I woke up this morning with Gabriella's head on my chest.

For a moment, I was confused.

And then I remember last night was one of the best nights of my life and it actually wasn't a dream. It happened.

Gabriella and I kissed.

We kissed, we made out, we kissed some more. We laughed. We laid around. We kissed even more. And then we fell asleep. And this is what happening's now and I strangely feel... content. Like, this is totally normal and I didn't just spend last night making out with my sister's best friend.

And a girl who I've known since we were like ten.

But the thing is, I think I've liked Gabriella for a long time now.

No, I know I have.

I never felt like I could, though. She was my sister's best friend. My mom loved her as another daughter. Boys asked her out left and right.

It just didn't seem like a good idea.

And for the past six months, day after day, I had to see her walking down the hallway with Brady or at some party he dragged her to. Or at her house. Or her bringing him to my house. And I fucking hated it. I would use the excuse that he's a douche, which he still very much is, but I knew deep down I was jealous of him and how easily he could like her and show it and be out in the open with his feelings.

Because I couldn't do that. I had to keep it bottled in.

I wasn't supposed to like Gabriella. I wasn't supposed to think about her.

But I couldn't help it.

When I was in the 9th grade, Tim Anderson asked her to formal. She came and got ready at our house and I still, to this day, remember vividly her coming down the stairs in her blue dress looking like the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes on. It was in the moment, I knew there were feelings.

My mom quickly shut them down. I don't know if she actually knew of my feelings or was just making sure I didn't catch them.

She would say how bad it'd be if I ever liked her.

And would tell me stories, maybe made up, about how boys tore friendships apart.

I couldn't do that to Emily.

In my head, I would never hurt Gabriella. I wouldn't dream about it. But I knew it could obviously not work out between us because of our age, the fact that we were still growing and learning about ourselves... it just didn't seem right. So, I didn't do anything about it.

For three whole years, I fought my feelings for her.

Until last night.

Last night, I gave in . She kissed me first, but I definitely kissed back.

In that moment, I didn't care about if in two months, we hate each other and things just went downhill. I didn't care that things might be completely awkward. All I cared about was how it felt. And it felt really fucking good that I wish this happened sooner.

"Morning," I tell Gabriella as soon as she opens her eyes and lifts her head up.

"Hi," she tells me, "um, what time is it?"

"Ten," I tell her.

She looks like she doesn't know what's going on. But after a moment or so, it looks like it's all coming back to her. "Good morning."

I give her a smile. And I want to give her a kiss, but I don't think we're really there yet.

"How'd you sleep?" I ask.

"Um, pretty good, I think," she chuckles, "I don't remember getting up and feeling uncomfortable or anything like that."

Me neither.

God, she's so beautiful, I can't get over it. There's been countless times where I sat back, stood back, and watched as she talked to my sister, to my mom, to people around her and just thought about how goddamn beautiful she is. How I wish more than anything I could just tell her that and have it mean something to her. Have her know how I truly mean it.

And now, I can. I feel like I can. Because of last night. But I don't want to push it. I don't want to rush things. I need to figure out why last night happened.

I mean, we weren't drunk.

But I called her beautiful when I was defending her against Brady and then she kissed me.

I need to know she wanted to do it and it wasn't just impulse.

I need to know she doesn't regret it.

"Um, when do you want to head home?" She asks me, pulling her hair back in a ponytail and getting off the couch.

"Whenever you want."

There's no easy way to approach this. There's no right time. I can't wait until we're having breakfast to say, hey, so about last night... or when we're in the car driving home. Or when we're at school tomorrow. I mean, it's now or never. And if it is now, I have to be prepared for the worst she could say.

So, I just go for it. I ask what last night was about.

"What do you mean?" She asks, looking a bit confused by my question.

"I just mean... you kissed me. And then we were kind of on this cloud, I think, that we didn't acknowledge it and we went the whole night with our head in the cloud and now, I just... I have to know what it meant. I know you were probably down..."

"No, don't do that," she shakes her head.

"Do what?"

She pushes some fly away hairs from her face and continues shaking her head, "make it seem like I didn't know what I was doing."

I'm a little confused. "No, that's not it, I just wanted to..."

"If you woke up today, freaked out, I get it. If you want to blame it on the fact that you thought my head space wasn't right and I was just down about what happened and about Brady, if you didn't care for it, I get that too, but..."

"Wait," I stop her, realizing that she thinks I'M trying to back away from this whole thing, "no, I loved it, I just didn't know if you actually meant it."

She finally understood what was happening here.

And I think she was taken aback.

I loved everything about last night and I want her to know that.

"You loved it?"

"Look, I know this is probably super weird, we've known each other since the fourth grade and you're my sister's best friend, or were, I don't know, that's not important right now," I tell her, "but whatever happened last night, whatever it meant, I liked it. It felt... right."

"You really think so?" She asks me, taking a seat on the couch, "I'm totally freaked out by it, honestly, but I don't... regret it."

I give her a small smile. "Me neither."

And she gives me one, too. "So, what now? I don't know what to really do."

"I don't either," I shrug, "I guess we take it one day at a time. It doesn't have to be this one conversation, we can just... figure it out together."

"Okay," she tells me.

I feel like I want to kiss her, but I don't want to move fast.

This is new to me. I've never... I've never liked a girl like this. The closest I gotten was Paige Brewer over the summer. We hooked up after a party and when she asked if I wanted to hang out the next day, I said yes and it was fun. It never felt like that with anyone else, I had never wanted to hang out with a girl twice, which sounds totally bad. But I just don't like wasting my time. And with Paige, it felt nice. And so we hung out almost the whole summer, but it was never serious. It was just hanging out. I wasn't hooking up with other girls, just her. But it fizzled out and we went our separate ways.

With Gabriella, it's a whole new ball game.

Until last night when she kissed me, I never knew how much I actually liked her.

I knew there were feelings there and I'd think about her and think about what being like her would be like. I found her insanely attractive and I thought she was great and all, but I wasn't one hundred percent positive about these so called feelings towards her.

Last night solidified them.

And brought out these intense feelings for her I didn't know actually existed. I mean, I like this girl. I do. I know that now.

For the first time, I'm excited about where this could go.

Really excited.