DISCLAIMER - I do not own any of these characters they are all owned by the BBC.
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Chapter Three - Ties that Bind
The tray lay on the floor and for a moment Merlin simply looked at it and then at Arthur and then back again.
Time seemed to have stopped around them. There was just Arthur and Merlin and the silence.
"I know you heard me Merlin." Arthur said. "Who is she?"
Merlin said nothing and instead bent down to pick up the tray, he turned his back on him and made to clear up the food and drink.
"Is she an enchantress? Merlin, has she cast a spell on you?" Arthur knew he was grappling at straws but a part of him still hoped that Merlin was innocent in all of this. "Merlin tell me, I have to know!"
The young servant stopped in his tracks, still holding the tray he faced his King. All illusions of cheer had been wiped clean from the servant's face and his eyes were now filled with tears.
"She is the Lady of the Lake." Merlin said simply, his voice cracking. "And she is of no threat to you Arthur - I swear."
Arthur crossed his arms, he was trying to appear calm and collected but he could feel his body shaking.
"And er..." Arthur cleared his throat. "Who is she to you, exactly?"
The trace of a smile appeared on Merlin's lips. "She was the life I could have had, if I had been different...if she had been different. She gives me hope and..." A single tear dropped down his face. "But it doesn't matter now Arthur. Please...let it go."
Arthur's body was still trembling. Already he wanted this conversation to end when it had only just begun, he had barely scratched the surface of everything he wanted to ask.
"I followed you last night Merlin." He said.
Merlin dropped the tray onto the table and sat down. Arthur had never seen him look so defeated. Merlin ran a hand over his brow and laughed, it was an uncomfortable sound - false, even - and Arthur could not help but see the tears that still threatened to run down the servant's face.
"It wasn't supposed to happen like this." Merlin mumbled.
"What wasn't?" Arthur demanded. He wanted to take a seat as well but he found himself unable to move - he was on guard.
He was afraid of Merlin.
Merlin ran a hand through his hair before finally looking up at Arthur. "Have you never wondered about me, Arthur? I've followed you everywhere, into battles and worse and yet I am never harmed. And you yourself, manage to escape life and death situations over and over again, but you can never quite recall how later." Merlin paused, looking expectantly at his King.
"What are you saying, Merlin?" Arthur asked, his own voice coming out as barely an audible whisper.
Merlin closed his eyes, as if pain, and when he opened them again they were gold. The manservant held his hand to his mouth and when he spoke it was in a tongue that Arthur did not understand.
"Forbearnan."
Fire sprung to life from nothing in Merlin's palm, it's tiny flame cackling and dancing in his hand. Merlin closed his fist, when he unfurled his fingers again the fire was gone and his eyes were blue once more.
Arthur sprung back, several different emotions sped through him. First panic, then fear and then...anger.
"You...you LIED to me?" He shouted, he could feel his cheeks flush red and he was suddenly all too aware of the beads of sweat that were now coursing down his back. "All this time you've been lying to me?"
Merlin shifted uncomfortably in seat, although his expression was stern. "Can you really blame me?" He said tensely. "If I had told you what I was your father would have killed me. I quite like my head attached to my shoulders thanks."
Arthur opened and closed his mouth. "Was everything a lie? Are you even really my friend?"
Merlin's brow creased and another tear fell. "Of course I am Arthur, please don't ever doubt that...I'm still me...I'm still Merlin."
At the sound of his name another memory from the night came to Arthur.
"Emrys." Arthur breathed. "You're name isn't even Merlin! How can I be friends with someone I don't even know!"
Merlin winced and stood up. "Emrys is the name that the druids have given me, Freya was a druid before..." The words seemed to cling in his throat, "When I knew her."
Arthur took another step away from him, realization dawning on him and he felt his heart squeeze in his chest. "Oh Merlin...she's the druid girl isn't she? The one who turned into a beast at night...you...you saved her."
His servant laughed bitterly at that. "Saved her? You can hardly call what I did to her saving. There is a reason she is called the Lady of the Lake, Arthur. She is bound to the lake. She can never leave it. If she were to even try she would die. I could not save her."
"Uther is dead. I could not save him!"
Arthur heard the words but he didn't really hear them, more memories were assaulting him. Piece by piece a puzzle was forming in his mind and he felt sick to his stomach.
"Your eyes..." He pulled out his sword and pointed it at Merlin's chest. "You're Dragoon aren't you?"
Merlin said nothing but merely looked at Arthur pitifully. It was all the confirmation he needed.
"You...you KILLED my father!" The words tasted like poison on his tongue. He should want to drive the sword through Merlin's heart but his arm would not let him. "You killed... you killed him?"
Merlin's face was red and tears now streaked freely down his face. Merlin had always been like that, so open with his emotions, or at least Arthur had always thought.
"I think you know that's not true." Merlin croaked.
"I don't know what to think anymore..." Arthur's voice trembled and his entire body was shaking. He did not lower his sword. "I don't even know who you are." His face was wet, hot with tears - when had he started crying too?
"I am Merlin. I am your servant." Merlin whispered. "I am bound to you Arthur, as you are to me."
Arthur stared at his servant.
Servant, sorcerer, warlock, Merlin, Emrys, Dragoon.
Friend.
Above all Arthur wanted him to be his friend.
"We are two sides of the same coin." Merlin whispered. "If I had wanted to kill you, wouldn't I have done so already?"
He should run him through - he should do it right now.
Merlin wrapped a thin, elegant hand around the blade and blood immediately began seeping through his fingers. "If you want to kill me Arthur, I will not stop you."
Arthur leaned back, ready to strike the fatal blow, he made to move forward and Merlin closed his eyes.
The sword clanged to the floor, unused.
Arthur and Merlin stood facing one another, the air between them charged with fire.
Arthur fell to the floor and Merlin remained perfectly still above him.
For what seemed like hours that was how they stayed. Finally Arthur pushed himself up from the floor, he felt numb, both in his bones and in his soul.
"The lies and the secrecy...it stops now." He said, his throat dry. "Now, you tell me everything."
Merlin's eyes widened but he nodded, "Everything."
Hope you enjoyed!
MsDeacs xx