Chapter Nine: Lizzie
He didn't apologise.
He left without a word or look back. When he had gone I ran into my room and screamed in to my pillow again. He is so infuriating and I cannot believe he came here and said all that. What is he? Jealous? Did he not like the fact the new little secretary didn't fancy the big senior partner? Surely he felt it? The moment had sizzled with controlled desires. If either one of us had given in to it, it would have been a different story. That moment was past now. We were to each other what we had always been. Colleagues; an employee and employer. We're not even that anyone. Although, come to think on it, he had never actually said I was dismissed. Probably because it was not the professional thing to do; turning up at ones secretary's flat in the early hours of the morning and telling her she was fired. No I suppose that little treat would await me Monday morning.
One thing is for sure, I now know for certain he was instrumental in the breaking apart of Jane and Charlie, and that, I wouldn't let rest. Could she really have appeared that indifferent? Surely, if he had spent time with them, she must have relaxed at some point and worn her heart on her sleeve? An uneasy feeling settles inside me, I thought back on how she hadn't shared the news with me, her closest sister. Supposedly so because I was the closed off one, the one who wouldn't understand. Maybe this was just shielding the fact that she didn't feel as strongly towards Charlie as he did towards her. No! I couldn't believe it, I had seen her at his apartment, it was the real thing for her, and from what I had witnessed that day, for him too.
And what was all that rubbish about George using me and taking my life savings? He is a partner, junior, granted, but still a partner, in one of the most exclusive firms in the country. Surely he is alright for money, his salary alone? Then all the stuff he said started to worry me, enough so I lay and thought back over the past few weeks. It was true, Gary had come on to me straight away. Innocent flirting though, nothing sinister. Most importantly I hadn't slept with him. Yet. Maybe I should cool things with him for a while. After all, there are only a couple of days left at work and the office would shut down for the Christmas holidays. I am in way over my head here. I'm just supposed to be here to earn experience. Not make enemies or lovers. No. I will get through the next few days avoiding both Wickham and Darcy. There I have a plan, I like plans.
The next few days at work pass gratefully in one long blur. I work hard, try my best to impress Caroline, and otherwise keep my head down. I took lunch alone or with girlfriends. George was intrigued for the first couple of days but by Wednesday he stops asking. Finally it is Friday and the office is due to close for the Christmas period. I have made it a full six days without laying eyes on Mr Darcy. The office is in high spirits, people basically clearing their workloads before heading off to whatever plans awaited them. Personally I can't wait to get out, catch the train and head back home to Longbourn.
'Green Eyes' appears at my desk, so I run through the work I had completed and assure her nothing is left unfinished. She wishes me a good holiday - through clenched teeth- forces a smile, and then surprises the hell out of me by giving me a gift. I pause like a rabbit caught in headlights. I haven't got her anything. Was I supposed to? What the hell was I supposed to get her? She must see the panic in my eyes, and gives me one of her 'I know better than you' smiles and says in a cool voice, "relax Eliza, it's a corporate gift from the company. It's nothing personal. She drops the gift onto my desk turns on her heel and leaves.
I let out a huge sigh and then a relieved chuckle. As if 'Green Eyes' would buy me a Christmas gift! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I smack my forehead with the palm of my hand and begin shutting down my computer. I sense rather than hear him approach. The hairs on the back of my neck treacherously stand to attention. I turn around quickly and there leaning against the photocopier room door, in a smart steel grey suit, black wool coat over his arm and brief case in hand, is Mr Darcy.
I quickly look around and realise that the office is empty, why hadn't I realised this earlier? The amount of goodbyes I have said, I should have. He stands up straight and takes a step towards me, I freeze wondering what piece of advice he could be about to bestow upon me. I roll my eyes and scowl in his direction. He stops abruptly just in front of me, and looks at me raising one eyebrow, mumbling "Merry Christmas Miss Bennet" and leaves. I gather my coat and gloves and leave too.
Damn frustrating man.
Christmas at Longbourn is the normal mad frantic loud occasion it always is. And I love every minute. It seems so long since I have been in the mix of my family. We laugh, cry and argue just like always and I am going to miss it so much when I go back. A couple of days after Christmas, we are all informed Mr Collins, the Doctor taking over my father's practice, would be joining us for dinner. He is new to the area and dad wants to make sure he knows some friendly faces.
Doctor Collins arrives precisely on time, bearing gifts of cheap wine and cheaper flowers for my mum. She gushes over how lovely they are, and he is, to have had the thought and hurries them into water while he openly surveys our home. I take an instant dislike to him. He constantly ogles Jane, not that she even notices she so distracted since Charlie leaving I don't think she would realise if the house was on fire. She had received an email only this morning from Caroline informing her that Charles was happy in America and had no intention of returning any time soon. He wishes us all a Merry Christmas etc. Jane had been in her room most of the day since only appearing for meals. After a ridiculous failed attempt from Mr Collins at impressing her, she had returned to her room.
Mr Collins makes a remark about how delicate women's dispositions are, causing a joint sigh from myself, Mary, Kitty and Lydia and a roll of eyes from our dad. Mum is, as always, impressed with his manners and defends him admirably. Anxious to check on Jane, I try to make my escape when I find myself trapped into a corner with Mr Collins. The odious man just won't take hint. Can't he tell by my obvious disinterest I am not interested in him? Unfortunately for me the feeling is not mutual. Out of the four remaining Bennet sisters Mr Collins takes a particular liking to me. Egged on no doubt by my match making mother. When he discovers I work at Rosings, it's like he has won the lottery.
"Oh my dear Elizabeth." Dear? What are we, ninety? "What a true honour and pleasure it is to be associated with the supreme greatness that is Lady Catherine De Burgh. She has invested so much of her personal time and money in to my career I feel I will owe her for the rest of my life. I'm sure you feel the same?"
I stifle a laugh. Yes she had given me a job, but to be honest other than that I didn't believe I owed her anything. I have worked bloody hard to get where I am and it was no thanks to her, or her arrogant nephew. Why do I keep bringing him up? I glance at my dad who is sat in his normal seat at the kitchen table, newspaper hiding his face - and no doubt smirk stretched across it. Before I can think of a polite way of telling Mr Collins I couldn't give a flying whatsit about paying back Lady Catherine, Mr Collins addresses my dad.
"Mr Bennet, I wonder if I could appeal to your good nature and ask your permission to take Elizabeth here, out this evening."
I stand gaping between him and my dad. No! He did not just ask my dad, if he could take me out on a date! I'm twenty-one for god's sake! What a slime ball.
Dad lowers his paper staring at Mr Collins and then at me and then back to Mr Collins. "Um, I'm not sure I'm following here Collins, are you asking Lizzie to go out with you, like out on a date? Because if that's the case, may I suggest you ask her permission, before seeking mine? She's the one who will be accompanying you after all." Dad winks at me before going back behind his paper. I silently thank my dad. I love him!
I turn to leave, when Mr Collins fingers catch my elbow. His touch is reminiscent of Mr Darcy's the night at the flat, and then again not at all. There is no zing, no feeling of everything being right in the world. His hand is cold and clammy against mine and I want nothing more than for him to let go. "Elizabeth please would you accompany me tonight into town? I believe there is a good film showing at the cinema and I would like very much for you to go with me." I look at him from head to toe. He was short, not too short. Nowhere near the six foot two stature of Mr D- No! I'm not doing that again! What else? He has green eyes, not like Caroline, his are warm and friendly but nothing enticing. His black curly hair needs a good cut, his clothes are mismatched. All in all, he comes across as a bit of a student who doesn't have the money, time or inclination to make anything of himself or his appearance. This is a contradiction of course. He is a qualified doctor, who now has his own practice to run. Unfortunately for Mr Collins there is nothing in the world that could make me want to go on a 'date' with him.
Nothing. Except, my mother.
After mum walks in on our discussion in the kitchen, she begs to know what is going on and Mr Collins happily informs her of our situation and his wishes. She of course not only gives her blessing, but encouragement. "Why of course Lizzie will go with you to the cinema that is a lovely thought Mr Collins, lovely. Now Lizzie run along and get ready."
I feel myself beginning to turn and run off to make myself presentable like a good little girl, when I remember I am a grown woman. "Mum I'm sorry, but I will not be going out with Mr Collins tonight or any other night." I turn to Mr Collins. "Mr Collins you're a lovely man and I'm sure you could make some other girl very happy if you asked her, but I do not wish it."
He looks momentarily stunned, like he hasn't heard what I have said or doesn't want to believe it. Perhaps he hasn't been turned down before? No. That can't be it.
"Lizzie! You will go!" Mum slams her hands onto the table across from me.
"No I will not!" I slam mine down too. We are both leaning over facing each other about to go to war over this if necessary, with dad at the head of the table residing over us like an impartial judge, afraid to take sides.
"James, tell your daughter that she is going or I will never speak to her again!"
Dad lowers his paper looking at the bewildered doctor. "Mr Collins, would you mind excusing us? Just for a moment." Mr Collins looks between my mother and me and then back to my dad, nodding and shuffling out of the room instantly. Dad turns back to me. "Lizzie, the way I see it, you have two choices here. Either will make you a stranger to one of your parents. As, if you do not go out with Mr Collins tonight, your mother will never speak to you again, and if you do go out with Mr Collins, neither will I!"
I run around the edge of the table and hug my dad before turning to leave.
"James Bennet!" Mum stops my dad before he can leave with me. I swing the door open to find Mr Collins pacing the small hallway. My mum pushes past me, "Mr Collins please excuse us a minute more, she will go don't you worry, she will go!" She assures him. I shake my head and climb the stairs. "Elizabeth you come back here right now." Mums voice follows me up the stairs. I shut the bedroom door, relieved to find Jane must be elsewhere. Mum walks straight in, no concerns for my privacy. "Lizzie why are you set on humiliating this family?" Me? I'm the humiliating one. I open my mouth to say this when she catches me and with one look I promptly close it again. "You know my nerves can't take all this upset. You have no idea what you are throwing away do you?"
"A night out with Mr Collins hardly seems to be crucial to my life mother."
"Lizzie, if you stay with Mr Collins, think of your future. You could be just like me, a doctors' wife." Mum sits up proudly. I admit its sweet how she still feels this way after all these years with my dad, but I do not share her enthusiasm.
"Mum if you remember, it was never my dream to the wife. I wanted to be the doctor myself."
"And how did that work out for you?" she smiled overly sweetly smoothing down the bed cover.
"Mum! The point is it is not a priority of mine to get married. I'm twenty one!"
"Well it should be. Think of your poor father, he isn't getting any younger Elizabeth and what will we all do when he's gone? That pension isn't going to pay for the up keep of Longbourn and all of us as well. Since you all seem intent on following your father into a university education, how much do you think that costs for five daughters? I need to know you girls are ok, that you will be taken care of." Her voice croaks the last few words and her eyes water. I sigh. I know she means well.
I reach out and take her hand. "Mum, I can take care of myself. So can Jane and Mary. I'm not too sure about the other two but we will be here for them if needs be." She laughs. "And as for you and dad, you're not intending leaving us so soon are you?"
"No but-"
I interrupt. "Then let's put a stop to this silly talk mum. Stop getting your nerves in a state, we will all be fine." I put my arms around her and held her. "And we're all extremely grateful for everything you and dad do for us."
"How grateful?" She raises an eyebrow at me and I roll my eyes.
After further discussion it is agreed by all, that I will accompany Mr Collins to the cinema, but only if Charlotte come's too, so it will be more a gathering of friends than an actual date. Poor Mr Collins, he can't read the signs. No matter what I say, he is still interested. After the guilt trip from my mother I now find myself getting ready to 'accompany him into town.' Charlotte is more than happy to get out of the house and meet the famous new doctor. All the taxi journey into town Charlotte and Mr Collins chat back and forth about Meryton and the surgery. At one point I feel I'm intruding upon their date, but I shrug myself out of it, Charlotte isn't that desperate. The taxi pulls up outside of the cinema and I jump out, eager to free of my confines. Jump, trip and fall, into the strong arms and chest of "Mr Darcy!"