Chapter 2

Here I am, sitting with Benito Lafrerra. He is sweet, and handsome too. I have been set up on dates in the past, but this one is different. Why? Because he is so shy! He reminds me a little of Cam Cameron.

Cam Cameron, well Cameron, was my first boyfriend. If you could really call him that. We hung out the last summer Susannah was alive. He was the first boy to tell me I was pretty, which I know it sounds juvenile talking about it after so much time, but no one really knows how much his attention meant to me. He made me feel like I was beautiful and not just dorky old Belly. Like any young woman who feels as though they aren't pretty, being told that you are… wow. It is a feeling that cannot be forgotten easily.

It was hard to go to a matador event for a date. It was really high in energy. It felt like there was so much going on around you. It was very hard to get to know someone at an event like that. It was an experience though. It was an experience that I can tell my kids about one day.

Carlos and Anika find a way to be all snuggly and couple-like. I haven't really dated a whole lot since Jere. Every date since our breakup had felt so awkward and forced that I didn't really get to enjoy myself. Before, I was so used to a date being like an easy hangout, now, it was like:
"Okay, we are going out, who will pay? What will happen next? You want to stay over? Sorry, I am not that kinda girl!"

It was also hard to date because Jeremiah made it hard. Although we didn't really spend time together last year at school, we would be near each other. I would walk up to a guy and we'd chat for a little while and then he would not come up to me again the rest of the night.

One time, I was talking to Trevor Easton and he was flirting with me and making me laugh. We spent the first half of the party just talking. He said he would go get me a drink and come right back. He never did. When I went to look for him I couldn't find him and I could swear I saw Jeremiah turnaround from talking to Redbird and his other frat buddies and smirk that I was alone, and then he just turned back around. I didn't confront him for it. I just left the party myself.

It is also a lot harder than you think to get to know someone. Maybe it is hard for me because the two really serious relationships to me – were with two people that I grew up with.

Benito was eating a churro and the bottom fell out of it and fell onto his lap. He looked so embarrassed, like he was literally going to pass out. I laughed. I couldn't help it. He started laughing too, which actually really helped out the date. We had left early so that he could change his pants.

The plan had been to meet back up with Anika and Carlos after the match ended. Luckily it was almost over, so I wasn't going to miss much.

"I can't believe I did that!" He said as we walked side by side towards his apartment.

"Hey, it happens!" I said, my legs striding longer to keep up.

He was very tall, taller than most guys I knew. He was handsome in a weird way. I almost couldn't pin point out exactly what it was. His hair waved past his ears. He had prettier hair than me. I didn't think that I could date a guy that had prettier hair than me. Then I saw that he had a little green in his eyes around his pupil and I changed my mind. I think I found his shyness cute too. Probably because he wouldn't try to put on any moves that I wouldn't have approve of. Not that I was a prude I just wasn't interested in anything that I wasn't ready for.

"I hope I didn't ruin your day?" He said looking down at me worriedly.

"Gosh no! I mean it takes a lot to ruin my day. Everyone that knows me well calls me an optimist." I said explaining.

"Optimist?" He asked? He spoke good English, but didn't know all the words.

"It means I look at the bright side of things." I explained.

"That is a wonderful way to be. I like that." He said looking down at me with a sweet smile. I wanted to tell him that I liked his smile, but I didn't have the nerve. Then I remembered Anika's speech to me on the plane.

"You need to be a yes girl. You need to promise me to take chances and scare yourself a little bit. Nothing too serious, but live a little. Make your pulse quicken. You are only in Spain and twenty-one once. Do it right."

With remembering that I swung my arms to release the nervous energy that I had been harboring and spit it out. The compliment I mean.

"I like your smile. I think it is very nice." I said looking up at him to make sure he both heard me, and that he was okay with it.

"I like your eyes. They are like the sky after a storm. Beautiful." He says looking down in them. He was shy with his compliment too.

We spent the night hanging out and listening to live music. He bought me a glass of wine and we shared a slice of pie. We talked about his job and what he did. He was like Carlos with being out of school. He was a banker and enjoyed playing soccer in his free time. He said he went to a lot of soccer matches and that he would love to take me. Yep, he reminded me of Cam for sure. He also took me around for a midnight ride on his scooter, which was much more exhilarating than you would think. The nights had started getting colder so I snuggled close to his back while he would lean back closer to point out different things to me. It was a familiarity that ran shivers down my spine. He made me tickle in that good way.

I couldn't wait to email both Taylor and mom about him when I got back home that night. He didn't kiss my lips, but he did kiss my hand! Swoon!

I decided to tell Taylor first since I hadn't talked to her for so long.

Hello my dear friend,

I figured I would tell you first that I met a handsome Spanish man named Benito. If you were here I am sure you would be breaking down the date with me and helping me pick and outfit out for the next one. Yes, there will be a second date.

What is he like you ask? Well he is tall. Like six foot four maybe, he has gorgeous hair and light brown eyes that turn green in the middle, and yes he has beautiful teeth – knew you'd be dying to know about the teeth. Anika and I are having a blast here. She has a boy-toy named Carlos. They are pretty serious about each other it seems. We hope you are having and amazing semester. Get back to me about how school is going.

Love you,

Belly

I sent the next email to my mom filling her in about the matador event and that I went on a date too and how it went. She would be proud that I am making memories and well finding lovers. Eww, still thought that word was weird. Lovah. Didn't sound good in any way you made your voice sound. It only made it more awkward.

I also sent Steven a picture of me at a nude beach fully clothed. The people there were all old people and I knew he would be so grossed out. I didn't mind because I had seen way too many naked people in my time there. It was just now big deal, and I had to mess with Steven. In the picture I have two thumbs up smiling obnoxiously and in the second picture I attached I was handing a picture of Steven to an old naked lady and she was smiling it and holding it up. In the email I said that I found his heard and that they missed him. He sent me back a picture of him flicking me off.

On a Friday, about a week later and four dates with Benito, I was sitting on the upper balcony reading a novel for class when I see the mail man bringing the mail. Not that I had made waiting for the mail every morning a priority. It was just nice to spend time getting fresh air in the mornings, while waiting for the mail. The sweet old man waved up at me and I said hello.

As soon as he was out of sight I ran through the door, through the bedroom, and down the stairs towards the front door. I was hoping for a letter from someone back home.

It turns out there was nothing for me, again. Maybe I should make sure I write everyone back when they take the time to send me at letter. I spent the rest of the day keeping busy by adventuring to the beautiful beaches with Anika and Carols. Benito happened to show up that afternoon as well.

The beaches in Spain are so different than the pacific coast beaches, and of course I knew this. The smell was similar, but vastly different in a lot of ways. We were at Nova Icaria Beach, where all of the young people went. I really enjoyed it because there was so much going on. The water was deep aqua in a magical way, but the beach was crowded and back home I had a whole stretch of beach to myself, so being at such a busy one made me have to shift gears for an adjustment. The water made up for it though.

That day at the beach was the first day Benito kissed me. I was lying on my stomach and him on his side facing me. We were each on our own beach towels side by side. He was tracing hearts on my tanned arms, I was almost to the napping stage of tanning when he leaned over and kissed me. It was simple, but unexpected. I didn't say anything after he did it, which was fine. Nothing really needed to be said. I liked him and he liked me.

We sort of became a thing after that. Make out sessions under the stars. Drinks and dancing at the local clubs that included more kissing. He was attractive and carefree now that we had become something. He was also very passionate, as I have learned many Spaniards to be. He is actually the reason I became pretty fluent in Spanish myself. Him and Estella.

It was just when we had found our groove in a relationship when I finally received a letter. My heart felt a jolt and then a guilty pang that reached my stomach from how excited I was to get a letter from Conrad. He always knew when to sweep inn. It is like he had a radar for when I was really happy with somebody else.

I took no carefulness to rip open the letter.

[ Dear Belly,

So far I've written you two letters and you've written me – well, none. . . . Which is fine. Go ahead and feel free not to write me back. Seriously, don't feel obligated or anything. Even though I've sent you two handwritten letters and two gifts . . . . But seriously, don't write back. I'm serious. It's better this way. I like hearing my news secondhand, from Laur.

Speaking of news, she told me you met some Spanish guy named Benito, and he rides around on a scooter. Really, Belly? A guy named Benito with a scooter? He probably wears leather pants and has a long stringy ponytail. I don't even want to know. Don't tell me. He probably looks like a model and weighs 100 pounds and writes you poetry in Spanish. I don't know what you see in a guy like that, but I don't know what you ever saw in me either, so I guess there's no accounting for taste, right?

Don't forget – don't write back.

Conrad. ] – excerpt from Jenny Han

I couldn't help but laugh at Conrad's stereotypical description of what he thought Benito looked like. I would have to send my mom a picture of me and Benito sooner so that he could find out. Yes, he looks like a model. Not 100 pounds though more like 215. I wish I could scold him about the scooter. I had decided that I wanted to get one when we got home because I loved Benito's so much. So he would have to make fun of me for that too.

Benito taught me to drive his scooter on our third date. It was on a Saturday and the weather could not have been more perfect. We stopped for a picnic and lay down on a blanket at a nearby park. It was a wonderful date. It was the date that made me really comfortable with Benito.

Conrad was teasing me and getting onto me about not responding. No declarations there that would rock my Benito boat. It wasn't like he said, "You are with Benito! It makes me crazy, please stop." I knew Conrad well enough not to expect something like that. Not that I would let it change anything.

I was sad that I wouldn't be home for Thanksgiving, although I knew I wouldn't from the get go. I was really, really sad that day. Benito offered to cook me dinner at his apartment, but I didn't want to. Anika and I decided to stay in our room and have our dinner, which was a salad with chicken in it. Our meal was accompanied with wine. We stated all of the things we were thankful for:

My mom, my brother, dad, Anika, Taylor, the Fisher boys, ice cream with rainbow sprinkles, hot fries from the gas station. Anika laughed at mine. She said her family and Carlos.

"So tell me what the deal is with Carlos?" I asked her. We hadn't talked about their relationship in a while. She swallowed her wine.

"I am in love with him. He asked me to marry him yesterday. Out of the blue." She said hiding behind her hair.

"What? Are you serious? Ann, what are you going to say? What did you say?" No wonder she had been so quiet. Wait, why would she be so quiet about something so serious?

"Well obviously he would have to wait a long time for us to get married, I mean, he hasn't met my parents and I don't plan on living in Spain for the rest of my life. I have a family back home. I don't want to be here forever, and I don't imagine him ever leaving." She said.

"Come on, he is obsessed with you. What did you say to him?" I couldn't help but ask.

"I said I would have to think about it. It made him cry. He took it as a no. I haven't talked to him since." She said sipping my wine now that she finished hers.

"Ann, you need to tell him it is a maybe. Invite him over. Work it out. It is Thanksgiving." I said like Thanksgiving was the answer to everything at the moment. I had to make it a big deal in Spain somehow.

"No we are spending time together tonight." She used me as an excuse.

"Nope, text him right now to get his flat butt over here." I said picking up my empty plate and hers. He did have a flat butt. We called him no-butt behind his back. Anika always blushed when we did. I took the plates down to the kitchen to wash them so that she could call him in privacy.

He came to get her that night. I assumed they were engaged and happy when she didn't come home.

The next day Benito showed up at the house to pick me up for lunch. He was acting weird and I made him tell me what was wrong. We didn't leave the front of the house. We sat on the tile steps of the front porch. We had the whole conversation in Spanish.

"Tell me what's up?" I prodded.

"I just want to know what is going to happen when you go back home?" He said then added, "I know Carlos is going to come with you guys since he and Anika are engaged. What will happen to us?" He said rubbing his hands down his thighs nervously.

I hadn't heard the news about Anika and Carlos so I was reveling in their good news.

"That is fantastic for them! I haven't seen her since last night" I said so cheerfully it made his gloom even worse.

"What do you want me to say Benito? I am not planning on getting married for a few more years or more. I don't have those plans. I have to finish school and find a job back home." I said all of these things uncomfortably. He didn't like it, but he didn't argue.

"We could be happy though, and I am not proposing. I just want to know if you want to try to make this work." He said holding my hands softly. I felt vaguely embarrassed from assuming.

"I bet we could. But, I don't plan on staying here. I will have to finish senior year back home." I said not budging him or giving him any idea that it was a possibility. I liked him but I wasn't interested in a long distance relationship. Relationships were hard enough.

"Well that is unfortunate." He said.

And with that He didn't say anything further and he stood up and walked over to his scooter. He left and he didn't come back. Not even to say, "Hey let's stay friends or Hey let's wait till you leave and decide then." Nothing. Nada.

When Anika and Carlos came back to Estella's there was a massive party in motion for their engagement. I had previously informed Estella and she invited her whole family over for them to celebrate. The family brought cakes and breads and all types of goodies that my mouth watered for. I knew I'd gain a 1,000 pounds after this meal. Estella even had the opportunity to point out to her son that someone would have to run his father's shop. It looked like she would get her way after all.

I emailed my mom that night to tell her about Anika and her long coming engagement to Carlos. Mom had really liked Carlos. I made sure italicize "long coming" to make sure my mom didn't freak out. I also told her about Benito and our break up. I told her I was okay with it because I was. I didn't want to lead him on. He was looking for a future wife. I was looking for adventures.

I received another letter from Conrad a week or so later. I wasn't sure what he'd say in this one. My heart was racing too fast to think too long before I broke down and read.

[ Dear Belly,

You didn't write back. I thought for sure you would, you used to be so bad at following directions, now look at you . . . . Kidding. Actually I'm not – remember that time you tried to make box potatoes au gratin and you forgot to put in the cheese?

Speaking of potatoes au gratin, your mom made some for Thanksgiving. Laurel invited us to dinner – my dad and Jere and me. I wasn't sure if Jere would come, but he did. It was awkward as hell. But then Steven put on football and we all just sat and watched and it was better. During the half, Jere asked if I'd heard from you, and I said no. He said you'd been chatting online. He said you cut your hair shorter, that it makes you look older, more mature. Then Laur showed us pictures of when she came to visit you. I want to go there some day. I heard you weren't hanging out with Benito anymore. Don't say I didn't warn you . . . .

By the way it, it looks good. Your hair. I don't think it makes you look older though. Younger, if anything.

I might as well be completely honest here, because who even knows if you're reading this . . . you might have thrown it out without opening it, which is your right. But I'll go ahead and say it – it killed me a little that Jere's seen you, talked to you.

But I don't think he hates me anymore, which is the important thing.

Also – in case I haven't made it clear . . . I think about you a lot. You're pretty much all I think about. Just so we're clear.

Conrad ] –excerpt from Jenny Han

And with the last few sentences I got up on my old twin bed and jumped up and down in a frenzied way. I jumped up and down swinging Junior Mint around like I was thirteen again at the summer house. I even let out one girlish scream. Estella came up to check on me and saw my pure joy and decided to join in with no clue why I was so happy. She was wonderful like that.

I decided not to write back. Not to be a brat, but because I just enjoyed getting these letters. I liked that he was doing the chasing and not me for once. For all he really knew I wasn't getting his letters. But I thought about him every second of every day from that letter on.

Christmas came and Spaniards did celebrate Christmas. It was Christmas Eve and Estella's son Fernando came with his new girlfriend. We gave Estella winks all night in hopes of her getting a grandchild sooner than later. Carlos had been showing Fernando things that he had changed since he had been running the shop. Training him for when he would be leaving with us to the States. Christmas had a different feeling in Spain. We didn't all gift each other, we just spent time together. Although I did buy Anika a personalized tote that said Mrs. Guerrato. She and Carlos freaked. He was so outwardly and not at all embarrassingly in love with her. It made me tear up every time he showed it. He was a man who truly cherished her.

Anika got me some really nice stationary and a smooth and scripty black ink pen which suggestively encouraged me to write Conrad back. She packed it in a brown bag and made Junior Mint hold it. It was sweet.

I sent my mom, Steven, Dad, and Taylor a Christmas gram and a quick email wishing them all a Merry Christmas and that I loved them. Steven got a love ya weirdo. I had to keep face with him.

That night I laid down thinking about Christmas at the summer house when Conrad and I were there together. I laughed at the memory of me thinking he was trying to break inn. I smiled like an idiot at the memory of him popping his head into view after I fell flat on my back sliding around in my pajamas. I wondered if he was at the summer house right now. I wondered if he too, were eating chocolate pretzels in my absence and for my honor. I surely hoped he was thinking about me like I thought of him. I hoped he wasn't alone though. He should never spend a Christmas alone.

A week after Christmas another letter came, and I knew this time I was going to write him back. I had already tossed three drafts into the trash – they all came out too lovey dovey. I didn't think it was right.

I opened his letter hoping for something current to respond too.

[ Dear Belly,

It's Christmas here. I guess it's Christmas where you are too. I went to the summer house for a few days. I kept thinking I'd turn around and see you – stuffing your face with chocolate pretzels, or sliding around the downstairs living room in those god-awful mistle-toe pajama pants. I bet my mom bought them for you. She used to buy Jere and me sweaters. There's one horrible family portrait of all of us in red button-downs and reindeer bowties. It's basically a blight on humanity. I hid it in the attic one night and no one's seen it since. If you've been a very good girl this year, maybe I'll show you when you get back. My gift to you.

You know what you could give me. A letter back. Hell, I'll even take a postcard. Or an e-mail, Anything. I just want to hear from you. I want to know how you are doing. By the time you get this, Christmas will have passed – I hope it was a nice one.

Merry Christmas, Belly. Remember last year? Me and you at the summer house? Best Christmas of my life.

Love,

Conrad,] – excerpt from Jenny Han

After reading it twice I knew just what to say. I didn't wait and I didn't talk myself out of response. I was still in love with this boy and I had to let him know by writing back.

[Dear Conrad,

When I come home next spring, you'd better show me that family portrait. Don't you date try to get out of it. Oh, and I'll be taking it with me, since it's my gift and all.

And yes. I do remember. Of course I remember. It was my best Christmas, too.

Write back soon,

Belly] - -excerpt from Jenny Han

*THAT'S ALL FOR NOW THANK YOU FOR READING* Check back next SUNDAY for chapter 3*