Summery: Hiei had one job, just one job!
Warning: for ocness, but alcohol does that to a person. X3
Hiei was currently sitting at the edge of his bed, face in his hands, groaning loudly as the idiocy of what had transpired slowly set in. In deep slumber, with an ice pack on each pectoral, slept Kuwabara, who was, of course, the source of HIei's troubles.
"I had one job...just one job! Watch the human! Keep him out of trouble! Fuck!" Hiei groaned his words slurring a bit.
Really, this was all Yusuke's fault.
Yusuke had brought Kuwabara to his home in the Makai for one reason or other. Bonding, friendship, fights...something along those lines, and of course some demon had showed up intent on destroying Yusuke and being an all around dick hole. The demon was fairly powerful, and Yusuke, rather than risk Kuwabara, had whisked his best friend off to Mukuro's territory, found Hiei, made up some bullshit story about having a barbecue and needing to go hunt down a "demon cow" (there are no "demon cows." There are regular cows. Yusuke you fucker.), and left Kuwabara with Hiei, while Yusuke went to go take care of the jerk waiting for, "a battle of epic proportions," at his door.
Hiei, not sure what to really do to keep Kuwabara entertained and from getting suspicious, took some, perhaps foolish, advice from Mukuro...He took Kuwabara to a demon bar.
Two hours later they were both shitfaced, and stumbling into a tattoo parlor.
All Hiei knows is that he didn't start sobering up until after Kuwabara had required two nipple piercings.
And here they were, the still drunk Kuwabara passed out on his bed, and Hiei trying to figure out what to do about this current situation.
"Shit...what was I thinking?" Hiei slurred, dragging his hands down his face.
Behind him, Kuwabara stirred and moaned, Hiei's loud groaning having woken the human from his drunken slumber.
"...Mmmmm? Mm...oooowwwww...owwww. Fuckity owww. My boobies hurt."
"...You don't have boobies."
"Yes I do...we all have boobies...and they hurtttt," Kuwabara whined, his lower lip stuck out in a pout.
"No. We all have nipples. Your nipples are what hurt," Hiei argued pointedly, his own inebriation not making him the best problem solver at the moment.
"Oh...oh...owwwww."
"Go to sleep..."
"Why do they hurt?" Kuwabara belched out the last word, frowning in disgust at his own actions, and maybe the taste of a 100 year old demon whiskey.
"...Ask Yusuke when he gets here. It's his fault."
"I knew it..." Kuwabara whispered, before slinging and arm over his eyes and passing back out.
Hiei rubbed his eyes and then slid to the floor. This was Yusuke's fault. Fuck this. He was going to sleep.
And with a drunken grunt, Hiei lay down on the floor, deciding he'd deal with this mess as soon as Yusuke arrived and woke them back up.
...Hiei would never babysit humans again.
...
...
...And Kuwabara did not keep the piercings.
End.