I guess…I can't blame her since she was trying to give me what I asked from her and knowing about it…well, I get why she did it. We both still miss you, you know. And if you can hear me, I want you to know that I won't let you down."

While Jackson didn't believe in God and the afterlife the way that April did, it did give him some peace of mind knowing his son wasn't just…gone. To believe what April did meant that their son was somewhere safe and being looked after. Maybe he could believe in a little of April's faith for his son. And now he knew that he had an uphill battle to fight if he ever wanted a chance to have his wife fall in love with him again.