I already decided. I will go with the Prince and the Mage with the Otaku lizard. So yeah, here it is.
Update 3/17...fix some errors of my other chapters again and added some more pesterchum chat dialogue on Dave.
Chapter 2*2*2: ii2sufferable priick and a Beat-Down rap!
[Jade: be the Hacker Troll]
Oh gog damn! That fuckiing hurt2 liike hell!
Wakiing up and realizing that I'm having these sudden fucking headaches again as if I'm having two-folds all over-…oh gog, it's happening all over again! IT II2 FUCKIING BACK!
As the unspeakable, fucking pain coursing through the entireties of my skull! Having these sudden feelings of an upending doom is going to happen anytime soon. I get down to my knees; bending in all fours, holding my own throat so ii wouldn't 2cream liike a little bitch here!
For the two whole minutes of frantically engrossing onto my occasional torture session of having big ass headaches like something jamming onto my brain, or aka, having a huge ass mind-fuck that really hurts like hell! The headache then finally subsided as I can think straight…for now.
Fucking Jegus, II thought II got rid of tho2e mental problem2, but now II have them back?! What the actual fuck?!
Although it hurts like hell, but I'm having thii2 strange sensation that this isn't the timeline that we're screwed in, if it is, I can't think what it is of what I'm thinking.
Who knows? Maybe a fucking spider bitch avenge us all and kicking some little shit who just love2 to ruiin everyone'2 liife down here.
Getting up, looking around while rubbing my poor aching skull of that nook-shit fuck session I had within my mind recently and finding out of where my douchebag 'friiend2' are at. Especially for Mituna-like dear fucking Gog, ii swear, I feel like I'm taking care of my mentally challenge dipshit of a Dancestor who can't think for 2hiit. Al2o, that's Latula job, not mine to deal with his iin2ufferable bull2hiit antics!
By looking around, I saw I'm in some weird lab that has yellow walls, a huge ass computer that I might hack into their systems for shits and giggles. Anime crap pin-ups splattered across the walls which Damara would probably be jacking off by it-and to clarify, I'm not iinto their Lost Weeaboos anime fan-club bullshit as I'm not into that kind of stuff liike fuck tho2e guy2! All ii care they can shut the fuck up for me and stop shitting out words of their so called 'Otaku' culture. Damara and Rufioh in my opinion can go fuck themselves!
As my anger is finally vented out from my mental systems, I heard someone groaning behind me and that sounded all too familiar of a douchebag who's related to thii2 other iin2ufferable douchebag a22hole that Terezi u2ed to fond over.
Turniing to my back, it i2 the douche of Heart2 and hii2 stupid shades covering his eyes as he got up and awakened. Wearing his disgusting purple, pink God-tier outfit that makes me want to hurl from looking at it2 design!
"Hey Sollux that Dave mentioned about you. Where the hell are we exactly?" What type of fucking question is that you dumba22?! Of course I don't know 2hiit!
"Of course II don't know you 2ack of 2hiit, what diid you 2u2pect-!?" Then I carelessly fell into his psychological trap bullshit.
"Why are you picking on a defenseless grown man who did nothing to do you like someone just jammed a double dildo right up your ass as you're absolutely salty about it? You know Sollux, I'm actually being a clueless stooge who's mentally oblivious of his surroundings as I'm fully not aware that we aren't in Kansas anymore. I want to see how well you behave to me and my guess is correct of how predictable of me. Try to restrain yourself for once and try to shut up?" Oh that smartass bastard!
*Whirl!*
About to counter-argue to this a22hole of who just gave me a 2hiitty, pointless burn on me. I heard a door being open behind me. By specific definition of 'open,' I mean being 'lifted up in the air open' behind me. Not push that type of thing.
When I heard that metal cogs creakingly and making that weird whirling sound whenever this thing is being lifted up, I heard faint footsteps coming out from it while I was busy self-describing the stupid door for you.
Turniing behind me of our new guest here who just arrived to his or hers Hive, who is clearly unprepared for us as this person just waltz in here clueless-and interrupted my thought2 of what I'm goiing to say to thii2 human douchebag who is fuckiing iin2ufferable asshole to me.
Observing this creature that came inside his or hers Hive, a strange fuckiing fat lizard came in here and who is presumably a she, was eating 2ome weird Asian food that both trolls and humans have. What was it called again? Noodles or somethiing-you know, fuck it! Fuck this! I'm tired of giving out long, boring a22 exposition Budge fuck of talking on everything that's around me!
Al2o before ii forget, she's holdiing the fuckiing Batterwiitch's goods which is a fuckiing sliced chocolate cake. Which ii don't know where the hell she get that.
Anyhow, please move to siir douchebag Poiint of perceptiive, move to that prick now. II dare you!
[Sollux: be the priick]
Jeez, what an asshole. He really wants his privacy that big? Fine, I'll take his spot since he's over-dramatic, not over-dramatic in a figurative speech, but he's a literal drama queen over it. Having a wild mood swings whenever he feels like it. Being calm at the present moment than being a hugest asshole later when he's all up n' arms all over himself. Being a princess faggot who always demanding a lot.
Now what did Sollux left off? Oh, right…the strange Lizard Girl.
Turning to the strange, yellow lizard lady as Sollux has no interest on talking to her as he has more 'important' matters to do in his own hands than do socializing this pure, insecure girl as I saw she's having a nervous breakdown to do our sheer manhood upon us…like she never talk to a guy.
In short, she's a train-wreck as she begins to panic like she didn't talk to anyone for billions of fucking years. As she begin to stutter of our awesome presence here while McDouche troll here isn't cooperative with us of how he feels about her…
…
…I take that back, he doesn't give a shit about her. Am I the only one going to socialize this poor, indoor weeaboo here? Fine, I'll do it by myself.
"Hey lizard gal, are we not in Kansas anyma' and deep underground of someone's basement?" Putting up a really shitty Texan accent for shit purposes to negotiate with this unnamed character in front of us, I wonder what's her name?
[Dirk: be the insecure lizard]
[*You are now the insecure lizard]
Insecure?! Uh…oh-I'm…alright, I admit, I am bit…UN-SOCIALIZE and that wasn't euphemism. N-n-n-not a euphemism at all! What are you going to get out off of me? Ju-just leave me b-b-b-be please? No low-esteem at sight! Nothing to see here!
"Anyway2, II'm goiing to u2e the computer. 2o II can iignore thii2 bull2hiit II'm 2eeiing here." U-uh, okay, you can use it, weird…monster thing?
Now pretty please…leave me be?
[*Lizard: back to the awesome cool kid]
[You're back to the awesome cool kid…again]
Wow…she's really having social issues. Who would have known? I wish I had my Lil Cal' with me to socialize her so this will be a lot easier for me to handle her issues.
*honk*
Hmmm…what was that honking? Probably my imagination is making things up here.
About to drop some socializing skills on her life and indulging her with the utmost fucking life changing moment she's going to have, I-
*BOOM!*
"Alphys' dearie, we got new buildings which are grandiose, glamorous casinos and a movie star in our-well hello there! Who we have here in front of our Great Royal Scientist?"
So we're talking to a super-mutant leader who is insecure and made this strange ass robot as she rules an entire kingdom while being un-socialize about it? Wow, what a great country we're living in.
After this metal-box thing just broke through a random wall and hearing that this lizard girl's name is Alphys. The big talking cereal box begin to rave that I'm a human and begin to interrogate or antagonize us with a shitty, quiz scene that pop out of nowhere as balloons, disco shit, confetti, and all that shit scattered across this place.
"Welcome human! Welcome to the Underground quiz show…where am going to ask you trivia questions that might knock your socks off. If you don't…YOU'LL DIE!" Hmm…interesting intro you have there. I wonder why're picking on a human you racist. Are you indeed racist? That's how political correctness works. Just like Kankri and his stupid monologues.
But unfortunately, you can't touch the Strider as it's like desecrating a pope in a unruly way possible, Ben Stiller giving shitty acting on his own films for self-indulging purposes, or Jigsaw suddenly gets cheerful all of the sudden than being all brooding n' crap which breaks the ethical code of him; you must go into a trial of becoming a True Bro-bot or having a Buddy who's associated me with you, if you want me to enter your shitty quiz show and sexually carcass me with your metal hands. You first must prove yourself through a motherfucking sick RAP-OFF!
[RAP-OFF: Initiated]
"Yo what are talking about bruh?"
"What so fucking making you craw?"
"Buddy, if you want to jizzle' with me of your shitty, fizzle quiz show."
"You must Mcjizzle with my Bro-bots initiated show."
"To accept you to our frisky, fizzled bro-fucks circle."
"To maximize our insufficient fuck cares in our care circuits."
As my modus opens up, I pop my two Anbroids out; shit is going down in this rap-off, testing this robot if he can handle my beat-down.
[Anbroids v2.0: INITIATED_]
"YO IF YOU WANT TO PASS US!"
"YA' MUST RAP US!"
"NOT BUSHING OUR PLUSH!"
"NOT HEARING YOUR SHIT SHOW SHUSH!"
"I am…argh." Yup, this robot isn't program to rap us, so this robot can't handle us isn't it?!
Hearing the big 'O' in the air of that sick shit burn we made…which is only Alphys and the camera crew near me made…also probably the media as well.
I can hear the little kids awing at us of our little stunt we made as we speak…shitting on their great idol with some sick burns.
[Somewhere inside of a boring school]
Somewhere deep within the depths of the Capital, kids look up at their T.V screen to see a human with his broids burned their favorite idol Mettaton so bad, all of them begin to 'OH!' at the crime scene they've saw in disbelief.
"No! No, no! This isn't school appropriate! This isn't part of the human culture section!" An old, sluggish woman yells at the T.V of what blasphemy she saw.
In her outrage, her dripping green slime reach out to the remote and turned off the screen, the kids sighed in disappointment as they're about to get into the good part of the intense rap battle they're going to experience.
"Now I'll be back to discuss the principal of what I just saw, so behave yourself kids!"
All the kids obeyed to their oppressive adult teacher. After she left, all of them obeyed except for one particular monster kid who looks like a yellow dinosaur with a sweater over his body…with no arms.
"Come on guys? Why should we listen to her? She's boring you know?" As the Monster Kid try to cheer his classmates up, an anonymous voice call out to them in agreement.
"hE IS RIGHT YOU KNOW, sHE IS KIND OF BORING?"
All the monster kids heard of the unknown voice behind them. As they turn around to see an open window where a floating grey creature with butterfly wings and another gray creature who's wearing green garments stood there.
Both of them have wicked long, bull horns and have a taste for adventures of the Lost Weeaboos!
Together they ride!
[Back at the lab]
Yup...probably doing something rather stupid that involves with generic animes.
So let's give him a beat-down!
"If you want to plow us, you-"
*BZZZZTZT!*
[*MTT interrupts to do high-levels of profanity and irony that's unsuited for children to listen do. MTT brought to you by the new, original movie clip: Adventures of Jake English and the Crystal Skull!*]
Gadzooks! Why did I agree with the cocky little robot I encountered! I just want to be Indiana Jones just like him, but this is gotten way too extreme of my likings!
*Ta TA DAH! TA DAH DAH~!*
Hearing the iconic Indiana Jones' theme song echoing throughout of this platform I'm in with the camera crew rolling of my extreme stunts I'm going through. This is so bloody wrong and I can't have an Baccy since I'm not old enough to smoke to my nerves!
Hearing the huge stone boulder rolling behind me and holding the legendary artifact in my hands from the pedestal which triggered the traps around me like snakes, huge pits, and a big unholy boulder behind me! I got to run if I want to live and what would Indiana Jones or Dirk do in this situation I'm in?!
Most importantly, WHERE IS DIRK!?
Running for my life and saw a gaping ditch between the platforms…I think I'm going to jump while my legs are getting sore of all the running!
Gathering all my energy I can, took a deep breath and when I was at the edge of the ditch, gathering all hope I can get, I jump in the air while holding the legendary artifact in my hands! Which is a red crystal skull from that shitty reboot I watch that isn't Indiana Jones material at all, I don't like that movie as the adventure just died from watching that very beginning. Calling cahoots on the writer as he's one incompetent story teller!
Holding the stupid skull in my hand, I think I can make it and holding the crystal in my hand-
*Bark, bark, bark-ba-ba-BARK~!"
As time seem to slow down around me and holding the artifact in my hands. A strange small, white dog appeared in front of me as it slowly Matrix-ing through the air and then landed on the legendary artifact as it-
[*The dog absorbs the artifact]
Absorb the bloody artifact…and just left in mid-air.
OH COME ON!
[5 minutes later…]
"Right up your ass in obscenity!"
Finished my rap-off, I made the sickest ass burn to this robot I just rapped with. It begins to break down in uncertain of what to do next, as he or she has no experience of how to rap beat-down with me. As it begin to mutter.
"I wish Napsta darling was here. He knows more of this strange obscenity of rap than I do…"
While this mysterious robot begins mutter to itself, I felt something on my shoulder and it felt familiar…
Looking over who is on my shoulder, it is my little buddy Cal! Looks like he came over here by all himself…which is odd?
As his blue eyes staring down at me with his cheeky red rose cheeks, his cool cap, his blue shirt, his ghetto orange suit, and his personal bling-bling necklace around his neck.
The same old Cal, the same old Cal, what would I do without him?
Placing Cal on the floor and about to ponder of how he got here in the first place. I got a call from Lil Hal who is a douche of a A.I who loves to reside within my glasses as he wants to talk to me.
I wonder what he's calling for.
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering [Lil Hal-timaeusTestified]
LH: Bro.
LH: I got a fucking message from a dude name John who's pestering the fuck out of you.
LH: You better hurry before he starts to clog up my memory systems of his bullshitting around.
John? What the hell does he want now?
ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]
TT: John.
TT: What the hell do you want now?
TT: I'm currently busy here of figuring out of where I am.
EB: Sorry Dirk.
EB: I just want to ask you a favor for me.
TT: Since when the hell are you making favors here like this some hardcore mafia trading system shit?
TT: But seeing you help us out of getting the fuck out of the game we're in.
TT: I guess I'll try to make that favor up to you.
EB: Thanks Dirk!
EB: I really needed that!
EB: Because I really needed that since I met a friend.
EB: Someone needs a robot ghost body to inhabitant in.
TT: Wait…
TT: Is this Aradia bullshit thing we're dealing with?
TT: Is she dead again? I swear. I don't want to deal with her ghostly bullshit and nihilistic attitude towards us. Hearing of what Dave talks about her.
TT: Being an asshole to everyone and not helping anyone for the slightest bit when she's dead.
TT: If so, how about she used her old robo-body than making a new, useless one?
TT: For that matter, how about you ask Equius than me?
TT: he's probably flexing his ass off with bunch of buff horse dudes.
TT: Showing him with their guns.
TT: If so, I'll envy him forever.
EB: Oh, it's not Aradia.
EB: It's a ghost I met and he seems to have low self-esteem as he wants to impress someone he knows who is a robot.
EB: I think his cousin name is Mettaton?
EB: He really wants to impress her.
TT: Who the hell is Mettaton?
EB: A robot who is a box and who is a ghost residing in that said box.
TT: Oh you mean I just met? Yeah, I met her and she's currently in front of me.
TT: Or is it a He since he's talking like a guy?
EB: You met Mettaton? That's great! I just want you to build a robot for my ghost friend and making it a surprise for Mettaton when Napsta get his new body!
EB: Don't worry, he knows about this place!
EB: So tell me if it's ready.
TT: John…
TT: Please…
TT: I need details of what you want. I can't do shit on my own of what vague request you want?
TT: I don't care of who's Napsta anyways, I just need details of what you want.
EB: Oh…okay.
EB: Just wait a second…
TT: …
EB: Okay I'm back.
EB: Here is the list of what the robot should be.
Okay, time to mentally write down of his random request from him. Just hope he really likes it since making robots is one long ass time to process and I need a programmer as well who is, unfortunately, a sentimental asshole. I know who it will be on fixing unnecessary bugs when this thing is being built and I hope he's cooperative enough as he's one swingy, Bi-polar troll to deal with.
EB: A humanoid robot that based on Alphys' design but different.
EB: Can DJ and conduct and producing audio music on his own from his very body.
EB: Can store music files within his system.
EB: Wants it blue.
EB: And wants to be masculine and an awesome bro-bot! He really wants his voice deeply manly!
Okay now, 'masculine,' 'bro-body,' 'deeply manly voice,' and some hardcore music n' audio storage. I think I can do that. By thinking of those masculine desires. I'll put an air quote: masculinity in it.
Hearing it and how John worded it out to me, he sounded like he's some low-esteem, narcissistic douche who likes to show-off of how he described him. Wanting to become some stupid homo-erotic Chippendale dancer that likes to hide in a box.
Yup, I'm going to make a big ass surprise for this ghost I'm going to give him…a one huge surprise for him.
TT: Okay, I got everything down.
TT: So that's it?
EB: Yeah…
EB: That was it…
EB: So. See yeah!
ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]
Okay then…I need to find Dave for this one to deal with Audio software while I'm tasking on building the stupid hardware for this humanoid android from scratch, also I need to discuss with the lizard on the blueprints since this ghost wants it to be based on this box robot she built for.
And I hope Dave is glad for Lil Cal to be here because he missed him so much-
:o)
That he-wait…where's Cal again?
Turning behind me of where I placed Lil Cal at. He was not there in sight.
Who took him anyways? Some weird Juggalo gay clowns kidnapped him or something? Now, I have two problems to deal with. As the first problem, built a damn android which is highly tedious, second, finding my damn puppet is at now.
Well whatever, he'll probably start freaking out that Cal is here. But that's not the time anymore. It's time to call Dave of what my beta bro is up to now of his unfortunate shenanigans?
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering TurntechGodhead [GT]
TT: Yo.
TT: Bro.
TT: Where the hell are you at?
TG: God damn it!
TG: I'm dealing with fucking anime 9/11 up in this Land of Heat and Clockworks I'm in.
TG: Fucking called Yandere or some shit as they're now attacking me like I'm some goddamn twin tower bullshit.
TG: To clarify, I'm being attack by sentinel, sentimental planes who are god forsaken weeaboos.
TG: Dude-Dodging the fuck out of them to avoid being a twin tower here.
TT: Okay that sounds a little bit autistic-retarded on the Mituna level standards.
TT: But seeing we're not in this world, it may be possible that you're being attack by Tsundere or whatever planes they are.
TT: Like those Japanese cartoons.
TT: Now you mentioned it, I was a weeaboo once to my Beta Bro.
TT: Calling him Kawaii and Japanese shit. Hitting my soft muppet ass and so on.
TT: Going in a jihadist crusade on Western society.
TT: With my sexually oppressive Troll Wife who is a weeaboo.
TT: Yelling anime stuff while blowing shit up.
TT: Making fun of 9/11 jokes where bunch of people die.
TT: Which I don't give a shit about.
TT: And I'm proud of you for doing that for me.
TT: But he's fucking around with Tsundere planes.
TG: God damn it Dirk.
TG: Im going to say this out loud in the screen.
TG: Fuck you.
TG: Scratch that.
TG: 2x fuck you goddamn it.
TG: It's fucking worse than reading Karkat's shitty summer camp fanfictions of us.
TG: Showing Karkat's shitty self-perfectionist, un-flawed character and giving the O' mighty, self-proclaimed pacifist like a douche.
TG: Making us turn into shitty characters and all his friends accept him for no fucking reason.
TG: But now I'm in is more worse than that.
TG: I'm being harassed here by flying Otakus and I'm getting tired as hell from all these dodgings.
TG: Fortunately, I see a huge, white ass building right in front of me.
TG: I think I'm going to knock on it before I get weeabooified from them, so someone would let me in and avoiding those fucking kamikaze planes!
TG: So one moment.
Giving him the moment of what he's doing there, I waited until his respond-
"DINGITY DONG! LET ME THE FUCK IN!" That double stand corrected, he's pretty much here.
Walking over to the door while ignoring the rest who are wondering of who's behind the door…excluding Sollux. I look down to my left to see a huge, yellow button at the side of the door.
Knowing what's going to happen next. I hit the button and the door opens up. Of who came running inside here is my Beta bro, Dave. Sweating and having his time of his life breathing. Sucking on that sweet oxygen and wanting to mate with the air so bad for his lungs to orgasm.
Not to sugar-coat it, he's horny for that air.
Looking down at him as he's taking a breather, I answer him with this simple question I had in mind.
"Hello Dave and we wouldn't have to play a game today. So Dave, don't you want to play a game, if no? Help me." All I can hear is Jigsaw giving me orders, if he doesn't comply in five seconds; we're going to make this happen.
where doing it man
where MAKING THIS HAPEN
[Sollux]
Are they done already? Good. Now I have to deal with two more jackasses and hope they don't fuckiing bug me while I'm scripting through the computer of producing my own fucking codes than any other jackasses.
Just doing my own damn business before anymore stupid shenanigans appear that would give me a migraine. Just hope to Gog that Mituna wouldn't 2how up. Please fuckiing Jegus don't let Mituna 2how up-
"50LLUX WH47 15 7H4447?! WH0 15 7H47 R0B0 7H1NG?!" Oh Gog damn iit!
[John]
"Are you sure he'll build the robot for me? I'm kind of nervous thinking about it. Thinking of how my cousin going to judge me…how is it going to work? Is it safe and simple?" Hearing my ghost buddy name Napstablook who's shivering in uncertainty, I reassured him that everything is going to be fine.
"Don't worry Napsta-buddy. Dirk is a trustworthy guy and who is related to my buddy Dave. So, he'll make the promise to me and he'll build the robot perfectly fine. So don't get over-worried about it. I think your cousin, one hundred percent guarantee, will love it of your new appearance from Dirk's gift." Encouraging him of the plan I made to fix his self-esteem, we're going to give his cousin a surprise boner. That is the plan…
…to give his cousin a surprise boner and she'll get one!
Boner.
After a silent moment of thinking of his decision if he should or should not go with the plan we made, he told me his answer.
"Give me a moment to think…I think I'll go to a place to relax and feel like trash…trying to think I can sleep but I cannot. I might as well talk to the goat-lady for advice…but, I'm not so sure. Then I'll think of my final decision. So see yeah…" After saying that, he then faded from existence and I understand of why he feels like that…since he's not ready to confront his cousin.
I'll give him plenty of time to think…
Seeing my mission here has been accomplished to befriend a friendly ghost within his ghostly house. My body suddenly felt light again and I feel the breeze going through me.
Feeling my body being picked up and felt my entire-self floating through the breeze within this cave I was in…I wonder where it's going to take me next?
Ta DAH! Part 8 is done! Now time to go do a bakery to get some cakes from Croker and learn some wisdom of a spider Sylph to learn new recipes from the great Batterwitch herself.