Chapter 11
Returning to the Last City proved to be a bittersweet experience. Leaving the convoluted politics of the Awoken behind could only be a good thing, but Elissa couldn't help the sting of loss she felt when thinking about Mara.
After setting her ship down in the hangar bay, the Warlock was pleasantly surprised to see a jubilant Crayta and the ever stoic Xon waiting for her. After much back slapping from the Hunter and nodding from the Titan, the three decided an assault on the bar was the best tactical decision.
Grateful to be in a place that served alcohol and kept nudity to a minimum, Elissa grabbed a table as Crayta brought a couple of fruity looking and no doubt near lethal drinks to the table. Leaning back in her chair and cautiously sipping the drink, the red head immediately suppressed a cough as the fiery liquid burned a path down into her stomach.
"Wha?" She managed to get out, prompting her Awoken friend to laugh at her misfortune.
"This is your first day back from those assholes Lis!" Crayta exclaimed, raising a glass in celebration "We're going to get fucked up and make stupid decisions!"
Sipping her drink, the Warlock smiled as she stared down at the table "They weren't all bad."
"Oh. I see."
Glancing up in confusion at the smug tone in his voice, Elissa narrowed her eyes at the grin plastered across Crayta's face.
"Meet someone did you?" At Elissa's dismayed expression, the Hunter pressed the advantage "Seems pretty obvious. Now do try to be honest- there is an extremely legitimate amount of money riding on the answer."
"You bet on me?"
"Of course!" Crayta returned, throwing up his hands dramatically "Didn't want anyone to miss out on this unique opportunity."
"His intention was that no one would forget about your circumstances." Xon interrupted.
"X! Don't tell her that!" Crayta moaned.
Quirking a smile at the man's embarrassment, Elissa patted his back "There, there. I'm touched- honestly."
Somewhat mollified, the Hunter grinned before pinning the Warlock with an expectant look.
"Okay, fine. I DID meet someone. She was, is..." Trailing off, Elissa smiled sadly "It didn't work out. It was a fool's hope in the first place. I'm a Guardian, and they're in the Reef. It was doomed before it even started."
Downing her drink to cover the sudden shift in her mood, Elissa missed the concerned expression Crayta and Xon shared. The Awoken placed a hand on the Warlock's arm.
"Just because we're Guardians doesn't mean we can't be with someone. And I mean actually BE with someone, and not just share their bed."
Elissa met Crayta's eyes and was surprised by the determination behind them.
"We fight on am almost daily basis, risking our lives so the Last City can survive, doing and seeing terrible things along the way. If we can't enjoy ourselves after then we're no better than machines. No offense buddy."
Xon nodded before the Hunter could continue.
"So yeah, don't let being a Guardian stop you from enjoying life. We all know how easily that life can be taken away." Raising his glass again, Crayta downed the drink "So let's have some fun!"
Smiling at her friend's passion, Elissa felt some of the tension slip away. "Guess you're right, thanks Cray."
Elissa walked over to the bar and returned with several drinks and placed them carefully on the table "What did you bet on anyway?"
Raising the first glass to his pale lips, Crayta nodded to Xon "Never bet against your teammates E. Me and the big guy had you down for a dead cert that you'd get some action."
"I calculated there was a 69% chance of success." Xon agreed.
"Wow. Thanks." Elissa responded, deadpan. "Anyway nothing like that happened. We shared a quick kiss and then I was recalled to the City."
The three fell silent before Elissa managed a smile "That doesn't change how happy I am to see you guys." The Warlock raised her glass "To us."
After many drinks later, Elissa found herself face down in her quarters. Groaning as the sunlight filtering into the room seemed to bore a hole straight into her brain, she rolled out of bed.
There was a note written beside a glass of water and a pill on her bedside table. Bleary eyed, she picked up the note.
Medication and H2O provided. Squad efficiency should be 100%- Xon
The Titan must have dragged her and Crayta home last night as well as providing early morning relief. That bot was the best partner on a night of drinking anyone could hope for.
Swallowing the pill with a mouthful of water, Elissa felt the throbbing in her temple immediately subsided, and she internally thanked the miracle worker who invented an instant hangover cure. Traveller knows how awkward it would have been during her debrief with the Vanguard and Speaker today had she been nursing the consequences of a night of heavy drinking.
After making herself presentable, the Warlock strode through the courtyard and down the stairs into the chamber room where the Vanguard trainers were waiting for her, the Speaker standing beside Commander Zavala in a silent show of authority that he was on equal footing with the Commander of the Last City's forces.
Maybe there is more politics here than I realised.
Took you long enough to figure that out. Ghost whispered back.
Standing at parade rest, Elissa recounted everything that had happened during her time at the Reef, conveniently forgetting the parts where she and Mara had been close. The Guardian briefly considered telling them even that considering her chances of a relationship with the woman was in ruins, but she decided to hold back despite feeling Ghost's quiet disapproval.
There were some things she would never reveal.
"Sounds like a hornets' nest." Cayde said glibly after Elissa's throat had run dry from talking.
"The Queen's power against aggressors in the past has been her ability to summon her harbingers" Ikora interjected. "But this threat is internal and she can't use them without destroying her own people in the process, and the Zapal family know this." The Warlock trainer shook her head "We should begin planning for how to deal with her successor. If Civil War is to break out, her chances of victory hang in the balance."
Feeling her heckles raise, Elissa gritted her teeth and tried to calm herself as the Vanguard debated.
"It's hard to say how many of the Awoken military are loyal beyond her own guard and house" Zavala began "But the Fallen's rebellion has undeniably worked in favour of the rebels." The Titan turned to the Speaker and shook his head "I agree with Ikora- the Queen's survival is uncertain."
"Then why don't we help her then?" Elissa blurted, unable to stop her impulsive reaction. "We should be doing something proactive rather than talking about it!"
"Warlock." Ikora interrupted warningly.
Snapping her mouth shut, Elissa glared down at her feet as her temper threatened to escape again.
"You seem to be rather protective of the Queen, Guardian."
Looking up to see the Speaker titling his head to study her (or so she thought, the helmet made it hard to tell.)
"Your advice in the past has been to intervene in the Awoken's politics to make sure she keeps the throne. I wonder if perhaps there is something you have not mentioned about your relationship with her."
Elissa's outward expression remained fixed, but inwardly she felt her insides turn cold at the accusation. She did not speak straight away, causing everyone in the room to look at her, waiting.
"I saved her life during the Fallen rebellion. I wouldn't say we became friends," Technically true, we were more "but I hardly see how that should affect anything. The Queen has already proven herself an ally and should be protected. If not for her sake then for the City at least."
The Vanguard shared a look with the Speaker before Zavala spoke up. "Your emotions may have been comprised on this Guardian. It is not our place to intervene in Awoken politics, and nor is it yours."
"We must look beyond the immediate future." The Speaker agreed.
"You asked me to take on this assignment because you trusted my judgement." Elissa argued "And now during the most crucial period in our relationship with the Awoken, you ignore my advice. Listen to me; I do not suggest we send a fleet, but we all know just one squad of Guardians could turn the tide on this. Send me and my team, and we can get this done."
"No." Zavala responded forcefully, frowning at her. "I will not allocate resources to this while the Darkness press at our gates."
"We do value your advice Guardian" The Speaker said calmly. Never before had Elissa considered him patronising until this very moment. "But we have already made our decision."
The fight leaving her, Elissa shook her head. Ikora looked furious at one of her Warlocks being so disrespectful but she could not find it in herself to care. Turning to leave the council behind, she ignored the mutterings as she left the room.
"There's another Osiris if I've ever seen one." Cayde said after Guardian Elissa had stormed off.
"We shall see." The Speaker turned his gaze to Ikora who looked affronted, whether at her Warlock's behaviour or the reminder of Osiris's betrayal it was difficult to determine. "She is not the same woman that we sent to the Reef. Something or someone has changed her."
"You think the Queen may be influencing her?" Zavala asked seriously.
"Let us pray that is not the case."
The following days after her meeting with the Vanguard passed in a haze as anger descended on the Warlock. She was never the perfect solider- too many questions she supposed, but she felt her loyalty and conviction were beyond question. After seeing her superiors willing to sacrifice the woman she admired for political reasons had the red head doubting for the first time.
Her argument with Ghost had not improved her mood.
"You should have told them." He said accusingly when they were alone.
"They would have questioned my motives if I had."
Ghost paused as his lights flashed brighter "Would they have been wrong to do so?"
"I know my duty Ghost." Elissa returned sharply "I wouldn't advise them to risk Guardians based on my personal feelings."
"I don't-"
"Be quiet Ghost."
From there she could feel his disapproval wearing down her increasingly fraught patience. If Crayta and Xon noticed her irritable temper, they were attempting to ignore it.
That was until a routine mission in the Cosmodrome.
They had received word that a group of Fallen were stockpiling explosives to assault the City walls, and although such attempts have proven futile in the past, it was determined a pre-emptive strike was necessary. Elissa and her squad were despatched to resolve the problem.
Finding the entrance to the base was not difficult but the resistance to the Guardians attack increased with every corridor.
Elissa kicked the legs of a vandal from underneath it, causing the creature to fall on its back. As the Fallen attempted to get to its feet, the Warlock savagely kneed the underside of its helmet, sending it crashing back onto the ground. Glowering behind her helmet, the Guardian raised her hand cannon and fired twice into its head, spraying her with purple blood.
"Fighting up close now Liss? That's different." Crayta said, cocking his head to study her.
"Focus."
Ignoring the sigh coming from her teammate, Elissa slowly poked her head around the corner to see a group of Fallen clustered closely together. Priming all of her remaining cluster grenades, she tossed them into the room and smiled grimly at the panicked squawking before a loud explosion shook the foundations.
Rounding the corner to find body parts in all directions, she was surprised to see that two Fallen had survived the blast. Both were badly injured as they crawled away from the epicentre of her grenades.
Walking to the first while unsheathing the sword Mara had given to her, Elissa stabbed the Dreg through its torso, watching as it thrashed before falling still.
Removing her sword from the corpse, she turned her head to see the second Fallen, another Vandal wrapping one its hands around a pistol. Ignoring the alarm coming from Ghost, she marched over and let the first shot bounce off her shields before she roundhouse kicked the Fallen across its face, sending the pistol skidding away and knocking the helmet it wore clean off to reveal the spidery face beneath.
Disarmed, the Fallen's eyes widened in fear as Elissa swung her sword around and decapitated the creature. Wiping her blade on the Vandal's clothes as the head rolled away, the Guardian sheathed her sword before turning to exit the way they came, ignoring Crayta and Xon who had been silently observing her.
Waiting at the entrance, she acknowledged with a nod to Crayta's words that the charges had been set to destroy the munitions. The trio summoned their ships and teleported in. They reached a safe distance before Elissa pressed down on the detonator and watched dispassionately as the base exploded. Usually the squad would be congratulating each other on a job well done, but the short flight back to the City was done in complete silence.
After landing in the hangar and departing her vessel, Elissa was hit by sense of déjà-vu when she saw Crayta and Xon waiting for her.
"So..." Crayta began, fiddling with his hands "That was pretty different Lis. Wanna talk about it?"
Raising an eyebrow at the Awoken man and crossing her arms, she watched as the Hunter squirmed under her scrutiny.
"I mean yeah you fought well, as always. It was just, I dunno... different to how you usually do it. Detached." The Hunter laughed self consciously "Not that you should enjoy killing things exactly. It's just..."
"Spit it out." Elissa replied, her patience slipping as Crayta grasped for an explanation.
"Your personality has shifted since your return from the Reef." Xon said bluntly.
Elissa felt her annoyance spike before she paused to consider the Titan's words. She had always run hot and cold, but this extended feeling of detachment did not feel normal. Recently she was beginning to feel like a stranger in her own body.
"I've just been stressed recently."
As if that could explain everything.
Crayta and Xon both nodded before the Hunter placed a hand on Elissa's shoulder.
"I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but we're here if you need us."
Elissa felt tears forming in her eyes as her defences threatened to collapse. Feeling the need to flee, she smiled weakly at her friends and promised she would before walking quickly back to her room.
Desperate to feel clean again, the Warlock began the process of removing her armour, leaving the pieces where they fell as she entered into her shower room.
She stood motionless in the shower letting the water roll off her as the feeling of numbness began to creep back in.
They don't understand you. A little voice whispered in the back of her mind.
Elissa didn't have the energy to disagree.
A/N: As a person who occasionally experiences disassociation, this chapter turned out to be pretty involved for me. I wasn't planning on Elissa having something similar- but disassociation is a coping mechanism when faced with trauma, and she's had her fair share in this fic.