Chapter 7-Puzzle Pieces

My hands shook slightly as I took the file from Dr. Tanaka. I could feel my hearts beating faster and faster, anxiety building up, threatening to destroy my carefully crafted mask. The doctor sensed my trepidation and put a hand on my shoulder.

"If you like, you could read this in my office. That way, if you have any questions, I could answer them right away."

I gently refused. "It's okay. This is something I need to get over by myself. Like you said last week, sometimes we have to face the delusion in order to see the reality."

I went back into my room and told the staff that I would not be attending any sessions today. Dr. Tanaka was kind enough to back me up, letting them know I had my own healing to do.

Once I was in my bedroom, I closed the door. The nurse outside was about to protest when she saw it was just me. I had managed to charm her as well, so she let me close my bedroom door now.

I flipped to the first page. 16 year old female admitted with symptoms of schizophrenia- Incoherent speech, grand delusions and paranoia of persecution. She believed she belonged to another world and she was a superhero. Patient was surprisingly strong and needed four orderlies to strap her down. She believed there were evil forces out to kill her and her friends. She also believed she had to protect a princess that came from the moon. The rest of the lines were redacted. I could probably guess what they wrote. I did sound crazy here, from their point of view. At the bottom of the page, I saw my mom's signature. She was the one that admitted me to the psychiatric hospital.

I flipped to the next page. Patient continued to refuse food. IV drips recommended at this point. Patient became more withdrawn. Antidepressant will be added in addition to her meds.

I flipped through the next few pages. They were just notes from the nurse about my medication schedule and steps for suicidal prevention. I was strapped to my bed for most of those days. Mom was the only visitor allowed.

Then, one page caught my eyes. Medication was working. Patient became coherent. Please see page 23 for session note with Dr. Tanaka.

Patient revealed her delusion that caused her to be hospitalized. Her nemesis in her world was someone named Queen Beryl, who was the ruler of the Dark Kingdom. Patient was Sailor Mercury, one of the superheroes in the Sailor Scouts team. Sailor Moon was believed to be the princess and must be protected at all costs. Sailor Jupiter (another super hero) had already sacrificed herself. Patient let the others go ahead to face Queen Beryl while she chose to stayed behind to defeat the minions. Dr. Mizuno tried to break the news to her daughter and let her know it was just her delusion. Patient became severely agitated. She shouted "Mercury Planet Power" and did a twirl. Then she charged at her mom and me. Two sedatives were given and she was returned to her room. More redacted stuff. I flipped through them. On the last paragraph of that page, Dr. Tanaka wrote: Patient escaped from restraint. She believed she was in battle again. Her roommate was hurt in the incident as Ami tried to drown her. Recommend moving her to a solitary room.

I flipped to the next page. Patient completely retreated into her delusional world. Before she left, she told her mom that she needed to perform her duty and help save the princess. Patient was unresponsive afterwards.

My heart stopped at this point. The last time I was "coherent" was when I died at D point. I was pulled back into my "fantasy world" when Usagi resurrected all of us. This made no sense at all.

I continued reading. I need more data. Patient became coherent again after two months. Believed she was severely injured in her battle. Her fantasy world continued to revolve around Sailor Moon and the rest of the Sailor Scouts. Recommend increasing medication dosage.

Patient reconnected with reality and was stable for two weeks straight. No reports of "going back". The survivors came to visit and they had helped Ami maintain her connection to reality. Makoto…The rest of the sentence was redacted. I flipped through another black page. As long as Ami could establish a connection with people in this world, she would have a high chance of recovery. Recommend bringing family and friends on to the treatment plan.

I felt breathless, as if all the air was sucked out of the room. Did I do this? Did I subconsciously keep this psychiatric hospital delusion going? Because I wanted to connect with Makoto? I knew at the bottom of my heart that this was the delusion. I knew too that all the flirting with 'Makoto' was fake. Perhaps I chose this…..

The puzzle pieces were finally falling into place but I did not like what I saw. It was the reflection of a weak girl, a Sailor senshi that abandoned her duties. It was a sad little girl, so starved for love that she chose to stay in an imaginary world.

NO. I stood up and close my eyes. I focused on thinking about the real Usagi and my real friends.

"Mercury Planet Power!" I raised my hand and expected my transformation wand to appear. Nothing happened. I turned when I heard a gasp. Mom was standing there, shocked. She thought I was all better.

Just then, a familiar yet unfamiliar figure appeared behind mom. He was much older than what I remembered. His hair was all gray now. The sadness in his eyes pierced my heart. I put down my hand, unable to believe what I was seeing. "Hi, honey," he said.

He approached me gently and pulled me into his embrace. He stroked my hair slowly, just like what mom used to do. "Papa is here now. Everything will be alright."