So this is it, the final chapter. I chose to continue with Caroline pov. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed. It has all been greatly appreciated and helped spur me on. I feel quite lost now it's all over. What begun as just an idea I had one day after reading P&P for the hundredth time, has become a Labour of love and something I was reluctant to give up. Jane Austen, along with the Bronte's and Elizabeth Gaskell are all heroes of mine and I thoroughly believe they wrote ahead of their time. It's great that websites like these exist.
Chapter Twenty five
I spend the next three hours being buffed, polished, waxed and tanned and everything else that enables me to look my absolute best. The new underwear I spent a small fortune on feels good against my skin. I slide a stocking clad foot into my Jimmy Choo's -again bought new for the occasion. It may only be dinner at Charlie and Jane's but that is no reason not to look a million dollars and the prices I paid today, I wasn't far off. My hair shone as I sweep it up into an up do and fasten a choker around my neck, strategically drawing attention to one of my best features. I step into my new cocktail dress, black of course, and review my appearance in the full length mirror in my dressing room. It will do.
I grab the bottle of wine I had purchased specially from the cooler, Nicks favourite, and make my way to the waiting car. I never went anywhere in taxis or any kind of public transport. I am a few minutes late, as planned. I want to make a grand entrance that will have Nicholas Darcy tripping over his own tongue. When the door opens and Charles tells me how beautiful I look, I feel I have accomplished what I set out to do. Jane joins him by his side glowing as usual. These two look like they are constantly in the middle of some private joke that is only between the two of them. It's nauseating. Jane also tells me how wonderful I look and offers me a glass of wine while we wait for the others. What … "They're not here?"
"No not yet. They're … running late." Charlie grins at Jane who blushes shaking her head at him.
Shit. This is not how this was supposed to go. He should have been here to see me enter the room and realise then and there how it's me he should have by his side, whisking me off to Pemberley where I would become lady of the manor and – the door buzzes. Jane and Charles are nowhere to be seen, it will be up to me to let them in. I take a deep breath and a last look in the mirror before opening the door. The first face I see is Elizabeth. She is fresh faced, no make-up; her cheeks rosy, her eyes shining. Her hair is still damp like she just washed it and scraped up into a messy bun on the top of her head, my eyes fall down sweeping her body from head to toe. Her chunky cream sweater is falling off one shoulder, it falls just above her knees. She has on skinny jeans and some brown knee high boots that look like she had them for years. I smile to myself, this was going to be easier than I thought. She doesn't stand a chance. She sees me and her eyes widen as she takes me in. "Caroline! Wow you look … amazing. Doesn't she look beautiful Nick?"
I let my attention wander to him at last. He is also wearing jeans -an article I didn't even know Nicholas Darcy owned- his shirt is smart but crumpled. I can't believe I am looking at the same man I have known all these years. He runs a hand through his scruffy hair trying in vain to flatten it down. Jesus it looks like he just got up out of bed.
Oh.
He looks me up and down so quick I doubt he could even tell you the colour of my dress before turning to look Lizzie full in the face. His eyes flick from each feature on her face to the next. "Beautiful. Yeah." He answers, never taking his eyes off her. I feel my cheeks heat. He isn't talking about me, he hasn't even noticed me; he only has eyes for her. What the hell am I going to do to get him to notice me? Elizabeth shoves him playfully in the side and gestures to me. He takes me in properly. "Caroline, you look wonderful. Where's Charlie?" he looks over my shoulder.
He brushes past me and Elizabeth smiles at me apologetically. She's pitying me. I want to leave. But my pride won't allow it, so I sit here for the next hour making small talk and pretending to be relaxed with the company I find myself in, while Jane and Charles flirt outrageously in the kitchen and Nick and Lizzie are sat so close together on the sofa you can't see where one finishes and the other begins. She lays back like she might fall asleep. I stiffen my shoulders and sit up straight like a lady should. Her legs are beneath her and she shuffles trying to get comfy. Nick notices and grabs her legs pulling them across his lap, lazily drawing patterns on her thigh. She leans over him and whispers something in his ear. He looks across at me as if noticing me for the first time and then stops.
After the meal, Charlie explains the dessert is taking longer than they thought and that we should all retire to the living room once again while it is ready. I groan inwardly. Not more public displays of affection. Why am I here? Why had Charlie invited me? Is he trying to get back at me for something, had Nick told him about what I had said at work? As we all sit down, Charlie stands in the middle of the room grinning from ear to ear and bouncing on the balls of his feet. I look across at Jane, she's blushing. Lizzie has noticed it too, she grins and then starts crying. She jumps up, gathering Jane in her arms and they both begin to cry happy tears while hugging. I have no idea what is going on and I don't like it. I look across at Nick who I'm relieved to find looking as perplexed as me. Charlie speaks. "Nick, Elizabeth, Caroline, it gives me the greatest pleasure and pride to be able to tell you we are going to have a baby!" He gushes out gleefully. Nick laughs out loud and jumps to his feet taking Charlie in a bear hug and shaking his hand before kissing Jane and grabbing Elizabeth. This time he whispers something in her ear, she colours, nodding and whispering something back. Didn't her mother ever tell her it was rude to whisper?
I let myself digest the news while those around me celebrate, my little brother is going to be a father. He is going to have a child. I am going to be an aunt. Our family is no longer Charles and I. Now he has Jane and a baby. And I could be part of that. I could easily be genuinely happy and kiss them both and tell them how ecstatic I am for them like any normal person could and would. Why then do I not? Why am I sitting here unable to move, unable to tell my brother how proud I am of him and how he should be happy. I know why. I'm jealous. I'm jealous of everyone in this room. I'm jealous of Nick and Elizabeth and how good they are together. How well they fit when they shouldn't, not at all. How comfortable he is around her. I'm jealous of Charlie and Jane and how they still look at each other like they're the moon and stars. Like there is no one else in the room. I may never have been in love but I know what it looks like and it's right in front of me. I heave a sigh and rise to my feet. The merriment ceases and all eyes are on me. "Caroline? Are you … aren't you going to congratulate Jane and I?" Charlie asks. His smile slipping and a grimace taking its place. "You're going to be an aunt, Caz." He informs me through gritted teeth.
My feet propel me forward, my body acting of its own accord, it has better sense than me. I take Charlie in my arms and I sob into his shoulder. He stiffens at first, either because of our lack of sibling affection over the years, or at the assumption I am unhappy for him. Which cannot be further from the truth, I am happy for them. I am genuinely happy for once in my whole life. My face ached as a wide smile forces its way on to my lips and I breathe in my family. My home. "You are going to be an amazing dad Charles, you and Jane will be terrific parents and I can't wait to meet my niece or nephew." I whisper into his shoulder. He relaxes into my arms and I feel tears run down my perfectly made up face. His sniffs, he's crying too. We part long enough for him to gather himself and me to congratulate my sister in law. Elizabeth and Nick suggest they go to get the dessert and scamper into the kitchen. Five minutes later and they haven't returned. Jane and Charlie are basking in each other's company, sitting cosily together whispering, while Charlie rubs her barely there belly. I stand and sneak into the kitchen, glad to be away from the romance and wanting to know what is taking the others so long.
I don't have to wonder for long, as I approach the kitchen, the door is ajar and their voices seep out through the gap. I step to the side out of the light where I'm able to listen and see, without being noticed. Elizabeth is sat on the worktop, Nicholas is stood between her legs, a hand resting on each of her thighs. They're kissing. I fully intend leaving them be. I don't need to witness any more of this, I have seen enough at work this morning, however as I move to walk away I hear him speak. "Are you happy?"
"I should think you know the answer to that after this evening." She answers lightly. "What's that look for?"
"Are you happy with me?" he asks nervously.
"Mr Darcy. I am unbelievably happy. I am happier than Jane; she only smiles, I laugh." She giggles.
"Have I told you how undeniably beautiful you look tonight Lizzie Bennet?"
"Repeatedly Mr Darcy. It's a shame you weren't so complimentary of others here tonight."
"Who do you mean?"
"Caroline! Oh Nick you must have noticed, surely? She looks stunning, like she just stepped off the pages of a fashion magazine. She must have spent hours getting ready. You know this means I'm right don't you?"
"Lizzie, yes Caroline looks beautiful tonight, but you are beautiful to me all the time, whether you make an effort or not. She pales in comparison to you, how can I take notice of anyone else when I have you sat beside me looking like you do?"
"Please. I'm a mess. I threw on the first things I could find and didn't even have time for make-up and hair." She scolds.
"Well that was my fault wasn't it? If I hadn't kept you so pre-occupied you would have had long enough to get ready. To what end I don't know, to me you couldn't possibly look any better than you do right now, unless of cause you were naked and in our bed."
"Nick!" She hisses. But she smiles at him, pulling him close to her again. "What about Caroline?"
"What about Caz?"
"It's obvious she has feelings for you, that's why she dressed up like that, for you."
He sighs. "Lizzie we've been through this a million times, she's like a sister to me. I care very deeply for her, but I'm in love with you. Besides Caz feels the same way, she doesn't want to get married, I don't think there's anyone out there who could ever live up to her standard and ideals."
I bristle at his accurate description of me and wonder if that's why he never took our friendship any further.
"That's sad don't you think? You know when she married Charlie, Jane told me she was so happy she wanted everyone to be as happy as she, I didn't understand it at the time, but I do now, I want Caroline to find someone. I don't want her to be alone. She deserves love as much as anyone."
"Lizzie Bennet you never cease to astound me. Each and every day you give me something new to love about you."
I finally move away, willing my legs to carry me the short distance to the sitting room. Jane and Charlie don't even look up when I re-join them. Suddenly this apartment is rather over crowded. I need to leave, I want to be out of here and away from these ridiculously happy people. There are so many thoughts and feelings running through my head I couldn't think straight. I make my excuses to Jane and Charles and leave before the others have even returned from getting dessert. I'm in the hallway almost at the lift when he catches me. "Caroline, wait!"
"Sorry Nick, I find I have a bit of a head ache and I need to go home."
"Caroline, please just hear me out first." He asks. I heave a sigh and nod. Folding my arms in front of me. "That's was good of you in there, to be pleased for Jane and Charles. I know it will have taken a lot to give in to your heart, you always said you were ruled by your head not your heart and yet the warmth I saw in there, between the two of you was anything but. You love him Caz, he's your brother, there's no shame in showing your feelings, something I learnt recently."
I look into his eyes carefully. "You really love her. I mean like really. No publicity stunt way of angering your aunt, you love her, you want to spend each and every day with her forever?"
"Yes I love her." He says quietly, seriously. "It was nothing to do with my aunt or Rosing's. I fell in love Caz, I'm the first to admit I thought it was an impossibility, but it happened. I can't live without her. I really can't."
"You gave her your mothers ring." It wasn't a question.
"We're engaged. It's right that she should have it."
"Doesn't it worry you that's what she was after the whole time? She wants the Darcy name and all it entails."
"No. She doesn't want the money Caroline. I told you this morning she'd love me if I gave it all way, probably more, if I'm honest. It was never about Pemberley or the money, we're happiest when we're alone together in her little flat, she's only been to the penthouse a handful of times and each time she complained so much we went back home."
"Home?"
"Her flat. It might not be hers but it's where we feel most at home. We will move to Pemberley, when I eventually persuade her, but for now we're happy with how it is." He explains. It sounds like they have it all worked out. He steps forward taking my hand in his. "Caroline I want you to be happy for us, truthfully, not in the usual Caroline Bingley way of pretending and feeling nothing inside. I want you to mean it. I want to look in to your eyes and see happiness there." He steps forward and I lose all of my senses. I surge forward and kiss him. After the briefest of contact, he pulls away holding me at arms-length looking horrified. "What are you doing?"
"I had to try it. I had to, or we never would have known." I answer truthfully.
"Never would have known what?"
"Whether we should have been together."
"Car-"
"It doesn't matter Nick." I interrupt. "You were right. There is nothing there. It felt weird. And not in a good way." I admit. "I don't know why I thought it would be anything but. I had to know. I couldn't go the rest of my life wondering what if." I take in a long breath blowing it back out slowly clearing my head and finding a new perspective. "I am happy for you Nick, I can't say I'm ready to be friendly with Elizabeth just yet; there are still a few bumps in the road to be ironed out. But I am happy for you. I love you very dearly, but you are right, I'm not in love with you. I never was. I need to find my own way and it is isn't with you at Pemberley."
His eyes narrow. "I'm confused. Are we ok now? No feelings other than affection." He asks puzzled.
"Nope." I clarify.
"So will you come back inside?"
"No. I'm trying Nick, I am, but this is all new to me and I need time to process it. Alone. Tell Elizabeth I will see her in the morning. Goodnight Nicholas."
"Goodnight Caz."
They say the truth can set you free, and for me it did.
Every word I said that night was the truth. It wasn't easy. At times it was downright impossible. I had moments –days- when I hated Lizzie Bennet with a passion and would have done about anything to come between them, but they rode above it, and in the end so did I. The more time I spent with them, and Charlie and Jane, the more I witnessed what true happiness was like. I finally found common ground with Lizzie, likes and dislikes that amazingly we had in common, we would never be best friends but we were close enough to stand being around each other for more than five minutes at a time. I was still welcome at my beloved Pemberley and with Georgiana with whom I was able to repair my friendship and become the big sister she really needed, someone for her to confide in away from her brother and future sister-in-law. I enjoyed my new life. I liked my new friends.
That's why two years after Nicholas placed his mother's ring upon the finger of one Elizabeth Bennet, I found myself stood at the front of a church surrounded by her gaggle of sisters and Georgiana, dressed in lemon chiffon as bridesmaid. I looked into the eyes of Lizzie and Nick and I knew I was where I was meant to be. The smiling faces throughout the congregation were testament to that. The only person unwilling to attend was Nicholas' aunt Lady Catherine. She still refused to accept Lizzie as the next Mrs Darcy. Regardless of her opinion, Nick did marry his true love and I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else.
Suggested Playlist
Never Knew I Needed You - NeYo
Wings - Birdy
You and Me - Lifehouse
I Dare You - LeAnn Rimes
Obvious - Westlife
How To Break A Heart - Nikki
Perfect - Hedley
My Everything - Ariana Grande
Can't Forget You - My Darkest Days
Crazy In Love (Fifty Shades Remix) - Beyonce
You Fill My Heart - Jason Walker
Where Is Your Heart - Kelly Clarkson
Goodnight Girl -Wet Wet Wet
Secret Love Song - Little Mix feat Jason Derulo
Nobody Compares - One Direction
Almost Is Never Enough - Ariana Grande feat Nathan Sykes
Tonight I Wanna Cry - Keith Urban
Over You By Now - Jana Kramer
All You Ever - Hunter Hayes
Wanted You More - Lady Antebellum