Nerves crept up on April as she stood in the bathroom. She knew that this morning was a pretty important day for her as she would be going in for another ultrasound to check on her developing baby. Now that she was sixteen weeks, she was in her second trimester and officially out of the most dangerous part of pregnancy; at least the part where she had the most risk of having a miscarriage anyway. Her obstetrician was keeping a strict eye on her during ultrasounds from here on out to look for signs or symptoms of Osteogenesis Imperfecta in this unborn child, though the chances of the baby developing it were less than two percent since neither she or Jackson were carriers of the disease. Even so, she was nervous about seeing her unborn baby on the screen with the knowledge that it could still happen.
The last month and a half had been…civil, more or less, with Jackson. After the initial shock of the pregnancy had worn off, something changed in him and he became more compassionate to her. He wanted her to get genetic testing to find out if the baby had the disease, but she'd blatantly refused that and he backed off after one argument. She told him that he didn't have a right to choose anything because he wasn't her husband, which ended that argument effectively. Since then, he hadn't brought it up and things had calmed down between the two of them. He had almost been…considerate of her feelings since then, which made her feel bad in a way since she hadn't been before to him, but at the same time…they weren't fighting and that was something she had wanted to stop.
"Okay…Mommy is nervous, so you have to cooperate today and let us see you on the ultrasound," she told her unborn baby as she ran her hand along the small bump forming under her shirt. "I love you, Little One."
Peanut had been Samuel's nickname. And she had said that each of her children would have something special for each of them. So this baby was Little One to her and she loved that. She had always wanted to be a mother and even though she had been one to Samuel, briefly, she knew that this was her second chance at having a child to hold in her arms.
After finishing her morning routine, she grabbed her one cup of coffee and headed in to work, only catching minor traffic on the way in. She had her doctor's appointment before, so she made her way up the stairs toward the obstetrician's office. Once she was checked in, she sat down and read through a magazine while she waited, looking over an article about baby wearing and the long-term benefits of having the baby close to their parents more often. She had planned to breastfeed as long as possible, but this was a new idea she was willing to try with the baby once he or she arrived.
"Hey…am I late?"
April was startled and looked up to see Jackson standing there, holding his own coffee cup. She had invited him to this, of course, since this was his child too, but she didn't know if he would really come since they were still on somewhat shaky ground with one another. Obviously, he cared enough to step up and be here, which made her heart flutter a little. Deep down, she knew that he would always be a good father, but so much had happened between them and she didn't know if he would want to interact with her much before the baby came.
"Oh no, I um…I just checked in and they haven't even taken me back to weigh and measure me," she replied, scooting over a seat for him.
Jackson sat down beside her and she noticed his coffee was in a cup from home and not a Starbucks cup. He still made his own coffee like she showed him. "How are you doing?"
"I'm alright, still a little nauseated by certain foods and smells, but otherwise doing okay," she said, closing the magazine before looking over at him.
"Bacon make you sick this time around?"
Smiling, she nodded. He remembered that bacon made her sick during her first trimester with Samuel. "Oh yeah, I haven't cooked any in weeks."
"Cravings hit yet?"
"Oh…already," she laughed. "I wanted cantaloupe so bad the other night, but it's not in season at all. The night before that, I wanted nothing but sweet pickles like my Grandma used to make back home in Ohio."
Cravings were no joke when you were pregnant and April knew that from experience with her first pregnancy. During her pregnancy with Samuel, she had craved a lot of peaches and fresh fruit. This time around, it differed depending on her mood from what she could tell so far. She had wanted sweet potatoes the other night for no reason at all and then salt and vinegar chips a few hours later. But she hadn't given in to too many that weren't reasonably healthy for her and the baby, so she was doing alright thus far with that.
When they were called back, April stood up and went into the exam room before sitting down on the table. Her belly measurement was taken and they also took her blood pressure and pulse. Everything was so routine and normal that she didn't even think about it as she just let them do what they needed to before laying back on the exam table so the ultrasound could be done. This was the part that made her nervous and without thinking about it, she reached for Jackson's hand as the wand was put to her belly. He didn't flinch away, which surprised her, but she didn't say a word as she looked on the screen and held her breath.
"And there is your baby," the doctor said, pointing out the profile of their unborn child's face.
"Oh…look at that!" she gasped, feeling the tears well up in her eyes as she looked at her child. The baby had his or her hand right by their face and looked to be sucking on their fingers, which was the most adorable thing she'd ever seen in her life.
"Looks like they have my nose," Jackson teased, smiling as he looked at the sonogram.
"Well Baby is doing very well from what I see," the doctor went on, moving the wand about to catch the fetal heartbeat and take a look at the baby's development.
"Are there…any signs of…" April couldn't even finish the sentence as she looked nervously to her doctor.
"From what I see, no, there are no signs of OI," the doctor replied confidently after taking a few measurements of the baby's bones and looking at the baby from a few different angles. "Bone development looks normal and within range for the fetal age. And there are no abnormalities on the ultrasound whatsoever."
Relief washed over April as she relaxed and looked back at the ultrasound screen, seeing her baby wiggling about inside of her. This baby had meaning and purpose in her life, even though he or she had come at a time when her life was falling apart elsewhere. Maybe they were meant to give April hope again after the darkest trial of her life. Or maybe to teach her patience and forgiveness in a time when she had made rash decisions and cost herself her marriage.
"Would you guys like to know the gender?"
For a moment, April wanted to say yes right away, but stopped herself and looked at Jackson to see what his choice was. This was his child too and she had been calling a lot of the shots because she was the one who was pregnant, but she wanted him to be involved too. When he nodded, April smiled and turned to their doctor before they were shown what their little one would be by the doctor. April could hardly believe it, but she was so happy and excited to meet her child in a few more months. The doctor wrapped up and told April that she would be seen back in about four weeks for a follow up and ultrasound before stepping out. April let go of Jackson's hand, biting her lip as she sat up and pulled her shirt down.
"That is…a relief," she finally said, looking at him. She wanted to hug him so badly, but refrained from doing so because she didn't want to overstep a boundary. Jackson was no longer hers to hold, so she had to get used to that.
"Kind of surreal…this is all really happening," he said, looking at her as he fiddled with his phone in his hands.
"I was thinking about…what comes after…and we should talk about all of that," she continued, knowing that if she dwelt on things too long, she would probably cry because of her hormones. "Could we get together, just the two of us, and talk?"
"Yeah, I think that would be good," he agreed.
April smiled and looked at the sonogram photos that were printed and given to her. She detached one and held it out to Jackson. "You should have one of these too…I'm adding mine to a baby book for the baby."
"Thanks," he said, sliding it into his lab coat pocket. "I'll have to get a frame for the office…I've got the other one on my desk right next to…"
"Next to Samuel's…" she finished, giving him a smile as they had said it together.
It hurt to know that they were still so in sync with one another in some ways, but out of it in others that mattered so much. When they married, she had been so happy that he stood up and said something because she was about to marry the wrong guy. Jackson had always been it for her, even before she realized it. Their foundation of friendship had really taken off after the shooting and she knew that sometimes falling in love with your best friend was the best and worst thing to happen to you. She had been so happy with him, despite their fights and bickering, because he knew her and respected her faith even if he didn't understand it all the time. And he loved her. God he had loved her and she missed that love so much.
"So…are we telling people what the baby is…keeping it a secret?" Jackson asked after a minute, resting his hands in his pockets.
"I was thinking…we could keep it a secret until the baby gets here," she replied, hoping he would agree. "Since this baby is so unexpected and…everything, it might be a nice surprise."
"I like that…my mom probably won't, but she'll deal with it," he agreed, smiling a little. "She might bug the crap out of you to get the answer, but don't give in."
April laughed. "If I can withstand my mother, I'm pretty sure your mom is gonna be a piece of cake."
"I dunno, you flustered a lot in the past when my mom got you cornered," he teased, nudging her a little.
"Oh that was…only a few times, but that was before I stood up for myself," she shot back with a smile.
Talking with him like this…it was so easy. No arguing and no bringing up the painful past that had ripped them apart. How she wished everything could be this easy between them, but realized that a lot of it was her abandonment of Jackson that made it so difficult. Both of them had faults in what happened, but she knew that ultimately it was a lack of communication between the two of them and not relying on one another in their time of crisis that had ended their marriage. She had accepted it and knew that she couldn't do anything else but be civil and cordial with Jackson in the hopes that they could co-parent this child.
"Well…I have a surgery scheduled this morning, so I'll be around if you need anything," he offered, giving her a genuine smile. The first one she'd seen in a while.
"Thanks…I'll text you and we can have dinner and talk sometime…about everything that's coming," she replied.
When they parted ways, April made her next appointment at the doctor's office before heading back to the lounge. The knowledge that her baby was okay really took a weight off her shoulders and she could breathe easier. But Jackson still weighed heavily on her heart. And she didn't know what would happen in the coming days, but she could only hope that maybe she was on the right path now to somehow earning his forgiveness.