A/N: Two German words. Die Wissenschaftler = The Scientists. I'm going to let Gebärmutter be revealed later to add to Finny's stress, but Google it if you really want to know now, to that I think you can't figure it out.
BTW, snakes smell with their tongues that's why I have some description in here.
Finny's Confusion: part 2
Finny felt so warm. He turned towards that warmth and his body actually shivered. He was next to Snake, and the former circus performer wasn't really physically warm at all. It was the warmth under the impassive boy's chilly surface that Finny was responding to; and that's what kept him curious about Snake. Finny knew Snake didn't have a cold heart to match his body.
Snake's sleeping body was icy cold, and, for a fleeting moment, Finny feared the other teen was even dead. Finny felt just the barest hint of a pulse on Snake's neck, so he relaxed a little. After all, he'd been around many, many murdered boys. He flexed his own hands and fought the compulsion to go scrub them raw.
Still, it was hard to think your friend had just died beside you. Finny gasped and propped up on an elbow to take a careful look at Snake's face in the cast light of the embers in the fireplace. He was so very handsome, yet his face was so very stern, almost like a classic statue that Sebastian had shown him during his study times with Mey-rin. Almost heroic, like a knight's statue he'd seen on one of his few trips to London with Master Ciel.
That's when it happened. Again! It was that pain in his lower stomach. It felt dreadful and fear struck him. He may die this time! He couldn't tell for sure! He'd survived four other times before this one. He just couldn't lay here beside Snake and put that burden on the older teen. More than likely, he was going to die from blood loss. He refused to die next to Snake, because he knew that stomach-churning shock of waking up next to someone dead.
This time, more careful, he left Snake's bed and crept down the hallway towards the servants' water closet. He struggled to stand upright, but it was so hard. His back was now in knots, and he suddenly felt clammy. When he locked himself in, it was the same as the other four times before. There was a sudden rush of blood between his legs and his boxers were heavily stained with blood.
He had to cover it up again! He had to push through the pain so he could clean up and hide it. If he died from this blood loss, at least he would refuse to burden others with it. This was something die Wissenschaftler had cursed him with. Who knew what they had done to him to cause this? They rarely talked directly to him. They only referred to him as as "der Hund Anzahl S-012."
He was the most successful in the "S-Gruppe." He had done what they demanded of him, but it was when he had his first bleeding time they grew displeased. The first time it happened, he was still with them. It was just like this one he was experiencing now; it hurt so bad.
Die Wissenschaftler seemed upset and angry at him because they felt this horrible bleeding was going to interfere with their research. They had talked about doing a surgery to remove something from Finny's body. It was called a Gebärmutter... but he didn't know what that was.
He was terrified they were going to do it, carve more out of him. He didn't want them to cut him up any more, but Sebastian and Master Ciel showed up before they were about to do surgery to him in a mere hour. Were die Wissenschaftler trying to save his life and trying to continue what they had done to him, or did they just want to get rid of something in his body and start new, since it didn't seem to match their plans? If they wanted to remove this horrible thing called a "Gebärmutter," wasn't it good that they were going to do it?
He was in such panic! If this thing called a "Gebärmutter" was continuing to harm him, he didn't want it to cause other people problems. It was killing him, little-by-little; he was sure of it! It was killing him! Die Wissenschaftler must have put it in him a long time ago and then it failed- whatever it was supposed to do.
He was still trying to figure out why he hadn't died from this blood loss that happened every now and again. It lasted about four to five days each time, the few times it did happen. If only he could hang on and survive five days this time! He counted himself doomed by die Wissenschaftler to an early death by giving him a "Gebärmutter."
He got cleaned up, but he kept bleeding between his legs, and he didn't know how to really stop it. He used rags to cover things up and planned his day to stay away from people. He even thought about telling Sebastian he was sick so he could go and hide... possibly find a place to die!
Why was this happening to him?! Why had they picked him to do this to?! It wasn't fair, and now he was bleeding to death because of them. He sobbed on the water closet's floor and tried to puzzle out how to hide his blood loss. Hopefully, he'd live through it like the last times.
Snake looked around the the servants' dining room and didn't see Finny. Bard, Mey-rin, and Tanaka paused eating their breakfast and looked up. Bard gave a small frown and asked, "Where's Finny? I thought he'd be all rested by now."
"He's not with you? I woke up and he had already left, says Oscar," Snake replied.
Bard glanced over at Snake's feet, flinched back, and gave out an "Argggg!" at Oscar's presence. To say Bard didn't care for Snake's reptile friends was a gross understatement. "Put it away!"
Snake ignored the phobic chef and asked, "It's still pretty early for him to start work, says Keats."
"Not another one!" Bard shouted at Snake.
"He might be in the hothouse. I think he had some chores there," Mey-rin replied, ignoring Bard, too.
"I'll check out there, says Emily," Snake said, leaving the dining room.
"And take them with you!" Bard bellowed.
Of course, his friends followed after him, out of the mansion and towards the hothouse. He mentally prodded his friends to seek out Finny. They scattered around the garden, their tongues flicking around in the air, trying to pick up the gardener's scent.
Snake worried when Brontë picked up the scent of blood. Snake's mind focused on where Brontë was; he hurried over towards her to see what she had found. She was behind the hothouse where Finny was curled up and not really paying attention to what was going on around him.
Snake hated the expression on Finny's face. It didn't seem natural in the least. Snake went over and asked, "Are you okay, asks Brontë?"
Finny started and looked up at Snake. "Sorry, I didn't see you there."
"Everyone was wondering where you were, says Oscar." Snake sat beside Finny and he caught the sent of blood in the air himself on the tip of his tongue. Snake gasped and asked, "Are you okay? I smell blood, says Brontë."
"I'm... I'm fine. Really! I was careless and hurt myself, but I'm fine." Finny's face flushed and he didn't look well at all.
"Where are you hurt? Let me look and I'll fix it."
"Please, I'm fine," Finny insisted. He sprang up and ran off into the woods surrounding the Phantomhive estate, to Snake's shock. Snake was amazed to see how fast the boy could move if he was injured, not to mention, and just knock down trees without slowing a bit.
"Ummm... Finny? Asks Keats?" Snake mumbled, trying to process what he had just seen.
After about two days of not seeing hide nor hair of Finny, and being blocked by Sebastian with so many pointless errands, he was getting irritated. Since he had left the circus, he hadn't found anyone to fill the gap of his deceased friends. He didn't hold the Phantomhive servants responsible; their deaths were all Lord Kelvin's fault.
Finny, though, was so extraordinary among the Phantomhive servants, and he wanted to make sure the gardener was feeling better. Finny could make Snake smile just as he watched the gardener's amazement of discovering the world around him. Snake wondered about that. Hadn't Finny just lived in an impoverished household and taken on this job?
Finny didn't act like a typical urchin, and to knock down trees like that? Jumbo was strong... but Snake was aware Finny had killed Jumbo on that one night... somehow with one blow... some way... There was so much more to the boy than he knew, but he so desperately wanted to know more.
On the fourth morning of Finny's "disappearance" Snake volunteered to help Bard peel potatoes. He had sent his friends out in the woods to eat, so the chef wouldn't be put off. He was in hopes one of them would find Finny, of course.
Snake started the conversation with, "So Finny has been gone a lot, lately. You share a room, has he been in?"
Bard dragged on his cigarette and shook his head. "He's close by. If the earl needs him in an emergency, he'll be right here. Sebastian says Finny needs a few days to himself every now and again, and we're to respect that. It's because of some things that happened to him with those scientists and all. It's happened... umm... three... maybe four times in two years. You know... where Finny gets squirrelly? Anyway, he's doing something necessary, from what Sebastian said. He's getting firewood."
"This has happened before?"
"Yeah. A couple times. But he's always been reliable on the young master's behalf. If something were to happen, he'd show up. He's extremely loyal to the young master. All he's doing is collecting firewood for me, really, so no need to be worried. It's not a big deal."
"He and I had a disagreement, so I really want to talk with him."
"Finny will be back in another day or two. Sebastian said he had that long, and Finny will obey the deadline. He always does," Bard said, tossing a peeled spud in the pot. Snake did likewise.
The story didn't add up in many ways. Snake toyed with the idea of asking Black... no, Sebastian... but he just knew he wouldn't get a straight answer. Best to wait on Finny and ask him why he suddenly left to the woods, especially since Snake was sure the gardener had a bad injury. The smell of blood wasn't in his imagination.
Sure enough, Finny showed up on the time that Bard had indicated and was hauling, to Snake's shock, a whole sled of firewood. The amount of wood was normally something Snake knew a team of four horses would have to drag from the deep woods, but Finny was dragging the sled just fine.
Bard came up to the library's picture window and said, "Oh good! He's back. I need him to restock the coal bin."
Snake whirled and glared at Bard. "He's not your slave because he can do strange things, and he's too naive to know better."
Bard's blue eyes narrowed in hostility, he puffed on his cigarette and said in a nasty tone, "You don't know what he's been through, and you don't know what he willingly does. You're new here, so I'll tell you this much; don't upset him or you'll have to answer to me. That kid has a big heart that was scarred before, and he doesn't understand a lot of things around him. Don't you dare hurt him!"
Snake clenched his fist and said, "Finny has a lot in common with me! I just know it! Stop chasing me off. I have nowhere else to go, so I have to stay here. Smile..." Snake shook his head, "...I mean Master Ciel wants me here, too."
Bard nodded and looked over at Finny on the grounds, hauling the slay. "He's like the kid-brother I never had, so don't hurt him in any way." Bard's glare grew hard. "You'll regret it if you mess with him. He's been through too much."
Snake felt sick to his stomach and extremely angry at the chef. Why was the man assuming Snake would hurt Finny for any reason? He only liked Finny and wanted to make the younger teen happy. Rather than bicker more with Bard, Snake charged out the room to go see Finny. He missed the gardener after four, long days.
He pulled up short in front of Finny who looked shocked to see Snake. Finny didn't say anything, only looked... embarrassed? Finny's face grew a delightful pink and his charming, green eyes were kept to the ground. "Hello, Snake. It's nice to see you."
"Where have you been?!" Snake demanded; his friends weren't in range yet, but they were coming rapidly because they could feel his aggravation.
"Just gathering firewood for the season," Finny whispered, lowering his face further. Snake didn't miss the tremble in Finny's shoulders underneath that thick horse harness. Snake stuck his tongue out and couldn't detect the odor of blood any longer. Finny had healed.
Snake took a deep breath and fought to keep anger out of his voice. "Why didn't you tell me where you were at?
"Finnian," a deep voice intoned. Snake turned around and saw Sebastian standing behind him with a stern expression. "Tend the wood and coal. Snake, there is a letter than needs to go to Lord Randal at this moment. Please get to your chores."
Snake watched Finny drag the sled off without a word. Snake clenched his hands. This was not what he wanted. He hadn't meant to hurt Finny; now his stomach felt like a stone. Snake looked up to the library window and saw the smoking chef scowl and draw the curtains close.
And because, like he had told Bard, he had no other place he could go, he nodded to Sebastian and went on his assignment.
And then it was as if I could only plunge further in the darkness. I was terrified of it. It didn't seem to end. It was an endless pool that wanted to suffocate me, dominate me! I tried to fly again, but my wings were gone. Someone... no, some people took them. I wanted the wings back so I could avoid the darkness. It didn't look like that was in my destiny.
Finny started unloading firewood, trying to keep his emotions under control. It wasn't happening, though. Half way through, Finny collapsed on his hands and knees and took deep breathes.
"Finny!"
His head jerked up and he saw Mey-rin running towards him. He felt a relief and a deep sense of need. "Mey-rin!" he shouted and scrambled towards her. He took her in a fierce hug and sobbed.
"What's wrong with you, Finny?" she demanded, giving him a firm embrace.
"I don't know. I just don't know. I feel so strange sometimes."
"You want to talk about it?" she prodded gently.
He wanted to, but he shook his head and said, "Can I just think about it?"
She gave him a charming, sympathetic smile and a pat on the cheek. "I'm always here for you."
Finny nodded and went back to his work as Mey-rin wandered off with a worried expression.
To be continued.