Chapter Sixteen: Mr Darcy
I finally pull myself out of Lizzie's warm embrace and swing my legs out of bed, eyeing the suit hung on the back of her bedroom door. Today is the day of Charlie and Jane's wedding. I am best man and Lizzie is maid of honour. I look down at her sleeping, god she is beautiful, how I ever got so lucky as to have her in my life I will never know. She stirs, her eyes squeezing shut against the light that soars through the curtains I've just drawn back. "Come on sleepyhead we have a wedding to get to."
"Five more minutes." She pulls the duvet back over her head. I chuckle and crawl back onto the bed, my body covering hers, the duvet in between us. I reach forward and pull the cover off her face, so I can look into those beautiful sleepy eyes.
"Miss Bennet you get up right now and get your gorgeous body in that shower, or I will have to get back in there with you and then we'll both be late." Her arms snake around my chest under my shoulders and up into my hair.
"Well then Mr Darcy, it looks like we're both going to be late." She pulls me back down to her, kissing me. How can I refuse?
Lizzie looks breath-taking. Honestly, she is almost putting Jane to shame. Jane however has that glow about her that only a blushing bride can own. Watching her and Charlie say their vows I realise how wrong I was to keep these two apart. They are so utterly in love with each other. My gaze wanders again to Lizzie, I'm trying to stop myself, making sure I look at all of her sisters standing there in the pale lilac chiffon Grecian style gowns, but Lizzie pulls my eyes every time. I just can't get enough of her. We'd talked this morning about how hard today would be for both of us being so close yet having to stay apart. I never imagined the level of control I would need.
I glance at the congregation. Louisa is smiling vacantly at the proceedings while her husband only seems to have eyes for my Lizzie. I will be keeping an especially on him later. Caroline's eyes are fixed on mine; she isn't paying any attention to the beautiful scene playing out in front of us. I'm going to have to watch her and her wandering hands tonight. Especially once she gets a few drinks inside her. I look back at the display of flowers across the aisle - my secret way of looking at Lizzie without detection - her eyes are solely on Jane and Charlie. I feel a pang of jealously that she can keep her eyes off me. I let my eyes drift down her to her shoes. She's transferring the weight from foot to foot, she's dying to get those shoes off her feet. She hates wearing high heels.
After I make my speech I sit back and really start to enjoy the occasion. The wedding is spectacular, the food delicious and I have the best view in the hotel right now. Lizzie, my Lizzie is bending delicately over her foot undoing her strappy silver heels. I see the relief on her face as she rubs the sole of her foot and puts it against the cold floor. I wish I am rubbing her feet right now. My phone beeping momentarily distracts me. It's a text message.
Lizzie: Stop staring at me!
Me: I'm not!
Lizzie: Liar! I saw you all the way through the ceremony. You're going to get us caught.
Me: I can't help it.
I can't. I look up, she's looking down at her phone smiling. She runs her thumb over the screen, not taking her eyes off the screen, like she does over my wrist sometimes when I'm frustrated over a case, immediately calming me. She knows how to read me so well, better than I do myself.
Lizzie: You know the best man and maid of honour are supposed to dance together, its tradition.
I sigh. I want nothing more than to hold her in my arms and be with her. It's just too risky, I won't be able to keep my face from revealing how I really feel about her, everyone will know.
Me: We can't
Lizzie: We danced at your aunt's party
Me: One occasion is friendly politeness, twice implies involvement
Lizzie: We are involved
Me: I know Lizzie, and I want to, but we can't. I'm sorry.
Without me noticing, the tables have been cleared, the lights dimmed and the band is setting up. Jane and Charlie have cut the cake and are making their way on to the dance floor for their first dance. Lizzie is directly opposite me, stood between her father and mother. A perfect opportunity for me to look right at her without giving anything away. She's smiling, so happy at her sisters' happiness. She one of the most selfless people I know. Her mother whispers something in her ear and I see the smile falter, her eyes dart to mine and then she turns and leaves. I try to see where she is going but can't get a better view without giving myself away, so I let her go. I'll check on her later.
Who am I kidding? I'll check on her now.
I'll just make out I'm trying to find the men's room or something. Suddenly a red head is blocking my escape. Caroline. I heave a sigh. "Hi Caroline, lovely day wasn't it? If you can just excuse me one minute I'm just looking for someone." She holds onto my arm, I'm not going anywhere.
"Someone special? I hope not! Don't tell me Mr Darcy has finally found himself a friend." Her green eyes are a little blood shot, probably from all the champagne. I doubt it is from shedding a tear at the union of her brother with his wife. "Well, well, it looks like our little Miss Bennet has found herself someone too." My head snaps up and turns to Lizzie's direction, I immediately find her leaning against the bar, a tall stocky blonde haired guy leaning in to her, close. Too close. He's jerking his thumb towards the dance floor. I see her look up and find me, I look away not wanting it to look like I'm watching her, when that's exactly what I am doing. Caroline continues to jabber away but it's all white noise. All I can hear, see, breathe; is Lizzie. She's shaking her head. Thank Christ, now move away. But no, they're still talking. What is she doing to me? This is killing me. Killing me slowly and painfully. I'm rooted to the spot. Caroline leaves. Richard is beside me watching the dancing. Tapping his foot to the beat of the band. I have an idea.
"Rich. You need to do me a favour." I swallow hard, I have no choice; I have to ask.
He knocks his drink back in one go. "Sure buddy what's up?"
"Look I know this is as crazy as it sounds but just humour me please? Go stand by Elizabeth, hover round her a bit, buy her a drink, dance with her, whatever it takes to stop that git over there from getting anywhere near her." I try to rein in the rage in my voice but my emotions are giving me away.
Richard starts grinning. "I knew it! I knew there was something there. You like her don't you?" he teases. I gulp and look down into my drink. I can feel my cheeks heating up. He lets out a low wolf whistle. "Jesus! You've already been there haven't you?" His eyes are wide.
I grab his arm a little too tight in a reflex at someone insulting Elizabeth and have to release it. He looks at me shocked and I try to smile. "Don't talk about her like that. Ok? It's not like that."
"Ok! Ok Nick calm down, what is it like then? Because if I'm to give up getting lucky tonight to babysit for you, I think I deserve to know." He claims.
I groan. He's right. "Ok, we've been seeing each other for a while now. But no one knows, ok? And that's the way it stays, understand Richard? Nobody knows about this."
"I hear you, so how long's a while then?"
I shake my head, he's going to love this. "Six months."
"Six months, Christ Nick. What have you been doing? How the hell have you kept this hidden? And what does Lizzie think of all this? I mean is she happy with this set up? I can't imagine any woman being happy being kept a secret for this long."
I look down. "Yeah well we've talked about it, Lizzie knows it's important to me that no one finds out." But as the words leave my mouth I realise how terrible they sound.
"You don't want anyone to find out, but Nick why? She's a gorgeous, talented, intelligent woman, all the time I have spent with her, she comes across as caring and sweet and everything you could want in the perfect girl."
"She is." I admit. He looks at me puzzled. "Perfect I mean." I mean it. She is. And I'm a total shit.
"Then why the secrecy? Why aren't you stalking over there knocking that kid flat and claiming your girl?" He's gaping at me, daring me to answer.
"It's... Complicated." Total. Shit.
He frowns. "No it's not Nick, that's just something people say when they're scared of the outcome. Look I don't want to hear anymore, I'll go take care of Lizzie, but not for you. Because of you." He looks at me like he doesn't even know me.
He walks away not looking back, I see him put his arm around Lizzie and lean in whispering something in her ear. She grins, puts down her drink and joins him on the dance floor. I feel … I don't know what I feel, but it's like something just broke in me and its tearing me apart from the inside out. She doesn't deserve this. She could have anyone she wants. Someone normal who can't wait to take her home and meet his family. Not me.
Richard has a hand on her tiny waist, the other holding hers. God I don't know if I can stand this. It's only my cousin doing me a favour and I still can't stand him touching her. I clench my hands around the same drink I've been holding onto all night. I need to keep a clear head or I am likely to explode and give the whole game away. Not only would that spoil Jane and Charlie's big day, but it would mean the past six months of hiding this, would be for nothing. Six months. Has it really been six months? But then I couldn't remember a time in my life when she wasn't a part of it.
Caroline is back at my side wrapping her arms around my neck. She stinks of booze. She's drunk. I haven't noticed her approach, because I have been too busy looking at Lizzie in Richards arms. Even though I knew I have placed her there, it still hurts. That should be me dancing with her. I'm her boyfriend. I restrain Caroline. This ridiculous game of flirting is past endearing, now it's just plain irritating, not to mention embarrassing on both our parts. "Caz come on, I'm not in the mood for this. You know I'm not interested in you, not like that."
"Oh come on Nick we've danced around this long enough. I know you want me, I could tell when we were together earlier, the way your body tensed in my arms." I refrain from pointing out it was nothing to do with being in her arms and everything to do with the amazing beautiful woman who I am destroying one piece at a time. I see Richard before I see her. She's taken her heels off and so is hidden behind his tall frame. But I see her now and I see the anger in her eyes. I know that feeling, it is the same one I had when she was stood with that guy earlier.
"Excuse me Caroline." She says it so politely, but I can hear the hatred in her usually light voice. She's way beyond mad. She's hurt. I have hurt her.
"Oh Eliza I didn't see you there." Caroline mocks.
"No I gathered that, you were too busy trying to get your tongue down Nicks throat," Lizzie moves closer to her until her face is mere inches from Caroline's. "And it's Lizzie! L. I. Z. Z. I. E." Lizzie yells at her.
Caroline jumps. "Miss Bennet. I'm going to forgive you this little outburst due to the fact that you've obviously either taken a leave of your senses, or have been drinking." Caroline steps back recovering herself before turning back to Lizzie her eyes narrowing. "You ever talk to me like that again and it will be the end of your career at Rosings Park." She smiles cruelly. "I don't know what little fantasy you have going on in that little brain of yours about yourself and Mr Darcy, but read my lips, it's never going to happen."
I wait for Lizzie to contradict her, to shout out and let it be known to the whole room exactly what had been going on between us, she opens her mouth as if that's what she intends to do but then closes it again. I turn away unable to look at Caroline either while that venomous mouth of hers spouts this rubbish. Nothing, could make me look at Lizzie. I know the pain in her face would kill me right now. I'm not a man capable of being her boyfriend, I'm a disgrace. I should be ashamed of myself, and I am. I want it all to stop but Caz continues. "Look, he can't even look you in the face, you're nothing to him, just some trash. I think we can all agree that if any of the senior partners were to look at you twice or show any interest in you outside work it would be for one reason only. You're a charity case Miss Bennet, someone Mr Darcy felt sorry for and has done nothing but try to help you with your time at Rosings and you repay him like this. Frankly you should be ashamed of yourself. I suggest you leave."
I try to open my mouth, I need to speak.
"That's enough Caroline!" Richard -more man than I could ever be- wraps a protective arm around Elizabeth and leads her away. "Come on Lizzie let's get you a drink." Lizzie should be with someone like him. He wouldn't do what I am doing to her, he had basically told me so earlier. He scowls at me and I see it written all over his face; he's ashamed of me too. I finally pull myself together and look at Lizzie. She's not looking at me, her head is down, but I can see the tears escaping her eyes. I can barely control myself right now. That should be me taking care of her, hell I should have stopped Caroline and stuck up for her so she wouldn't be this upset in the first place. No I can't even blame Caroline. I should have put stop to this a long time ago. I pull out my phone and text her.