Thanks again for any hints and tips I am receiving. I am only doing this as a hobby while the kids are at school, I haven't been to any creative writing classes or anything of that nature. I just had this in my head for a while now and felt like sharing. That said I am trying to do my best so the help is always appreciated. For the person who left the comment about my choice in the word 'infamous', yes I am aware of its definition, I admit it was a poor choice, in my defence I was thinking mostly of Lady Catherine when I chose it. I have now replaced it with something more suitable. Thanks again for the pick up!
Chapter Six: Mr Darcy
I love her eyes.
Big deep brown pools you could fall into. Sparkling. They always sparkled like she was happy just to be alive. Except for this morning. What was all that about? I'd seen Caroline giving her a bad time all morning. I don't know why she does this to all the secretaries, like she felt threatened or something. She doesn't have to be, she's rich, attractive and a rising star in the firm, why should be threatened by a naive timid secretary? But then I guess Elizabeth Bennet isn't any of those things. Maybe that's the truth, Caroline Bingley has finally met her match. I rub my face trying to disguise the smile on my face as I look at her.
Legs curled beneath her on Charlie's sofa, heels discarded on the floor. She looks so laid back and comfortable and this is the first time she's ever been here. I don't think she's happy being in heels. I noticed at the graduation ceremony she took them off as soon as she could. She looks like the type of girl who would be happy running naked and bare foot through a meadow. Jesus Christ what am I saying? I'm her boss! She's my secretary. I'm the senior partner in a firm I, one day, will inherit, outstanding reputation and all. I can't be having feelings for an employee.
She's making small talk about Rosings and other mundane things such as the weather. Normally I would be bored, but with her I'm happy just to let her talk with minimum responses from me, a simple nod of the head and sigh here and there, seems to be working. My mind is already so befuddled with things I should not be thinking, that her actual words are lost on me. "Mr Darcy?" I clear my head and pay attention to what she is saying, what had she been saying? She rolls her eyes at me and it makes me want to laugh out loud. "I said it seems to be me who is doing most of the talking. I think it's your turn to say something now don't you?"
"What would you have me say?" I ask her.
"Whatever you want, surely the great Nicholas Darcy must have something he wishes to add to the conversation besides grunts and nods."
"I don't believe in talking just for the sake of avoiding silence."
"Me neither, I feel we are both similar in that way, you may find this hard to believe but I find we are quite alike in some aspects of our personalities." I stare at her incredulously. She smiles and continues. "For example, we both avoid speaking to an audience unless we are sure it will amaze everyone in the room."
I shuffle in my seat uncomfortably at the accuracy of her words. I can't believe she feels the same, she certainly didn't act that way. Then again, she did seem to enjoy promoting Jane to anyone and everyone while she watched from the side lines. She is patiently awaiting my answer. I choose my words carefully. "I think you may have drawn conclusions regarding my character a little too hastily."
She narrows her eyes at me and then her face softens and she smiles. "Well then I apologise, but for my own part, it was the truth."
"Hasn't it been said, that being able to sit in comfortable silence with someone is the true proof of affection."
She screws up her nose at me. "I can't believe that would encourage affection, I'm sure it would grow quite boring and lonely over time."
"So what would you say would encourage affection?"
"Talking." She teases.
I hold back a smile, while she openly mocks me.
Before I can continue our conversation further, Charlie finally makes an appearance. He'd been in there for twenty minutes 'just checking on Jane'. There's another little problem I need to nip in the bud. It was obvious to me, my friend had fallen head over heels for that blonde beauty in there. From my observations, she was nowhere near that. I had spent some time with them over the past few weeks and despite Charlie blatantly throwing himself at her, she was guarded and restrained when it came to showing any kind of affection. Sadly, I had the feeling Charlie's love was quite unrequited. As usual I would need to be there to pick up the pieces of someone else's love life. Wasn't that always the case? I wonder who, if anyone, would be there for me if I needed them.
No, something had to be done to put a stop to this before it got out of hand and Charlie did something stupid. I would ask Caroline, she would help. She did anything I asked. I know there was some unrequited feelings there too, on her part. She was like a sister to me and nothing more, but I knew she wanted just that, more. It was selfish of me to use this to get her to help me, but it was necessary for the happiness of her brother after all.
After this morning though, I wasn't quite sure I was still in her favour. I had come on quite strong about her not upsetting the female staff. I had left out Elizabeth's name on purpose, explaining it was everyone not any one person in particular. I couldn't stand to see her upset like that this morning. And when Caroline calls her Eliza, it makes me want to hit something. I would have to keep all that under control if I was going to use Caz to help me with this delicate little situation. After listening to Elizabeth and Charles discuss Jane's health and when he would be returning to the office, I inform her that we should be leaving.
On the way back to the office I remain quiet. Not because I don't want to talk to her, but because I have to put a stop to this too, before it starts. We are employee and employer, work colleagues and nothing more. We couldn't be. She smiles the whole journey back to the office and not for the first time in my life I wonder what it must be like to be that happy all the time. I was the one with the envious career and bank account and yet she was the one with the beaming face.
Surprisingly, convincing Caroline wasn't as difficult as I had imagined. Despite being visibly irritated at me for taking Elizabeth with me at lunch, she quickly softened and agreed this little fling between Charlie and Jane had to stop before anyone got hurt, or in her words 'tainted beyond redemption.' We agreed Charlie would be best going overseas for a while. The American Office had been after us to send someone to oversee things, Charlie was perfect and time apart would no doubt put stop to this business.
It would be up to me to persuade him that time apart would do them good. I would convince him they had been moving too fast and he needed to get away from her to think more clearly. I know he would be furious at first, he would not want to be parted from her, but he trusted me. I feel bad about manipulating a friend, but it was for his own good. He would thank me later. Caroline would be there as a back-up. I had warned her to tread lightly, voicing our doubts about Jane too early would only push him further into her arms.
I leave her office thinking we have finished our conversation, eager to get back to work and salvage some of the day. Her arm slides into mine and links as she drags me gently but forcibly to the break room. I look around to ensure no one is watching us, unfortunately it seems there wasn't much to see. Earlier when I had walked out with Elizabeth, every head had turned. I surmised it must because of Caroline. Half the work force already thought we were a couple and the other half were of the opinion we should be. Caroline helps herself to coffee while I hover near the door waiting for my chance to escape.
"So what are we going to do about this other little matter that needs clearing up?" Caroline purrs at me over the table.
I sit down intrigued. "Other matter?" Please don't be talking about us.
Her hand snakes towards mine and her fingers play with my cufflinks. "Her. Your new little project. Eliza Bennet."
"Lizzie." I hiss at her. I couldn't help myself.
She smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes. Not even close. "Yes Lizzie. I don't think it's a good idea her being here. She has a mixture of pride and impertinence that no secretary should have." She spits the word secretary like it shouldn't be said out loud. I recoil. We were all human, why should it matter what she did for a living, or her parents? Of course it matters. In my world especially, it did matter. I lean on the breakfast bar trying to appear as if I am listening intently, while simultaneously trying to block out every cruel word she is saying about this beguiling woman, I am only just beginning to get to know. "She seems to have no recognition of her place here and keeping to it. Nick, I don't think you're at your best when she's around, she seems to have some sort of hold on you. I don't know what it is and I can't even imagine why anyone would see anything in that little waif. She has no style, no class and no real beauty. Did you see her face when she came into my office earlier?" she chuckles to herself. I flinch again, I want to shout back 'you are the reason she looked so upset'. Instead I concentrate my gaze on a chip in the surface of the counter top. She mistakes my silence as agreeance and carries on. "My assistant Anne and I have just been discussing it – how very ill she looked. She seems so changed since the day of the graduation. Her face is too thin, her skin is dull and there is really nothing about her features that stands out."
I took a deep breath in letting it out slowly, hoping my anger would dissipate with it. Caroline doesn't miss my reaction and smiles over her coffee cup. "And yet, she seems to appeal to you, or am I mistaken?"
I bite my thumb nail, had I been that transparent? Has anyone else at the office noticed my attraction to her? Surely I've been more careful than that. What if it got back to Aunt Catherine? Whatever, this needed to end now. "No, she's a distraction yes, something nice to look at, but nothing else. I told you before. I mean yes, I can see an attraction, her eyes have a certain quality about them, but she isn't enough to tempt me.
She scoffs. "Her eyes seem to have a sharpness to them when she looks at me, which I do not like at all." I want to laugh to myself at that, Lizzie had made her feel like that because her eyes were the most expressive I had ever seen. You could tell what she was thinking just by looking into her eyes. I tried to avoid them whenever I spoke to her, just so it wouldn't show on my face what I was feeling or thinking. When I did let my gaze wander to them, something would grab at my heart like an elastic band squeezing tighter and tighter until she would look away and I would be at last granted some relief.
I shrug to agree with her. I need to wrap this conversation up. I don't know how much more of this abuse against Elizabeth I can stomach. "Besides she isn't my type." I swallow past the lie that was lodged in my throat. And to seal the deal. "I prefer red heads." She smiles and this time it didn't just meet her eyes, it shoots through her botox'd head. I love Caroline as a sister. I just hope she realises I'm playing with her and that nothing can ever really come of our harmless flirting. It had always been a game between us, but lately it seemed she was taking it a little too seriously. Maybe it was time to give up our pointless games and distinguish our relationship once and for all. I didn't want to hurt her; she flirted with me, I flirted back. It had started as a joke to wind Charles up. I enjoy Caroline's company and conversation more than most and she had been a good friend to Georgiana. I open my mouth ready to make things clearer, to ensure she knew I was only teasing when I become aware of movement in the photocopy room next door, and decide this conversation is over. I make my excuses to Caroline and return to my office. On the way past my eyes involuntarily roam to Elizabeth's desk, but she isn't there.
This afternoon a big case had been dropped into my lap, one of the other partners was struggling and needed my expertise. I'm not going to lie; I am damn good at my job. I may have had the firm handed down to me, but I made sure I deserved it. The result is, I have a high success rate and a loyal staff beneath me who respect me. The work on the case had progressed into the evening and I had requested a legal secretary to stay and help, but it seems none were available. I take a moment to stretch my legs, the office is eerily quiet, only illuminated by the background wall lights. It is peaceful and calm here at night and I often get most of my important work done in the evening when everyone has left. I look at Lizzie's desk, its clear. She must have left. Small miracles, at least it wasn't her I would be working with.
I go back to my office, my stomach announcing the fact I haven't eaten since lunch. I clear up the papers scattered over my desk and gather my things, intending to leave and grab a bite to eat on the way home. However as I pass by the conference room at the end of the corridor, I can see a light on. I go to investigate, never imagining what I would find.
As I approach, I hear someone softly singing, off key. And there on the floor, yes laying on the hard carpet tile floor, is Lizzie Bennet. Stretched out on her stomach, legs crossed and bent up at the knee swaying back and forth, obviously to the music she is listening to through her phone. Her heels are on the floor beside her, her white blouse untucked and bunching up at the side, her grey pencil skirt creased from laying on the floor. Next to her is a discarded sandwich wrapper and can of diet cola. I've never seen a sight more stunning as her relaxed like that, oblivious to the outside world. She really didn't care. The rest of the floor is strewn with papers clearly relating to the case we should be working on.
We. Her and me together. Alone.
I clear my throat to make my presence known. But she doesn't hear. She is too busy singing, what is that? Some sort of God awful drabble. She still has no idea she is being observed, suddenly it feels wrong somehow. I don't want her to think of me watching her. I'm not a stalker. I back away a few feet and then start talking into my phone in a loud voice, pretending to be in the middle of a conversation. I can see her jump up and straighten her clothes. She is just putting her feet back into her heels when I come in.
"Mr Darcy!" She looks around, for what? Help? Is she afraid to be alone with me? I don' want that. I have to try and make her feel more comfortable around me, like she just had been.
"Miss Bennet. I didn't realise anyone was still here."
"No. Charlie. That is, Mr Bingley said one of the senior partners needed a secretary to help stay behind and work on a case and I could do with the experience so I volunteered. I didn't realise it was you, or I wouldn't have, I mean that is…" She looks down embarrassed.
Wouldn't have volunteered if she had known it was me? What was with this woman? What was wrong with me? Most young women would be very flattered by a man in my position taking an interest in her, but she seems unaffected by me. "Yes, it is me who required a secretary to help. I looked around and saw there was no one here and assumed they couldn't get anyone to stay, I didn't realise you were in here… waiting." I pause, she looks like she wanted to say something but thought better of it. I raise an eyebrow at her quizzically. "Why didn't you just come and find me?"
"Well Charlie had sort of told me what wanted doing and I assumed if they-the partner who had requested help- wanted help, they would come looking for me." Great, a break in communication meant I had just missed possibly the past hour and a half of her company. Alone. I look around to make sure no one else is here. Well we were alone now. Maybe if I could just get her to talk to me, once I discovered what she was really like, I wouldn't have these … feelings. She speaks again. "I suppose I should really have asked who I would be working for and then I could have come to you earlier. I assumed whoever it was would be busy," she smirked at me.
She assumes a lot. Is she mocking me? I feel anger building up inside of me, and annoyance. How dare she assume that I, a senior partner, would have been skulking around the empty office looking for her? "Miss Bennet you seem to find great enjoyment in occasionally professing opinions which in fact are not your own." I tell her. She stops grinning and starts frowning. Maybe I pushed her too far. I don't want to punish her for using her own initiative, but I'm mad. I'm mad at myself.
"I was just getting to grips with the case, the background and such. But now that I've done that, actually I'll leave, we can catch up on this tomorrow. It's late, I need to go." She rushes about gathering her things together, pulling on her thick winter coat and wrapping her scarf around her neck. She can't wait to get away from me. I'm really losing my touch. Then I stop myself, what am I saying? I don't want her to want me. This can't happen. It can't. So why am I placing my arm across the door preventing her from escaping me?
"Um, Elizabeth, I wondered if you're not doing anything, would like to go and grab something to eat?" I ask.
She pauses at the door, turns around and faces me, her beautiful brown eyes looking straight at me.
"No I don't think that would be a good idea. I am after all only tolerable. I wouldn't want to tempt you with my nice eyes. And besides." She pushes my arm down and opens the door. "I'm not a red head." With that she walks out of the room.