So thanks as always for the wonderful reviews. I'm glad people are enjoying the story. I'm hoping this next chapter is not going to put anyone off, it may seem a little out of character for both Lizzie and Darcy. In my opinion their actual coming together in P&P was always a little too easy considering. I always preferred Persuasion and a little more angst. That said I am following the book more than not, so things will right themselves very soon and move along as normal! So please please stick with it -and me- we still have all the Lydia/Wickham and Lady Catherine sagas to come!
Chapter Fourteen: Mr Darcy
The whole journey back to the city from Pemberley had me thinking about one thing only, how fast I could be at Lizzie's door. The past two weeks had easily been the best of my life, but I knew there could be so much more. I didn't want to push the relationship while we were there. Having just established our friendship, I didn't want to risk it by trying to go too fast. Saying goodbye to her last night was one of the hardest things I'd had to do. The idea of just going back to a "good morning" in the corridor at work. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stop myself imagining holding her and kissing her. Now I want those dreams to come true.
I arrive at her building and look to the first floor windows, the lights are still on in what I knew to be the living room; she hasn't gone to bed yet. God, I really hope she doesn't answer the door in those little shorts again. I won't be able to control myself. As I stand waiting for the courage to press the intercom, another resident comes out of the door and holds it open for me. A bit of luck at last! I make it through the few steps to her front door, an idea paying on my mind. I pull out my phone and type out a quick message. Her reply makes me smile inside and out, she doesn't want us to end either. That is all the push I need. I quickly type out another message telling her to open her front door.
The door opens suddenly, and I am in front of the most gorgeous creature I have ever seen. In those damn shorts. I can't help it. I surge forward taking her small frame in my arms and luscious lips in my own. I never wanted something as much as I did her right now. The kiss is so right. We are so right. Like it had always been and always would be. There is no way I can go back to being just friends after tonight. Tonight everything would change and that scares me to death, but at the same time I can't imagine going through life without her by my side.
I am not letting her go.
We stumble through her flat to her bedroom. Breaking the kiss just long enough to tell her I don't want to be friends, much to my relief, she agrees, we shut her bedroom door behind us. And that is how I find myself this morning, this wonderful morning, walking up wrapped around this amazing woman. Lizzie. My Lizzie. We spent most of last night and this morning, making love, talking and making love some more. Until we knew each other inside and out on a more intimate level. She murmurs in her sleep and moves closer into me. I wrap my arm around her more tightly afraid to let her go in case this has all been a dream. She opens her eyes, big brown pools looking up at me. "Morning." I whisper.
"Mm Morning." She stretches out and then curls back up against me so we're spooning. I realise I have never spooned before. I like it. I like it lot. "So Mr Darcy, what do you have planned for today?" She grins. I had told her last night how I liked her calling me Mr Darcy. Especially in the bedroom. I lean forward, kissing her forehead and then pull her over so she is under me, my forearms on either side of her face.
"I think I would like to spend the entire weekend right here." I kiss her neck and she giggles. Saturday comes and goes in a blur of wonderful things. Unfortunately, we don't spend the entire weekend in bed. But we do stay in her flat for the whole forty eight hours, alone, the only exception being the delivery man who brings our Chinese food Saturday night. We talk some more, kiss a lot. Watch films, eat junk food, it's like our own little paradise. However something is hanging over us like a black cloud and I know the subject has to be breached sooner rather than later, I still want to enjoy tomorrow before going back to work Monday morning.
Lizzie is relaxing on the sofa watching some garbage on TV, her bare feet tucked under me. I reach for the remote muting the TV. She looks up puzzled. "What's up?"
"We need to talk."
"Well that's four words no one likes to hear in a relationship. I didn't think I'd be hearing them one day in though." Her eyes are laughing but they grew serious as I straighten up in my seat. She pulls her feet away, I pull them back and hold them in my hands rubbing my thumb up and down the soles.
"It's not like that Lizzie. I'm happier now than … Well than ever. I mean we need to talk about what's going to happen Monday morning." I explain. Lizzie sits up too.
"Well I thought I would go to work and you probably should too." She laughs nervously. "But I'm guessing that's not what you mean." She looks at me and then the penny drops. "Oh. You're worried about what people will think. Obviously I'm not expecting you to send out a departmental email or stand up and make announcement. To be honest I don't see how it's any ones business but our own."
"Exactly! So you agree there's no reason why we should tell anyone." I add delicately.
"Well yes, I mean I'm not going to go shouting about it. But what are you saying exactly? That we don't tell anyone? What about Charlie and Jane?" she looks at me curiously.
Is she angry?
"No, I think it would be best if we just keep this between us," I try to put it as gently as I can, before hastily adding, "just for the time being, let's enjoy our time together away from the office."
She frowns. She is angry.
"Ok, so are you saying I have to stay away from you at work? Avoid each other?" She is getting angrier I can tell. I have messed this up already. I have to fix this.
"No, no that's not what I'm saying at all. Just that we have to be careful, in front of everyone else we're still Mr Darcy and Miss Bennet," I take her hand, "but behind closed doors we're us."
She shrugs her hand out of my hold. "I'm sorry I'm not following here, or at least I hope I'm not, because what it sounds like is that you want to have some sort of seedy affair, where what?" her eyes narrow. "We meet up at hotel rooms, enjoy a quick hour together and then return to work like nothing's happened. I'm not about to drape myself all over you in a board meeting or call you darling in front of client Nick, but this is a bit harsh. Why wouldn't you want at least our friends to know?"
This is not going how I planned. Why did this sound so straight forward in my head? Seeing her eyes looking at me, all that hurt in her face, I hate myself. "Lizzie, look what I'm trying to say is, if we go public with this right away, think of the back lash we'll take, Caroline? How easy do you think working with her is going to be once she finds out you're sleeping with the boss." I warn. She flinches. "And Aunt Catherine, once she finds out she'll make your life hell. She can't sack you, but she'll make you quit."
"I think I can handle your aunt very well thank you, and Caroline. What I can't handle right now Nick, is what you're telling me. So what are we then? What do you see happening exactly? We can't have an open relationship, we can't tell our friends; will we even leave my flat?" She gets up pulling her feet free of my hands and pace the room, one hand on her forehead. "I can't believe this is happening. I finally think I've met someone who doesn't just want a one-night stand, and then I find out, no you don't want just one one-night stand, you want a whole string of them!" She is beyond angry now. I have to defuse the situation fast or this would be over before it started. I just can't find the words. I can't tell her the truth - that if aunt Catherine finds out I am dating an employee - I will be out of the firm and everything I have worked so hard for.
"Lizzie, please, please just listen. Believe me when I say I don't want this. I would give anything to go out in the open and show you off to everyone. Telling the whole world you're my girlfriend. And how much you mean to me." That I love you. "But it's not possible, not in the world I live in. There are too many rules - and obligations - for want of a better word. Just trust me when I say I am not one of those people I am trying to keep us secret from." I explain desperately.
"Secret. There's the problem Nick. I'm not sure I'm happy being a dirty little secret."
"Elizabeth you would never ever be my dirty little secret!" You are the best thing that ever happened to me. "I'm just trying to protect you. Please believe me. I only have your best interests at heart." I grab her hands and pull her down on the sofa so she is straddling me and I can look straight into those big brown eyes. "Just give me some time to pave the way, and we'll go public I promise." I beg her. I don't know what does it, but slowly she nods. Thank God.
Sunday passes as quickly as Saturday, but it isn't the same between us. I hope this would change - soon. I gather my coat and things and prepare to leave. I turn to Lizzie, she is in the kitchen with her back to me. Even from behind I can tell she is tense. Her shoulders are hunched up. I put my hands gently on her neck and massage lightly. Kissing her just below her ear and whispering that I have to go, she nods and follows me to the door, our little fingers linking in a promise. I pull her into an embrace. "I know this is going to be hard Lizzie, believe me, for me too. I don't know how I've stood the past few weeks seeing you in office everyday wanting to touch you and kiss you, now I know exactly how amazing you are, it will be a hundred times worse." My admission brings her around, she laughs and gazes up at me.
"Well I'll try my hardest to look as unappealing as possible. And you need to stop wearing that black suit and white shirt combo!" She pokes her finger into my chest, I laugh and hug her tight; we are back to us again. She pouts her lips. "When will I see you again, by you, I mean all of you?"
"My God what have I done? The timid quiet little secretary has been transformed into some kind of insatiable nympho!" I kiss her on her forehead while she smacks my chest in protest. "I have a feeling I may be in need of some secretarial skills tomorrow. So keep an eye on your emails." I kiss her again and leave before I can't.
Once she shuts the door behind me I lean my back against it, looking to the ceiling for answers. What have I done? I'm at the beginning of potentially the most important relationship I have ever been in and instead of enjoying the honeymoon stage of never being able to let each other go, I have just told this beautiful woman we aren't allowed to be seen together. God I'm a complete git. What must she think of me? I should be counting my lucky stars she would give me the time of day, not trying to hide her. Damn Catherine, Damn Rosings.
After a sleepless night I arrive at the office ready to face normality. I have been in the office for exactly ninety six minutes and I'm already climbing the walls missing her so much. I didn't see her come in this morning, I came straight up to my floor without stopping; I couldn't bear to see her, no doubt with hurt in her eyes because of the situation I have put her in. I look at the few snap shots I have on my phone from Derbyshire and the weekend. I find one of Georgiana and Lizzie. Wishing I could have it enlarged and placed proudly on my desk. Then I flip to the one I took of us in bed Saturday morning, before my stupid speech, when everything was fantastic. We're gazing into each-others' eyes, hair all messed from just waking up. This one will be printed and framed at home, in my bedroom. So one way or another I will wake up to her gorgeous face every morning.
I have no idea how this whole situation is going to play out. Will we only see each other at weekends? No that won't be possible. I can't go five days without her each week. Maybe I can stay at hers at night and leave early before coming here. We'll have to be careful. She won't be able to stay at my apartment, not even visit, at least three of the other senior partners live in our building, including Charlie. It was how my aunt had learned about him and Jane. The woman has spies everywhere.
At ten past ten I give in and have my assistant email Caroline asking for her permission for me to steal Miss Bennet away to help wrap up the case we have been working on. I feel like a teenager meeting his first date, stood pacing my office awaiting her arrival. Finally there is a soft knock at my door. I sit on the edge of my desk, "come in." A big grin stretches over my face at the prospect of seeing her.
"Nick! Long-time no see, how was the break? How is my darling Georgiana?"
"Caroline!" My face falls. "What…I mean, what a lovely surprise," I struggle to appear pleased to see her. "I wasn't expecting you, did you get my email about Miss Bennet? Is she unavailable?" I walk round the back of my desk fiddling with my tie. Why is she here? Where is Lizzie?
She scowls and heaves a sigh. "Yes I got it, she'll be along in a moment. I just wanted a catch up first. It seems ages since we saw each other, let alone talked." Another knock on my door, I freeze, this is going to be like the New Years' Eve Party all over again. I am starting to think Caroline plans these meetings so that Lizzie will walk in and find us together. Lizzie's head appears round the edge and locks eyes with Caroline. I look at Caroline and back to Lizzie. For once Caroline doesn't need a hint. "Well it looks like I should be getting along. I'll catch up with you later Nick. Please tell Georgiana how I long to see her." She sashays out, pushing past a startled Lizzie. As soon as the door shuts I take Lizzie in my arms hoping to kiss away any fears she may have concerning Caroline.
She smiles up at me. "Miss me?"