Boyue's Note: What is continuity? We just don't know.
Nothing happens in this chapter. Everyone talks so much. Ugh.
MATERNAL HEART
"The Third Trimester...
Postmortem"
Dr. Ralph's apartment gives Damien the strongest chills and that's saying a lot for someone who was born in Hell and grew up in South Park. He keeps his eyes off the weird decor and tries to pretend there isn't a goat fetus mount above the television or that the doctor isn't wearing pants again as he sits down on the couch.
"How's he doing?" Damien asks before Dr. Ralph even settles in the armchair opposite him.
"Mr. Pirrup's fine, Master Damien. He's healthy. Strong. Having the strangest cravings. Can you believe he ate a whole bucket of wax-flavored popcorn? I'm more of a foot odor person myself but to each his own."
Damien crinkles his nose in repulse, and his chest aches at the reality that he isn't there for Pip. It's no secret that he wasn't very excited about having a baby in the first place, but the thought that he can't be by Pip's side through the journey - ignoring the whole his evil son trying to kill him part of it - leaves a bitter taste more disgusting than wax popcorn in his mouth.
"And the kid?" Damien asks before Dr. Ralph has the chance to go onward with his food fetish.
"Oh, Master Herbert is a handful. Such a rebellious one," Dr. Ralph grins. "I think he takes after you."
"Wait. Hold on. Herbert? Fuck no. Fuck. No. We aren't naming him Herbert."
"Between you and me, I'm not a fan of it either, but Mr. Pirrup's taken to it. He named the boy after Mr. Pocket."
If Damien didn't like the name Herbert before, he definitely hates it now so much that he wants to go back in time and erases the name completely from human history. The sheer thought that his kid is named after that soulless ginger bucktooth asslicker makes Damien's skin crawl. He has no problem giving in Pip's whims here and there, but that name is absolutely something he will not accept.
"Don't worry about it," Damien says, "you won't have to call him Master Herbert after I have my say. Hey, moving on, what about the other thing?"
Dr. Ralph reaches into his front pocket and takes out a notepad with one hand while the other reaches through the slit of his boxers for an unnecessary adjustment of his scrotum. Looking at whatever it is written on the note, he mumbles, "Right, the man, hmmm, what was his name again?"
"Shitsucking backstabber fuckface."
"Ah, yes, yes, Mr. Shitsucking Backstabber Fuckface, I did find him, and what a hard find he is! You should've warned me he's such a charmer. What a lovely accent. Woof, the French really does speak the language of love, but, no, I'm sorry, he doesn't seem to be in possession of the six daggers Mr. McCormick spoke of."
"Shit... The kid probably has them. Fuck!" Damien hisses and makes a mental note to add disemboweling the Mole to his agenda. "How much time do I have left?"
"None," Dr. Ralph answers, sounding more serious than Damien has ever heard him. "Master Herbert can't be contained for much longer. As I've warned you, the longer he stays in there, the more dangerous it'll be for Mr. Pirrup. The due date is coming. If I can give you a word of advice as your trusted OB GYN and dearest friend, make your move, Master Damien. Make it now. Before it's not yours to make anymore."
Damien doesn't need to be told twice. He nods in gratitude and stands up. "Get back up there. I'll meet you soon. … Tell Pip I'm coming home."
"Damien, how many times do I have to tell you no."
Damien balls his fists and wonders how long it'll take the King of Hell to grow his horns back after he breaks them with his bare hands. Every second he spends down here is one second Pip has to spend alone and one second closer to his son being born. He doesn't have the luxury to argue with a pompous pussy who now suddenly thinks he deserves Damien's respect for his authority.
"And how many times do I have to tell you to stop fucking lying? I know you know a way I can go back. You're Satan for fuck's sake. Bring Hell to Earth. Do whatever. I don't care how! It's been three days! I don't have time! I need to get back to Pip."
"Your physical body was destroyed," Satan says slowly as he pinches his nose bridge, like Damien doesn't already know that. "There are laws and regulations that even you and I can't disregard. You can't return to Earth physically the way you are. Besides, you're safer down here. He can't get to you. Not right now."
"I'm not hiding here," Damien shouts, his voice rattling the picture frames on the wall. He can level the place to the ground if he wanted to now that his powers are working again. But blowing up his dad's house probably won't help his case. "I'm not waiting for him to come finish me off and I'm not leaving Pip to deal with him alone."
"I'm sorry, sweetheart," Satan says with a shake of his head. "I won't allow it. Please don't bring this up again. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. You should get settled in. If you don't want to live here with me, I understand, but you're staying in Hell no matter what."
Damien figures if he jumps, he can wrap his legs around Satan's waist for support while he twists off the horns and shoves them up his dad's ass. Maybe he'll sew Satan's asshole shut so the horns can stay there nice and neat. His dad will probably like it anyway.
"What the fuck is your problem?" Damien screams. "I've never asked you for anything in my whole life. The one time I need you to be an actual fucking dad to me, you're giving me this shit? Are you getting off from this? Do you fucking like punishing me?"
Satan bolts up, the chair crashing to the floor from the force of it. Damien is suddenly reminded of how small he is compared to his dad; he barely reaches Satan's biceps - which, by the way, are about as big as his own head. Still, he doesn't cower under his dad's glaring red eyes and nostrils flared with rage. Satan has never hit him before, but Damien figures he can probably hold his own if it comes down to it.
"How dare you!" Satan bellows, his voice shocking the pictures frame off their hangers. Despite the heavy tone, the sadness is evident as he goes on. "How can you be so selfish to think I'm not doing this for your benefit? Do you think I'm not upset with the way things are? That I don't wish this is turning out differently? Do you think I'm not scared? I love you, you're my only son. Don't think for a second I won't do everything in my power to protect you so I won't lose you. You are not the only one who has something at stake here, Damien. You are not the only one suffering."
Damien hangs his head low and breaks eye contact with Satan. His hands uncurl from their fists and rest loosely by his sides. A weird, indescribable feeling sprouts at the pit of his stomach. He feels all at once guilty and embarrassed and at a loss on how to explain his behavior. This must be what shame feels like. Forget about fighting his dad; he feels like he should hug the old man or something equally gross like that. Has Satan been a handful and a source of constant stress to Damien? Of course! Everyone who's a witness to their relationship can attest to that. But has Satan not look out for his best interest? Has he not care for and make sure Damien's needs are met? That answer isn't as black and white, and it makes Damien's stomach turn to think that he's only just now starting to consider what his dad has given up for him over the years.
If he's learned only one thing in these past months, it's that it's not easy being a father to a troublesome son.
"I'm trying to change," Damien says after a long moment of uninterrupted and uncomfortable silence. "I'm trying to fix things. I already got my friend - my best friend - killed. I don't want anyone else hurt because I've been too fucking scared. I know I haven't been a good son to you but… at least maybe I can try to be a good husband to Pip…" Reestablishing eye contact with Satan, Damien's face is a flash flood of emotions. "... I can try to be a good father to my kid, but I can't do that if I'm stuck here, Dad. All I'm asking you is give me a chance to clean up this mess. That's all. I can - I need to do this. Please."
Satan exhales through his nose. His lips wobble just slightly as he turns to look the other way then clasps his hand over his mouth. For a moment, Damien actually thinks about giving his dad that hug and takes a step forward. Luckily before he can go through with it and probably have it hold over his head for the rest of his life, Satan turns back to him and stops him in his track.
"For the record, you're a great son. You make me so proud," Satan says, dragging his fingers under his eyes to erase traces of imminent tears. "I guess I have to let you go eventually one way or another. I just wished we could've had more time… All right… There is one way you can return to Earth…"
Hope ignites in Damien's heart. He holds his breath with his fingers digging into his palm and his whole body leaning forward in anticipation. He can see Pip again. He can make everything right again.
"... but I don't think you'll like it."
"What is it?"
When Satan opens his mouth and speaks, that light of hope is snuffed out like it has never lit up at all. Satan only says one word. One single word that makes Damien feel like he's getting stabbed all over again.
One word. One single word.
A name.
"Your dad says he always comes here when he's feeling down. You too?"
Damien's coming to accept that in his case, God doesn't open a window after He closes a door. No, He locks the fucking door and the fucking windows and closes the curtains then breaks a piece of glass and jams it up Damien's ass and jerks off on his face while He laughs about it. Hell spawn or not, he really feels like he's been tested enough. How did he become the new Job in God's torture porn? What else does the universe want from him?
More importantly: what else does the universe want from Kenny before it's satisfied?
"I just like the view," Damien mumbles, scratching a spot on his jean. If there had been pebbles on the ground, he would've picked them to throw them across the fire pond, but since there isn't any, his hands have been frantically trying to find something to keep them busy. Otherwise, he can't promise he won't go on a rampage and rip a new hole through Hell.
"I guess it's a pretty good view for stalling," Kenny says, shifting his feet to be more comfortable as he slouches further down on the bench. "I still like Stark's Pond more. You can't go ice-skating on this one."
Damien's gaze is fixed on the burning flame before them, like he's completely captivated and true to what he said. In actuality, he's afraid to look at Kenny. He's afraid that if he sees those soft blue eyes and unkempt hair and the look that says Kenny's ready to put someone else before him at a moment's notice... Fuck, Damien's afraid he won't be able to go through with it.
"I can't be the reason you stay here," Damien says, his voice laced with anger at the card they've been dealt with.
"Are you for real?" Kenny laughs but it doesn't sound the same. "I'm giving you a pass to be a selfish asshole, and you're actually trying to be all noble on me. You gotta be fucking kidding me. You're the anti-Christ. Not Jesus. You don't have to put anyone else before you. Be a dick. It's part of the privilege."
Damien clenches his jaw and hitches a sharp breath. He turns his head, pauses, decides he still can't get himself to face Kenny, and lowers it instead to stare at his hands like they can help him get through this.
"Not to you. I can't. Fuck, I can't do this to you."
"Yes. Yes, you can," Kenny urges. "You may. I insist, if you must."
"I only got as far as I have because of you," Damien says. He swallows too loudly and can't find the words to explain what exactly Kenny means to him. So he tries to crack a joke instead. "Who'll babysit the kid?"
"Eric, obviously. He's great with children and he loves to play house. They can play with Clyde Frog Junior together."
They share a half-hearted chuckle, Damien's eyes still glued to the ground and his lips pressing into a line. The words he wants to say stay locked within him. Kenny knows anyway. He knows Kenny knows anyway. The same reality is slapping both of them in the face. By doing this, Kenny's going to stay dead for real this time. No more immortality. No more dying one day and coming back to the next. No more glitch in the Matrix. No more second chances.
This makes everything over. He isn't ready for Kenny to be over.
"This is fucked up," Damien says.
"Yeah, I know… Tell me about it."
Kenny nudges him with his knee, and with it, Damien finally lifts his head up. Damien looks at Kenny, who's looking back at him with that annoyingly understanding gaze. He still hasn't gotten around to taking Kenny to dinner. The thought that he might never be able to - not with Kenny alive back on Earth - shoves a lump right down his throat, and he has half a mind to drop his head again like that can absolve him of his guilt.
"C'mon, dude, stop it, it's cool. Maybe I'll get a new power. X-Ray vision is going to be so much cooler than this," Kenny jokes with an elbow nudge. "Don't think about anything else right now. Focus on what we talked about. Get the daggers. Put an end to this. You can make it up to me when you're done saving Pip."
Damien nods one time to acknowledge what Kenny said and a second time to convince himself that even if this isn't the right choice, he will make it into so. Hell will freeze over before he lets Kenny's sacrifice be in vain. He reaches over, his hand hovering for a moment before it settles down over Kenny's hand. To his surprise and relief, Kenny twists his hand around and gives him a squeeze back.
Damien thinks he'll never forget and get over how Kenny's hand can be so warm and cold at the same time.
"I'll come back for you."
Kenny smiles, and it makes Damien feel maybe a little better. "I'll be here."
TO BE CONTINUED...
Boyue's Note: Hey. Hey? Hey! Thanks for reading. I don't even know what to say here... I looked back on this story the other day and remembered how dear and near to my heart this is and what a shame I never got around to finishing it. Obviously since this is something that started almost 9 years ago, who even knows what I was planning back then. I'm trying to pick this up where I left off as much as possible. Things won't make sense, and I haven't even watched the show in probably 4 years to know what's the canon anymore. So yeah... I can't promise this will be any good, but at least we'll get to see how it ends? Hopefully.
04.21.16
8:59 PM