Chapter 11-Desperation

The next few days passed in a blur. I was put on suicide watch again and nurses came to check on me around the clock. Mom and dad came and visited me every day. I wish they didn't. Imaginary or not, I hurt their feelings. Why do they still love me?

Mako tried to visit too but was barred from entering my room. Family members only, they said. It was probably for the best. She didn't need to be associated with a crazy girl.

"Ami, is there anything you want from the outside world? Any food cravings? I could go out and buy them." Dad offered when he noticed I stopped eating. I shook my head and turned the other way. It was unbearable to see that sadness in his eyes. Mom sighed loudly and left the room. She was whispering to Dr. Tanaka outside the room. I guess they would have to put an IV in me soon if I kept up with the hunger strike.

I didn't have a plan really. I thought that maybe if I died in here, if I died in my own dream, perhaps I would be jolted awake or I would fade into oblivion. Both scenarios sounded good in my head really. My stash of pills was confiscated long ago, spoiling my faster suicide plan. Hunger strike would do for now.

I thought about the last thing I saw in the real world. Queen Badine had succeeded in opening up the black dream hole, the hole that would suck the world into its darkness. I didn't see Sailor Moon but the rest of the scouts were in trouble. That flash from the hole struck all of them and their powers were being stripped away. How could they win against such odds? I had failed them…

"Ami, honey, mom and I are going to leave now. It's getting late. We will come back tomorrow. I am going to bring some of your favorite sandwiches tomorrow. I hope you will have an appetite by then. We love you." Dad leaned in and kissed me on my forehead. I stared back with my blank eyes. Defeated, they left with their shoulders hung.

Now that I was finally left alone, I could think. Plan A was a massive fail. By simply admitting that this was a dream didn't work. I suspect the reason was because this was not a nightmare yet. People don't wake from good dreams. They only wake when it becomes a nightmare….

Mom, dad, Mako…they made this dream beautiful. They were everything I ever wanted and I had them now. Even though I was trapped in an institution, they stood by me faithfully. Undeserving as I was, they still believed in me. What do I have to do now?

I got up and walked around the room. The floor was cold against my bare feet. I walked to the window and pushed it open. The night smelt sweet. The night flowers must be blooming, opening to receive the warm moonlight. Usagi…why were you not there at the fight? Did something already happen to you? Are you trapped in a nightmare somewhere too? Just like me?

Din. A small pebble hit the window, startling me.

"Ami…here…."someone was waving in the dark. I strained to make out who it was. She walked out of the shadow and then looked up at me. Mako!

"What are you doing here? How did you get past the front gate?" I quickly looked behind me to see if the nurses noticed. Looked like they were busy dealing with another patient in the next room.

"I climbed the fence. It was super easy. The security around here is rather lax, I would say. I just miss you so much and I haven't seen you in three days. Plus, your mom won't tell me why you are not allowed visitors again. Did something happen?"

"Any chance you brought a rope with you? I could probably climb down. It's only two stories." I tried to avoid that last question.

"What. Happened?" Mako insisted.

"Oh, they just overreacted. I had a bit of a relapse into my fantasy world, so they were worried."

Mako frowned. She reached behind her back and pulled out a rope. "Here, catch… "

Surprised that she actually brought a rope, I missed the first time she threw it. I finally caught it the second time and tied one end to my bed. I stuffed the pillows under the blanket, making a fake Ami. I quickly checked the commotion next door. My neighbour was still howling and screaming and more nurses ran to her room. Perfect.

I carefully climbed down the rope. I couldn't believe Mako was crazy enough to do this.

"Mako, I was only half joking about the rope. How and why do you have a rope with you?" I asked once I was safely on the ground.

"I had a bad feeling about this. I just didn't think you should stay in there any longer. So, I am rescuing you." Mako pulled me into her tight embrace. Our bodies were so close that I could feel her heartbeat. Steady but slowly increasing.

I quickly pulled away. "How are you going to get me out? I am not good at climbing fences." As Sailor Mercury, I could have easily jumped over. As Ami, scaling the fences seemed daunting.

Mako scratched her head. "Honestly, I didn't think that far ahead. I just had an overwhelming urge to get you out. I think this place is making you crazier and crazier, so I had to get you out." She smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, I am impulsive. Shit. I didn't think this through…."

For the first time in days, I smiled. A genuine smile. This world's Mako was just as impulsive as my thunder soldier. I pulled her closer and I gave her a quick kiss on her cheek. Surprised, she pulled back slightly, checking to see if I was okay.

"Um..haha…what was that for?" Mako laughed awkwardly. She glanced at me quickly and I caught a glimmer of hope.

"A thank you for the rescue. Even if I am recaptured in about five minutes, it's still worth it. It was very sweet of you to try, Mako." I looked up and meet her eyes. Under the moonlight, I could almost imagine her in the sailor fuku. For a fleeing moment, I could feel that familiar static before Jupiter would call out her attack.

"Ami…hello? You went somewhere just now. Where did you go?"

I shook my head and shrugged. A thought popped in my head and the evil seed was planted. I knew what I had to do now, in order to get back, in order to wake up.

"Mako, let's go take a walk around the garden. Isn't it super romantic with the moonlight and the night flowers blooming?" I put on my fake smile and tried to sound cheerful. I felt like my heart was being shredded to pieces.

"Ami, you are shaking like a leaf. Here, take my jacket." Mistaken my fear as simple coldness, Mako took off her jacket and put it on me.

We walked in the garden in silence, hand in hand. I didn't know what to say and Mako was simply enjoying my presence. She held on to my hand tightly, almost afraid to let it go.

The fountain loomed ahead. The statue looked eerie under the moonlight and the water was dead still.

"Mako, there is something I want to ask you." I stopped and tugged at her. "Do you really believe I am not crazy? That I am not schizophrenic?"

Without a moment of hesitation, Mako nodded. "I don't think you are crazy. I just think that you were really scared so the creative side of you came up with the alternate universe. I think with time, if you have time to process what happened that day, you will get better. You have a world of strength in your heart. I could feel it. Call it a leap of faith or whatever, but I trust you completely. I know it's crazy and we've only known each other for less than a year. I just know…at the bottom of my heart…that you are not insane."

I turned toward the fountain. "Mako, do you have any change? Let's make a wish."

Mako reached into her pockets and gave me a handful of coins. She tossed in some herself and she closed her eyes. Her mouth moved as she muttered silently to herself.

"Mako, I am sorry. Please forgive me…." I kicked the back of her knees hard and the girl fell forward. I grabbed her ponytail and then shove her head into the water. Mako started to panic and thrash around. Tears ran down my face but I continued. I put one knee on her back to keep her in place, as I continued to hold her head under the water. Drowning could happen as early as one minute….

"I am sorry, Mako. I am sorry Mako. I need to wake up…I am sorry Mako." I continued to apologize as I slowly murder Mako. Please wake me up from this nightmare. Please wake up….

Alarms rang inside the institution. I could hear footsteps running toward me. I am running out of time…

"Please give me power, Mercury crystal. In the name of Mercury, let me be a sailor senshi again…."

I felt myself lift off the ground…..I looked down at the lifeless body of Mako and the orderlies rushing to help her….I looked down as the hospital got smaller and smaller….

The purple glass crackled and cracked. The brilliance from my crystal shone and my coffin was shattered. I emerged as Sailor Mercury.

Dr. Tanaka shone a light in Ami's eyes. There were no responses. She shook her head and turned and faced Ami's parents.

"Whatever drove her to kill that poor girl probably made her worse. I am afraid she's gone…."

Dr. Tanaka looked at her catatonic patient and closed her eyes in defeat. She couldn't save Ami after all…

~The End ~

**Story inspired by "Normal Again", an episode from Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season six. The creator Joss Whedon ended the episode by flashing back to the mental hospital. The ending left the audience thinking, was Buffyverse real? Or was Buffy really crazy.