"Noooooo!" Rick screamed, fumbling for his machete. Michonne tried to rip her shoulder out of the walker's mouth, causing her to scream in agony, but it wouldn't let go. Rick finally got the machete out of his belt and slammed it through the walker's skull, causing it to fall to the ground.
Rick knelt down over Michonne, his whole body shaking. He didn't know what to do.
She's bit, she's bit, oh my God she's bit.
Michonne was sitting on the floor holding her left shoulder with her right hand in disbelief. She moved her hand and stared at the blood covering it. She was in shock.
"We... we have to cut it off" Rick said trembling. He moved to take off his belt to wrap around her arm.
Michonne slowly came out of her shock induced stupor to mumble "It's my shoulder, you can't... it won't work..."
"We have to!" Rick yelled. He started wrapping the belt around her arm in a panic.
"Rick stop it!" she yelled back "It won't work!". And suddenly it hit her like a wave.
It won't work. I'm going to die.
Tears poured down her face as the reality of her situation set in.
"We have to get you back to Alexandria, maybe... maybe something can be done" he said, reaching down to pick her up off the floor.
Her head was spinning. It's no use, I'm going to die, It's over.
She allowed him to pick her up and gently place her in the passenger side of the car. He gave her the blanket to hold to her wound as he started the car and sped off down the road.
"We can get back, Denise will know what to do, she can amputate so that your shoulder can be taken out too. She... She took care of Carl's eye... she knows how to do these things". Rick was talking more for his own sake than Michonne's. She was in shock and was barely registering what he was saying.
He kept talking, but Michonne couldn't hear him anymore.
I'm going to die. I'm going to turn into one of them. I can't... I can't be one of them. Oh God, no. Please no.
"Kill me" she whispered so softly that Rick couldn't hear her. He was still rambling nervously, his hands that were gripped around the steering wheel were shaking badly.
"Kill me" she said a little louder. Rick heard her this time and turned to look at her, not believing what she just said.
"Michonne, you're going to be ok" Rick said, trying to stay confident "Denise can help you, she can save you".
"No" she said, turning her head to look at Rick "Rick she can't save me. It's too late, the bite is too high. Please, promise me you won't let me turn into them..." she said, tears streaming down her face "Please... it's my worst fear".
"I'm not killing you and you're not dying Michonne" Rick yelled "We're gonna get home. Just hold on." As he sped down the street he held on to her thigh, rubbing it, trying to comfort her.
Michonne was beyond being comforted. She had seen this happen too many times, to too many people she loved. No one ever survived a shoulder wound. She pressed the blanket to her shoulder knowing that it would do no good.
It might be better to just bleed out then to deal with the burning fever. The hallucinations. The pain as the infection takes over your body.
Michonne stopped pressing the blanket on her arm. She closed her eyes in defeat.
Rick glanced over and saw her. "Michonne, keep pressing, you have to stop the bleeding" he demanded.
"The blanket won't stop the bleeding" she sighed "It's over Rick".
"No! It's not fucking over!" he screamed "I can't lose you. Please. I just... I just got you. Michonne please fight, please. We can get back."
"It took us an hour to get here. By the time we get back it will be too late for an amputation. The infection is already spreading" she explained quietly.
Rick looked over at her again and realized she had given up. He had never seen her surrender before, she was the strongest person he knew, and she was giving up.
"Please" he begged her "Please do this for me, I can't handle this. I can't just watch you die. I need you to fight".
She realized that Rick needed her to fight, for his sake. Even though she knew it was useless. She loved him and she would do what he needed.
"Ok Rick" she said softly, pressing the blanket to her wound again.
The two of them were quiet for a while. Michonne's thoughts took advantage of the silence.
So this is the last day of your life. Well... it started out great. At least you get to die next to Rick. Maybe we'll even get back to Alexandria in time to say goodbye to Carl and Judith and the rest of the family. It won't be so bad if you get to say goodbye... It wont be so bad.
"Michonne, how are you doing?" Rick asked. She ignored the question.
"Rick, what's your favorite color?" she asked. Rick was so thrown off by the question he turned to look at her temporarily, not watching the road.
"Why are you asking me that Michonne?"
"Because I don't know the answer" she responded. He looked conflicted as if he didn't know if he should answer her or not.
"Are you asking me because you think you're dying?"
"I'm asking because I don't know the little things about you. I never got to know. And I want to".
He paused. "Before I met you my favorite color was red. But since I met you it's changed to blue, because I know you like when I wear my blue shirts, and making you happy makes me happy".
She managed a smile. "Before I met you I liked orange. But it changed to blue because I love your eyes" He looked at her smile and he smiled too.
"When did you first know you loved me?" she asked. He looked back at her, surprised by the question she was asking him. In all the time they'd known each other, they'd never asked questions this intimate.
"I... I've loved you for a long time. But I first realized it when we were on the road to terminus, and you made that bet with Carl on the railroad tracks, and you shared that candy bar with him. I saw how much he adored you, and I realized I adored you too." She nodded.
"Me too..." she started "I... I realized it after you saved me and Carl from those men Daryl was with. I saw how you would do anything to protect me and Carl, and I... I realized..." she trailed off.
Rick turned to look at her again. "You realized what?" he asked, already knowing the answer.
"I loved you. I... I love you Rick" It was the first time she said it out loud.
He reached over and rubbed her thigh again.
"Rick" she called. "Yes baby?" he asked. "Will you be ok without me?". The vulnerability in her voice made him burst into tears.
"No" he said "No. I won't be ok. Carl and Judith won't be ok. We need you Michonne. We love you. There's so much we haven't done, so much we haven't gotten to say. I need you to survive this".
"And what if I can't?" she said, crying now.
"You will. I know you will" he said, but he didn't believe his own words. She could read him too well, she knew he didn't believe those words either.
"Rick. There was a time when I wanted to die. I had a son, he was three years old, and he and his father died when walkers overran the camp we were in. After that I was alone, without my baby. Without anyone. I didn't know if anyone else was left in the world. I didn't see another human being for months before I met Andrea. So many times I wanted to just die, I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. But I was afraid that if I died I'd turn into a walker. That fear kept me from killing myself". Rick listened in shock. He had no idea how much about her he didn't know.
"I don't want to die. I want to live, that's why I found you and Carl after the prison fell. I wanted to live life as long as I could. But now I don't have a choice. The only choice I have now is how I die. If we can get back to Alexandria I want to say good bye to everyone, and then I want to go, before the fever kills me. I want to die in your arms Rick, with you holding me. And then I'll be ok. I'll be with my son Andre."
Rick was sobbing so hard behind the wheel he had to stop the car. He turned to her and kissed her gently on the lips. "Ok... Ok honey... If we can't do anything, I'll do that for you. Just please hold on... for me". She nodded.
He continued driving.
As she sat in the passenger's seat she could feel her shoulder throbbing more and more. They had been driving for about 25 minutes and she knew she was losing a lot of blood, and the blanket wasn't doing anything about it. She started to feel dizzy, and hot. "Rick" she said weakly "I think... gonna... pass out". He snapped his head towards her and said "breathe honey, you gotta breathe in some more oxygen". Michonne took a deep breath and then passed out.
When she woke up, she didn't understand what was going on. The car wasn't moving anymore. She was now laid out in the backseat, and Rick was wedged between the backseat and the front seats next to her, sobbing hysterically. She reached out and stroked his hair, causing him to look up.
"Wha... what happened?" she asked groggily. He reached out and put his hand on her head feeling her forehead briefly and then stroking her hair, but she noticed he wouldn't give her eye contact. "Rick?" she asked. He finally looked up.
"We have a flat tire" he choked out "and you have a fever."